DEBATE-Is it okay to hang out with your ex when you are in a relationship?

All I can say that on this topic is just do what you'd be ok with someone else doing and keep in mind what sounds good in theory doesn't always hold true in practice. I know myself well and the idea of someone I'm with hanging with their ex bothers me.
I know we want to believe our exes are our friends but I can say honestly that no woman I've been with is or ever been my friend. They've been there for me and we shared a very intense bond but you don't have the same freedom of your thoughts and opinion as you do a friend. We're usually too emotionally attached for that. Simple comments or actions yield much bigger emotional responses. Think about being in a relationship and your significant other not calling you for four or five days or seeing you for a month or two because they're busy. Its not the same thing.

 

Most of my bfs have been friends first and then become lovers.

I have gone and stayed at my bfs exs house for a weekend. It was no big deal. She is with someone new as well.

I stood in one of my ex bfs weddings and I am godmother to their son. His wife and I have lunch when we can. She came to visit me in Asia without him.

I guess I am a bit different. Love never goes away but it does change. I would never want to date an ex again but I do still care about them, their happiness and their new lives.

I have never cheated in my life and I think that comes across when you meet me. My word is the only thing I have.

 

Cosign and repped if I can. Exactly. I don't cheat - my honor is at stake. I couldnt live with myself.

I also tend to have men in my life who are friends first, and then lovers.

Damn, I have to spread the love before I can rep you again.

 

For me jealousy is just a waste of emotion. It serves no purpose at all. The person who is jealous is...well jealous, and the person to whom it is directed often ends up angry and confused.

If I make the decision to date and sleep with someone it means that I am with THEM. Thats all. No other options.

As I am usually friends first, they have often met an ex simply by being my friend and hanging out.

My current bf and my ex are very good friends. We have all known each other for years. We all worked together.My current bf used to come over to my house when I was living with my ex boyfriend. That was years ago. Why be jealous? You liked him then, why can't you like him now. To me that would just be silly.

We can't select our families but we can select who we invite into our lives. If I invited you in I want to keep you around in some shape or form.

 

i am friends with several of my exes...i think the difference is when you have a really strong friendship...none of them were just a good fuck...and i don't think they thought of me as just a way to get their dick wet...i hear some people here having very blk/wht answers but i suspect that they have not ever had real long term relationships that were more than just getting naked...i talk to my son's father and he is the one that just gets on my last nerve...some of the others i really enjoy hearing about their lives...vacations they have taken...new relationships...etc...it would be very diffcult to give up those friendships...i like them more than a few of my female friends

 

Although I can say I have similar experiences as you - however, that is not what matters - its what your current bf/gf feels (you as in the general "you").
Its not about if we _can_ be friends w X'es or if we never cheat - its about respecting the current partner.
If they don't want that, and it will be an issue - I think that the best thing to do is to not go there.
If the current bf/gf can really handle it, then sure - but I think we are talking general consensus here, not the fact that some people can handle it, most people cant - I'm sure.

 

I hear you FG but for me that may be a deal breaker. I say may because I have not yet come across that situation.

 

This is why you're a favorite around here.

 

Ouch

 

You're a favorite here too needy. I'm going to be in Windsor soon so we can banter with me being a few miles away instead of hundreds lol

 

Needy! When are you in Windsor? And are you coming this way? Huh are you? Are you? I NEED to know!:smt058

 

You are lucky indeed!!! I'm not so sure it would be a deal breaker for me, depending on the current partner... I think if it is a dealbreaker, then the current partner simply wasnt mean to be. ?

Awwwwww!! Thank you hun!!!:smt054

 

Yeah I think after Jamaica. My little brother should be done with the World Games by then and I'm hoping to either ride the coat tails of his success or cheer him up in case it doesn't go as well as he planned.

 

I agree with all this ^ and Sin too.

 

Yes FG it may not be meant to be. I hope I never need to find that out.

TDK will just have to get used to the way things are!

 

so basically, I get to tell my best friend that I am right and she is wrong

 

The person is an ex for a reason and most of the time if someone begins to hang out with an ex when they are not married and is obliged to do that because of kids, most probably he or she is needing attention and that is dangerous.Old flames can be easily rekindled

 

sure its ok to do that.....just wear a bullet proof vest

 

In my last relationship, my boyfriend used to talk to his ex regularly in the first month or two we were going out. It made me uncomfortable and I told him so, and he stopped talking to her.

After we broke up, I called him to say hi one day and found out he was living with his new girlfriend. After the call, he sent me a text saying I'd better not call again because the new girlfriend didn't like it.

Now, two years on, I feel sad that I've lost that friendship.. we did a lot of travelling together and have a lot of great shared memories, and I'm not allowed to ever call him to say hi and know how he's doing... and I think that's sad.

So I've been on both sides. I guess it comes down to self esteem and trust. If you're secure in your relationship, a casual friendship with your ex shouldn't be a big deal.

 

Can't wait till you're in a relationship again lol