Dating question for the gentlemen

You seem to know a lot already.

Just deal in honesty and you'll be fine.

Upfront men need to stop being dishonest. Women know sex is on our minds, we know it. Stop being afraid to admit it. Somewhere along the line sex will become an issue in any relationship at the onset. You don't have to be crude or disrespectful, but the topic has to be introduced and dealt with.

 

Jake, there's a pretty simple explanation for what you said. It's called nature. We're all in the animal kingdom. And when you view different species, what do you see? The males are more attractive and colorful. And why is that? Because it's to attract the female. And why do they want to do that? To carry on their lineage.

It's all about having offspring.

Now, that's purely the scientific approach to dating. But, we all know that thanks to the innovation of language, etc, that humans acquired through evolution, we have made the mating dance a wee bit more complicated.

 

For a college kid, you're pretty knowledgeable. I can't speak for anyone else, but I do crave honesty. I'm sure most people do. Be up front with your intentions. You never know what page that person is on....you might strike out, but then again, you might hit a "homerun". :wink:

 

That's the truth. The same can be said for many good women.

 

Agreed! I'm told I'm too nice. That's always an invitation to get stepped on....

Though I've learned how to be nice and assertive now.

 

I don't think it's all about offspring. Women outnumber men. Considering the rapid decline of boys in the world, the roles should be flipped with you chasing us around if it's just about having kids... Unless you think that men alone, carry the interest of human multiplication.

The problem is the men who make like a floor rug to appease some ego of what we've all come to believe a "gentleman" should act and the women who enforce it. I gotta agree with Jake about this whole ritual being flawed. It's our programming that got most guys running around sissified and girls laying around for Prince Charming to come save the day.
If feminist were as interested in equality between the sexes as they claim, we wouldn't need to be playing these dating/marriage/mind games and there wouldn't be a need for that book you've got, Mosh.

The whole "buy me" thing sucks, but all that is is what we have nowadays without all the bullshyt that comes with those cheap ass lines you see on tv. At the end of the day, who knows what " true love" is anyway...Seems like that "idea" is just another ego driven thing. Folks buy the story of what some1 said life is, and then spend the rest of their lives distorting reality to fit that idea.

 

Geez, I didn't buy the book! I only came across it and the statement "you can have me once you buy me" seemed so strange to me that I decided to start this topic!

And true love does exist!!!

 

But here's the thing. My angle is to not apply this standard in my life. Mainly because it's counterproductive to my life. And more importantly to my happiness.

At one time in my life I believe I was like most guys. I felt I had to write poetry, and laugh my way into a relationship. In other words I had to apply all this stuff every other guy did to my life. Which isn't me. It's dishonest.

There's this concept out there women cling to called "waiting for Mr Right" And it's so pompous and arrogant. Like I said earlier. What skills do you have to attract a man?

I want to convey the message that this whole "buy me" concept is a betrayal to women. If all you have as a woman to offer is sex or the implied promise of it being thrown out there to lure us in you're selling yourself short.

Women in general don't have to develop any skills in their lives to get a man. You go out and men basically fall over themselves for the opportunity to sleep with you. That's not nature. Because men aren't allowed to challenge you. Especially in this climate where being a real man is almost outlawed.

Men can't speak their minds anymore in society without offending people. We can't speak to you at work without getting into trouble. We can't be that attractive colorful thing we're supposed to be.

My main point is challenging women I know. To gain an extra option in their lives. Make me want you. Make yourself and your value to me more than just what's between your legs.

Women in society encounter a man. He may be struggling, a so so car, so so house, average job. And they will keep on going even if that guy is a good guy. And there's a natural order to that I'd be happy to explain later.

Now a guy can be Steve Forbes rich and if some woman walked in, had no job, no real ambition in life, no direction but looked good she has a shot. At a wealthy guy.

That's the type of thing I am trying to express to other guys. That it doesn't have to be that way.

 

Ok, I can only share my perspective, which from reading the posts on this thread will be the only one of it's kind. My view ultimately is from a Christian perspective. So if you're not Christian, you probably won't be able to relate. To each his own.

DISCLAIMER: I'm one of the biggest sinners on here and I'm reasonably certain that I've fornicated more than ANYONE on this board. End.

..With that said, if I was very serious about a woman and she told me that she prefers to wait until she's married, I would definitely respect that. 100%. That doesn't me I'll be able to hold out (I got too many players that can come off the bench), but it would COMMAND my respect and force me to put things in perspective.

Marriage is far more than just a legal document, it's by God's design for a man to leave his parents and join with a woman in a union, i.e. marriage. By his will, he wants us to honor our wife/husband as we should honor him. Truth is, when you sleep with someone, you marry them in God's eyes, that's why from a religious POV you wait until you're married. The ceromony and certificate is of a legal nature, the consumation is of a spiritual nature.

Now obviously everyone here doesn't share the same beliefs and that's fine. But now you have my perspective. So if you want to wait, then you should....unless you and I meet.

REMINDER: I'm one of the freakiest dudes on this board, so I'm not the best example of a Christian.

 

There we go! You're very right.

 

There we go! You're right.

 

Yes, absolutely agreed. I would never say that to a man, ever. A marriage and relationships in general should be on equal ground. I'm "buying" into you as a person as much as you are "buying" into me as a person.

