Dealing With Conflicting/Mixed Emotions About White Women

I'm sure quite a few black men on this forum and especially here in the U.S. have felt that way and perhaps occasionally do feel this way. I'm not a racist and despite the predominantly negative and unfortunate experiences I've had with American women overall in terms of dating, I personally do prefer to date white women when it comes to American women.


Ever since I got my Master's degree in the summer of last year and have now realized just how ingrained institutionalized racism is in American society, some of the mixed and conflicting emotions I've been dealing with when it comes to American white women have resurfaced stronger and more intense. There are many times most days of the week that when I see white women in this country around me, I just can't even stand them and don't want to have anything to do with them. I think about the countless number of jobs for which I have applied with a vast, two-page resume filled with amazing experience in my field only to be passed over in Corporate America over and over despite interviews that seemed otherwise promising.



I see white women walking down the street who don't even know me, yet they look at me in the eye with such disdain, spite and prejudice. I think about the countless white female students at the private, Catholic university from which I recently graduated who would never acknowledge my presence or even look me in the eye when I walk past them. White women who look at me wondering if I'm even a student there and if so, that I probably got in due to affirmative action, if I wasn't working as a janitor or in the cafeteria like most of the black employees at my former university do. I think about the ones who act toward me as if I owe them something, who walk all over the city with their expensive leather boots, winter boots and jackets, hand bags, etc., walking in and out of H&M and Macy's, etc. with bags upon bags of purchased goods, while I sit there, an educated black man with a Master's degree, unemployed with no steady source of income because of the politics of Corporate America.



I look at them and I see a people who as much as they deny it, are offered an unbelievable and vast window of opportunity from the priviledge of their skin and who have never had and for the most part will never have to struggle and fight as may battles as myself for most of their lves. I think about the cafeteria at my former university, where most white students only sit with each other and barely even talk to black students. People who see me as an inferior being. I think about when I was a freshman and the only black face standing in line in a sea of white students waiting to be served in the school cafeteria. Not seeing anyone there to serve the food, a white female student walked up to me and asked me if I worked there, assuming that because of my race, I was probably there to serve her.



I remember my last job interview around Thanksgiving period last year, when I applied for a position advertized for a qualified candidate with a Bachelor's degree but came in with a Master's degree, submitted my writing samples (which have helped open doors for me at previous jobs-mainly college jobs that I have applied to) and did my best at the interview and left with much hope and confidence until I walked out of the interview room and saw the blonde white woman in her mid-twenties waiting her turn to be interviewed for the same position. I just had a sense that my competition would probably even be tougher than I ever imagined. Not surprisingly, as has been the case with most of my other applications so far, they went with the other candidates.



I have now realized that to get your foot in the door of Corporate America, you need to have a certain look. It's not just about your experience. They want folks who have that "All American look" like the contenders of The Apprentice, which is why they would offer you an interview to see if you would fit in with the people they have in there already. As an elderly black male told me, and I cherish his words of wisdom-he said, "Son, you probably wouldn't have had as much of a hard time if you were a black female. A black female is seen in many respects as a double minority-black and a woman. Also, the powers that be perceive her as much less threatening ." You bet. An intelligent, smart, hard working and educated black male is a racist white man and woman's worst threat. The racist white man fears that women of his race working within the same office might be interested in discovering what it's like to date a black man and he feels sexually inferior for some reason. The racist white woman is his partner and in many respects is even just as dangerous because she manifests her racism in a more covert fashion.



The past year has really helped me see that there are certain positions within departments in all offices be they academic institutions or in the corporate workforce, where a black person, a black male especially, could never, ever get in or be considered. It's so ironic how they all claim on those applications that "we don't discriminate on the basis of race, gender or national origin." Yeah, right.


As a black male from a foreign country, in Central Africa, I have come to have my respect for African-American men increase even way more within the last year. Black men just aren't alowed to win in anything in this country. The system and the people running it are determined to make you fail and you have to put up with so much crap. But it is this injustice and unfair and unnecessary adversity that I think only makes black men in this country stronger. How sad that these racist idiots decide to lump every single black male into one negative category.



In conclusion, I think the lack of humility in the hearts and minds of many of these people who pull the big ropes in Corporate America and even in American society in general, contributes a lot to this close-mindedness and shallowness. When individuals suddenly find themselves in positions where they think they can reverse people's lives with the stroke of a pen, it gets so much into their heads and they get such a high from doing so. They forget that you may be riding high today but find your home foreclosed tomorrow. After having been through so much of this racial and professional rejection, there are times when I just really don't want to have anything to do with white women and white people in general. But my heart has to heal...and I know that I'm better than that. I'm a fighter and I will never give up. By God's grace, he will open up a door for me.

 

1st and foremost, stay positive. We[U.S] really have come a long ways. Yes, there's still a ripple effect from the 1800s-early1900s but things are progressive.

Keep your faith and stay open minded. Your job will be here soon as long as you diligently seek it.

