Getting some ish off my chest

I really don't feel to comfortable about talking about this sort of thing with people. Therefore I never really got to discuss them with like minded people. Since this is an anonymous forum I'd like to drop some of this weight and get a load off my mind. So thank you in advance for opportunity to vent.

Up until my sophomore year of college I had, had minimal experience with the opposite sex just few crushes that never went anywhere because i always failed to execute on cues, typical novice stuff. Also I had always been way into Wrestling which took up all four of my summers in high school, I was pretty involved. Fast forward back to sophomore year. I had just got back to IA for school and was looking for my best friend from the wrestling team Sean(also black). I eventually tracked him down in the freshman dorms talking to a cute lil blue eyed brunette to whom he introduced me and that was that. I come to find out later she and a fellow wrestler's gf were getting to be good friends and she had told her she thought I was the "hottest black guy she had ever seen". Now after years of fumbling with girls I actually took full advantage this opportunity we talked for about 3 months got to know each other very well, even helped her get threw her parents divorce blah blah etc. so at around the 3 month mark we had started discussing sex and all the implications. We had both confessed that we were virgins and we were ready to go threw with it. Then a few weeks after we started she came to me with a real somber look and told me that she actually wasn't a virgin and had lied about it because she didn't want to seem soiled. The odd thing is i really didn't even get mad at the time I forgave her and moved on. The rest of the school year goes and she had grown increasingly protective of me and very jelous sometimes she would confess that she thought I was too good for her and feared I would abandon her. When summer rolled around and I went back home to Tx for the summer and she went back to Wi. Things got hairy. I didn't have a cell phone but i talked to her every morning(6:00am) on her way to work. toward the middle of the summer my friend had switched plans and lent me his old phone and told me I could use it after 9 and toward the end of the summer she started getting really bad about the phone calls if I would answer. I didn't think it was too much to have a night off where I could be out with the boys chill'n have'n a good time. Either way things got rough toward the end but we pulled threw the summer I even bought here a 500$ ring for our 1 year anniversary (hignsite 20/20 stupid I know). Things seemed to be good again..at least for a few months. Wrestling season got started again which meant 6am lifts and 4pm work outs. I only got to see her a little bit in the after noon and at night for an hour or so before I would pass out. She get really mad and say she couldn't take just being my sleeping buddy she needed more of my attention. At this point I wanted to do what was right for both of us, so I told her that if she couldn't handle it that we should either break up or take a break because wrestling was only going to be in my life another year and a half and she knew that, her brothers were wrestlers. After breaking up with her she called me and told me she tried thought about killing herself blah blah we talked and got back together. Things seemed awesome at least to me. So Christmas time rolls around and I headed off to Vegas for a Duel tournament in Vegas when I came back to school early for winer practice she was slated to pic me up from the bus station and take me to campus. I remember that day well I waited for about an hour in the blistering cold she never showed so I had to find my way back to school by myself. So I called her that night(its my birthday btw) and she said she couldn't make it because of a snow storm and the roads were bad. However I came to find out later that she was actually passed out in her ex bf from high schools basement she swore to me that she never cheated(not sure that i believe her but I give her the benefit) and she said her friends would tell her she wasn't the same when she was with me. I don't understand how its my fault she is depressed because I cant call her from Vegas with no phone and no one else had service.... Any who I'm totally over the whole relationship(well about as much as anyone can be over their first) I just wanted to know has anyone ever recovered from the first big one and actually had a meaningful relationship after that I mean a true meeting of the minds soul bonding experience?
*a few details
1.) Yes i #$^'d up too but its always harder to remember your shortcomings. I do remember fucking up bad once when I told her I had always wanted my kids to look like me(right after she told me she thought ir people were the most beautiful people she had ever seen >.<)
2.) Yes we met each others family and got along
3.) Sex was awesome albeit infrequent (1-2x a week)
4.)But there was no cheating on either end for certain till the end

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Welcome GJ84. This is easy. Move one, dawg. She gave you an out with the whole "in the ex's basement" thing. I was in your situation with sports and college and the best advice I got was to stay single during my first 2 years in school - 3 if playing sports. (I'm not telling you to stay single, I'm just saying it's an easier road.) Your going to meet too many different people (women) and it's hard on a relationship when you have something taking up so much of your time. If your the type who is happier while in a relationship, just make sure to get a "low maintenance woman" (talking about an oxymoron). Sorry ladies, but this is 2 guys talking and this is how we talk.

 

Thanks for the reply Jbird. I been done w/ her. I was a bit vague about my real point. Which is, it seems like its gonna be impossible to build a good relationship being out of the college scene in my eyes mutual friends is a must which is hard to get outside of the college scene ya know? Also scheduling is gonna be really tough, on top of quality control. Blah sometimes I just wanna man whore it up. XD

 

I was once like you...

After I broke up with my first love/serious bf, I wondered if I would find anyone as good or better - as far as having someone love me and know me so well (we broke up my sophomore year of college)

Looking back on that I can NOT believe I even though that!!! After him I dated/hooked up for a while, had some fun :wink: and then while out with the girls I spotted a hottie. That hottie became my man - he loves me, knows me, cares for me and "gets me" exponentially more than my first true love/bf...more so than I could have wished for!

And if for some reason, we break up, that just means that there is another man out there that loves me, knows me and cares for me even more than this guy! How great is that?

 

I'm with brewcity. I was younger with my first love and I thought my world was over. He was my world. Needless to say, I found others. I agree with jellybird too though. Wait until you are in your last year of college to get serious or wait until you are done. You've got plenty of time. Go ahead and whore it up for a while, just wear condoms!!! You could find a f-buddy that was understanding of your situation. There are many women out there looking for someone to get down with but don't want the commitment. Keep trying!

 

I think we always remember the firsts. And I also think that as time goes on some people tend to really look back and romanticize things. They can easily get stuck and close themselves off to possibilities in the future.

Just know that there are much better relationships to come in life. I know its hard to realize that at this point in life...but it's true.

I think it's important to do what you need to do to heal things for yourself so that you can move on and fully be there in the next relationship. Realize all the things that you have learned from this relationships - good and bad, and don't let whatever happened make you skeptical or hardened. I know this can be tough...but whoever is out there for you deserves all your best.

I agree with brewcity in that it can be so tough when we split up thinking things will never be better but the right one is out there somewhere and believe me...it will be so beyond what you have felt before.

 

Those first bf/gf's are always the hardest to get over but you will get through it in time. Just live it up man and be safe.

 

Haha what are you apologising for? I agree totally! I want a "low maintenance man" ...where the hell are they all? :lol: no but SERIOUSLY...I have a job that I absolutely love but takes up at least 75% of my attention and 85% of my time...weekdays are basically a no no as far as romance is concerned! and on weekends I don't want relationship stresses! So i fully support your motion of a low maintenance romance...more sex less stress I say :twisted:
Sorry that was not very helpful for the topic. More on point... I really don't think any relationship is worth it if it isn't letting you have the time to do your thing. Good for you for doing something you enjoy and bad for the girl for not letting you do it. Another girl will come along who you will be happier with, definitely. I was only ever REALLY in love once...and I have to say that I haven't found anyone that I felt the same for yet...but, we only broke up a year ago and that is small peanuts in the grand scheme of things. I don't think love is something you get just one shot at, you just have to stay cheerful, positive and open minded and it will rear its head again!