From the "Black Guy that acts white "

I'm 24 years old, I was raised in the suburbs & on Military Bases (my father retired in the Pentagon)

Naturally i grew up in either culturally diverse or predominantly white neighborhoods, but never really a black community.

My nick name was "Urkle" back in Middle school because i looked and sounded just like him, but as i progressed through high school and college. I eventually dropped the nerdy presence, and did the "Urkle to Stephan" transition that you guys may remember from family matters haha.. I definitely lost the "dorky presence" that i had.

And i am pretty good at picking up women now... but im starting to feel bad about dating so many white woman. i feel like im "letting my race down"

From Puberty through High school i began dating white women. (they were the only girls around)
And Its funny because the few black women in my community dated white men. and "acted white" as well.

Currently I'm told that I still "Sound White" when i speak, and I have the mannerisms of what i believe are just Normal.. or at least to me anyway. I'm pretty much joked on, EVERY time i hang out with a black crowd.
All of my friends are pretty much white.

And I'm starting to feel guilty about this.. even though i know, that I never really made a conscious decision to be the way that i am.

I've read on other boards that I am apparently "the worst type of black guy" "the kind that only hangs out with white people, or only dates white girls"

I have a problem with this... i think i am misrepresented in general.

Never have i made a conscious decision to "Not date black women" But it seems that every time I've tried, i am immediately shunned, or they ask me "you date white girls dont you?" within 4 mins of meeting me.

Its hard to become accepted into social circles of >Young< African Americans because of i guess a lack of understanding, or common interests or maybe a communication barrier.. But for the most part, this is only specific to younger blacks.. which is why most black people i know are older professionals.


I think, what i'm getting at, is that guys like me aren't like this on Purpose.

I still to this day, try to submerge myself in my culture by renting and watching alot of classic black movies.. I've developed interest in southern hip hop(Houston, not ATL), and i think i may be starting a "production" venture here pretty soon.



ok i think im rambling on here now....

But basically, its not easy being the token black guy, Its especially there's a real desire to be accepted, or understood by the younger black community.. I just haven't been given a real chance to do so. as i am rejected immediately upon trying.


now again, this is just specific to younger people.. i think its because they are still wrapped up in the lifestyle thats being marketed to them.


Its even worse when "ghetto white girls" laugh at me, i mean.. i wear Abercrombie, and Express for Men, i wear sandals alot and drive a Jeep. so i guess there's alot of funny things about me.

but its not intentional.. its just how i was raised i guess.


ok feel free to comment. sorry if i typed too much, but i needed to say this for a long time now.

 

Hey man,
Why feel sorry for who you are?

If you need to change who you are in order to have other people like you, how long do you think you'll be happy?

Do they mean that much to you?

Is their opinion worth more than your soul?

Did you know that they are just as confused about some things in life as you may be but they hide it better?

I'm just asking. 8)

I say be yourself and if people have issues with that - Fuck'em.

Note:
When I say "they" I mean people in general and not any one race or class of people.

 

Never think that, effendi....

You owe NOBODY.....a THING!

Not now.

Not ever.

As long as there was no dissent from THAT particular social fiefdom, then I see no problem with where you stand/stood..

THAT aspect of life, in The States, at least, is pretty much INEVITABLE, Pardner..

Do NOT, I repeat, do **NOT** feel guilty for what your particular environment made you...

Bet it was BET.com or something..

Just remember what the Late & Great FRANK ZAPPA once said in his autobio: Why must you be worng just becasue Three Million People think you are?

In other words, you're NOT in this to "please" ANYBODY....don't be afraid to let the REAL YOU come on out...

IF they have hangups about your past loves, and refuse to associate with you regarding same...

Pardner, hold your head HIGH, acknowledge, move on...and think "It's on YOU, it ain't on ME!!"

And that's one thing that I *AM* glad to see...you DID acknowledge that it's not ENTIRELY a case of "You versus The Bruthas"..

Understood, effendi...you did NOT get a chance to fill out an application at or before birth (To paraphrase LINUS in the "PEANUTS" strip..)


ok i think im rambling on here now....

It's not something you should lose sleep over.

But when you say "younger black community" and "older black professionals" what is YOUR age group, if I may query?

