DiversityInc Readers Divulge Their Most Offensive Compliment

By Yoji Cole. Date Posted: May 13, 2008


Is a Black person who speaks proper English unique? Is it rare to find an Asian-American or Latino person who speaks English without an accent? Apparently a lot of people still think the answer is yes, according to the "compliments" DiversityInc's readers have received.

"You speak so well" and other versions of "You're so articulate" are still high on the list of compliments that offend our readers most. But others may surprise you; calling someone "pretty" or "skinny" in the wrong context can also be hurtful.

No matter where the receiver is on the corporate ladder, offensive compliments can undermine confidence and create tension in the workplace, regardless of the intention.

So before you praise your Asian coworker on her math skills, take a look at the unedited "compliments" that annoy DiversityInc readers the most:


"The first thing that comes to mind is 'You have such a normal life.' I guess because I am a lesbian it is surprising to folks that my partner and I struggle with all of the same ordinary domestic challenges: Who is going to take out the garbage? Who is dropping off the dry cleaning? With whose family are we going to spend the holiday?"

--Kathleen Carlin

"Don't know how many times I was told I jumped pretty high for a white guy in schoolyard and Army pick-up basketball."

--Andy Reibson

"This comment was made by my white male boss at the time: 'You speak so well. You, and…' (He named three other Black associates)."

--Velma Carter

"I am a Nigerian, through and through … By far, the most offensive compliment I always get is 'You speak English so well.' Or, 'where did you learn to speak English.'"

--Ehis Ojemen


"I have an MBA, speak fluent Spanish and I am an executive with my firm. I hate it when white people tell me how articulate they think I am. I've come to the conclusion that white folks just don't get it!"

--Bruce Young.

"'Wow your English is very good for an Asian.' Although it was flattering to hear this from a white Australian man, now that I think about it, the compliment is quite offensive suggesting that Asians aren't expected to know very good English."

--Denz Reyes.


"You people are so good in math."

--Stella Chin


"Elder white man, (potential employer): 'you speak better than 90 percent of your people.' My response was, 'I speak better than 90 percent of your people as well."

--Aaron Birt.

"'This is Charlie's little Mexican girlfriend,'" as I am introduced. I am 160 pounds!"

--Erlinda Patterson

"One of the most often repeated 'compliments' I've heard throughout my life is that I don't look Puerto Rican or that people don't perceive me as a 'typical' Puerto Rican. I think these comments are somehow meant to be compliments but are offensive because I am very proud of my heritage.

--Dali Santiago


"I used to work for a state agency. One male co-worker often commented how I always wore pants and how I would look good in a skirt. [He'd say] I shouldn't 'be afraid' to wear one -- that showing 'some leg' wasn't a bad thing."

--Samantha Edwards

"'I did not realize that so many people from the south are highly educated' … as was told to me by a human resources person whose company I used to work for."

--Mark Gilbaugh

"You're a credit to your people of your kind."

--Fred Rivenson

"You're very bright. Which of your parents is White?"

--Lisa Azlee

"I recently underwent gastric bypass surgery and have lost 125 pounds. Just the other day one of my coworkers said, 'Who'd have known you were this handsome.'" I didn't know how to take this and I still don't. Was I a hideous sight before losing the weight? Despite being obese, I still believe I was somewhat handsome to start with."

--Chris Williams

"'You are so skinny.' I have a slender build and I have had five children -- four are adults and out of the home and one still in the home -- while having a career. I know they mean well but that compliment is offending. It's like me saying, 'Your so fat.'"

--Veronica Morgan

 

I said this in another thread, but when I grew up we were forbidden to use slang when talking around the house. Anytime my mother heard us using it she would hit us. We would be like: “dang mommy what you hit me for? I aint even cuss”. Her response was: “I want you to learn how to talk like a human being before you learn how they talk out in the streets.”

I used to wonder why she was so adamant about us talking so proper even though we grew up in a predominantly black neighborhood where you had to talk like everyone else in order to fit in. However now as an adult, I realize her rationale. When I go on job interviews, they seem so amazed at how articulate I am and how I speak with almost flawless diction.

Now when I’m around my crew hanging out, I can cut up with them anyway I like. Not to say that my crew is ignorant, but I for one can very easily switch it up from corporate to ghetto on a dime.

And I only have my mother to thank for it.

 

She was a very smart woman Tony. She was looking out for you! A good mom is priceless!

 

To be African American in this good ol' USA means to be versatile.

 

my mother is a great help to me because she always encouraged me to read as a child...and she seemed to take great care in making sure she spoke a certain way around me when I was younger


Most problems blacks have with speaking English aren't related to grammar....all Americans struggle with that no matter how good they sound when they speak....the problem is in how we pronounce certain words:



Football in English = FuBawl in Ebonics

Children in English = Chillrens or Chilluns in Ebonics

School in English = Schoo....minus the "L" sound...in Ebonics

Orange in English = Ernge in Ebonics

Milk in English = Mierk in Ebonics

Basketball in English = Baskybawl in Ebonics

Pastor in English = Passa in Ebonics

Church in English = Chutch in Ebonics

Getting ready to or Fixing to in English = Finsta in Ebonics


Blacks don't have a monopoly on this as every race/culture in the U.S. has issues with the way they pronounce words.....I'm just listing some of the faux pas I've heard most often.

