BM who isn't the stereotype. Decent story :0

This is my first post here, and everyone seems to be very cool and open here, so I decided to join the party! I have seen people here in their 50s and some as young as 18. I am in the middle.

That being said, I grew up in Boston during the 70s-80s in a hardscrabble black neighborhood in Boston. I was basically lower middle class. I was a black kid living the life of any normal black kid there. It wasn't awful. By high school years, I had a very nice Irish girlfriend from an adjacent neighborhood. We went through most of high school years together, on and off. But then the drug epidemic and gang warfare started and I the dilemma started.

I really became ashamed to be black, because I didn't want to be represented to other people in other neighborhoods that I was just like "THEM". My girlfriend was going through it too with me, because she was being accosted by black guys.

I was LUCKY because I was smart, and other than a couple of incidents, I was left alone by the gangs and the toughs to do my thing, and my thing was to go a prestigious medium sized school outside of Boston. My high school was mixed. A tough academic school, but also a school of hard knocks. It was rarely about race, so we basically all got along.

I go to college, and my world changed. I went to a school of 4000 undergraduates and only 80 were black! The money there was unbelievable! My first year was hard, because the guys despised me for being there, but I took to the white girls quickly as were so interested in me. Not enough to go to bed with me, but I was always around them.

My second year, the girls broke down, and the white guys begrudgingly respected me. The third year, the girls were still there, but the guys turned on me. My senior year, I commuted to get my degree.

But here's the thing: I had changed when I went home, and I didn't know who I was anymore. I always spoke "King James English" with a knowledge of the slang, and now I couldn't (or wouldn't) speak slang anymore. I was derided by those people who WANTED me to go to school, saying I was a sellout. Did I really? I went through this AM I really black, am I really white thing. I've always lived in the middle of both worlds. I am a black guy, but talked white. I'm black but have ALWAYS gone with white women. I listened to Public Enemy, but listening to PE doesn't mean anything. You know what I mean.

By 25, I lived with a few white kids in a roommate situation, and I even dated a black woman for a bit, but she left saying she didn't understand me (basically why I was hanging with these white kids, and why I wasn't black enough).

Fortunately, at 28 by happenstance I met the girl of my life, Donna, from Northern Ireland. I was drinking at a bar and one of my white friends who knew me well asked me to give her some company. Within two hours, we KNEW. We were making out all night.

She told me right then and there she had to go out with me. I told her I wasn't sure, she was only 21 and I had a maturity thing on her. I had seen a lot. This is what BLEW me away! She said well, you're Prostestant and I'm Prostestant, what's the problem? She never mentioned about the black thing! I'll never forget that. I was the only black guy in the bar, and some white guys were openingly staring at me. Obviously European, and not being around a lot of black people, and myself being from Boston, I told her what was coming, the comments behind her back, the comments in front of her. I warned her, but she was ready to go with me. Her aunt was there that night, and although she had known me for three years, basically DID NOT like this union. She basically told me that I was not welcome to date her niece. We went out the next day anyway and consummated the union at my place!! So, booyah!

We spent the best nine months I ever had. She was so perfect for me and we ran around Boston all around that time. My friends were three black guys that all had white girlfriends and/or wives. I wasn't race-conscience at that point with my friends as I didn't even realize that all the spouses were white. What a good time. Unfortunately, Donna had to leave and go back home, her Visa was up, and I wasn't ready for marriage, and I wasn't living in Nothern Ireland, she didn't want to live in America for the rest of her life. So I let her go.....

During the last ten years, I've dated some white women, but it's getting harder, because it seems single white women are too settled in their lifestyles, or aren't as open here as they used to be. The younger girls (25-30), tend to be too superficial. I have my eye on one girl from work that I've taken out once, but her family seems scary. Now, being a working professional, it's extremely hard. But I'll keep plugging away.

I'm sorry to babble on with my life story. I work for a non-profit around 50 people. I am the ONLY black person there. Has it affected me? No. It is in my subconscious? Once in a while. Am I accepted by my co-workers? Absolutely. All I can tell you is that at 38, I am what I am, I can't change my skin, I can't change how I was brought up. I'm me. Love me or leave me. I may be mocha colored, I may be called a sellout by brothers, and some outside the work white people, but I am comfortable with myself, and white women don't tend to mind it.

Sorry about the long post...I hope to be talking to all of you!

Peace!

Black Tiger

 

That was a good post.