That's something that ALL **RIGHT** thinking people can AGREE on : The Great Daemon God called The MASS MEDIA, with its poisoning grip of peer pressure on SO MANY minds....

As for the "ghetto white girls" thing...

I daresay you are NOT to WASTE YOUR TIME with those types....

Unless that's what you REALLY choose to pursue.........

Having a Black Dad and a White Mum and being rasied in American Suburbia, no one knows better tham I..

And I **REFUSE** to compromise what I am for ANYBODY....

No aplogies necessary, m8...

ALL **VERY** valid points, indeed....

It all essentally boils down to THIS:

NEVER, EVER HAVE GUILT FEELINGS OVER HOW YOU LIVE YOUR LIFE!

Your existence on Earth is nNOT to make OTHERS happy because you're doing/acting/governing yourself they way THEY want you to..

You live your life they way you CHOOSE to live it..be it as a product of your upbringing/life experiences/personal preferences...

It's IT..and that's THAT!

OpinionsCartoonStudios@yahoo.co.uk

 

Oh im 24. Thanks for the replies.
Its something that i've struggled with accepting for a while.. but im starting to get over it.

 

No worries, m8..

All achievements in time..just keep an open mind .. that's all you need.

By the way, the "Jamerson" screen name..

By any chance, was the late and great MOTOWN bassist JAMES JAMERSON one of your RELATIVES?


OpinionsCartoonStudios@yahoo.co.uk

 

Man, man, man.....

It's simple; just be YOU.

Despite the fact that this topic has been discussed many times, i'm always willing to go over it all over again.

Let me break it down for you: i've been in similar situations.

In high school, i was a mix between jock, nerd, surfer dude and skater boi. I played soccer, basketball, volleyball and ping-pong. However, i was an honor student, representing my school in debates and academic challenges. I also had an affinity for the water, partly a reason i moved to South Florida. And i love skating. There were/are not very many black people where i live/d, let alone that do all these things.

I was/am cool and was popular in high school (partly because i was one of a hadful of black students in my school :lol but i've often been challenged for my "blackness" (or shall i say, "lack" of it). But one thing is clear to me: i am not trying to be black - i am black-, so a degree of how black i am not is meaningless, grossly obsolete and downright degrading. I have nothing to be ashamed of, i am who i am and shall never change to suit anybody's opinions of what i should be like. I have dated white women, as well as asian and hispanic women and i am not ashamed of any of that. I do not apologize for the fact that my fiancee is hispanic. I do not have any regrets for my habitual use of standard English (although i use a lot of slang when the aura calls for it), my appreciation for multi-lingualism as well as other cultures. My aesthetic hobbies are mine and so i have the unconditional right to hold them in high degree. I like hip-hop music, black comedians and the traditional black sports like football and basketball, but the mere fact that i blast System of A Down, play hockey or do martial arts does not mean i am living an anti-black experience.

I am well past the personality clash of my life and am comfortable in my own skin today. I do not regret who i am and for those who want to continue to see everything (and i mean everything) in black and white, well good for them.

 

you are right on Jameson, that is cool to hear

 

We need to frame this so all of the self appointed vanguards of blackness can read it.
They just might learn something.

 

Jamerson,

My suggestion to you is to continue to learn more about Black History, the various Black American cultures that exist in the U.S., learn more about the experiences of Black Americans past and present. There are many aspects to Black American culture besides Hip-Hop and current Black films. I do, to increase my knowledge about who I am and where I come from--I do it for myself, not for anybody else.

Also, try to find out if there are any local young professional clubs or organizations catered to Black professional males and females such as yourself; are there any social or political groups organized, run, and operated by young Black Americans--in your community? Join them. You do not want to get caught up in the wrong crowd to prove your Blackness, not saying that you should anyway. Surround yourself by positive, drug-free, drama free, open-minded, young Blacks such as yourself. Maybe even consider joining a youth program at a local Black church; I know all the Blacks in the church are not righteous, but you increase the possibility of finding young Black people who are active in the church, probably doing positive things in their life and their surrounding community. Who knows you may find some going through your same experience.

Furthermore, it is not about making changes per se, it is about finding a balance. I had to learn how to do this as well.