 

All I'm saying is the basic ingrained principle of the dating/mating thing is scientific and thousands of years old. But, I will say that the man shouldn't have to do ALL the work.

And there are lots of women out there who don't need jewelry, poetry, etc to know that their man loves them.

Don't ever settle in life for a partner that isn't someone you can live with and who makes you feel like you aren't good enough for them. That's not a healthy way to live.

 

Please explain what you mean by skills? This isn't something you learn in school to be applied. People meet. They're either attracted to each other or not. They either have lots in common and can carry on conversations or not. I don't understand this question.

Meeting a potential mate is like meeting anyone. You meet, you talk, you either have a spark/chemistry/whatever and go on a date or two. You get to know each other better and start to realize how compatible or incompatible you are together. And you either move on and find someone else and start the process over again, or you continue dating to see where it could lead to. It's not hard and the man shouldn't have to do all the work.

If I'm not understanding your question, I apologize.

And if you're finding that you can't be yourself around a woman, then move on. That's not a healthy way to be. You shouldn't have to live up to some standard that the woman sets. ANd if you run into a woman like that, then run away from her. THere are plenty of women out there who don't demand things on a set schedule, who don't demand that every date be beyond perfect. There ARE low maintenance women out there. Find one.

 

"I never seen a 100% good n**ga, and if there is a 100% good n**ga out there, he ain't lookin for yo ass"

- Comedian Katt Williams

That short exerpt was taken from a comedy show I seen, with him in it. He was talking about women who were consistently looking for that perfect man, and how much it irritated him and other brothas. He goes on to mention that most guys are not perfect, and have some flaw, and that such flaws should be accepted, because no one is perfect.

Taking advice from a comedian, may not be the best thing sometimes, but he hit that on the nail. This whole "knight in shining armor/ Mr Right" thing is so overplayed, and needs to be buried. Men have flaws, true. But guess what? Women have just as many flaws, and this prototypical Mr Right, if there ever was on, is not looking for you.

As for skills...

I guess he meant what do you bring to the table. What kind of personality do you have? What kind of work do you do? Just a few examples. To expect some perfect guy to work for you, and sweep you off your feet, when you have little or nothing to offer, is very suspect.

 

Okay, I'll make you a deal. We, women, won't go on and on about our Knights in Shining Armour, if you men, stop falling all over yourselves to get with a girl who's dressed like a slut and who clearly has nothing to offer but what's between her legs. Deal?? :wink:

In all seriousness, though, dating is flawed on both sides. The few spoil it for the many, so they say. And "they" are right. Not all women are psycho b*tches or sluts. Not all men are players or bad boys. The majority of people out there are decent men and women who are normal people leading normal lives, with normal faults and normal problems who are looking for normal relationships.

We all just have to find them and not settle for less.

And not continue to validate abnormal behavior (i.e. players, bad boys, psycho b*tches, sluts) by continuing to date these losers. That's why books like this (to get back to the original reason for the post, LOL) exist.

 

Well first of all. When I say women have no skills to get a man I mean if you look at men we have to develop our social ability, our personalities. We have to be charming, and personable. It goes back to that old hunter gatherer thing. As was posted earlier the flashier more attractive male that makes the best presentation.

Conversely women don't have to develop those kinds of skills. So when I say "waiting for MR Right" I mean that when it comes down to it how many women have those kinds of social graces and personalities to attract the kind of man they want. It's not needed. Simply by being you you can get most men to take notice.

Men for the most part are perfectly capable of loving you for the woman you are. We can treat you with respect just fine. Loving you is the easy part. But also for the most part, to be completely honest we don't like you.

Because of the auditioning process, the things we have to do to attract you, the waiting, and the way ultimately trying to get to know you we suffer from our manhood basically being under constant attack.

Now as for nature men need to understand it's not womens fault for it. It's nature. It's subconscious.

Like I said about myself earlier. I'm brutally honest about things. And I just see these things for what they are. It probably seems like I'm anti woman 80% of the time. When I'm not. Men just need to realize that in the pursuit of a relationship however long or short it may be that they don't have to sacrifice their happiness. Or who they are.

 

kickin' out knowledge again jake...

that's how it feels sometimes..like we have to be at our best and brightest, to attract decent women..

i guess it goes along with the whole idea of women traditionally being pursued by men..

 

Firstly, you do sound like you hate women. LOL! I know you don't though.

Secondly, I have to respectfully disagree. You are talking like women have completely emasculated the male population. Why do you think women don't have to develop any social skills? Who are you hanging out with? LOL! I know not one woman who hasn't developed social skills. You're talking like we're all on pedestals looking down on you guys. That's not the case at all.

You talk about how guys have to "audition" to get a date. When you're talking to a girl and she has the personality of a wet mop, then move on. I have to say that women have to "audition" too. Women have to be charming and charismatic to get/keep a guy's attention.

It's a two way street. If you're thinking otherwise, then you need to get out more. Find a new group of friends. Would you stay friends with someone who has zero personality? Chances are, you wouldn't. They'd be beyond boring to you. Same goes for a potential mate. End of story.

If she wants you to walk on water, then she's obviously not good enough for you. There are plenty of other fish in the sea who AREN'T like that.

 

what??

let me write that again, for the people in the cheap seats...

WHAT??

takes much less to grab my attention...

:wink:

..usually involves the flinging of underwear and a couple of cheap drinks