Black men are cheap?

I'm still shaking my head over this one.

I had a conversation with a friend of mine the other day. He's a 53 year old black man, well educated, successful, etc. He was telling me how he didn't have to court women, pay for dates, etc because there are just so many women out there. Basically it got down to how he doesn't really have to put out the effort...so why should he?

I know that he's started a couple of relationships within the past few months only to end them because he felt the women weren't doing "their part". Basically IMO he's sitting there trying to match up who pays for what and if it's not even then that's a reason to dismiss them. I had many things to say to him - but I won't bother going into all that here.

The next day I was having a conversation with another friend of mine. He's 49 from Iran (been in US 30+ years), very successful, etc. He tells me how he's figured out why I like black men so much...because they are so generous. I said really? And how did you come to this? Then he told me how he's dating this woman who has told him how black men are so wonderful about wining and dining women. How they take women to the best places and were romantic and giving and so on. (as a side note - I found it rather interesting that she was telling him this...he happens to be a man who is very generous and treats women very well)

I found it all rather amusing. My experience has been that generosity and manners are not race dependent. I've been out with white men who are cheap and black men who are cheap. I have known men who knew how to treat a woman well and those who have not.

But it made me think of the article that was posted about why black men like white women and all the comments that were posted to that article. All the conversation about how black women expect too much and so on. Which I found rather fascinating since I've often heard how white women expect so much.

Anyway....for me, it was once again interesting to see how there can be completely opposite stereotypes about the same group of people.

 

I've learned to ignore stereotypes all together. But the stereotype "black men are cheap" is the most ridiculous thing I've ever heard. I have to litereally fight with my man to even pay for a refill. He's always like "no Mel. NO MELISSA I SAID NO!" lol I'm like I just want to help but he's so... determined. It's like... when we go shopping for food or something. We'll have like 20 bags and he won't let me carry not one. Not even the bread. I'll take one bag and he'll be like "ummm... what are you doing" lol. I love him though. It's the way he was raised. His father and other brothers are the same way. He does the same thing to his sisters and his mother. Along with making me walk on the inside of the sidewalk. He's just very overprotective. He's fought with his own sister before about paying for something. She'll say something like "I'm not your girlfriend, I'm your sister. I can pay for my own stuff." And he'll say "Which is even more of a reason now move" :roll:.

Seriously though, it doesn't matter if you're black, white or purple to tell whether you're cheap or not. It's just the person himself. However, I do feel uncomfortable sometimes not paying for a doggone thing whenever we go out. So I try so hard to convince him to at least let me leave the tip. Sometimes I get away with it. Big emphasis on the sometimes. But I disagree with the bw expect more. Especially with them most of the time showing how independent they can be.

I just realized everytime I talk about Mr. Spidey I always get goo goo gaga over him lol.

 

I agree about stereotypes. Usually they are just beyond ridiculous!

From some of what I've read....I can understand why you get soo goo goo gaga over him!

Maybe I should just say too that the first friend I mentioned in the post....we originally met and were attracted to each other and went out several times. One night we were at dinner and he left the bill on the table for a rather long time and then went to the bathroom. I ended up picking it up. We had a conversation about it after. I was rather shocked because my experience in dating has typically been that men pick up the check...to the point where when I've asked them to go out (even for a birthday dinner) there is no way they would let me pay.

 

Maybe Black men are cheap towards women they don't really like, yet generous to those they do like. Or maybe his generosity is on a scale with her looks/attitude. I know if I went out with a woman and it wasn't going well I wouldn't be inclined to go over the bare minimum.

 

Lol well he's not abusive or anything. Most of the time he's kidding. He's like a big kid inside. It's hard to describe the type of humour the group of people I hang out with have. But he's not mean at all. He's very sweet, loveable, and kissable lol.

 

'Nuff said. I couldn't agree more.

 

:roll: :roll: :roll: :roll:

 

Oh, absolutely. When my ex-husband who is African and I started dating, we both heard horror stories from our respective communities about how it was all going to end in disaster. He was supposedly using me for a green card... and I was supposedly using him as my black boy toy. And in the end, even though we broke up, we have great respect for each other and think highly of each other. Go figure... My ex-husband by the way was very generous with me because I had that high place in his heart and his life, even though he normally doesn't like to spend money and prefers to put it in the bank.

 

cant speak for the other bros. here, but that's me in a nutshell.

 

Ditto



( Sorry BMJ :smt019 )

 

well usually when you are broke you are cheap...ahah...when you are not you are not as cheap...I usually just tip 15-20% if that makes me cheap so be it...I myself dont like elitism and excess, so five star hotels and resteraunts are not my thing...there becomes a point where it just feels like you are an elitist and just pure glut

 

this is how it should be!:smt038

 

15-20% is cheap? I must be getting old or something. I thought 10% was cheap. I do 15 standard and 20 if it's really good. I know in my limited days of serving I thought that was good!

 

I always do 20. If I'm too broke to tip well, I stay home and eat noodles.

 

Alot of black men that I know are cheap towards gold diggers..They keep them on a financial diet.
For me tipping at a restaurant I tend to just double the tax on the bill.

 

What % does it come out to?

 

I try to tip good. It helps the bartenders and the waiters/waitresses out. I used to drive a taxi a couple years ago and we lived on those tips. I try to be generous. Now there's a caveat. And that is good service. If the service isn't good, then my generosity goes out the window

 

I appreciate that.

 

It is nice to be able to look forward to the 50s.

 

I'm a little old fashioned in this area and believe that a man should pay espeicially on a first date....

Went on a date once and i knew that this guy doesnt have much money and he had a child as well, so i offered to pay my half...i felt really bad suggesting that thought cause im not used to that But at the same time i was worry that it might be a big expense for him...he didnt allow me to pay a half thought - gentelman lol.. I wouldn't be too offended if he accepted my half of it ... It's OK!..sometimes you have big $$$ ..next thing you know you broke lol...

And its not about getting a free dinner...i can buy that dinner myself if i need too...When a man does something for me than its very appreciated by me ..
And I will make sure that I do the same for him the next time..its called respect...doesnt have to be dinner, i can treat him with a home made dinner or some getaway or sensual body massage hehe....noone should feel "used"


anyways guys!!! be careful about golddiggers but dont be a cheap one also