Divorce and Custody...

He answered. GENDER is not the only determining factor in who is a good parent.

Because you don't want to believe it you don't see what is under your nose. Some men suck and some women suck. Some men are great and some women are great.

You want someone to press the easy button for you and say all boys should be with their dad or all girls should be with their mom. It's not that easy.

 

I read what he wrote but I didn't think that was an answer to who should get the kid.
But in regards to gender it is never taken into consideration and it should. When I made the statement it was under the assumption of all things being equal but I'll spell it out and make it easy for you to follow along from now on JC.:smt023

 

I must say however that some psychologists say that the reason why most black men get into trouble is because of the absence of a father in their lives. Black men are born and begin to face adversity right from the beginning because the system is designed that way. The young black man growing up faces challenges and frustrations in life and he needs someone who has been through it to guide him and advise him.

 

@ chesbay and yrma. If you arent true to yourselves no one will be true to you. If you know what you want from the other party you need to express it and stick to it. both of you guys are being true to yourselves much respect.

cosign and cosign to jay on that

cosign. the thing to discuss would be is he a man. need to define that and define what is a woman. like some one said earlier women need to choose better. why lay down with the dude with the possibility of getting preg and then get mad when he dont man up

 

One thing I found heart-wrenching as I read this, Jaisee, is that you were told by your mother that she wished she had never had you. That is one thing no child should ever hear. That can leave a wound that may never heal. It's a credit to you and the positive people in your life that you didn't let that message destroy you.

I like the way your father handled the situation you mentioned. He chose to trust you, thereby earning your respect and you honored that trust by waiting until you were out of his home to become sexually active. That's the way a parent-child relationship should work in an ideal world.

As you know from posts I've made elsewhere, I agree with the whole subject of gender roles (men and women were created equal, yet different, as human beings and designed to play different roles in society), and I also agree with what you said about the black/white issue.

This was an outstanding post, Jaisee.

As for the argument at hand, my son was 8 when his father and I divorced. Prior to, I was almost like a single mom because of my ex's career (frequent deployments, grad school, etc.) and then I truly was a single mom. My son's contact with his dad for the last 16 years has been limited to 1 week a year (his father lives on the west coast). Despite that, and few other male role models in his life, my son has become a fine young man and I am told that often. He's hard-working, responsible, a gentleman. Would it have been great to have his dad in the home? Sure. But I don't think he is less of a man because he was raised by his mother.

 

I think you have to look to your past to learn, but try to do it better in your future. Never look back, just do what you need to do....

A man, a father isn't only necessray for a boy-child. He is also necessary for a daughter- to experience. how a man should treat a woman-the same for a son, how to treat a woman, or how a woman should treat a man.. at the end all is a question of respect.
Nobody can change what happened, but everybody should try to use his brain. An irresponsible man will never be a responsible father.An irresponsible woman, will never be a loving mother. It's better to have no child than a suffering one, no matter which gender has the custody-

 

You are free to believe whatever BS you want to but if anyone in here questions the things I have said they have the ability to pick up the phone call their local attorney, police department, etc.. and know that what I told them is truth.

 

No sweat but you with that opinion you appear to be a man who thinks fathers are meaningless in a child's life and mothers are much more important.

 

For the record...the Thread I created was meant to discuss whether or not society is right for awarding custody of the children in a custody battle 3/4ths of the time. I am not expressing a game of "which is the better gender", because ultimately that is a warm created by the negative "isms" of the world that only separate the masses. The question, or moreover the concern, is the gender bias in our court systems in America. It's actually pretty bad in the UK and other countries may be better or worse. I should have specified the specific concern and or question as well as the country. My apologies...

 

I actually agree with this.

I can no way teach my daughter how to be a woman. Of course she will learn to be a woman but not from me, she would learn by simply putting the pieces together hoping to get it right.

girl who grew up without father end up not having an example of that man they should seek

boy who grow up without father end up growing up with out an example of that which they should seek to become.

 

it doesn't matter what your original intent was, this is how conversations go. Start off one way...end up another.

 

if you think this...you aren't paying attention.

 

ROFLMAO!

This was hilarious as hell bro.

 

Love who said that a man was ONLY necessary for a boy-child. The un-thinking brains believe "oh shit it means nothing just try to be better in the future" I try not to talk about emotions. We need only look at society and the society that continue to grow.

youth suicides, kids in jail, pregnant teenage girls, highschool drop outs, kids and chemical abouve, kids with anger problems and behavorial problems, run awyas, adults in prison...

...what do they all have in common?

...and how large of a percentage do you think it is.

50? 60? 70%

The reality is....and here is something that blows people away. Children from dysfunctional homes, OUT PERFORM children from homes where not father was present.

The whole "Well staying together only hurts the children" is actually a myth and goes to justify why people either separate on don't get together to begin with.

Think deeper sis.

 

I think there is another equation here that is being overlooked "cultural setting" whilst growing up.

I grew up without a father, born out of wedlock, he passed away when I was 12, I never lived with him as a central figure in my life, but growing up where I did concepts of right and wrong, responsibility and solid core values were driven home at an early age.

The factors that were important to get ahead in life, how to carry yourself, how to be presentable, value of an education as a means to improve yourself.

Probably didn't hurt my mom being in the military had those examples engrained in her and passed it on to me, now that I look back on my path in life. My father was also in the military but lived his own separate life with a different family until he passed away.

Things such as being neat, orderly, disciplined, etc. Little things that add up to the whole.

I'm one of those people that don't like dirty dishes in the sink for example.

 

Regina that is silly almost laughable. Call the police department or an attorney and ask them of a man and woman PARENTS are looked at the same under the gripping stare of the law?

I would laugh, but I truly think you believe this.

 

Lol. Now that's straight forward!!

 

If you said that to say "You can't say all" you are right, no one (at least not me) is saying ALL.

I grew up with my father. Strong, powerful loving man and his teachings and guidance where an example for me. I am not foolish enough (not saying you are) to sue my own personal experience as a sample of how everything is. I must also add that my little brother, raised in the same house with the same father CAN'T STAY OUT OF JAIL.


but if you compare groups

even for your age, your location, your income level. You will find that those children who grew up with their fathers....as a group....our perform and out pace those who did not.

 

lol sis.............the majority of men see an attractive woman and want a hook up. Dare I venture the say that a good number of women want something more and lasting..

....so umm....

....here is the thing each much understand what the other wants. I'll even step out there and say that even good men, strong quality men, upstanding men...who are looking for a long term serious relationship, see an attractive woman in a nice pair of pants or a skirt and think PUSSY.

 

I hear what you are saying, my tale was more of personal life experience, many kids today grow up in a completely different social environment.

Lots of outside influences that can be negative if not countered, which is why I mentioned the cultural environment as well.

Today the media with all of the high technology often has a huge influence and shapes many young people about what is right, important and noteworthy in how to act.

Its gotten so bad that they need two parents and the Holy Father as well to raise a child today it seems.

As a parent you can speak directly on that, I can only go off of 3rd party examples I have witnessed since I am not a parent.