BM/BW vs. BM/WW

No reason to complain about "access". But then some people would rather complain than have what they want and need in life.

It's not like it's any big secret. If you are interested in a particular type of person...then go to where you would find that type of person. Place yourself in that environment. It may take some work. I mean if you are interested in a specific person...find out what interests them.

That reminds me of when people complain about that they keep meeting drunks but they keep going to bars to meet people! (???)

If someone really has a thing about wanting a basketball player...they probably aren't going to find many of them out on the farm - you know?

It might be good to take a look at one's expectations and see if they could live up to the same standards they place for someone else. If not...might want to do some work.

 

I think that no matter who you end up with it's a choice. Maybe someone marries a man who travels a lot with his work and is rarely home, maybe he's in the military, maybe he's disabled, maybe he's in the public eye and there are those who do not like him. Everyone has whatever issues they have in life. Some are things that they were born into and some are things that came along through choices they made or by life's happenings.

Sometimes in some ways I think it's easier for me as a ww living in this life. Not maybe for the reasons that are obvious (white privilege etc) but more because I made the choices that I made. While I may not be able to control who I am attracted to, who I have fallen in love with...I am able to control what I do in regards to that. I know fully well every day that I made the choices that have me where I am today. I know fully well the obstacles I may face because of my choices.

A black man is born into being black. He did not choose that. His choices are simply about how he deals with what he is faced with. So we may end up sharing all sorts of hardships together....but that's a choice we make. Some things may be easier for that black man because he is with a white woman...other things may be much more difficult. Hopefully both parties are aware of what they are getting themselves into and are strong enough individually and together to deal with it.

You mentioned "sub-culture". I think as we go along in life we can box ourselves in to all sorts of different groupings. Single, married, with children, without, with young children, with one child, with many children, kids going to this type of school or this type of homeschooling, this type of parenting philosophy, education, this type of career, this type of religion or belief system, this type of recreational activity. For some that places them in many more groupings and they will widen their circles. But, for sooo many it becomes more of a way to exclude, and it becomes so narrow that it would be very difficult to find anyone else on the planet that fits into the specific box that they are using to define themselves.

I do notice that other IR families tend to gravitate towards us...I think it's a natural tendency. And of course we are able to share similar experiences.

 

...some Chinese ideograms on one side and dragons on the other?

Sorry, I'm bored and I know you said every coin.

I see the url to that image says "witchcraft-supplies.com", how are those witchcraft supplies? (I'm just talking to myself right now, btw, because I'm bored) Gr! Well, they look like those coins they use in I Ching. I guess divination is witchcraft? It's funny because "you" don't have to be a witch to divine or divine to be a witch :smt014. I'm going to that website and e-mailing them. Witchcraft supplies, LoL. Those are not really witchcraft supplies. Witchcraft supplies are stones, shells, sticks, herbs, seeds, flowers, feathers, candles, an altar, etc. Stuff from nature. Depending on what "you" are doing, unless "you" are a phony ass witch. All kinds of stuff. Still, not necessarily those coins. I can't think of an instance when a witch would use them. I will have to go see what they say, if anything, I guess. Okie dokie. Maybe later. I might go to sleep. I am sleepy. I don't know. No. "You" know, I almost decided to become a witch once. LoL, a Wiccan married to a Muslim. Oh that would be great. That was years before he decided to do that though. My man and I are having a contest to see how many "inters" we can get. Interracial, interfaith, etc. Okay, this isn't a blogging space. So I will shh. Sooo, moving on...

 

Brothas have to stop carrying on as if being black is some sort of inherent curse. I love my white sistas (and of course my black sistas) but I'm content being the loveable, short and dark man that I am...I can't really envision myself being anything else (maybe six inches taller..LOL!).