For example, I have "ghetto" associates who I talk too about stuff. There are subjects I stay away from or I limit discussion b/c I know that is not their interest. So, I speak on subjects that we share an interest. Furthermore, I do not use BIG WORDS around them. I simplify my language in order for them to understand where I am coming from, without using ebonics. On occassion, I may use an ebonic word or two.

Note: Please don't use ebonics if you do not know how, you will look like a fool. Ebonics is a special language to master.

Now, when I am around my middle-class and upper-class friends rather they are Black, Latino, White, Asian; foreign or not foreign. I step up the language a notch and talk about what is important to me and them as well. Classical music, savings and investments, career goals, and etc. I do not use ebonics unless I am around other secret undercover ebonic users who tend to be Black and Latino, and I increase my use of the Big Words. I hope you understand what I mean. I never change who I am; it is how I communicate and what I talk about that varies depending on the situation.

As far as your style is concerned, b/c of being such a young man and being exposed to a limited style range. This is your time to break out of those Khaki's, don't listen to what your Black associates and friends have to say, and just GO FOR IT!! Experiment with your style, find out what you like and what you do not like. Find out what works for you and doesn't work for you. It took me a while to find my personal style. So have fun.

Now, being a BW, I may offer you some insight about the "You Dress Like a White Guy".

BM have a reputation to uphold when it comes to style. Black men have been and continue to set the trends and be the epitomy of style and sex appeal in this country. You are expected to literally Bring It! Not all BM dress like Hip-Hop video 2007. I am more thinking in the lines of the suave style of the R&B singers Joe, Jamie Foxx or funky and sexy like the likes of Maxwell, Anthony Hamilton. Khaki's, polo shirts, stripped pale color shirts rings the bell of Abercrombie & Fitch, the Gap, and Calvin Kline. This style is usually associated with upper to middle-class White people. Also, I personally think that the colors, designs, and styles of these lines do not bring out the best in what BM have to offer. It dulls BM down, instead of making them stand out. Black men have beautiful skin tones and striking features. I personally believe, they should wear the right clothes to bring these qualities out. I am not saying don't buy Calvin Kline, the Gap, or Abercrombie, but rock it out with something that is bold. ex.) Kanye West and Common's style are nice examples,

Also, I like to clear up, "You Talk Like a White Guy":

For many Blacks, if you just speak standard American English, that is talking White. However, for many other Blacks, including me, talking like a White guy has absolutely nothing to do with speaking standard American English. My definition of talking like a White guy:

1. Little to no damn base in your voice. White men, with the exception of
few, tend to speak at a higher pitch. Many sound like eunuchs. It
is not very sexy at all.

2. If you are consistently using WHITE SLANG WORDS such as totally,
hot, dude, and awesome. This is not proper English, this is slang. You
slam Blacks for using ebonics, but you use whiteybonics.

3. You consistently use the word LIKE in one sentence. As a matter of
fact, did you even say a sentence? It's like messed up, how he totally
messed over like Janet, like I was sooo pissed, like--FINISH YOUR
DAMN SENTENCE. This is more common among young WM then older
WM.

4. If your cursing doesn't have a rhyme or a flow to it, and just don't
make any damn sense at all.

5. Many White men talk as if they are uneasy, in a hurry, and/or uptight,
and have no "flow".

If you fulfill 3 out of 5 or all 5--"You Sound Like A White Guy".

You may want to work on that. You do not have to speak ebonics, but at least increase the base; establish a "flow"--a confidence and relaxation when you speak ex.) Billy Dee Williams, Taye Diggs, Terence Howard, even a Denzel--get the picture; also, if you can't curse right--don't curse. It's unbecoming anyway. Please use complete sentences, and limit your use of whiteybonics. This doesn't mean you have to use ebonics either.

Disclaimer: All White guys don't sound like White guys. We are speaking on average. Also, I am talking about U.S.A. White guys.

Finally, if a person is not willing to at least show you the consideration to give you the benefit of the doubt, then they are not worth talking to anyway.

Peace.

 

What's System of A Down Cris??

