Do I need to change my ways

Well I have had a bit of bad luck with women. It all started a year ago when my ex cheated on me with my best friend and I caught them in bed together. When I finally started dating again I would go out with woman and they ll told me I was a really great, sweet and nice guy but didnt want to date me. Recently I was stood up on a blind date. I found out that the girl I was set up with came to the resturant saw me and left. This past weekend I went out with some friends to a nice upscale bar in Manhattan and when I went up to get my drink this woman assumed I was about to hit on her and she rejected me even though I had no intention of hitting on her.

I just want to know what do I have to do? Apparently all I am good for is a friend and nothing more, but that sucks when all you see is all your friends coupled up, and your a 3rd or 5th wheel.

Physcially I might not be the best looking guy but I am still attractive (5'8", 165, athletic build)

Personality wise, I am outgoing, with a great sense of humor, I like to have fun, tend to be the leader in a group of friends. I get along with everyone. I love my family, I am well traveled.

I went to school, got a great education. I have a great job. I respect women. I am a nice guy overall. I have never been in trouble. I am a very humble person.


What more do women want? What do I have to do to make myself more appealing? Am I wrong to assume it is me, because the only thing that all these situations have in common is me? I mean you can only hear that you are a nice, sweet, and great guy so many times before it completely pisses you off, because you starting thinking if I am this wonderful guy why doesnt anyone want to be with me.

 

Check it: http://www.whitewomenblackmen.com/forum/showthread.php?t=8743

 

glt1980,

I wanna know some shit. Feel free to elaborate.

Is your ex white?
Are you two still in touch?
Did she tell you why she did it?
Did ya best pal tell you why he did it?
Are you two still in touch?

 

I feel bad for you but don't doubt yourself. You sound like an amazing guy any lady would be lucky to have. I know that seems like a typical response but it's true... for one you respect women and that's rare these days.

Again, typical response, you just haven't met the right lady yet probably. The women you have experience with sound like bitches, especially the woman in the bar! Wow, talk about flattering youself, imagine assuming a guy is about to hit on you. I know cheating can hurt, my ex cheated on me and it still upsets me although I'm over him. It's hard not to look for faults in yourself but don't, it'll only upset you.

Sorry, don't really know how to help as such just don't get yourself down I feel like giving you a big hug right about now.

 

Oh and I saw your pic on your myspace and I'd say you're attractive So don't get yourself down.
I know when my ex cheated on me, like I said, with his workmate who happened to be skinner, taller, had longer hair etc... it really got me down and I still think about it a little. I'm not perfect, I've got stretch marks amongst other things. Again, don't really know how to help just keep your head up

 

I was beginning to think men like you were on the verge of extinction! Keep your chin up. The right woman will come along. (I tell myself that all of the time and I know you're like, "Yeah, thanks!". But you just have to trust it will happen).
Best of luck to you!

 

Here is some advice from a fortysomething, take it or leave it:

I don't think you gave an age, but spend these years focusing on bettering yourself. Get your degree, establish a great career. Use the energy and time you would otherwise spend with women to create an uber-successful version of glt1980. Also, stay in the gym and keep yourself in great shape. Develop good workout habits that will stay with you for life.

Then, one day, you will find yourself fit, attractive, driving a sweet ride, successful and with bank, and women from 25-45 will want you. Just remember when you get there, don't committ yourself to the first one who comes along, no matter how much you like her. You will have to do some loving and leaving to make up for lost time, my man. Break a few hearts first.

 

OH - NO, you didn't just say that! You're not going to keep my respect with that kind of advice to the young men out there. How would you like him to break your daughters heart?:?:

 

The man has earned it TB. When I say, break hearts, I just mean be willing to move on even if you like the girl. It doesn't mean disrespect them. He should play the field for a while. It will be good for him and his eventual wife in the long run to have that.

 

What about the poor girl who falls in love with him when he is finally such an amazing guy? What if it were your daughter?

