Do I need to change my ways

No, no! The PROBLEM is that good looking guys get so much pussy thrown at them that they don't HAVE to be nice anymore. Asshole or not, girls want you. The problem is women are getting to be so damn desperate that men just disdain us. IMO.

 

This is absofuckinglutely correct. Every time I try to explain this to people, they give me that confused puppy look. The more women a guy has available to him, the less likely it is that he will be faithful to any one. Unless he has reached that level of maturity, why should he?

 

Co-sign

I'm talking about the woman that complains about all the "no good men" yet ignores every good guy that walks by for trivial reasons...too short, too tall, too friendly, too easygoing, too smart, too boring etc.

 

I've seen studies including one that popped up in my local newspaper that showed that marriages where the woman is the better looking spouse....those marriages tended to fair much better than situations where the man was the better looking spouse.

 

So does that mean we should look for ugly guys?

 

I dont think so Tinkerbell, ive found when ugly men get a better looking woman they get the notion in there head that they are better looking than they actually are !!!
So it does not make a blind bit of difference, stick to the nice guy/ bad guy tests

 

I've never really had to pick before, now I have a wonderful man in my life but it's not yet at a very committed stage. I have so many men trying to get my attention, I feel like they are a bunch of vultures hanging around my head just waiting for the death of the relationship. (Which I hope never dies.) But these guys are mostly nice guys, and I'm not quite ready to burn all the bridges, if you know what I mean, but I do think I'll stick to your test. Looks never really made that much difference for me. I need to be able to respect and trust my man! That's WAY more important.

 

Thats exactly my point, well ugly men are still just men, are they a trustworthy man is the issue.
And very true about the Vulture thing, i think if they see you happy they realise your a woman that can be happy in a relationship, to some guys thats a very attractive thing, but your right DONT burn those bridges, you and i both know that river can run rapid and change, we might need those bridges to cross it in future.

 

You guys are making a bit of a jump. I'm not saying that the woman is exponentially better looking than the man. I'm talking about a man that is a 7 and a woman that is a 7.5 or an 8.

 

Pretty and ugly are subjective, but still important. It's just different for everyone. There are probably very few chicks around here who wouldn't want to bang Tyrese (or at least think about it ) because he's a fine specimen of man, but I certainly don't expect every day guys to be so damn fine. There are different types of beauty. You have beauty in perfection, like with gorgeous rippling muscles, a perfect smile, a perfect ass, etc. But then there's the kind of beauty you can see in real people.

I prefer the latter, because the ones who are so damn fine that they can get pretty much any girl they want...well, as previously stated, they're dicks generally because they -do- get all the chicks they want. I don't like assholes.

When I meet guys the first thing I pay attention to is how nice they are. How polite they are. How respectful. Physical attraction is important, but it doesn't mean a man has to look like Tyrese. A man like that is better suited in our fantasies most of the time anyway (less stds that way, I'm sure), and "average" people can be gorgeous with the right pair of eyes looking at them. Anyway, as for the the asshole guys. Assholes don't get a second glance from me, unless they end up getting told off, which happens sometimes. If a guy thinks he can behave like a prick towards me (or other people around) without being put in check, then he's stupid.

Why does it seem so hard for nice guys to get a girl, or at least keep a good one? One thing I've noticed is that the nice guys don't always seem to have the most confidence when it comes to the ladies. Most of the assholes I know have no problem with rejection, because they'll just move onto an easier girl. The nice guys? They end up pining over a girl they know for months and never telling her. I know a guy in that exact situation right now. He's definitely a sweetheart, and he's also definitely pining after a mutual friend of ours, but he won't say anything to her about it. If he were an asshole he probably would've already tried to fuck her, and maybe even succeeded if he tried hard enough.

One of the problems with girls ending up with assholes is that some assholes masquerade as nice guys until they get what they want...or until they get tired of being nice. Not always the case, of course, but sometimes it certainly is.

"Bad Boy" doesn't always have to mean a guy is an asshole, though. Some bad boys can be quite nice and just do things they really shouldn't be doing, which adds the whole "thrill" thing in there.

I like nice guys. If I ever get married again, he'll be a nice guy who has a heart as big as mine, and believes respect to be as important as I do. And he certainly can't be an asshole, because assholes don't like fluffy puppies and babies, and I like both of those.

 

Life is awfully short to be waiting on a relationship that might turn out to be something, a relationship that hasn't been consumated as I understand it. We aren't young forever. Some day you won't have so many men trying to get your attention. I think your waiting for him to come back from Iraq is honorable, but the waiting won't be over then, will it?

It would be a shame to let ripe fruit rot on the vine. :smt087

 

You never quit do you? :smt068

It's not honorable to wait for him to get back, it's hopeful. He's a wonderful guy and if it works out, well worth the wait. Guys like him aren't easy to find, and I wasn't even looking when he came along, I'm in no hurry. I am happy with my single life too. Much better than being with a loser.

Maybe I should start using my big guns on the vultures.:smt066 (just a thought)

You're right the waiting won't be over when he gets back, (at least the waiting you're talking about won't be) but I'll see then if the relationship is going to go anywhere. Only 7 more months to wait!!

Ripe fruit rotting on the vine?? I have a dear friend who just got married at 80 and is in quite the honeymoon state... I'm not worried... I plan to live to at least 110 years of age... Heck, I'm not even middle aged yet... getting younger everyday... I visited my daughter in February and her friends said they thought her mom was coming not her older sister....I've got pictures to prove it, but no, you won't be seeing them.

 

I didn't ask to see them TB, but I am sure you are a beautiful woman.

 

Sorry! I just realized that sounded a bit snippy. I really didn't mean it that way, and I meant I had pictures to prove I was "getting younger everyday", not to prove I was beautiful, because beauty is in the eye of the beholder.

I know you didn't ask, any you're a gem because you wouldn't ask would you?

 

Lol you really don't like XNicoleBrownX

 

nah.

i usually don't do this... but ...

he deserves it. :smt023

 

I love your posts, because they are always very insightful and on point.

I too went through a brief bad boy stage in my late teens/early 20's with a couple of guys. I pretty quickly learnt it was the wrong way around though.

There is that fine line between confidence, arrogance, and just being plain delusional. A man can have that confidence, that slight swagger without being overly arrogant, or so selfish he is just delusional.

And it is true, as other posters like Sir Nose have pointed out that woman do seek this confident appearance.

It can be more nuanced though. I have had some guys with some lines and approaches that made me just want to laugh out loud, and I would have, if it wasn't so rude. Their swagger was so extreme it made me want to ask if their jocks were too tight or something.

My advise first of all to the op is just to relax. It sounds like you are wound up a bit. Just relax, leave the past in the past. Be more confident to smile, approach women. Just smile, say hi and ask them out or for their number. Simple. Do it enough times and you will hit pay dirt eventually.

 

Do you mind my asking....is this the first relationship since your divorce?

Nice to hear about the 80 year old!!

 

I don't mind at all, yes it is the first real relationship since my divorce. I was interested in another guy briefly but never dated him, we are still great friends and he helped me to believe in myself again.

I was alone for most of the last 3 years of my marriage, and divorced for 2 when I met this guy, and I was not at all interested in dating anyone, I just didn't trust men, nor did I feel I needed a man in my life. I was really impressed with his amazing character, so I think he's well worth the wait.

Any special reason you were asking?

 

The answer is simple now I think of it.

Yes, you need to change your ways. How, I'm not sure. But obviously

same actions= same result, for a different result you need a different action.