Black NFL Baller & Wife Adopt White Child

And yes I have never walked in the shoes of a black person but you havent walked in the shoes of a white person either.
So the statement about the baby having biological parents who are well off is a theory of you.
You dont have a clue.
There are plenty white people who struggle to be able to pay rent and feed their kids.
No vacations,no expensive or even no gifts at all,no clothes by any famous brand.
Poverty is not the monopoly of ONE race and most kids that were given away by their parents to get adopted by others wouldnt have any luxury in their biological family.
So I also tell you: You have not been in the shoes of a white person just like I havent been in the shoes of a black.

 

Almost daily the TV here reports about kids being mistreated,abused and even killed by their parents

See the following link:

http://www.iht.com/articles/2007/12/13/news/germany.php?WT.mc_id=rssmostemailed

Many of those parents are in a bad financial situation.
Now some parents are at least human enough to give their kids away or the youth welfare department takes them from their families to find someone willing to offer them a better life.
So don't those kids deserve a happy home only because there are other non-white kids out there who were also given away or taken away from their families?

Kid is kid and children are our future.People shouldnt always have to justify why they adopted a kid of a particular race and not another.

I see it with the celebrities. People make speculations and no matter what they do it's wrong.
There will always be people who want to find evil motives and if there aren't any they come and interpret and make assumptions.

Not everyone makes a color issue out of everything and act due to the harm they see.

 

In all three of your responses you failed to answer my question about Xmas presents, why is that? Please, could you answer my question? While you are at it could you point to any of my responses that stated all white families are rich or are in a good financial situation because I never stated that. However you would be naive and a liar to believe that most white folks aren't in a better financial situation than most black folks, or have access to better schools, live in better communities and generally are afforded more opportunities simply because their skin is white. This is the reason why I don't have to be white to know what it is to walk in your shoes, all my life I watched the shoes white folks in, those shoes have led to

Most businesses being owned by someone white.
Most company's, the CEO is white.
Most promotions were given to someone who was white.
Name a pro basketball team owned by someone black?
Name a pro baseball team owned by someone black? Name any pro sports team?
Most auto dealerships and franchises are owned by someone white.
Most law firms owned by someone white?

Those are some nice shoes you walk in and your skin color allows you something black folks have to kick, claw, scream and work twice as hard for and that's a chance and or an opportunity to shine.. That list above because of the money involved will allow the children of these owners to participate in. Tennis clubs, Golf clubs, sleep away camps, trips to Europe, Asia and the Caribbean during spring break. These are experiences and lifestyles most black children won't have. I had a wonderful childhood, but it was modest. Yes black folks are making end roads but we're far from equal. This is why I disagree and cannot understand why a successful black couple would rather give a white child the life she or he will have when that could have been given to a black child. Look at it this way it's yet another white child attending Harvard, Brown, Yale, Columbia, Cornell, Dartmouth, and Princeton instead of a black child.

Be-you-tiful86 I do want to thank you though for sharing your thoughts on the subject it's not easy to defend your position, these kind of exchanges though will lead to a better understanding amongst us. I also understand that you reside in Germany and all ethnic backgrounds there may be treated equally so your POV is skewed towards your experiences. What I am conveying in the life in the US....

 

Name a pro basketball team owned by someone black?

Charlotte Bobcats

Name any pro sports team?

There are Black minority share holders in the Minnesota Vikings and numerous other teams.

Most auto dealerships and franchises are owned by someone white.

Reggie Jackson and Hank Aaron own large auto dealerships.

 

As an adoptive mom I couldn't let this one go by.

I think there is a very limited understanding going on here. From my understanding...this was a private adoption. This is a situation where the birth parent(s) chose the adoptive parents. It's not anyone else's business as to who the birth parent(s) chose to be the adoptive parents. As long as they have an approved homestudy and follow the guidelines in their respective state(s).

Birth parent(s) should be empowered to make the best decision they can for their child. I think it's a very limited view to think that this or any other IR adoption is about wealth. No one has any idea what this birth mom's (and birth dad if he was involved) motives were. She may have wanted an open adoption with people she knew about. She may have wanted all sorts of things for her child...there is just no way of really knowing.