 

This ' wow you are so articulate' line has never offended me. I personally think, people who say this, say it in good faith. Surely, its the intent of whats said, rather then whats said that counts. Many people who say this, I believe are totally ignorant of the ramifications of such statements.So how can people take offence at something that was said in good faith. Sometimes, I think we as a race(black people), can be too sensitive to what comes out of a white persons mouth. Its not unfeasible, that in a few generations, anything thats said to a black person by a white person will be seen as a back- handed compliment...I hope it doesnt get that way.
Just an example: In my university years, I had a greek student on my course.Well, when he first met me he called me is his 'nigga' . After telling him this word was offensive to black people, he stopped calling me it. It was obvious to me he had listened to a lot of rap music and thought it was a term of endearment when talking to black people.Btw, there are not many black people in Greece. He was trying to be nice, but due to his ignorance he could have caused a offence to lot of people.
Yes, I understand the Usa has different racial climate to the uk, but being too sensitive helps no one. 8)

 

Yes sometimes people are a little clumsy when it comes to dealing with others.I remember when J-Lo said the N-word in 1 of her songs it was big on the news.Now people who listen to songs like that may think it's not much of a big deal to use the word.
It also depends on the person who is adressed. Their mentality

 

this is jellybird's bread-n-butter offensive line of the century. I know he views that as an insult, along with other brothas on the boards. I've never had a white person compliment me using that exact wording, but I have had some compliment me on my standards of professionalism. But honestly, just because a person speaks a certain way, does not make them inferior. Some people speak more than one language, and can't communicate as clearly and thoroughly as someone who has been speaking just english, all of their lives. But, even here, you see some people throwing insults because someone's english is poor, yet that person is fluent in Russian, or German, or whatever. The person throwing the insult would be viewed just as incompetent, if they were to try to speak Russian, or German.

 

my japanese roommate listened to a lot of rap music (must be a big thing over in Japan), but he never called me nigga. If he did, I wouldn't have been offended. He was a cool dude, and listened to more rap music than I did. I would understand that he was just trying to be friendly, like when a black dude says it to me. It's not meant to be offensive. It's like when a marine calls a fellow marine "jarhead." Now if someone in the air force called that same guy jarhead, you might see some elbows flying.



In philly tho, i came across some puerto rican dudes callin their black homies nigga. It all depends on who says it, you know. I moved forward a bit, so I don't get too upset over it. Others still do, so...yes..you have to watch where you use it.

 

Cosign petty,

Just a quick question, would you take offense if someone said that to you?(wow you are so articulate)

Wondering if its an American thing...

 

my aunt made a comment towards me, about being articulate (when I want to, anyway...I still speak street sometimes )

I wasn't offended by it..but she made that comment, in reference to "white america" preferring to have their black workers, talking a certain way, when it came to management-level positions.

i'm pretty sure many people know where she was/is coming from..

you don't see too many black people, in high level positions in white companies, speaking thuggish....they usually speak like a white person(a little sarcasm here)...you know...they speak a "certain way." Even if they're capable of speaking another way, they speak "that way."

 

king of queens had a good episode about this...

the woman married to doug, the mail worker (forgot her name, but she's pretty and she's been mentioned here before), speaks with a new york (brooklyn or bronx..one of those areas with italians)type accent..

so..she was going for a management position, and was advised to "lose the accent," and speak with a regular american one, if she wanted the job.

:roll:

 

Petty, didnt make it clear, meant if a white person(assuming your auntie is black here) said it to you(stranger)...Would u have received that comment equally as well?

 

I wouldn't be offended because someone (who was white) made a comment, about the clarity and intelligibility of my speech. Not at all. I would hope that, after my years of speaking english, I was able to communicate to people, on different levels. Some people just get rubbed the wrong way easily. Always looking for something to poke the white man about..



honestly..i'm beginning to think some black people would refute comments, just because they came from someone white, period. How can we move forward with race relations, when we can't even accept something, that they would consider to be a compliment? This is why some white people don't want to deal with black people, period. They don't want to offend us.

 

Couldnt agree more; Spot on petty.

 

I can't recall ever being offended by a compliment received from someone outside of my race. What's ironic is that a few black people I've encountered had a tendency to try to offend me by saying something along the lines of "you look like the type that would date a white girl".

 

heh..

dust it off, pimp daddy

you are now part of the brothahood...

the brothahood of "Brothas that look like the type that go after white women"

:wink:

i mentioned before, but where i work at, it's pretty clear that I like women of all races.. That was pretty clear throughout most of my life...

Sure I took heat because of it, but I didn't let it change who I am..

 

Like you, Pettyofficer-pimp-j, I'm attracted to women of many races. This has been true since I guess high school. I believe those "YLLTTTWDAWG" comments only started in my 20's or at least that's when I first noticed. But they've never bothered me because when I asked the reason they believed that to be true, they could never give an answer that meant anything. The answers were always some version of "I don't know. You just look like that type".


Glossary:
YLLTTTWDAWG: You Look Like The Type That Would Date A White Girl

 

^^figured that out, lol

shit man...all races have beautiful women....

you expect us to keep away from them??

hell naw