Do Women Really Prefer Bad Boys?

I've noticed recently that alot of girls I know are not happy with their boyfriends yet stick with him. Are women THAT superficial? Is it that they would rather be treated bad by a HOT guy than treated like the princess they are by an average guy? I hear love song after love song and see chick flick after chick flick about how women want a trustworthy guy who won't cheat, yet all they do is go after the womanizing rich jerk who treats them like shit. Like this Italian girl I dated for a while these past few months. She told me about how her ex-boyfriend hits her, steals from her, broke into her house to get drugs, and treats her like shit. Yet shes has moved back in with him. WHY?!?!???? I dont get it!!!!!

Another case is this high school girl I met who lives 2 hours away from me. Right now she is dating a kid who is in JAIL...yet she "loves him so much". Oh Please. And don't say these are just small coincidences. I can't tell you how many girls I've known since high school and college that I've asked out and they turned me down becuz they were with a guy that didn't make them happy. A few months ago I was interested in this Russian girl and she told me about how she isn't happy with her man. I told her maybe she'd be happy with me. Me and her had been hanging out for a long time prior to this. I used to talk to her about her problems, walk her home everyday, hold her books for her, call her and go shopping or to dinner together, and one day I gave her a teddy bear that said "I love you" on it. All of a sudden she stops calling and won't pick up her phone and acts like she's too busy to hang out. I was so confused. From hot to cold in an instant.

Do women even know what they want? Life is all about the choices you make and if you keep chasing after what you will never have, you will end up alone and heart broken in a relationship that is hurting you more than helping you. Sometimes that special man is the guy you THINK is "just a friend". But then again, maybe women are just as shallow and superficial as they complain men to be...they are so insecure and desperate to be with someone rich and good looking that instead of being single and waiting for "Mr. Right", they prefer to be treated like shit by a man who has all those "great superficial" qualities (and hope he changes LOL) than be treated GREAT by a average looking, average income man who appreciates her and romances her and gives her all his time and affection and love and respect.

(By the way my ex-girlfriend of 3 years agreed with me that many women are like this, don't deny if it's true, just tell me WHY!)

 

No, I've never dated a 'bad boy' - the nearest I got was someone vaguely unreliable with ADHD but he was still a honey (and beautiful). Maybe the key is what you said about superficial, nothing superficial in life appeals to me which includes men with beautiful looks and charm but no substance. I do love to walk side by side with a gorgeous man down the street, but I wouldn't bother unless he treated me well.

 

Thanks for your response. You seem to be one of the few intelligent and independent women left in the world! LOL I wish there were more women out there like you. I admit when I was young and in high school I thought looks was everything too, but when you grow up and become mature you recognize that a relationship is about so much more than that. Some women need to learn that. They complain so much about "where are all the good men at"??? We are RIGHT HERE!!!! You just have to look beyond his muscles, car, and bank account. Judge us by what REALLY matters (honesty, character, romance, charm, sense of humor, etc.)

 

Well, yes. I'd be a little upset if a guy was only with me for my looks (he also might need glasses), so I imagine the door swings both ways.

 

Not many men can deny that what you have said is mostly true, but if the women can hold out for the 'right one', then I guess, so can we. :wink:

 

PeyBackTime8818 - You have answered that question on why some women are like that:

"...they are so insecure and desperate to be with someone rich and good looking that instead of being single and waiting for "Mr. Right", they prefer to be treated like shit by a man who has all those "great superficial" qualities (and hope he changes LOL)..."

Insecurity. Insecurity in being alone, not being single when all their girlfriends have men, not knowing themselves well enough to be comfortable on their own.

Another reason: They think they have the ability and the right to change a man. They look for men who are far from complete and try to mother him into being the man they have fantasized about. It doesn't work...yet they've invested so much time and effort they refuse to leave.

My advice: Stay aware from women like this. Don't date a woman in a failing relationship because each relationship has its ups and downs. She needs to either work on the relationship or get out - and stop trying to go to another man to fix her issues between her and her man. And if she'll do that to one man, she'll do it to another.