I will agree that there are all sorts of issues with in the adoption world. And some of it is about money...but not in the ways many would think.

I will also agree that there is a HUGE need for adoptive parents for black children. 40% of the foster children in the US are black. That's the foster system. There are many private adoptions every day for black children. And unfortunately there is a racial hierarchy in adoption. I don't like it, I didn't create it, but I sure as hell know it exists.

I know about all sorts of things that go on in the adoption world. I know about black couples who tell agencies they want a biracial child ..the lighter the better. It's just like anything else out there in the world - there are all sorts of different reasons that people do what they do.

Now, I have my own pov about what's ok and what's not. But I certainly would not force (nor even wish) that someone adopt transracially (sorry but that's the accepted term in adoption) unless they are really open to it, prepared for it, and fully on board with it. I may have my own opinions about whether or not someone should be allowed to adopt at all if they have such issues. But the bottom line is things are how they are. The children being born today needing homes don't have time to wait until those with whatever their agendas may be figure it all out.

Absolutely white healthy baby girls are at the top of the heirarchy - they are in HUGE demand....and yes unfortunately there are many out there who will pay all sorts of escalated fees, expenses, etc to adopt a healthy white baby girl. I'm not saying that happened at all in this case. And sorry that doesn't mean one family is better suited to raise that child than another based on the color of their skin.

My adopted daughter is black. (btw the only time I refer to her as "adopted" is for conversations such as this) I am white. Her birth mother chose me and my ex husband to adopt her. Her motive was to find the best possible parents and family (she wanted her to have siblings to grow up with) Now...maybe she didn't have books and books of potential adoptive parent profiles to chose from since her baby was black. But let me tell you - she searched and searched until she found the people she felt the best about.

I understand the angst here. I will admit there is a bit of me that thinks...wow here is this black couple willing to adopt (because let me tell you - no matter what you all may think...there aren't tons of black families bombarding the adoption agencies and/or the foster/adopt programs!) and there is such a huge need for black children. But of course...we don't know all the circumstances and quite frankly I'm glad to see ANY child in need of a good home be given one.

And let me tell you something....I know MANY adoptive families. And I have yet to meet any who feel that they are a saint or a hero. And certainly NONE of them have adopted as some sort of mission. Actually....those who come in with that attitude are usually (and should be) turned away by social workers doing their homestudies. These are our children. We would do anything for them. We are no different than any other parent out there. We just get to deal with some extra shit sometimes. Adopted children have the right to be treated as normal children and not be held out as some sort of social mission or project.

Congratulations to this family!

 

...one more thing....

The idea that this couple chose this child over another is very limited. You are presented with the opportunites that you are presented with. Obviously there was a meeting of the minds between the birth parent(s) and the adoptive parents involved. It's easy for an outsider to come up with all sorts of conversations about it - but the bottom line is we simply do not know.

 

Sure I would give a gift to the poorer kid.
But again there are enough white people out there who cant make ends meet either.
Who cant afford vacations,gifts,medical treatments when necessary and all.
I have talked to a few white soldiers deployed in Germany and asked why they joined the military.
Most of them said to be able to afford college.Neither they nor their parents could afford it.
So none of us knows about the situation of the baby that Ware and his wife adopted.Maybe the parents were alcohol or drug addicts?
Or unemployed? There are many factors that can make a couple give away their baby.
In Germany things arent all THAt different.Somehow everyone has the picture of Germany as the great social state-which it used to be-but times have changed.
Each year there is less you get.The country got huge debts.There is not much room for giving things out for free.

 

Thanks Loki, I forgot all about Bob Johnson and I am sure there are silent partners in other franchises, you are however proving my point there aren't many thus the reason why I stated most...

KnCA thank you for you contributions to this topic. The only misunderstanding though I believe for me could be the adoption process, with that stated I am sure if I wanted to adopt a child the agency with whom I am working would ask my wife and I who we'd like to adopt. I'd take that as them asking me if I'd like to adopt black child, white, Indian etc. If I am wrong please show me the error in my thinking. I am an outsider and I can frankly say if I were to adopt a child I would give a black child a place he or she could call home. I don't think labeling it a social mission is correct I feel I have some sort of responsibility to look out for my community; just by using the numbers you stated about black children up for adoption being @ 40% as a barometer.

