Father's Racist Letter

Absolutely. I'm much older than him, and we've had a decent relationship back in the day, but that's something I refuse to tolerate. If he gets over those feelings... I think that would be awesome, but other than that.. He can have a good life, and I wish him well. In his case I really hope he grows up as he's quite militant, and the type who dislikes all white people.

 

Introduce him to a cute ww and all that hate will just disappear lol

 

I'm a little confused here. Some of you started off talking about how she was giving up so much etc. I didn't see where anything was said about all sorts of financial stuff. Even so, whatever.

I think her parents (dad specifically) is abusive. I'm sure she is/was stressed over it all and it may be overwhelming for her to have to choose between her family and her boyfriend. But truly the issue is with her parents and when people are like this, this is not the first nor will it be the last point of trying to control her. This will most likely turn out to be a huge blessing for her. She will learn to grow up and handle her own and make her own choices.

The overwhelm etc that she may be dealing with isn't just because she's with a Black guy though.

 

My parents are 80 years old and shut-ins. Watching CNN rather than Fox News would be broadening their horizons. It's hard to describe how my family came up to younger folks who haven't witnessed it. Society accepts far more today than they did when I was a kid.

What some fail to realize that is that you can love someone very much yet feel bound to certain beliefs and what they believe are principles. Take homosexuality. If someone deeply believes that it is an offense, it's unnatural, it's just wrong, then having a child come out as gay is unthinkable. To them it's as wrong as having them admit to being a pedophile. For some, marrying someone of another race is just as wrong, in their mind. It's not as simple as choosing love over principle. In an ideal world, love would always win.

 

is it or is it not considered "catching hell" from her parents for dating a black man?

 

Its about control and it is about the bm

 

Wow you are really stuck on that term and arguing it out! Clearly different people are defining it differently than you do. What difference does it make?

 

Its not so much that. The term man's getting grief and they are saying /inferring its no big deal.
Catching hell means getting a hard time, grief or being stressed.
Its not about the definition per se cause they know what it means

 

It isn't ONLY about the Black boyfriend. He went into detail about how she's used them (the parents) for money, dressed like a street walker, sulks at church, etc.

She had issues with them before the boyfriend and even if she dumped the boyfriend she would have issues with them. At some point in life you have to stand up for yourself and put a stop to people trying to run your life. There are costs and benefits to everything. She may or may not be willing to give up whatever it is that they are providing for her. She's also been brought up to think that the way they do things is "normal" and it can be tough to go against that. For some it takes a lot and a long time before they can get there. And some never will.

 

I'm starting to think he has a need to be right. How we define things differently ultimately makes no difference he just can't stop beating a dead horse. Then he calls foul when everyone gets annoyed lol.

 

Well....I think it can be easy to see things from the outside and think it's easy to just cut ties. But we are only seeing a tiny bit of things. I'm someone who cut ties with my mother and stepfather for many reasons and it took a LOT for me to be able to do that. It was extremely difficult to walk away from my family and I had all sorts of guilt and feeling bad/wrong etc even though I really knew it was the best thing to do. It was an agonizing thing for a very long time.

I just think the whole thing with the boyfriend is only a part of it all. I know people are saying "walk" and it may seem flippant, but I don't think they really think it's not a big thing. I think they realize it would be really difficult, especially at 19, but that doesn't mean it's not the best thing for her.

 

Lol. Really?
So when I debate something, I have a need to be right. When you do it, it's different huh?

 

Exactly. They are saying its no different than paying a bill

 

It becomes an argument over terminology rather than the issues.

 

I really don't think anyone means it's nothing at all. It's just a matter of different experiences in life.

I think the point is more that people need to stand up for what they believe in and not allow the old ways of believing/doing things to override their choices. Whether that is driven by culture, religion, or whatever.

Unfortunately some of the folks that are so adamant about their cultural, religious, whatever beliefs need to have it hard in their face before they will shift....if they do at all. But more often than not, they will end up coming around. Some are just way more stubborn than others.

 

Lol. Go back and read. I get what you are saying but go back and read

Also you do have to understand the definition for the most part though. If you are misusing the word or phrase then it throws off the convo and meeting of the minds.

 

Comparing to getting kicked out of college?

 

Sometimes you have a way of getting tunnel visioned about something very minute (such as wording) rather than to try to see things from a different perspective and find some common ground. It's tough then because you may have some really valid points but they sortof get swallowed up and missed in the need to drill down on the specific wording.

I have found that when people get into the word games it makes it very difficult to proceed. It's just like when you guys get into the whole - show me where I said x,y, z [these specific words]. It becomes all about the exact words rather than the overall meaning and that just becomes a non productive conversation.

 

No he wasn't comparing it to just getting kicked out of college, that was only one of several things he grouped together.

What I got from it all was that it wasn't the end of the world. It wasn't like her life is over and she has no options. She may even feel like that, but that's not the reality.

 

I did look. Im saying the following:

Its a big deal for her. To say that being threatened to being disowned is not a big deal or just a thang is very dismissive.

I don't have to go through something to sympathize.