Double standards for cheating?

Hee hee hee :smt058 right back at you JR and Pearl

Oh Nilan, I almost forgot !

Damn !!!!!!!!! I forgot again...........

 

I remembered.

Sure you can send me sweetie

Hey, I'm only joking! :wink:

 

Self-righteousness and 'yelling' is not a mature OR resonable excuse to dismiss someone's valid points. This is what I mean by an overdose of subjectivity in here. We have gotten so 'PC' in our society to the point where someone's 'tone' is too much for us to handle now. :roll: :roll:

I write this ONLY because, though he seems a bit fired up, I believe that Nilan is being misinterpreted.

 

Dear Sardonic, although I really like tou objectivity in most of your posts, I have to disagree with you on this.
First of all, nobody dismisses ihs points...we answer to them, stating our point of views!
Secondly, yelling is a very immature way to try to get ppl to listen to oneself, maybe bcoz we do not think our arguments have enough weight.

Personally, i`m everything but politically correct, but for God`s sake, let`s stop thinking with our stupid religious cultural background (whether we are religious or not) and let`s acknowledge the fact that human beings MAKE mistakes and if we should learn to fight them, we should also learn to FORGIVE them...not find excuse for them, FORGIVE.

To finish, forgiving NEVER meant accepting as good!!! :roll:

 

I don't think he meant to 'yell' at anyone, as some of you put it. I just think that he was just being passionate in his replies, as usual, that's all. I just don't intepret it the same way as some of you do.

 

Nah, I don't think he was yelling of course, just emphasizing the points in his post he felt there were needed to emphasize. But typing in capitals means yelling nevertheless. Anyway, where are you Nilan?
And what is self-rightneousness? Did I spell that ok?

 

Yeah, you spell it right.

Self-righteousness is the character trait of someone, who is undoubtedly sure (mainly smug) about their own righteousness, or whatever they deem to be 'righteous' or considered 'righteous' within the content of their personal character.



Sentence Example: If public figures like Oprah, Tom Cruise, Dr. Phil, Louis Farrakhan, David Duke, and others weren't so excessively hypocritical within their self-righteous ideologies that they preach to the world, then people wouldn't be so quick to make assertions about their character and mindsets.

 

Everybody stands for something, undoubtedly sure about it.
Thanks for clearing me out

 

Well, Well, Well.....seems I started quite a commotion with my self-righteousness :roll: ....I am in the middle of something right now, but best believe that when I finish my project, I will post something else within the next 5 hours that will have some of you love me more or hate me more as well. Bank on it!

 

Hee hee hee. Can't wait to see what will make me love you more or hate you more.

 

HAHAHAHAHAHAHA........I have returned. 8)

Now first of all, I wasn't yelling, I am just passionate about this particular subject.

Sorry everyone. I don't mean to judge anyone......but I still stand my ground.
Let me explain why I feel so damn frustrated with people that cheat, because I truly believe that some of you......never mind. Saying that will really piss you all off.

The reason that I feel so agitated when people are comfortable with cheating on a girl/guy, especially if it is a spouse, is because I haven't been pretty all my life 8).

I had to build myself up to even get girls to take a second look at me. It took 4 years of body building training, clearing up of my acne, building an education, growing my long hair, etc. In conjuction, (and this is the best part :smt029 ) I am thankful that I had to go through this because it helped me build up some CHARACTER SO THAT I WOULD KNOW HOW TO TREAT WOMEN, other people, and to counter-attack all the negativity in the world. To apply that to this situation, when you go through life not being attractive and not having anyone to love you or even think about you in a romantic way, you can appreciate it more when a girl is smitten by you and wants to date you. It still amazes me to this day that my life is so different now than it used to be, it is like night and day.......it is still a novelty for me when I get long undressing :butthead: looks by pretty girls. That's right!!!! Take it off baby!!! :butthead:

But on a more serious note,
My heart could not bear to cheat on a girl that actually took the time to want to date me, get to know me, or even look at me....This is why I can't cheat....It is not in my character or personality traits. At the very least, I would have to break up with the girl first before I stick my penis in another girl because it would haunt me so bad and remind me of the days when I wasn't wanted......It has taken so long for me to experience love or someone liking me. Something that most others (especially girls) experience in their teens and pre-teen years.....Some of you may have obviously had it too easy with the opposite sex, so let me give another example:
It's like when you have women that are not born and raised in the U.S., but in a poorer country. They tend to have a better appreciation for the little things (such as simply having a car to get you from point A to point B, NOT A LEXUS) and are not as materialistic as your average American bred girl....feel me? Or when your very first job is working in the heat all day as a construction worker, then you get better jobs, then eventually, having skills to land contracts and get better paying jobs.