 

I should clarify here...the 40% is the number of black children in the foster system in the US. That does not mean that all those children are available for adoption. Many children in the system are not. And different states do things differently. For example, in California other than in vary rare cases, parental rights will not be terminated until an adoptive family is secured. Our state takes a stand against "intentionally creating orphans". This may or may not be a good thing.

Unfortunately, because of the way things go with adoption and how different each state can be...there is no way of really knowing how many black children are adopted each year. Most states seal records upon adoption. Many states don't even keep track...especially when it comes to private adoption.

Yes Malik True - you are correct in that when a family does a homestudy the first and most repeated question they will be asked is what they are "open to" racially (also then drug and/or alcohol exposure, birth defects, etc) However, that is when a family is going in to find a child. If indeed in this case it was an identified situation to begin with then they SHOULD have been asked some questions (at least) about how they plan to deal with "transracial" issues. However, there are no set standards. Much will depend upon the social worker, the agency, the state, etc.

I absolutely get your point and I know of several families who will pass on adopting white children (even though they are white themselves) because of the need for homes for black children.

The cold hard truth of it is that as soon as I said - I want to adopt a baby...I don't care if it's green with purple spots! I was told over and over again to expect to get a black child...and most likely a boy. For me personally...once I learned the reality of it all....I almost preferred when a woman would contact me carrying a black child. I came to see how tough it was to find these babies homes and while I certainly was not out for some social mission....it broke my heart that there were healthy black babies going unwanted because they simply were not the right color. It made me sick that there were those who would compete (and pay HUGE fees) for a drug addicted white child over adopting a healthy black child. I think ALL children deserve good homes!

And let me tell you - my daughter is a brillant, beautiful, amazing child!

It's an interesting thing....no matter how your children come to you (birth, step parenting, adoption) it becomes so clear that they are meant to be where they are.

Just some adoption terms (I realize this is not an adoption forum)

Children are not put up for adoption or given away - they are placed for adoption.
Most women who place their children for adoption are not young, druggies, etc. Most are actually already parenting one or more child...and often more educated than most might realize. Most didn't just give up their child out of convenience...it was a tough decision and they live with it every day of their lives.

I'm sure some of the folks on this board will realize too that it's quite courageous for a black woman to place a child for adoption actually. They go up against a lot of family and community pressure in doing so...no matter how right the decision may be for that child. Many will not make their plans known until they give birth even because of the pressures. Some may feel that this pressure is a good thing...however, I know in our case while they tried to convince her to not place the baby - she wanted to do the best for her child. And quite frankly...all those against it had not helped her before with her first child.

For those who are seriously considering adoption...it's so important to educate yourselves for the adoptee. No child wants to be a cause, nor do they need to be told how they were unwanted and/or soooo lucky that they were adopted. Their story is very private and personal and they deserve that. Even though it's obvious to most (actually fewer than you may think) that my daughter was adopted....that is not up for anyone and everyone to discuss.

 

LOL well I have to say thank you for your post! There are definitely moments when I should just repeat what you said!!

It's an amazing thing that there are so many people lined up wanting to adopt and yet there are so many children who need homes though. There definitely needs to be some changes in the ways things are done. However, I would agree - it does seem to be that those who complain the most are not actually DOING anything about it

 

The cold hard truth of it is that as soon as I said - I want to adopt a baby...I don't care if it's green with purple spots! I was told over and over again to expect to get a black child...and most likely a boy. For me personally...once I learned the reality of it all....I almost preferred when a woman would contact me carrying a black child. I came to see how tough it was to find these babies homes and while I certainly was not out for some social mission....it broke my heart that there were healthy black babies going unwanted because they simply were not the right color. It made me sick that there were those who would compete (and pay HUGE fees) for a drug addicted white child over adopting a healthy black child. I think ALL children deserve good homes!

KnCA

Thank you for sharing the portion above especially....

 

An interesting perspective on the issue

http://www.racist site.org/forum/showthread.php/black-couple-adopts-white-baby-498822p9.html

 

Here's another IR adoption story

http://www.womansday.com/home/13067/the-color-of-love.html