Divorce and Custody...

LOL. who are you george bush ? that is a dumbass statement.

 

yet they want to talk about my snafus posting here and she is fucking up BIG TIME.

LOL. Fighting is overrated but let something pop off and the dude she is dating tells her defend yourself . Im gone. she would be pissed off because the first thing that will come out off her mouth would be " youre a man. u are suppose to protect me."

doesnt matter if a guy is a good fighter or not he has to be able to do enuff to get the assailant to retreat. most attacks will not last more than 1 minute. a gun fight might last 30 seconds

 

Lol sure thing internet tough guy who lives hundreds a miles away from me. But you're right I don't fight anymore since most physical confrontations can be handled by the cops or my mossburg 550, but during those developmental ages knowing how to defend yourself is important.

 

women expect men to defend them. its part of our nature. we need to learn how to fight as a last resort. talking your way out of a situation , avoiding it and getting the police involved is the best and most mature thing to do. the problem is that there are knuckleheads even at 30, 40, 50 and above where you have to throw them J's or put some heat to their asses

 

I'd leave it up to kids to decide who they wanted to go with, unless one parent was definitely an unfit parent and would put children at risk.

As for the whole single mother raising their sons without a father figure... I know it's a different situation there, but it's not as much of a big deal as many make it out to be. When you look at gender roles even today, the man usually works many more hours compared to the women. The women are still expected to do all the house maintenance and child rearing regardless of how many hours she might work.

This could change, if the woman was single, and had to work a lot to provide for the family, but assuming that the couple is still together... how much time would the child get with the father?

With men working so many hours and the mother around more, for the younger ages... how often would the father really be around for the child(ren)? If they come home and it's time for the child to head off to bed, it doesn't make a difference if the father is there or not.

It's only when the child becomes older (doesn't have naps/is not heading to bed right as daddy comes home) that having the father there may be important. But usually, by that age they may be in school or whatever and there's still male 'role models'.

So, like I said at the beginning of the post, I'd leave it to the kid(s) to decide. If they're old enough to decide, then I'd explain that there's no pressure, it's up to them to decide. If they're not old enough to pick for themselves, then whoever can fit the kid(s) into the schedule the best could have custody. I don't think I'd be able to stand being far from them though, so sharing could be easy enough.

That's just my "never married, never had kids" perspective.

 

I understand what you are trying to do and be diplomatic but that wouldnt work because it would put the kids in a bad position. think on it.....
they will think "if I choose mom then dad will hate me " that is too much pressure on a child. it would kill the kid.

 

Yeah, I get that. It could be hard for the kids, but I also said that I don't think I'd be able to stand being far from them. Perhaps if they knew that both parents would be close then it's a bit easier.

It's more in the sense of shared time, somewhat. If the father wanted time with the kids, cool. He could take the kids whenever he wanted, or if he had custody I'd like to be able to take them whenever I wanted. *shrugs*

Then again, the last person I dated wanted 6 kids. With 6 kids, can just go half n half :lol:

 

yeah, I dont mind a woman having custody but dont regulate a dude to every other weekend. why ?

1) when you were with the dude you had no problem with him seeing the kid every day so why not forever after the break up.

2) its easier for a woman to allow the dude see the kid every day if possible. why ? because, she dont have to sit down with the kid everyday doing the home work. she dont have to sit down and make sure the kid is not doing some messed up.

some women dont be thinking about the advantages it is for her to have him see the kids everyday if he wanted to do so.

 

Agreed, definitely seems like it has it's advantages as well. Every other weekend is just silly if the father's actually responsible.

 

LOL..you odn't want a man like me. Right now...after having come out of a 10 year marriage all I want is home cooked meals, lil conversation....but not much cuz I HATE the phone...and sex.

...and to be honest, I can do without the sex. The funny thing is I tell women that UP FRONT. They are like "ok...no problem...that's what I want"

then they are mad cuz I don't talk on the phone much (damn I told you that)
then they are mad cuz I am not phased by sex, or at the end of it I'm like "Weeeeeeeeeeeeeell look at the time, gotta go" LOL...(damn I told you that)

Oh and as far as the men on this forum, that are a couple of cool cats, the rest of these cats are looking for easy white pussy and are hoping to trip over it on the internet. (real talk)

 

You should post more.

 

You are disillusioned...and your blind ignorance is stark. If you truly believe that just because this happened in your limited experience that this is the norm and that men have to fight on the same level as women...