 

Dang. Shaft I feel ya on that man. Once I graduated from school most of my white friends were able to find relatively good employment quickly. I'm going on my sixth month of searching. I also cant help but wonder if some of the same things are going on with me. I also have another circumstance working against me. There is another person by the same name birth date and race that lives in the same county as me, he has Assault charge and one for resisting arrest. I have called the City records people and they say that even though our SS#s are different that he will still show up on a criminal background check. All this compounded on being black is making it REALLY frustrating trying to find a decent job. Like you said Shaft It's almost as If my credentials worthless...

 

without knowing what areas of study your white friends' graduated with, and other factors involved, it's difficult to make a solid judgement. I wouldn't doubt that racism and other race-related difficulties existed, but some majors are more in-demand than others. But, plans like affirmative action were put into place to help us right obvious and accepted practices of flat-out not hiring blacks. That isn't perfect tho. All I can say is to keep trying. Finding something part time may get your foot into the door also, so don't disregard those opportunities. As for me, I was usually good to the people that I encountered in my life, and in turn, they looked out for me and helped me get somewhere. There is an old saying that, it doesn't matter what you know, but WHO you know...and it still holds true in some areas of the job-market.

Developing social networks is just as important as developing yourself, based on merit. But like a lot of societies, "merit" sometimes just is not enough to land that perfect job.

 

Shaft, I'm very sorry. Sadly I can't say that institutionalized racism like that doesn't happen here, cause it does. Especially people with "weird" names have a hard time finding a job. They'll usually not even get an interview.

My BF got a really good education and record as well, and still they'll only put him on temporary contracts. Finding a permanent job is extremely hard.

I've got one tiny advice for you though (got this from relatives who are managers in some fairly large international companies): NEVER apply for a job you're over-qualified for. You won't get it! You might get an interview, but as soon as they realize you're over-qualified, they know you're not really interested- you're just "settling". And they know they'll loose you as soon as you find a more relevant job. Sorry! I know there's no comfort (or even help) in knowing this, but it might save you some rejection letters...

 

That may work in a multinational company but not a ordinary business,besides it different between my country and your country. I wonder if the EU has a affirmative action program?

 

What do you think about owning your own business one day Shaft? For me, just the thought of working for somebody, eight hours a day, 6 or 7 days a week, is nightmarish.

 

At least two of those companies I was talking about happens to be American...so they do follow American "standards". Besides, making money isn't all that different from one place to another. If it economically makes sense to not hire over-qualified people here, it probably does so in US too.

And, yes, the different EU-countries all have affirmative action programs for different groups (women, immigrants, handicapped, mentally ill etc etc)

Anyway, I would believe it's even harder to get a job you're over-qualified for in a small company. The cost of having to find a new employee, train that person etc, is relatively higher for a small company.

 

I know other guys who feel the same..

I have an uncle from Nigeria who runs his own businesses...

I guess the thought of constantly working under someone else, was unappealing to him too..

 

Shaft I feel your pain and frustration but WW are playing the hand they're dealt just like everybody else. You acknowledge that BW also have access to high-paying jobs but I don't see you projecting on to/blaming them. Just keep at it is all I can say, your time will come.

 

Brother Shaft, I can feel for you on what you have and still may be going through. Never quit, never give up. For us black men it will always be harder. Just never give up. True there are white women who are part of the problem, but there are many who are not. If you are ever lucky to find a woman who can help you in your dealings with the world, love her and cherish her because, believe me brother, what a man needs is a strong good woman who will stand with him no matter the challenges he may or will face. Good luck brother.

 

I bet you the same racist employers that refuse to hire Blacks,are the same racist dudes that complain about how blacks are "lazy" and cant get jobs. :roll:
I understand you,though.Experiencing racism in this country,really at times,makes it hard to like white women or white people in general.

 

This is the most honest thing I have read here. While I understand your pain, you cant take out our frustrations on WW or white people as a whole. Because you will meet some honest white people who do judge people based on their merits. Every white person isnt part of the system, although at times I know it feels like it.

Trying to land a job out of school is always tough. and unfortunately, you happen to be looking for a job at a very tough time. I know you see white people driving their expensive cars, happy-go-lucky, and "living the life, and you get angry and maybe a little envious thinking that you cant have that life. But remember that everything that glitters isnt gold. (You have to control those emotions because while it doesnt look like it, there are alot of white people out there who are struggling too.)

While being black in America IS NOT a burden, it is a disadvantage. And as much as white people may have empathy for our plight, its something that they can never understand. We live in a country where the government has to force employers, banks, realtors, and schools NOT to give us handouts, but give us the same opportunity that is afforded to non-blacks. But even with that blacks still face discrimination in hiring practices, educational opportunities, and so many other areas.

You have come to realize what blacks in the US have been saying for the last 50 or so years...racism is institutionalized (tv, radio, sports, etc.) here in America and to overcome it you have to be twice as good as your white counterparts. But there are those who dont see America for what it is and make programs that have afforded blacks an equal opportunity (such as affirmative action) sound like a bad thing.

But back to your feelings about white women. All of them dont fall into the same bucket as the ones who are part of the problem. This forum is a prime example. 99.99% of the women here are beautiful, intelligent, women who I would not hesitate to say are working to make this world a better place. If you meet a special woman...who happens to be white, dont hesitate to make her a part of your life because of what you have experienced or how you have been treated.