Also, if a woman has had too many "bad break-ups" that's a bad sign. She may be high drama and make your life a living hell. Plus, what's the common denominator in the bad break-ups. Her. That's gotta say that there's something wrong with her, girl's got issues.

Just my opinion, don't settle for a woman who doesn't appreciate who you are. Personally, those high drama, mothering types can keep the bad boys. Not for me.

 

I'm not as worried about the girls as I am you. It seems like you're attracted to stupid people...wth! What is drawing you to them? Really, there are warning signs around certain people like police tape. I have a feeling you're tripping over the tape and falling on your face.

 

Hmmmm....

I guess we finally agree on something.

 

This "nice guy" thing is pathetic! Well....I am going to give you the harsh Truth because that is all you deserve. Your being a doormat and they all like your warm familiarity and funny jokes - it is an comfort zone for them. Call me a cave man if you want, being nice to women will get you know place fast. It is time to grow a set, women like MEN, do not let a women tell what it is to be a MAN - they have no clue. Women do not like nice, not even the average women, the hotter she is, the more problems she is going to have, get use to it - it is called life. Work on your finances, do some traveling, during your time, when your all said and done "hot chicks" are going to chasing after you.

 

Personally, I think it is all about looks. Women try to deny it, but they are just as superficial as men. I don't believe that whole "nice guys finish last" thing. Women dream of a man who is GOOD LOOKING, HAS A GOOD JOB AND MAKES GOOD MONEY, and TREATS THEM RIGHT AND HAS A SWEET PERSONALITY. These, I think, are their main wants in a man.

This is the key: As long as you are handsome to them, they will want you, no matter how you treat them!!!

Now, what I think the problem is, is that they figure no man has ALL these qualities, so they go for the good looking jerks over the not so good looking romantic nice guys since you can always change someones personality but you can't change their looks.

NO MATTER HOW MUCH WE WANT TO DENY IT, dating is ALL about looks and attraction. When you see a guy or girl walking down the street, you don't say to yourself, WOW she has a GREAT personality! LOL Get real! Physical attraction is always what first draws us to someone. If you later find out she smokes (and lets say you don't like that in a woman), you will forgive it because, "Hey she's so hot!" We put up with things we shouldn't because the person is so good looking.

The concept that "nice guys finish last, so therefore if I act like a jerk she will be into me" isn't true. If you are ugly, no matter how you act, she will not be into you. Women LIKE nice. They want it. Some settle for the bad boy only because they figure it's easier to make a handsome bad boy act sweet than make an ugly nice guy look handsome. You can't change someones looks, but you can at least try to change their personality, or so women think.

 

that is a very outstanding analysis.

 

It's not about looks. I've dumped men that were absolutely gorgeous. It's really about how they make me feel. Gorgeous men are lousy lovers, by the way. That's a generalization and not true all the time, but for the most part, they are awful. I'd rather have a man that was smart and good in bed than a good looking moron who thought I should be happy I was sleeping with him.

You're dating little girls that don't know what they want. That's what I see, anyway.

 

.....and now you are changing your argument. Do you honestly believe "nice guys" can not be....."hot?" You are now consciously telling yourself you must be "hot" to attract "hot" women. That thought process in itself is self defeating, moronic and an fallacy. You are going to need a lot more than 'looks' to get the "hot chick." But you are not above reproach mate because you are a "nice average looking guy" - nice guys are not that nice mate; their unrealistic expectations begets premeditated resentment. That is just as bad as the "hot" guy who treats his women like shit. There is no balance between the two moronic tendencies.

Nice Guy Syndrome has a stupidity, an almost modern black male overly masculine stupidity; just because you worship the ground she walks on and idolize her endlessly will not automatically equate the same behaviour in return....hell, she may not even notice it. Idolizing her and putting her on some pedestal is just as bad as treating her as some sex object. Why!?.....because you have an agenda.

