Black men and masculenity(sp?)

Sorry about the lack of spelling on the title 8) .

Anyway, I was wondering what you all think about Black men and notions of masculenity. Do you feel in contemparay culture, Black men are more in touch with their "Manly" side? I notice Black men tend to want more traditional gender roles than their White brotherin, does this attract you?

 

This is just a complete observation, and gut feeling, but I think black men are slightly more masculine that wm, because they seem a lot more comfortable in their own skin, and they're generally (as a race) manly in their stature and structure.

I don't know about the traditional gender roles. That kind of stuff completely turns me off, so whilst it might be true for some, it wouldn't attract me in the slightest. I'm no crazy feminist, but if my guy expected me to be a stay at home mum, and do most of the cooking or stuff like that, he'd either quickly change his point of view, or I'd be gone. I don't have any specific problem in doing these things, someone has to, but just don't expect me to do it!

 

Yes, I think black men are more masculine, but I'm not sure that is b/c they actually are or b/c that is what I expect of a black man. Preconceived notions play into what we 'see' so much. However, there is an undefinable quality about some black men that just makes me sit up and take notice!

As for traditional roles, I really like a strong man who steps up and isn't afraid to take the lead. My ex-husband was always content to follow my lead and let me make all the decisions in our life. And I tend to be pretty headstrong anyway, so in a way we were compatible. But after a while I got tired of it, and my personality just dominated his to the point where I felt like I was with a second child or a little brother or something.

Made me realize that I need a man who respects my strength, but won't let me overpower him. An equal, someone who will take charge even if I don't offer it up.

 

Muscular Black Men

There is a group of black men i know who hang out at the gyms around here. These guys are huge. They have groupies behind them all the time. Maybe i need to jump in the gym and get my body into this thing as they call it.

 

Sounds very familiar!

 

It's not so much how you look but how you carry yourself that determines if your manly or not.

 

Well, let's get into the philosophical side of the question:

What exactly is masculinity?

Is it realizing that I have a developed penis even if I use it with other men?
Is it having a bulky, strong body even if one is a "pussy" inside and fold when adversity shows up?
Is it shouting all the time, being cocky, treat women like they're inferior?
Ok here is are a few of the main reasons why I feel like a man:

a) I realize I have a developed penis
b) I realize how different women are and I respect and welcome their difference, and I love to love them and be loved by them
c) Nothing will make me fold (but then some women are like that too
d) I can see beauty in other men and appreciate it
e) I definitely do not have a definite answer for this question

 

Interesting topic. I just finished reading an old book called "The Fascinating Girl" by Helen Andelin (written in the sixties) and she writes to the girls who are looking:

What To Look For:

Look for traits of character in men. Look for dependability, honesty, loyalty, idealism, fairness and courage. Look for intelligence and also resourcefulness (the ability to solve problems). Then look for tenderness, thoughfulness and kindness. An ideal man is partly steel and partly velvet. He has the strong unbendable traits of steadfastness and unyielding determination, but also the velvet traits of gentle tenderness. This makes a real man.

In addition to the traits of character, look for his masculine traits. Remember the role of man, that he was born to be the guide, protector and provider for his family. A worthy mate will have strong leadership ability and be planning to provide for his family adequately. He will be protective of you in times of danger or cold and will offer his masculine assistance when you are in need. For example, he will lift heavy objects for you and help you over the creekbed, etc. This, of course, is providing you are living the rules of femininity. And in speaking of masculinity, although a strong body build is admirable, and all women can't help but appreciate it, it would be a mistake to put too much emphasis upon this trait that the man happened to be born with. The masculine characteristics of aggressiveness and determination count for so much more.

You will have to get to know him if you are to discover his masculine and character traits. Spend many hours with him. Lead him into conversations which will reveal his attitudes about life's responsibilities, about family life and about his future. Find out how he feels about religion, children, and money. What are his atttitudes about material things? Does he tend to concentrate on material comforts and pleasure, or does he value things of real worth? Althoughwe should not have aims that are unrealistic and cannot expect to find a man without a flaw, we do need to be guided by true values and appreciate them when they are recognized. (pp.234-235 of the 1975 edition)

 

I just wanted to point out that there is a huge difference between being masculine and macho. While masculine men attract me, irregardless of race, macho men do not.

A man who wants a relationship with traditional gender roles doesn't really have anything to do with masculinity the way I see it. To me that feels more like some macho values from the past, and a guy like that and I would not be compatible at all. But of course, that's just my view. I'm sure there are lots of women out there who would disagree.

A masculine man on the other hand, in my opinion, is someone who is secure about his identity and therefore not afraid to also show his weaknesses and "softer" sides, someone who actually is capable of being a wholesome person and doesn't feel the need to be overly macho all the time. Being that secure of yourself is incredibly masculine and sexy, whether you are black or white, or any other color for that matter.

 

I think that one of the sweetest things in a relationship is when the man's softer side is brought out by the tenderness of his woman. It's not for everyone to see... just for her...

 

I think black men definitely feel as if they need to be more masculine in general. I know my husband feels as if he has to be on the defense almost always. When we are out and about, if someone is acting out, he will automatically buck up and his masculine side comes straight out. He's all about protecting his own and being "the man" of the family. I was a single mom for a few yrs and got used to being mom and dad. It is sometimes very hard to let go of my natural instinct to protect and let him do the job. I think part of this comes from being a black man and part of it is just who he is. As far a tradition goes, it is attractive to me when my husband would rather take out the trash instead of having me do it because it's a "dirty job". There are many things he would rather do because he is "the man of the house". He also realizes that I'm very independent and he's got to let me do my thing and be me too. I understand when it's time to step back and let him be a man, do his job. I believe it's part of a man's spirit and men need to feel like men sometimes.[/quote]

 

now why do they feministas never admit this kinda stuff