Cheaters

This isn't really evo psych. I saw this on national geographic and according to them the way most mammals work is that a chemical is released in females brain when she has sex with a male to create a sort of bonding. I think it also has to do with the fact that males kill the offspring of other males as to not interfere with their own offspring. Logically the variety argument does make sense since we have a drive to procreate with as many females as possible to insure the survival of our genes. Sex is a tool for procreation for women as well but since eggs are far more limited than sperm....
I just realized what site I'm on. Nevermind continue. Men and women are not different and operate the same way.

Hope you feel better boo.

 

There are evolutionary theries suggesting the need for men to have several partners, however there are other evolutionary theories suggesting that women also need to have several male partners (those being that she needs many resources and that she will pick one mate to be a father figure but she will pick others to be producing
the actual children)

You can pick and choose from these and block out what you don't want to hear.

The theories suggesting that both men and women need to have several partners are based upon pure biological drive. The human species has evolved, otherwise we wouldn't be living in houses, outlawing rape nor with holding ourselves from killing any possible threat to our potential mate.

There are also theories that suggest that we are also programmed for monogomy and pair bonding

http://dsc.discovery.com/videos/science-of-sex-appeal-is-monogamy-the-answer.html

Whatever theory,men are not just sperm pumping machines and women are not merely baby makers. People are individuals whose actions and emotions cannot be easily reduced down to a set of rules. People are complex and unique.

Both men and women, in our evolved society, handle their desires and mature people accept that a monogamous relationship with work and commitment, the payoff is more than worth it.

 

I agree. :smt023

 

Reading through the posts in this thread it's seems clear, from my POV at least, that no one is disputing the biology behind why humans would feel the need to cheat, just the psychology behind justifying it. Especially if you are an individual who feels that monogamy is a waste but then proceeds to engage in monogamous relationships. Put the time and effort in finding individuals who hold the same viewpoints on relationships that you do rather than being with & deceiving someone who doesn't just for ego or vanity. It never ends well when you do anything other than that.

 

Well said, Ra! :smt023

 

Great post, Lottie. I think people can be happy in open relationships as well, but it takes a whole lot of work.

 

Personally, I don't see the point in getting married if you're going to maintain an open sexual relationship. JMO.

 

Rather than linking articles, how about we talk about what we actually do in our own lives? Statistics are all very well, but I think most people here are older than post grad(21-26ish is post grad, I think?) and frankly, people lie.

From what I've seen on this forum, at least one of the men here cheats on his wife regularly and feels it works as long as she never knows and that what he's doing makes them both happy, so what about everyone else? Would you, could you, do you, have you?

 

I would never cheat. It's just dishonorable, disrespectful....it means you're living a lie all the time. Every time you look at your partner, you're viewing them with contempt - they are not worth the bother of telling the truth. I frankly don't understand how people can cheat and look themselves in the mirror.

An open relationship, on the other hand - if everyone is happy with it, great. I have friends in CA who met in high school, are in their early 40s and have been married since the end of college. They were one another's first and only for many years. But a few years ago, they decided to open up their relationship and it's working well for them. They have FWB, but only with approval. In other words, he can't sleep with someone she isn't ok with and vice versa. I have never met two people more in love than they are. They totally adore one another, are each others best friend and have one of the best marriages I've ever seen. What works for one couple does not work for everyone - but lying, cheating and dishonoring don't work for anyone in the long term.

 

Depends on the circumstances and what we define as cheating.

Like a woman posted an article on fb about a couple where the woman had a horrible accident that left her bed ridden. The man still loved his wife and took care of her but would go outside the marriage to have sex with other women. Would that be considered cheating?

 

If he had an ok from his wife, no. If he did not, then yes. I don't know the details but it seems to me that "bedridden" does not mean sexless. Disabled people can still have sex. I have a friend who has been a paraplegic for 25 years - she's been married twice. Her first marriage didn't work, but it had nothing to do with her paraplegia. She married again oh, maybe 8-10 years ago and has a terrific marriage and a sex life. Her own sexual feelings seem to have transferred to another part of her body, but she's still able and willing to have intercourse with her husband, and they do, with some frequency.

On the other hand, I have MS, and my future is uncertain. It's entirely possible that I could lose control of my legs (mostly through weakness but also possibly numbness) or any other part of my body. The idea that some guy would come along and decide to take on a long term or permanent relationship makes me laugh. Women who are diagnosed with either MS or cancer are dumped at a rate seven times higher than if the man in a relationship is diagnosed with those diseases. Men generally are less likely to stick around - and since I already *have* MS, I can't imagine a man would voluntarily choose a relationship with me.

 

what i can not stand is when a woman cheat then you hear the whore one dick was not enough and so on

if a man cheat you will mostly hear ohhh who know why he came to that she must be not doing what she have a man have needs and once again the blame on the woman ..
and what the worse is this mostly women will say ..

if cheating bad it is for both ..if cheating ok then it is ok for your partner too
but never been fair anywyas.

 

Well I can see both sides. You keep it to yourself because you don't want to hurt someone you care about and I think certain responsibilities that go with taking care of someone take away from the sexy a bit. I would bath and change the diapers or change wound dressings for a loved one but I don't know if I could see them as a sexual being anymore. I kind of fear the same thing if a woman had my children. Something about the lips that kiss my little babies sucking my dick feels a bit weird to me. But who knows I could change my mind.

Btw I keep telling you know couples that met while the woman had MS and lasted till the end. You truly never know.

 

If you were already married to the person, taking care of them does not change who they are. Cheating is cheating and it's not honorable. If the partner who is disabled is ok with it, it's not cheating - there's no deception going on there. When I had the nasty bone cutting surgery on my knee I was pretty helpless for awhile afterwards, and my then BF did have to change dressings, and help me onto the toilet (so did my son, talk about humiliating!). It was a temporary thing, which might be a difference. It certainly didn't keep him from seeing me as a sexual person. I do think you have an..issue I guess, where you've got a bit of a complex about a woman with children being sexual. At least your own children. But how she becomes the mother of more than one of your kids without you seeing her as sexual is a bit tricky, yanno. I can tell you I've managed to kiss my son as a baby *and* suck a dick as well (not at the same time, obviously).

 

Agreed - in either case we are seeing the woman through the eyes of what society expects - she's to "keep her man from straying," which is total bullshit. Cheaters cheat because they want to, not because of what the woman is doing. A woman who cheats isn't a whore unless she's getting paid for it, but we tend to judge women a lot more harshly for stepping outside the boundaries of "good girl" behavior. Men are studs, women are sluts - that double standard is still in place. :-(

 

That last line aroused me a little. Thanks Trix. You still got it

 

this single woman thing is a western/european contraption

in various countries around the world, it's acceptable for a man to have multiple wives

why frown upon that?

if it works for them, it can work for me

 

ROFL! Thanks! :smt081

 

As long as your wives can have multiple husbands too

 

I don't see how the multiple husband thing works unless that woman is willing to go out and bring home the bacon and take care of the men because in the multiple wife example wife the women are normally cared for. But from what I've seen of the multiple husband scenario the men are still required to take care of themselves.