Now, I am not telling you or any other "nice guy" to treat women like shit or any other idiotic behaviour because that can only get you go so far. I am telling "nice guys" to stop seeking "peace" and making their happiness and existence too dependent on their relationships with women and others. The end result will be unnecessary suffering and more post protesting to you being "nice guys." Ugh..........I hate seeing black men suffer....................

 

It's a horrible analysis.

Seven is the only man making any sense on here. Women don't like "nice." Why? Because people want what they can't have!

All these romantic comedy films you see are lies. They aren't indicative of what women want in a man. What you see on screen looks like persistance but is actually "nice guy" behavior (i.e.--someone who stalks them until they give in...or someone who worships the ground they walk on.)

Why are these movies made?

1. Most men don't like romcoms but they can usually identify with the man because men want to see a guy get a girl simply by exerting effort. This is how they wish it could be. I believe that it's a hidden male fantasy that we'd all like to believe in. The reason being is that anybody can do this! Show a little effort, win the girl of your dreams. Men want it to be this easy. And it's natural for someone to want to please someone they like.

2. Women see this "nice" behavior from guys in movies and wish they had the power to make men fall all over them and identify with the girl in this regard. But when it happens to them in real life, it's a turn-off. She knows the guy likes her a lot and therefore there is no chase. She's gotten what she wanted without any struggle. Therefore, the man isn't any great prize. In theory, it's wonderful. It affirms men's attraction to them and makes them feel good. But it isn't what they seek in a real-life lover.

 

So according to you charmer, the guy must lay off and play hard to get and the woman must lay back and then nobody gets together since nobody is making the move? That makes no sense. Someone must be the aggressor. Women like attention from guys (when they are attracted to him). They just act like they dont since they dont wanna come off as slutty. Women can also be the aggressor.

The girl im seeing now is a model. I met her in my biology class at my college. I was intimidated by her so much cuz she was so out of this world hotttt! I never flirted with her or came on to her. I just kept it friendly, figuring I never had a chance (plus I'm usually the aggressor but I felt she was wayy out of my league). But as I watched her around school I noticed alot of her friends were black guys (and she was very affectionate with them...hugs, kisses, etc.). Then one day she asks ME FOR MY number! I was shocked. Turns out she was feelin' me all along. Now don't tell me the whole "be shy and lay back thing" paid off and was what made her like me. If she liked me then I could've gotten her even if i was all over her. If someone likes you they will go out with you regardless of how you act. Your looks gets you in the door. Thats all it takes.

Being nice doesnt turn women off. How many women do you know left their man becuz he was "too nice"? NONE. Exactly. How many have left a guy becuz he was a jerk? Many, but alot stay. In fact most women I know are not happy with how they man threats them. SO why do they stay? Becuz he got looks, money, good in bed, or all of the above. Thats how women are.

 

This is all right on. There are all types of women out there, cold, gold-digging, slutty types and what not, but when it comes to normal women, I think that when a nice guy is attracted to you and you're just not attracted to him, you're like "Damn! If I liked him, I'd be so happy with him!" but feelings can't be forced.

Being "attracted to jerks", I think, has to do with the woman's own issues. Personally, I don't agree that "good men are hard to find". If your head is in the right place, you live a good life and are calmly moving to bigger and better things for yourself, then you see that good men are all around you, and you relate to them. But if you are all messed up and haven't worked through your own baggage, a good man will stay far away from you. Positivity attracts positivity, and vice versa, right?

There are plenty of very nice women who stay with abusive etc. men who do not treat them right. I used to think, why do they stay? One of my friends is a counselor. I asked her, why do they stay? She said, if your husband hit you, all of a sudden, which he's never done before - would you leave? I thought about it, and said: no. She asked, would you tell anybody? I said no. She said: there you go. There are women for who leaving your husband is unthinkable, I'm one of them. It's a cultural thing somewhat, and a matter of upbringing and personality. But do these women ENJOY being treated like that? Wouldn't they rather bathe in tenderness and affection?

