Family Rejection

Let's get one thing thing straight missy (doubt that your a woman) BLACK IS AND WILL ALWAYS BE BEAUTIFUL.

 

That's messed up! So admirable that you stuck to your guns and loved your child regardless of the pressure you had to deal with from family!

 

You're an inspiration with your mindset Nicole!

 

You must spread some Reputation around before giving it to 4north1side2 again.

Fantastic post!!

 

It is so difficult when your own parents, the people who taught you to love and treat everyone with respect and kindness and of course not to judge tell you that you are wrong. Ask what is wrong with you? Why are you doing this to me? Saying I am doing that on purpose and I have something wrong with me....the same people who taught me to love...

It is was so difficult (still is sometimes) but he is the best cause the best person I could ever want to fight for. I love him with all my heart. ?

 

LOL at this picture^^^^^^

What a piece of shit.

No doubt a BW is the artist .....or a dyke white female...but then again it might be a castrated negro eunuch.

If that trash was the other way around it'll be called racist.:smt039

Can you imagine if that were a WW surrounded by worshipping BW.

 

My favorite cousin cut me off because I was with a white girl. He was a hypocrite though; I remember hanging with him at the mall and he was hitting on this really cute blonde. When I reminded him of that day, this fool said "you fuck white girls it get into a relationship with one."

 

Boxing Day will be the test of this for me I think.
None of my family have yet met my man, even though we have been together for a year just after Xmas. No particular reason for that, but I very rarely see my family for one reason or another (no feuds or anything, its just one of those things that sometimes happens).
My sister and her daughter did meet him once for a couple of minutes, but thats not really any kind of indication. It was all very polite lol.
But me and him are going to her house for a buffet meal on that day, with my two eldest sons, and all my family will be there, both sisters, and their respective families.
Of course they all know I am with a black man, and no one has ever said anything ''wrong'', but we are a very sarcastic family, and joke around, so I'm quite nervous!
One thing that sort of got to me, was when I was talking to my sister about going to her house on Boxing Day, and I asked if it was ok to bring him, she said ''yes of course...I'm not rascist!''. I was like ''erm....ok???''
Why on earth did she have to say that lol.
I'm sure it will be fine, and I'm sure its normal to feel nervous about ''meeting the family'' for the first time no matter what the situation.
Should be fun :
He himself is very chilled about that whole thing, I mean he's fifty years old, and has grown up around ignorant idiots who think its ok to be prejudiced, and he jokes himself sometimes. Like I told him what my sister had said, and he laughed and said ''ooh shall I turn up in ceremonial robes, holding a spear??''. I mean thats one reason I love him, he says stuff sometimes that kind of make me go ''oh my god you can't say that!!'' but then I think ''oh hang on, yeah you can.....''
I have this anti-prejudice thing so ingrained in me that even when he himself says anything like that, it rings a bell in my head. I'm slowly getting used to the way he talks though, and maybe its ME thats too uptight and paranoid with stupid issues!

 

This is definitely "Guess Who's Coming To Dinner". Keep us posted, please.

 

Do you know, that actually crossed my mind on a couple of occasions thinking about it.
I mean, I think it really may just be my own paranoia of my family. My two eldest sisters have always been very judgemental of me pretty much my whole life, and maybe I'm just getting nervous for no reason xx

 

I have this bit of wisdom to impart to you; soldier on. You are in full control of your life, not your family. Of course, in their own odd ways, they love you and want the best for you. But this is your life and your time. You and your man are in control. Be strong. I understand this issue very well because I would get into spirited debates with my family many times. But I make it known to them that no matter whom I choose to be my lifemate, she is MY choice and that she is to be shown the same courtesy and respect like other in-laws and etc. If not, I'm out of there and they will not see me again.

 

Thank God my family is loving and welcoming to all, no matter what the color of one's skin is. There are several IR couples in my family. All that is expected from someone I am involved with is that he is respectful, loves me, and I am happy sharing my life with him. THAT IS ALL!!

 

thank you so much, and you are so right. I know they are just trying to watch out for me because I'm the baby of the family, and because our parents died quite a while ago, they sort of believe I'm incapable of growing up myself (even though I am early forties lol, its just a roll they never grew out of!)
Its not even really about him being black, I think at least one of my sisters has more problem with the fact I met him from a dating site. She genuinely believes everyone on them is an axe wielding maniac who is the complete opposite of the person they portray online. But with that logic, that should make me the same lol, and as far as I can remember I never killed anyone with an axe...
but thanks, I really appreciate it xx

Oh absolutely, and like I say, its probably my own issues and paranoia's about my own family. I just expect them to judge me on every little thing, so me going out with a black man is just another thing I'm giving them lol.
I know thats stupid, I didn't start seeing him because he's black, or to annoy my family, I like him, not his colour. He just happens to be the coolest guy I have ever met, and I have no idea if that is anything to do with being Jamaican, or just that he is 1000 times the man than any other I have been with.
I have done some stupid things in my life, and my sisters have seen it all, so I think they just see me in that roll. "Oh here she goes again...'', that sort of thing, but I really have changed my life around recently, but of course, they won't see that, they will only see me as they have always seen me.