You have the right attitude, Shaft! Stay strong and never give up!

(To the WW in this forum...understand that this isnt an indicment of you. If anything, its ladies such as yourselves who restore my confidence in people in general everyday. Thank you.)

 

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Folks, I just want to thank each and everyone of you for your encouraging and uplifting words. I've been away from the computer for a while and don't get a chance to get online as often as I used to do during the week because of my very stressful schedule. My field is particularly tough. I have a Master's degree in Communications and my situation is unique because having come to the U.S. as a student from another country, I will need to find a potential employer who would be willing to sponsor me with a work visa, as they call it. It takes a very open-minded person to be willing to do so and with the mood in the country right now being so anti-immigration thanks to people like Lou Dobbs, FOX News and other conservative outlets, it's even much worse at the moment.


The thing though is that I know quite a few folks from Europe, especially Eastern Europe, etc. who did come here as students as well, but landed jobs and found people willing to sponsor them by the time they graduated. I'm certainly not blaming all white folks in this country for such practices, but the system is unfair to blacks overall. As someone mentioned to me a while back, a woman from Eastern Europe has a 90% chance of being issued permanent residency and a work visa in the U.S. because a lot of the powers that be, particularly if they may be racist, want to make sure that there continues to be a steady increase in the white U.S. population. There is a great chance that such a woman will come across a white male who would want to date her and make her become the mother of his children. Heck, if they already don't like black folks who are in the U.S., why would they want to help black people from foreign countries?


Look at how the U.S. constantly hires and brings in nurses and computer scientists from India, Asia, Eastern Europe, etc.? And there are so many good nurses in several African countries. But if you're from Africa, they put great pressure on you to leave the U.S. as soon as you're done with your studies so that you can't take advantage of the opportunities that may be present. They take your money-foreign students are not allowed to get loans from U.S. universities and tuition per semester costs between $6,000-$7,000 a semester. But then as soon as you're done, it's like, "Go back! go back to where you came from!" It's unbelievable.


Anyway, folks who may want to get in touch with me privately (in case they may have things that they don't feel comfortable sharing publicly on here) can contact me at: frank_thomas_19144@yahoo.com

 

lol..

it's like breaking a guys leg before a foot race, and being mean to him because he can't keep up...then calling him a slow bastard..

if that makes any sense... I tried to be funny here



anyway, continued racial discrimination is a reason why affirmative action is needed. Some white people may view it as unfair, and maybe it is. But we wouldn't need it, if the white people in charge of pretty much every (not all) major corporation was actually fair, when it came to hiring black people. After reading about "job ceilings" and other forms of institutionalized racism ( oh, by the way, supposedly job ceilings don't exist anymore.....righhhhht......), I turned away from blaming us, for not getting to where we needed to be... I started blaming THEM, those major figures in the business world, for causing this mess. If the innocent white people, who had nothing to do with our oppression, want to be useful...stop hating blacks and affirmative action and start blaming those "people," who made our country create affirmative action in the first place.

We can only go so far, and do so much on our own. We need "other" people to clean up their act and give more of us a chance...

maybe they need to stop watching "Menance II Society"



or, just maybe, the minorities in this country, need to start establishing more businesses and corporations and start righting the wrongs on their own.

 

It would help if we were more self-reliant....but when you start a business...you have to go to the banks.....there is a reason why when you go to the "hood"...you see Korean businesses everywhere but hardly any black ones...it's also the same reason why when you go to white neighborhoods....you don't see any Korean businesses.


A lot of Asians are seeing that there are ceilings...they often are more qualified than anyone and yet...they only get so far.


A lot of middle income whites don't realize that it's the ELITE, RICH CEO's/BUSINESSMEN etc...that keep this mess going. The middle income folks think affirmative action in workplaces and schools is costing them opportunities.....causing hatred toward blacks.....blacks are the unknowing diversion....the ELITE's are holding out hoping that working class and middle class whites, Asians etc. don't figure out that the diversion (i.e., blacks) isn't keeping them from getting their slice of the pie

 

Shaft let me give you a piece of advice on your resume do a cover letter and just one page with your school and work experience,I know for a fact no one will read an 8 page resume it is getting put in file 13 the round file, so keep that resume short and sweet because it is easier to digest my man.

 

Very true...having a lot of accomplishments/education is good....but you have to condense it....only put the most pertinent information on there...perhaps the degrees you have earned....and one or two jobs....being a new graduate...they aren't going to expect you to have too much experience at anything though it does help to have some.

 

Re:

Thanks, Injera. I always do a cover letter, it's what at least helped me get an interview for one of the positions I applied for. My resume is two pages, but the experience in it is so strong and invaluable that even potential employers have in the past told me how much they enjoyed reading through it and how vast it was in terms of experience. The fact of the matter is, it's just a double standard. Not every potential employer is fair and open minded. When he or she sits alone behind closed doors, those demons start to reappear and prejudice gives way.

 

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if that's the case...

how you say it..

that's fugging ugly boss....

you seem like a person who would do great for any company..