I’ve been called a sellout once and do you know why??
Because I went into a grocery store in my “old” neighborhood some years back wearing my “corporate uniform”.
I guess the idea of a black guy in a suit who was not a cop means “sellout” to some people.

Anyway I digress… Welcome to this site.

 

Did you lose tough with Donna when she went back to Ireland?

Welcome to WWBM!

 

Be patient there are lots of women who'd love to date you.

 

Haha, you're my hero man.

 

Thanks for all the positive posts! It's going to be fun to be around here!

Nice to meet you Sassy!

Thumbs up to Jodie and Alessandra. Jodie is a fox and I adore Russian women, who aren't as closed minded as you think.

My co-worker left early this year, from the Ukraine, but her daughter is already dating black guys, she's totally cool with it.

I shouldn't have given out Donna's name, whatever. But what I realized while that she was young, fun, energetic, she DID use me for her own purposes, which is fine, I understood that coming in. That bar I talked about, one of the bartenders came to me and said, "well, she is only going out with you because you're black." I replied, "You don't think I KNOW that?" But we really dug each other. I was the first black guy she had, and she wasn't complaining. Out of all the American guys out there, and all the guys from Ireland that live here, and all the American Irish (who aren't that friendly here.), she chose me. I was kinda flattered.

I also dated another Irish girl four years later, a Lindsay Lohan knock off (I don't know why, but I am fascinated by redheads.), she was young, but very bright, the love connection wasn't as deep, but we became very good friends and occasional lovers. She stayed with me and my roommate at the time for a while. Her friends totally supported us.

Now we come to my mom. I moved back home recently to take care of her. She says that she doesn't care who I date, but I don't think that's true. Whatever. I date who I want. When I was 15, and she met my high school girlfriend for the first time. She was not very enthusiatic. I told her straight up, "I date whoever I want, and if you don't like it, that's YOUR problem, not mine." When I went to college, she asked why didn't I stick with that nice girl. So things change. When I started dating other white girls in college, she said " I don't understand why you don't date black girls?". I said, " You sent me to this college with no black people, who ELSE am I supposed to date?" Well, I really didn't date them..if you know what I mean. Hey, I was young! It was much fun! I still have long lasting friendships with a couple of them. It's strange to say it now, but the academics was bar none, and I really fitted in there, despite the race. I wouldn't have gone anywhere else. I opened other people's minds to things, and they opened my mind to things. It was a tradeoff. Opinions about race, culture, class, money. I don't think I would've got it anywhere else.

Enough babbling today. Thanks for the great welcome. And ladies, I will be talking to you soon. More anecdotes to come. I have a LOT OF THEM!

8)

Edit: Sassy, I was going to do a long term relationship with her and was going to go to Belfast, but I didn't have the cash to go, and I didn't know if I was going to like the culture shock. She told me on the phone that she was moving to Dublin. Knowing her, that was a lie. She had her fun here, and living her REAL life over there. Which is fine, LT relationships are hard anyway. One of my co-workers overheard me on the phone (yes, I called Ireland from work) and asked me what had happened. I said, I think we're done. And we were.

Black Tiger

 

Here's an oldie but goodie..

When I came back from school, I see a 16 yr-old in a variety store that I grew with and some of his friends...

Conversation:
friend: Yo, BlackTiger (that's my psuedonym), whassup?
Me: Hey, how are you guys doing?
<crickets chirp>
Me: I mean, whassup dawgs?
friend: I see you sold out, yo, BT, give me a dollar.
Me: I don't have a dollar to give to you.
friend: Well, I got money.
He shows me 500 dollars in 20 dollars at a time.
Me: Well, I see what you've being doing with your time.

Long story short: He was drug dealing all the time I was gone. He got arrested two weeks later and sent to juvi.

Do you see what I had to deal with?

These kids fit the stereotype, I didn't.

Black Tiger

 

I think just giving out her first name is cool.. its not like you posted her picture of gave her whole name

 

Thanks, Sassy. I don't want a now obsessive Northern Irish girl to find me talking smack about her and calling her American Irish friends to do me in.

I'm only playing. I really don't care. What's done is done.

Black Tiger

 

lol.. well you know what they say about the Irish and their tempers!

Just kidding.. One of my close friends from another board is from Ireland.. totally cool person and her man is black too.. I'm waiting for them to come to the states to visit soon! We're going to try to meet in Vegas!

any way.. I appreciated you sharing your story

 

I could sugarcoat it and say good for you for being different, but you're still single and getting older. Do you ever feel like you're forcing it?

