Chemistry or Compatibility?

Just to give you an idea of what it's like to be on the other side of the coin. Even though I'm not looking for anything serious right now, (because I'm back in school) I have theories in my mind (they are valid but still...) that help me sort of assign probabilities to the likelihood of being compatible to certain people I meet. I don't put much thought into it. It's just how my mind works after meeting so many people that I'm not compatible with. I fear the possibility of being stuck with a certain type of person(s). In other words, I fear the possibility of making a bad judgement call. I don't think about it often, but I can still accept the reality of what it is.

It's nothing wrong with the type of person/people that I'm trying to avoid getting into a relationship with, its just that we would be bad for each other. This probably sounds ridiculous to anyone that hasn't had similar experiences that I have had but it is what it is. I just naturally use my insight to cognition without really thinking about it. It's a combination of knowledge and experience at work.

On the other hand if I meet a woman that's compatible to me, I wouldn't hesitate to settle down, because the more I live a single life, the more I'm at risk for getting tied to the wrong one.

Being single is fun but at the same time it's risky (for me anyway). I'll keep counting my lucky stars.

All this is coming from a guy that's never been in love before. I just pick up on patterns that I would be a fool to ignore.

On the other hand chemistry is more innate and instinctual. Either it's there or it isn't. (At least in my experience)

 

I think things like this can be amusing to consider at times. However, when it comes down to it, it's all theory and often what we may *think* we need/want goes flying out the window when we get with someone.

Then of course we could talk about compatibility and that there are many different areas and levels of compatibility and how that fits with different types of relationships.

 

I have considered this as well. This happens. I don't limit my judgement with theory, but rather use it to build upon. It's not at all absolute. It has limited applicability.

For me it's more useful to rule out the incompatible than vice versa.

 

Definitely.

 

Interesting, the guys first thoughts in here were sexually chemistry... not simply just chemistry overall like the question that was asked. Why must we have 1 tracked minds.



I'm compatible with a ton of women, but I have that chemistry with a very few like my girlfriend. It's a incredible feeling when you can be in a long term relationship but still have that lightening electricity between you two like the first day you met.

 

To be fair, the question was kind of open ended by the OP.
When I think chemistry in a relationship, I'm thinking something more physical and visual.

Something that's happening between two people on a more primitive level.
It's not just sex, but can also be when you're very tuned in to someone else's nonverbal visual cues and communication.

Talking without speaking.

But chemistry can mean two people have a great interplay together, like two vocalists or musicians having great chemistry, or a quarterback and WR with great chemistry in the passing game.

So many people use the terms chemistry and compatibility interchangeably anyway, unless someone tells you exactly what they mean you really don't know.

Being compatible is easy to define.
But you don't know if you have chemistry with someone until that combustible moment happens.

Which is why all these dating sites are such a crap shoot for people looking for actual relationships.

 

True and great points.


I don't think dating websites are a crap shoot, personally I've had great success. I think people in general on dating websites expect far too much but bring even less to the table.

 

You're in a very rare minority kid

 

Same here! Admittedly, I've had plenty of misses on dating websites as well.

Yeah, while I've had some success. I know many who aren't feeling the online dating thing.

 

Define success.

 

:smt033

Spoke and met a lot of interesting individuals, had fun, got into relationships with a couple where we could of easily went the distance if I chose to.


Ive never had a online experience that differed from dating in person.

 

I was thinking chemistry in general. You have the initial attraction which for myself is mostly visual. If there's enough chemistry that gets us moving to seeing if there's compatibility. In my opinion a showstopper can arise at any point.

An example I have... This is a bit crass, but we're all adults here. Some years ago a good friend and I suddenly started flirting and was getting close to dating. She was a bit on the slow track in regards to getting to sex, so I didn't pressure her. Everything had been great up to this point, and then it came... She said to me.... "Any guy I'm involved with sexually must be open to anal stimulation". I've heard about this, I'm not knocking the dudes who are into it, but it's totally a non-negotiable for me. In my mind that instantly made us imcompatible.

 

Lmao. Damn! :smt043

I would have been out too.

 

Damn your good friend had her freaky fetish well hidden from you haha. I've heard that a lot though that women are into that. I think a man should be a man in the bedroom and not be made to be someone's bitch. I guess you salvaged that friendship by refusing backdoor entry. No offense to your friend but i couldn't think of anything worse. Lick only.

 

LOLOLOL!!!

I'm still trying to figure out if she meant putting a finger up there, or was she hoping for something more like....




Not my thing either.

It's so crazy she put that up there like it was her number 1 thing.
I thought she was about to drop she had a prior STD.:smt108

 

Yup! The good part is that we remained friends as that was about 10 years ago. Funny thing is that I attended her wedding 2 years ago. Her hubby seemed cool enough, but I couldn't help but to think... Damn...He's taking that finger in the ass.

Yup! I told her it's only an exit, and totally off-limits.

LOL! You know something... I never thought about that. I guess because I knew I wasn't down with it in any way, shape, or form. Gotta give her props as she put it right out there. Thankfully, she broached the topic rather than simply trying some shit during sex.

 

Chemistry

For me, compatibility is more of a friendship thing, chemistry is more for an intended sexual relationship. Compatibility is nice for less stress (synchronized thoughts and intentions instead of constant questioning) but chemistry has to be there to make the relationship actually seem like it's getting somewhere.

 

That's sounds awesome "synchronized thoughts and intentions instead of constant questioning." That would be wonderful. Where is she? Lol

 

Sounds good on paper but in reality, it gets old. The relationship becomes predictable, you guys get used to each other too soon in the relationship. Then comes the dreaded "maybe we should just be friends?" question.

 

If you are already friends why reduce it to just friends?

So harmony is boring then? Lmao. The only thing that gets old to me is people who lack basic listening skills or the courtesy to give you silence every now and then. I value peace at home. I'll find excitement elsewhere.

The drama is all yours.