Since some of you feel I am too self-righteous :roll: .... and got a little pissed off......I want you to keep in mind that cheating has hardcore chain reactions.....you work, eat, and are friends with women who know that their husbands/boyfriends are not the biological fathers of their kids, and the woman would have taken the secret to her grave if the kid had not gotten sick and needed a blood transfusion. Also, keep in mind that people willingly spread diseases and won't tell you they are infected.

To the cheaters (and you know who you are), actions speak louder than words. Saying you love someone and cheating on them are contradicting statements. I hope you will at least consider your partner first....I mean come on....people get killed for cheating on others, and it breaks hearts, and families.

On an ending note, Boxoslady, I hope your husband never finds out for your sake.....because if I were him, and I did find out, I would give your ass a swift kick to the curb and would not think twice....BELIEVE THAT.

 

Everybody has the choice and control of what will accept or not or whether they will forgive something or not.
I personally wouldn't forgive cheating because I believe it means lack of love and respect/consideration, and even when its a one time thing, if it was caused by problems in the relationship, he should have stayed and worked on the problems not go and cheat, and when it is because he fell in love with someone else, why would I want him with me, stay with the one you fell in love with. And if I had done something or he had done something to me to make me that mad as to cheat as revenge, that relationship is obviously not working, it won't work better after you cheat what is it, a game to see who hurts the other most?
But the topic was if people practice double standards when it comes to women or men doing it ..are more tolerant about a man than about a woman.
I practice a double standard, when I think of other people I am more tolerant, when it happens to me, I wouldn't forgive such a "human nature mistake", because there's always a choice and you are aware of what you are doing, and when you chose to cheat, you have turned your back for good to me.

 

I must say that I agree with everything you just said, Seychelles.....Stay sweet girl, stay sweet :roll:

 

nilan-I can understand your passion on the issue, especially when you explained your personal expereinces. As I have repeatedly said, I don't believe that what i did was right. However, unless you have been caught in the situation, you have no idea that it really is possible to love 2 people. Eventaully you have to chose one or the other and I did.

I too hope my husband does not find out as we are in conselling for other issues right now and this would add to it. as for him "kicking my ass to the curb". Maybe he would, but then again maybe he would also examine our 20 years marriage and look and it in total, weigh the good and the bad and THEN decide.

 

Speaking of cheating...

This weekend, while in the company of a group of about seven to nine women (mid 40's to mid 50's; married and single; mostly Black with a couple white women), a conversation went on about kicking a man to the curb after years of cheating and lying. My thoughts were - why let this go on for years? It made me think...

Men and women, are you more likely to continue cheating if your partner "puts" up with it? Or would you stop/not do it at all if you knew he/she would kick you to the curb?

 

Since we're back on topic again, if I were to get involved with a woman whom I found out was cheating on me, then the relationship would end as soon as I learn about it.

 

You are assuming that sex is the only reason that people cheat. While it is true for some people, there are all kinds of affairs. I was fatihful to the same man for 20 years before my affair, and I fell in love with someone else and was forced to make a choice. I chose my husband. I am in the process of trying to fall in love with my husband again. Would I cheat again, no way. The lies and deception of cheating are a terrible burden to bear. As is the letting go if you love the other person. I unfortunately am forced to see my ex- lover and it kills us both. So much so in fact that while we were together, he got his orders extented to stay here, they got approved. My husband, who is hi boss told me the other day that my ex has volunteered for a tour of duty in Afghanistan for the rest of his activation. When I was able to ask him why, he said that he needs to get away from here, that it is too hard not being able to be together. So he is literally putting his life on the line to get over our affair. So, my choice never to have an affair again has to do with the long term implications.

Someone who cheats to get their rocks of may indeed cheat again if their spouse is willing to put up with it, but not all affairs are the same.

 

Liars, Cheats, and other Unscrupulous Demons...