 

As far as the poster is concerned, i've never really had an easy time fitting in with other young black guys my age. I think it had more to do with the fact that i didn't drink or smoke than me "acting white" which i don't..lol, but i've gotten over it. If those guys aren't accepting of you, then you should go to where you are accepted, and if that's with white guys or white people, then that's fine, whatever. It shouldn't even be a color thing honestly. It should be all about who accepts you for you.

 

It's a band. You should check them out. Check out the Deftones while you're at it. Good wholesome music.

 

To Jeverage,
Oooohhhh,
What a put down!
“Ghetto” “I don't use big words around them”

What makes you think they know what big words mean?
Let's say they don't know just for kicks and giggles....
Do you think them not knowing big words is going to be better for them in the long run or do you think if you were just you and you dropped a big word or two – they may learn something new and better themselves.

In my mind balance is not about moving into a different character when you're around different people.

Shame Jeverage. Shame. :roll:



Side note:
System of a Down is a rock group.

 

I have dropped big words around some of my "ghetto" friends--it didn't work. From my personal experience, anyway. Not to say you can't try with new ones. At least, first find out if they can comprehend, right.

Also, words are useless when people don't understand the concept or the idea that you are trying to convey. To me, it is showing out, not relating to people. I rather you see my example of going to school, staying out of trouble, treating you with dignity and respect, and encouraging your talents and setting in your mind the idea that you can excel then to show off what big words I know--considering that I know I can express what I mean in simple terms.

Also, it is not about switching a character, but the ability to communicate with people on all levels. Some of them, on average, smoke, drink, engage in Other activities. I don't smoke, at most I drink probably twice a month--I get drunk easily--I order one short class of a mixed drink and can't even get past 1/4 of what I ordered, and I do not engage in any other extra curricular activities. Now, at times, I do have a potty mouth. In short, I never change my character, however, I do change how I communicate my thoughts and ideas and I do it in a way where I am not insulting their lack of knowledge for big words and not having a higher education. As long as they get the point and I let them know the great qualities that they have, that is all that matters to me.

Peace.

 

I think we'll need to agree to disagree on this one J.

Question for you:
Do you think your ghetto friends know what condescending means?
Hell, they prolly don't be caring bout that shizz anyho. It's all good...

 

designer,

Let me clarify, I am referring to my friends who barely has a high school education let alone a college degree. Furthermore, they do not read. I know excactly where you are coming from. Yes, I have ran into those from the hood who have little education, however spent hours in the library, studied the dictionary back and forth, and know a hell of a lot more than I do. I am specifically referring to those who barely has a high school education, barely has a college degree, and some can barely read or write. Furthermore, they are not avid readers. To add, when I did drop the Big Words, they literally didn't understand what I said, so I had to rephrase it to help them understand where I was coming from--I did not use ebonics.

Also, I do not know why you used ebonics at the end. I said I use simple phrases and words, not ebonics to communicate my thoughts and ideas. If I do use ebonics, I use it sometimes to just talk--it's not for any particular purpose. I do not use ebonics to explain thoughts and ideas to them when I am speaking about important subjects and in a serious intellectual mood. I break it down for them to understand where I am coming from. I hope this explains better. Or like you said, leave it on the cutting room floor. I am more concerned with a person understanding the concept, the idea, the principle, and my position, and less concerned with the extent of their vocabulary. Only when they seem more interested in that aspect, then I will engage on that level.

Peace.

Don't be disappointed with me. :cry:

 

No bad blood between us. 8)

 

"CHOP SUEY" by SYSTEM: 2 thumbs up!


OpinionsCartoonStudios@yahoo.co.uk

 

I understand what you mean by tailoring your vocabulary to your audience.

I work in medical communications, so there's an standard of professionalism that you must convey when speaking with ..chief of nursing or the CIO of a medical facility.

which is completely different from how i speak around friends, which is different from how i speak around more "simple" people.. from the country or whatever.
Its not that im "posing" or "faking it" (unless im trying to speak ebonics and sound natural with it)

wow, you guys understand where im coming from... thats an entirely new concept to me right now.

 

I don't associate with uneducated people, therefore I don't have to dumb down my vocabulary. Easy.

Deftones are the shit. Favorite hard rock band for sure.

Jamerson you will find that there are many people who get where you're coming from.