One of my friends, an African-American, is involved with a white guy. I think I mentioned her once in this forum. She is SO too good for him. She is from an upper-middle class family, has master's degree, is obsessed with living healthy, and a believing Christian. This guy, he does drugs, has something shady going on with his ex and their daughter... my friend gets upset and cries, but she stays. Who wants to leave their man after all the work of the relationship? You just talk yourself into believing that he's overall a good person, he'll change, etc. I've done it when I had problems with my husband, and things did get much better at one point, and stayed that way. I thank God.

Those are the reasons that come to my mind as to why women stay in bad relationships. But nobody dreams of being treated badly. You just go after the person you're attracted to, and put up with their garbage. You can choose the NICE person you're not attracted to, and hope he'll grow on you - I've done it once and it was a mistake. I ended up leaving, and I had wasted his time and hurt him more than I would have if I had just nicely said no from the start.

 

Moskvichka said : (You just go after the person you're attracted to, and put up with their garbage. You can choose the NICE person you're not attracted to, and hope he'll grow on you - I've done it once and it was a mistake. I ended up leaving, and I had wasted his time and hurt him more than I would have if I had just nicely said no from the start.)

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This is EXACTLY true! You are so right. We ALWAYS put looks over everything else. That's what I've been trying to say to people. We place everything else second. We chase after the person that makes us HARD as hell (or in a woman's case, makes you wet down "there"), and personality comes second. You can hope that gorgeous guy or girl changes their ways (since people's personalities and lifestyle can change all the time), but with an unattractive "nice" person, you can never change their looks.

I dont know what happened between you and the guy who you dated and he was nice but you left him. Sometimes people CAN try to change physically, like lose or gain weight, more or less make up, whatever...or maybe he had something about him that could not be altered that you just COULD NOT find attractive no matter how hard you tried and maybe that is what ended it. Who knows? But when it comes to marriage you (and everyone) would be wisest to not makes looks the # 1 priority. This is the rest of your life (and possibly the lives of your children) that you can ruin here. The person you marry does not have to be the most knockout gorgeous woman or man you have ever dated. Yes you must find them attractive, of course...but MOST important is their values, trustworthy-ness, their heart, how you get along, and love.

 

Oh, there was nothing wrong with his looks, he looked fine, I just wasn't attracted to him. There was no chemistry. But to this day, I think that he was the most decent and wonderful man I ever met. Whoever he marries will be the luckiest woman.

For a while my husband and I were living separately (because of financial issues), and I shared that with an older lady at work, and how I was always misjudged by people because of that. One of my friends even said to me "Well before you have kids it's okay to experiment I guess!" I just looked at her like, don't you understand it's a forced situation! The older lady said that in a marriage, what works for one couple won't work for another. I said, well living separately, even temporarily, is not easy, but it's working for us so far... She said, it's working because you're making it work. That's what is most important. I was like, wow, that's some wise words...

 

Where in my post did I say that the man shouldn't be the aggressor? I'm talking about "nice guy" behavior vs. men who don't act nice (not necessarily jerks but not nice).

Of course the man has to be the aggressor, otherwise he'd never get anything. But in the beginning...buying flowers, expensive dinners, calling more than once a week...stuff like that is what needs to be avoided.

I say that being nice DOES turn a woman off, but maybe your version of nice is different from mine. Why don't you tell me how you define "nice" and when in the relationship you exhibit "nice guy" behavior...

 

Nice means treating with respect, showing that you love her more than anyone in the world, showering her with gifts and affection, making sure she never feels alone or neglected, giving her whatever she needs, being romantic, never cheating, never being controlling or argumentative or abusive, and being honest all the time. THAT is nice. It doesnt mean letting her step all over you or obsessing over a girl and calling her 28 times a day. It just means doing all the right things a man should do for his lovely lady. if that is wrong then i dont wanna be right.