...you are an idiot, ignorant, or a an ignorant idiot.

And in your explanation you just proved yourself wrong.

 

You don't know me well enough to feel bad for me. But yes, when I see a woman does not have custody of her child I automatically think something is fucked up in her life.

 

Man I've been dealing with something have have gone against my natural nature of not appeasing and coddling GROWN ASS PEOPLE. Had to take a break..

....lay down my cape

....let folk fall on their face, with themselves, by themselves.

 

That's disappointing, but probably true. (However, I'm not on here to meet "the one" anyway, so it's all good.) I encountered guys like this all the time when I was online. I was upfront about what I wanted and I was very frustrated when much of what I got in return was guys who just wanted a hookup. There were plenty of other women who were looking for that. Why waste my time when I wanted something much more serious?

 

This turned into a novel.... sorry

My Credentials: My parents split when I was 5, my mother and I moved to Louisiana and I didn't see my father much except for holidays. When I was 12, we moved back to Chicago where my father was more involved with my life.... though still not as much as my mother. I'd see him 2, sometimes 3 weekends each week. He passed away when I was 18.

I'll first say that the ideal situation is both parents, anything less and it is not only the child that suffers but future generations as a whole. Kids do learn important lessons from both parents. While I do realize that gender blurring / bending is occurring in society, one of the contributing factors to it is undoubtedly the fact that many mothers are playing the maternal and paternal role.... which is too much for one person to have to do.

Really, looking back I'd say that my mother was a horrible parent. I'll never forget her telling me that she wishes she never had me or that she wishes she'd died of the leukemia that she survived when I was a baby. Most of the lessons that I learned from her are lessons of what not to do. In other words, I know how it feels to have a parent figure say certain things or treat their child certain ways, therefore I'll do the opposite. On the other hand, my father taught me a great deal of patience and understanding. He was a preacher who taught me to find my own path. I'll never forget when I was a junior in HS... I cut school and had a girl that I was talking to over. This day, my mother ended upcoming home really early and ended up catching us as we were getting ready to have sex. My mother literally FLIPPED. When she told my father, he sat down with me and we actually talked about sex. Though he brought me to get condoms, he urged me to 'respect my mothers roof' and her rules. He informed me that any girl that I was dating was always welcome to his house, that we could go into my room... door closed.... and he'd trust that I'd use my best judgement. The result is that I didn't have sex until 3 years later at 19 when I got my first place of my own. Without a doubt, I can say that my father had more positive influence on my life than my mother.

I realize gender roles (for lack of a better term) are largely frowned upon around here. I don't understand why... men and women are and always will be very different. In our design, we are different.... our physiology is different, neurologically we are different [based on limited research, feel free to correct me here]. It's not a race or a sport where one side is winning while the other side is losing and the only way for the game to result in a tie is for both teams to have the exact same players. The only way to 'win' is for men and women to stop focusing so much on the perceived inequality due to differences and work together. This is not to say that women shouldn't hold equal footing to men in the workplace or any other arena. In the black community, it is not uncommon for a successful black person who is 'well-spoken', responsible and who ventures to do things not traditionally considered 'black' to be mocked by other black people and called 'white'. It's almost like black people have accepted that we are inferior.... that we are limited to rap music and fried chicken. I contend that success is not a 'white thang' no more than watermelon is a 'black thang'. Similarly, success is not a 'career thang'. A black man should not have to become white for equality any more than a woman should have to become a man for equality.

In summary, there are gender differences. Blame god or mother nature or whoever. Boys will learn things from men that would be more difficult to learn from their mothers just as girls will learn things from men that would be more difficult to learn from their fathers. Arguing over what parent is better for the kid based solely on gender is an exercise in foolishness. A two parent household will always trump a one parent household. Anything short of that, you need to look at the parent who is most capable of showing love, affection, patience, understanding, etc.,. etc.,.

 

There's alot I'd like to say in response to this but will have to do so later. I will settle for this one thing: High caliber man, right here, folks. :smt023

 

That's cool and all but who's to say your Father wouldn't of acted the same if he had custody of you majority of the time, stressed the fuck out. I had both parents in my life and my Father didn't teach me shit, it was actually my Mother who kicked knowledge.

 

Well said PD3000
You dodged the over all question of who should get custody but still made very good points. My hats off to you sir :smt023

 

I literally stood up and clapped for a min. Damn that was an excellent post!