 

My daughter is a college student and has experienced heartbreak more than once. I don't like her being hurt but I am glad she didn't settle for a knucklehead. I hope she stays single until she is at least 25 and finished college, out in the workforce.

Then I will select her husband










j/k

 

You can't avoid heartache, but in my experience, it's best not to chase men. I never do because it just goes against my nature, but many women do and then get burned. Let the man come to you... let him do the work. If he doesn't, it doesn't make it your job. The female heart is fragile... crying every day is not fun. Take good care of yourself and your heart. I'm somebody who has at one time been celibate for a very long time... completely celibate, no dates nothing. It gets sad at times, but WAY better than casual sex or a relationship wihthout real love.

 

I'm sure that the reason of all your luck or disluck is you. It might seem wrong for you, but I had proves so many times! We are what we think. and you might not even realize that you have some wrong thoughts in your mind, but its probably so. and these thoughts do influence on your life directly! I'm not saying there is something wrong about your personality or appearance. You seem to be a great guy just like everyone tells you.

but human beings have such a problem like remembering how someone ever hurt you or cheated on you or did whatever else. Of course when you find your gf with your best friend, its terrible, its disgusting! but well it happened and you cant do anything about it, but just take it and forgive them. your life is going on and you shouldnt be stuck on that situation even in your mind.

just start thinking the positive way, think about what you want and not about what you dont want or what bothers you. hope you know what i mean!

I would suggest you to watch the movie called "the secret". I'm sure you'll find the answers in it! good luck! and keep being a nice and great guy! :smt038

 

You will??? OK!! Then that settles it!!

I understand your being happy she didn't settle for a knucklehead, I did, 26 years of it. Not a pretty scene, and I still had the heart ache. Just giving you a hard time.

 

Who are you advising here? This guy is looking for sex and relationships, not to take a vow of celibacy.

 

No one in particular, women in general, and sharing rather than advising.

 

Well, there are plenty of knuckleheads out there still. Hopefully she will avoid the trap.

 

Yes she is white.

We are not in touch but we still have mutual friends, and one of them told me recently that apparently she and my ex best friend are actually engaged now. She also seems to want to open up the lines of communication with me. I dont think I am going to though because I dont know what she could say to me to make me want to get a friendship or anything going.

She gave me a number of reasons but here are a few that stuck out. She told me that she loved me, but she fell in love with him. She told me that she didnt feel that I wanted because I wasnt "jealous" enough for her. Well one of the biggest was that we didnt have sex the entire time we were together, not because I didnt want to, but because I wanted to wait not necessarlity until marriage but until my life was completely together, I explained that to her before we started dating. Probably the biggest one to stick out though was that she told me while I was all the things she wanted he could give her all th same things but also the things she needed,

He on the other hand was a little more difficult to talk to, I actually waited a month because if I hadnt I probably would have put him in the hospital. Why he did it well he said that he had fallen for her from the beginning and that he tried his best to not feel the way he did. Then basically blamed me because I told them that I wanted the two them to get along, because I assumed that they didnt like eachother because whenever she was around he would avoid her or be very icey. I asked him two questions "who made the first move" he never gave me a straight answer. I then asked him "when it all started". Thats all I wanted to know.

Personally we are no longer in touch, we do some mutual friends but that is it. We do have contact professionally though we work for the same investment firm. But it is strictly a business relationship now, we talk when we have to other than that no.

 

I'm sorry she treated you that way, she needs to learn how to treat a good man. I think you did the right thing in waiting and she doesn't have a clue what a great guy she gave up.

 

Thank you for the advice that is kinda the plan I am on now though I will actually be 29 on Jan 1st. I have actually already have degrees in Finance and Economics, and an MBA from Kellogg School of Management. Well as for career well lets just say that I am one of the people making money in the markets now and once the economy finally turns around I will finally be able to realize my dream of starting and running my own investment firm. As for the workout habits well there is actually nothing better for improving your performance at when trading the markets than exercise according to most people, plus I really dont feel right when I dont exercise.