Empathy and empathy alone is the basis of morality

Most people confuse empathy with paternalism, attachment (valuing someone else only because they or your relationship with them benefits *you* in some way, empathy is a selfless love whereas attachment is self-oriented), pity and even just concern. Empathy doesn't try to change people, it doesn't decide what's in their best interests or do things "for their own good". To empathize with someone else is to simply feel what they feel without making personal judgements about what they should do or how they should be. Empathy accepts people for what and who they are, and as equals.




For example, many people would cite 'empathy' as a reason for preventing someone from committing suicide. Preventing someone from committing suicide is actually an anti-empathetic, paternalistic thing to do (or an attachment based thing to do, if the person is a friend/family member). An empathetic person, in my opinion, would simply offer that person a shoulder to lean on or an ear to listen to their problems *if* they chose not to end their life, they wouldn't interfere with their decison making or use force to prevent them from behaving autonomously. "But they might be glad that I stopped them", they probably would be but it's their mistake to make, how they will feel in future is irrelevant to how they actually feel now.


I would argue that contract monogamy is possessive and based on attachment rather than empathy. By 'contract monogamy' I mean an agreement, stated or implied, that you will avoid a sexual/romantic relationship with anyone else on condition that your partner do the same. If men and women (or men/men, women/women) truly empathized with one another, any pleasure or joy that their partners experienced as a result of having a sexual/romantic relationship with other people would make them happy instead of jealous. Monogamy isn't immoral but I do think it's objectifying, I don't want to own anyone else's sexuality even if it is voluntarily exhanged for my own. I have nothing against 'monogamy' in the sense of simply choosing to have only one partner but in this kind of a relationship, either party could choose to develop a romantic/sexual relationship with other people without having to ask for permission or even to inform their partner about it (unless they are having unprotected sex with this other person).

As for pity, nobody wants to be "felt sorry" for. Our attitudes to the poor and disadvantaged often carry this condescending tone.

 

Well, I gotta disagree with you again.

If one takes your argument, that to require monogamy of your partner is to lack empathy, then it also stands to reason that engaging in sexual or romantic relationships outside of the one you share with a partner is also to lack empathy.

Just as it is natural to feel pleasure engaging in sex or intimacy with other partners, it is natural to feel insecurity when one you care for cares for another. If you are truly empathetic, then you will not want to expose your partner to feelings of insecurity.

I am very supportive of nonmonogamous relationships and poly in general, but unless you address the potential for hurt in such relationships, and provide a strong foundation against such hurt, they can only be imbalanced and ultimately unhappy. Brushing such hurts aside as unempathetic jealousy does not make for a happy poly lifestyle.

 

-My entire post did not show up. Why? I don't know but I'm not attempting that shit again anytime soon.

 

Too much post.

Keep it brief next time.

 

Yeah, bullet points or something. :smt095