 

Good question! No, I don't think I am "forcing it" so to speak. I am attracted to two white women right now and I have dated one of them. One is my age and one is thirteen years younger (the one I dated). The younger one said to me casually that she liked older guys. This is a work in process, I am going to end up with one or the other, but I have to see how it all plays out. I think I could end up with either one.

This is hard to type out without being narcissistic. The older one I get along with but no experience with BM and average looking, but she does like me a lot, and we do have a lot in common. The younger, mature for her age and lives in Boston, really is her own character, she is a lifer (she is a Bostonian for life) so I understand her. Good looking girl.

I still get play, but my question is at my age is how am I going to play it? You're right, no reason to "sugarcoat" it.

Let's see what happens in the fall...

And age is truly a number, just don't bring loud college girls around, I don't want to hear the noise.

Peace.

BlackTiger

 

I don't understand what you mean by "black man who isn't the stereotype." Correct me if I am wrong but are you suggesting that your upbringing in mostly white environments like school, college, whatever keeps you from being a stereotype?? Feel free to correct me.

 

Miss Jenkins,
I can not speak for anyone else but I believe he means the old "black men are unemployed, in jail, in gangs, selling drugs..." stereotype.

I may be wrong but that's how I see it.

 

You're not as enthused for the older woman as you are for the younger woman. Which of the two have you known the longest? There are some good reasons for me asking you this.

 

Hey Justin.

I've known the older one longer, but I like the younger one better. The older one may be the safer choice, but she gets uncomfortable in situations. The younger one is unflappable. You can't faze her. And she is from Boston, went to the same high school, knew all the teachers I knew, we click. She is a little rough around the edges, I am trying to smooth those edges out. I like the woman my age, but I don't think she is willing to go through with it.

But both gave me a hug today. I had a bad day at work and they both gave me love. At the end of the day, I am going to go with the younger one and take my chances. We'll see.

In regards to the people who wonder about the "stereotype", c'mon you know what it is. I CRINGE to watch BET now (videos). Thug life shit is so played out, but when you put certain things out to the media, people believe it. But when I grew up in the 80s in the neighborhood, this shit was real, a little too real. I've been jacked, I've been at gunpoint and at knifepoint and I've seen people get shot. So call me jaded. Some or most of my teenage friends are/were in jail. In reality, a lot of the people in the hood never had a chance. Not a chance. I was totally lucky. That's why I started this topic. I could have easily went the other way, but didn't, and tried to do the right thing. AND, I mostly dated white not to look for a piece of ass, but for truly meaningful relationships. It's what I like. I always have. That's my thing.

Peace out.

Black Tiger

 

I figured you'd say something to that effect about the two. I've seen this before.

About the thug thing ... black men can still be manly without acting like a thug. I've seen many manly black men punk out thugs. And another thing ... all of black women don't go for thugs. There are those who do, but that's not all. In fact where I'm from the majority cases of interracial couples are white women with low down lazy thugs, but I won't put it in my mind that all of white women only go for thugs. Do you understand me?

 

I hear you. I think that you understand what I'm saying. It seems sometimes that white women perceive you in a certain way, and then they are pleasantly (or sometimes unpleasantly) surprised that you aren't that way .

That's all I'm saying..this thug shit is done, it's 2000 and fucking six, let's all grow up and be men. It's so tired, and I don't know if it is because I'm going to be hitting 40 soon, but I'm really impatient nowadays for people to just grow the fuck up.

Black women look at you in two ways, and this is just my experience and I may have said it before, they like you for being hard, or they like you because of your bank. I’ve got this guy, what can he buy me, a house, a car, take care of my kids although none of them is his. I got neither.

White women like you because of you. Yes, white women like guys because they have bank or they are thugs. White women like me because I am articulate, speak my mind, pull no punches, and like them because they are themselves. Believe me, if I find a white girl, and she is stuck on herself (and I found that at a party a couple of months ago), I’ll walk. Keep it real, or screw.

Peace out Justin, I’m sure you’ll have more to say.

BT

 

Needless to say but some to whatever degree but not all

I think it is and is not a trend to whatever degree. It just depends on the person.

And congratulations on turning 40 - It's a blessing to be alive that long. A lot of people don't live that long.

From my experience there are more ways than just two

Needless to say but some to whatever degree but not all

 

Interesting post