"But he just wants a visa"

no way, not at all! I was just answering the original post, what if he wants citizenship

 

With the African men I have dated, that was never an issue. Although I have been asked a couple times if I would marry a man so he could become a Canadian citizen.

 

Well I went through this when I dated my second husband. He was from Africa. A Kenyan. I thought he was wonderful but all my friends feared for me and distrusted him. Sadly enough it turned out they were right and I was wrong. All he really did want was a green card and he was very very good at being deceitful to get the one thing in life he wanted.

 

QSSassy,

How can you tell that's just what they want? Ilove my man to death and he lived in Canada for 5 years to go to university...now he is back in Senegal and coming back next year....so I am wondering what are the signs if there are any?

By The way WELCOME!

 

Hi Alessandra :wink:

there are situations in which you can quite tell if someone cares about you (loves you) or not. I'd suggest inventing such a situation to see what he does /says (testing him). It's not nice but if you really don't trust him that much or don't know/trust him in this particular aspect, it's better than
spending 83461984 months or years of your lfe and putting feelings and energy into someone who will only break your heart.

 

Well for me, I couldn't because I am too trusting, or at least I was. So it was easy for him to fool me. And then because I was in 'love' I was happy to help pay for his visa and attorney, etc etc etc. It was not until after our wedding that the real person came through. To be honest, I think he could have kept up the fake front for a long time, as long as it took to get his Green Card. Looking back, there were no signs. Nothing that should have told me to know he was being deceptive. Eventually lies and double stories came through, but it was long after we were married.

The only thing a person can do is take their time to get to know someone. Try to use your instincts with your rose colored glasses off. If friends are untrusting ask them why? and seriously listen. If they can only say because he is from Africa, that isn't good enough, that is them judging w/o a valid enough reason. But if they get to spend any time with him and have something to base those doubts on, at least think what they have to say through.

I'll tell you, I knew a woman who married a man from the Philippines. He seemed like a nice enough guy. We all met on a discussion board not so unlike this one but with another theme to pull us together. He and I talked now and then but I really wasn't looking for more than friendship with him. Well eventually he and another friend from there Annie, married. She went there to the Philippines and married him there. Then the US would not just let him come back with her. There was a great amount of red tape so after 2 months, she had to go home (that was all the country would let her stay there) and she sat here sad and missing him and ironically died of a heart attack. He was finally allowed to come to the US for a short trip, so he could make funeral arrangement with her family here. Would you believe that man called another 'mutual' friend of mine, and didn't realize that she knew he had married. He was acting like he was in this country just for a short visit to see friends and hoped she would hop on over (from Cali) to Michigan to see him. (roll eyes).. forgot to mention he was there for his wife's funeral! Nope.. he was out looking for another chance to move to the US.. no time for mourning.

 

It's not only Africans who are insincere people from other cultures are too, the INS folks call such union "sham marriage" it's against the law. My question for the ladies is if you have such weakness for African men why don't you seek the ones who have papers as opposed to the ones who don't.

Moshihunter .......... :smt063

 

Well I am glad I won't have to go through all that visa junk now...since that guy is history....and I don't think I would ever date a man from that far away ever again and who I would have to try and bring over. My advice for the women who want to do that: generally it isn't worth it. There are going to be exceptions to this rule but now I am sticking to North America.

 

Personally my advice is as long as people take time to get to know someone well, that is the best way for success.

Just like we hear stereotypes about our races, we hear stereotypes about other things like those from other countries.

There are going to be those who are not honest and those are the ones we hear about and then can judge others by. But there are also many who are sincere, are exactly who they are and honest about why they are interested.

If one takes the time to get to know the real person, they will have success. Those who are not honest, well their true colors will show through over time.

 

i've always wanted to live somewhere like FL.. sadly i'm stuck in london

 

Im not too sure if there are too many White women who go on holidays just to have sex with the local guys. It would be easier and cheaper at home.
We might just want a break in a sunny climate and spend time on the beach.
Of course, if you are young white girl lying on the beach in an African or muslim country, you will inevitably get chatted up by the local guys who wany to show you a good time.
I wouldnt assume all of them are just looking for a visa to Europe. This is the stereotype - we want cock and they want a visa ! These are attitudes you get all the time from white guys who dont want to see uis with black or arab men.