A woman is just a woman; the whole dick showing contest about "Don't just date a WW but date a hot WW" is silly. It implies that you don't pursue women for their own merits but rather for their potential to raise your own social status with your homies. Have some balls and grab what you truly desire...don't chase after women just to say "Hey, I nailed that big-breasted blonde chick with no ass and that is my type because I only have sex with the finest of the finest WW." Everyone is too busy trying to be slick and play games pretending to act like they are some sho' nuff real pimps when they're just squares PRETENDING to be pimpin' (this goes for guys and girls).

 

On a side note Wicca is one denomination in Paganism. Diana and I became Wiccas and the because she is Italian we became Streghas. You know Southern Baptist, American Baptist, Free will Baptist, Presbyterians are different Christian denominations. Devination is very popular and so maybe a Chinese or Korean Wiccan might use these for devination or just someone that likes Asian things.

 

Perhaps. They are pretty neat looking.

 

As usual, Chosen - you make a good point.
And, of course, this is the crux of the whole issue - even of dating in general, I think.

 

:smt023As usual, a thoughtful and real-ass response from Chosen.

 

Preach!!!

 

If you decide to date anyone outside of your race whatever you and your partner may be, you are gonna catch some slack from somebody. Its scripture. People live in the past, and some have a problem with IR dating. But do what makes you happy. Don't conform to society if you feel your ideal mate is lets say a WW. Never go unhappy because someone told you its the right thing to do. Think for yourself, and fuck who you please.

 

Correct me if I'm wrong, but a white woman who has a preference for black men doesn't get the "self hate" label, whilst a black man that has a preference for white women gets his sense of self questioned, even by white women. This is an unfair double standard.

It is possible to be able to prefer women of another race and still find those of your own race attractive. I've heared comments like "you must find your mother ugly if you choose to date white women", absolutely ridiculous.

Freinds have tried to put me off using every trick in the book, "white women have flat butts", "their families will hate you", "all of them are racist, it's only a matter of time before they show it", "who will do your daughters hair", "they age terribly", but my favourite one is "you should keep your money within the black community". However, I remain resolute in my dating preference.

 

Excellent

 

This brotha brings up excellent points. I didn't think about it myself, at least not fully. For the level-headed brothas, why are they accused of self-hate when they have normal/healthy relations with any other bw, they just happen to be involved with ww or are exposed more to ww...whatever may be the case. Why the double-standard?

Input anybody...??

 

well, I'm not a brother, but I like to think I'm level headed.....
i can only assume that, as an identifiable minority group, and due to the lenghthy and no so great history for black people in America - that these things tend to forge a strong sense of belonging....ie - the hard times make people band together.

For some, this is extrememly important and they themselves would feel like they hated part of who they are if they chose to date outside their race...and they probably can't fathom why anyone could or would do that. Other's probably do have issues and use it as a slogan to cover for their own personal emotional failings.

I guess, at the end of the day, some people can't forgive the past that easily, and some can't seperate slavery from race and individuals. Understandable. Especially for the older generations.

Just hypothesising.

What might be interesting to compare is the reaction of a group of white people in a similar position (if you can find one). I don't know anything about the Jewish community - but they don't seem that against dating outside the race/faith. I could be wrong though....

 

Very interesting and thoughtful response FEHG. I'd like to think as individuals and a people who have suffered such attrocities as we have in the past, would hold tight to that history and forge a more progressive brand of humanity. However, bitterness is a human flaw and too often people allow their bitterness to dictate their actions.

 

I would like to think that also...not just for people who've suffered attrocities - but just all people. But the one conclusion that I've come to of late is that people are people....and we have many flaws. It's all well and good to say "oh, well - if this was the case....then we could do this". Yes - if everyone was truthful, loyal, etc - the world would be great. But they're not and never will be....People will always find ways to hate others or situations. Race is an easy fallback, because it's been acceptable for so long as is now ingrained in societyn to a certain extent.

IMO, there's no point wondering why people do things...becaue nothing will change the fundamentals of society...at least not in our lifetime. So, it's best to accept things as they are (to a certain extent - and I'm talking high level stuff here - like hate, discrimination, etc) and plan accordingly, but always forge on and do what you think it right in any case.

Hopefully that made some sense. Just woke up!