But stuff 'em, I see them so rarely, they don't effect me as deeply as they used to do, it just gets on my nerves sometimes, and I am finally in a ''normal'' relationship, albeit a long distance one with a few issues here and there.

 

Each time I turn on the television and watch a crime show, I am sometimes amused that the killer is often portrayed as intelligent and kind, but lives alone and has no girlfriend or wife making the killer socially awkward. I don't think I have ever or wanted to kill someone because I live alone. I do not want to do that. Yes. My family has seen me do dumb things(or things that embarrass them because they are self-conscious) and they make a point of reminding me of those things or what they believe my limitations are. Since the death of my older brother, we talk sometimes. Sometimes more than usual. Family can be rough at times. They know you because you share the same blood. But they don't know you because they have not seen who you really are and the world through your eyes. This is a problem I have with my father and mother.

 

Oh I really am sorry to hear about your brother first of all. Really I am.
But yes to all the other stuff.
They sit there and tell me how I should do things, the stupid things I have done in the past, what I should have done and not done. Most of it is done in a jokey way, sarcastic, and I am just the same, but its like ''enough already, I am 42 years old!!'' I wouldn't mind them being on their big-sisterly high horses, if they hadn't made stupid mistakes themselves in the past.
This relationship is a big deal to me, after years of being in at least one abusive relationship, the abuse coming in different forms, to now be with a man that genuinely seems to care about me, and want to treat me right, wow yes, that is huuuuge to me, but to them, me going out with a black man is just another way of ''acting out''.
I'm not from a particularly rascist family (or I at least hope I am not), but its just something ''different'' to them. Neither sister has ever dated a black man (but then we all have our faults hehe), so I suppose in their eyes, this is just me trying to either get attention, or be shocking. God knows, but they will see that he is a lovely guy, and I am truly happy, so yeah, I really don't care what they think to any degree that will make any difference to me.

And getting down to it, if I ever was in any position to have to choose? I would choose him, no contest

 

Thank you. I cannot remember the many times my mother would say to me when I was in grade school, "God made you black and he made a black woman for you." I had to understand constantly, that my mother grew up in a time when interracial dating/marriage and sometimes friendship between a black boy and a white girl was frowned upon and punishable by arrest or death. She is still afraid. My younger brother and my sister don't bother me much about it because they are already in relationships. I read my detective stories to my mother on the phone. She always enjoyed them but she made a statement about my detective's wife who happens to be white. She would say,"Why can't she be a black woman?" I simply told her that I will not change my vision. But I cannot change my family even if I wanted to.

 

I do not like the assumption that because someone is doing something radically different for their lives, they say that person is "acting out," or "going through a phase." Like it is temporary. My interest in the interracial lifestyle was something I had wanted all my 48 years and noone will ever change that part of me.

 

i hear u on that one, though. i knew this when i was 14 and didnt understand myself. i tried the other side, aswell, didnt work out for me.
what s sad to me is, that, it doesnt seem to matter where u actually are, people seem to have the same problems with IR relationships. i wouldnt say it s always racistic, but it seems they have a problem with, what i call- *something different* ... it doesnt seem to fit in their picture of what is *right*, *normal* or *acceptable*.

 

Which leads to the question of what is considered "normal"? Perhaps to someone seeing an interracial couple for the first time it may seem strange but not that strange. This couple in either combination is together because they want to be together. The world doesn't know what they have. Just a reaction to what they see. And those reactions vary from surprise, shock, anger, violent, neutral, accepting,sympathetic,supportive, happy. Of course, it goes by what parents had taught their children and what their parents had taught them. To see such a pairing; especially a black man with a white woman would be considered an affront and a put-down. Noone understands a person's journey. They simply say," Stay with your own. It's not as complicated." Everyone is aware that interracial couples do face difficulties in society. But it is because of these difficulties and challenges that(if they really love each other)makes them stronger. A true Us against the World situation. If the couple really loves each other, they will emerge victorious.

 

I suppose your mother's feelings are similar in a way to my feelings about my son. He is gay (which of course isn't the same as being black, but it is discriminated against, and people see it as ''unusual'' or bloody whatever, so I suppose it can be put in a similar 'box' in that respect if you like.)
I have no bother whatsoever about the way he is, but its other peoples ignorant opinions and prejudices that worry me.
He should be allowed to be what he is without any negative crap from anyone else, but unfortunately that's not the way this world is. He doesn't choose to be gay, the same as you don't choose to be black, or I don't choose to be a woman, or a diabetic. Get over it people!

And I know what you mean about the other point too. This is the third black guy I have dated, but I don't think they know about the other two guys, so to them, its like I'm saying ''woohoo look at meeeeee'' . It really is ridiculous!
I will always be the baby, and I will always be expected to do things that they can make an issue out of, for whatever stupid and insane reason. Good luck to them anyway, I will never make a decison based on their opinions about me, and I never have, even when I really should have with terrible choices I have made in the past.