I was asked recently, "Why do men cheat and why are they such liars?" Well, of course, my first response is to clarify and immediately discredit this obvious stereotype. After ensuring that the inquisitor understood that not all men are cheaters or liars, I pondered the question. Obviously, to the person that asked me (a woman, of course) all the men she's encountered have been cheaters and liars. Could it be that she is attracted to liars and cheaters? I doubt it. I think in all of us the cheater and liar silently sit waiting for a chance to reveal itself. Why? Why do we as humans feel a need to bend the truth or resort to lying as a means of communication? I'd like to give us the benefit of doubt and say that it's deeper than a personality trait. I don't believe that all liars are born that way. Consider this....

In the case of men, we all know that finding the perfect woman is a difficult task. Even you men that have found your soul mate can relate to the single man's plight. Who amongst us have not padded our lives to appear bigger than we actually are? I know I have. I may have added about ten thousand to my yearly salary to move myself beyond middle class and into upper-middle class. I may have purchased a car a tad outside my price range to attract women. I have definitely bought and worn clothes that amounted to more than the cash I was carrying in my wallet. Why? The answer, of course, is that dating in the 21st century has become a game of one upmanship. There was a time when a potential mate was chosen by his ability to bring forth a strong stable seed. Those days are over. Now women want the complete package. You must be of strong stock and emotionally available and financially stable and attractive and etc.
Now ladies, before you start, I am not at all suggesting that women lower their standards for men that don't meet their standards. Not at all!!
I am saying that the ever changing increase in standards may prompt a man to stretch the truth long enough to comfortable fit himself in a woman's standard. The retort may be that a man of integrity will never resort to lying to find a woman. I contend that the desire for emotional companionship is far greater than integrity. I'm not suggesting that a need to be with someone is justification for throwing out one's scruples. I am suggesting that it may be a reason. Right or wrong, it may be a reason.

Cheating, is an action that may be the result of a person finding that he is desirable for the first time in his life. Consider this...
A man finds himself on the receiving end of rejection for years. Finally, a woman bites and decides she will give him a chance. Men, we all know that a woman will get herself a man, clean him up, dress him up and make him presentable to the world. No woman is going to be seen in public with some trifling looking man. Now this man who has received a fresh coat of paint and new sense of pride finds himself receiving attention from other women. What is he to do? Is he to show loyalty to the woman who dragged him from the depths and muck of bachelorhood or venture out to the woman who sees him as a man for the very first time. For some men, this attention is far too great to walk away from. Instead of making a choice, they have their cake and eat it too. I'm not saying it's justified. I'm only trying to reveal the possible reasons that men resort to something so horrible as cheating.

I believe that women don't cheat as often because their options have always been greater than men. It's the reason that most truly wealthy people don't buy stupid things that would cost them their wealth. Wealth is something they've become accustomed to, so it's not a big deal. Give a poor man a glimpse at wealth and he will buy every single fantasy that he's been dreaming about for years. This is the phenomenon that is present in relationships.

Now having said all that, I know I've set myself up for attack. When you are cursing me out and calling me names, just remember that I'm only suggesting that these are reasons not justification. I still believe that there are those amongst us that have a genuine desire to be a good person. Unfortunately, in an attempt to be good, the temptation to be bad can be too strong.
Then of course, there are those who lie because the truth is just not good enough. There are those who cheat because they never learn the pleasure a faithful relationship can bring.

I did not make any reference to race in this post because I believe it is assumed due to the nature of the board.

As always, your thoughts, criticism, and flames are gladly accepted.
Respectfully submitted,
TMASS

 

well... I think that the grass is always greener on the opposite side of the fence.

while I don't disagree with all of what you said, I don't think that women do have more options. I know men think they do, but I think we all have our own different advantages but disadvantages as well.

I do think that those who end up with someone who cheats/lies sometimes ends up with another who might, only because we sometimes tend to be attracted to the same kind of person. So sometimes we pick another wrong person.

Although I hope it isn't always the case.

I do agree though that sometimes others can have high expectations and we may feel the need to 'qualify' to those expectations.. however lying or assuming one needs to lie to be there is a mistake in the long run.

 

I don't have much to add right now, but I just wanted to say that ever since you joined, I've been enjoying your posts. I actually chuckled as I read this thinking to myself about it. Good thread.