Back into the scene

I know i have seen threads on here about the dating world, but i have a specific question, i just got out of a hard relationship that took away eight years of my life, i have a son and i am not sure how to go back into the dating world. I do not want to rush things but sometimes i get lonely for the affection from another partner.

 

Hi SweetAngel, I am no expert but do have a question for you. How long ago did the hard relationship end? I ask because it's natural to want to rush headlong into another relationship, but often taking time for you and your son first might be a good idea too (I'm sure you've already thought of that).

I would suggest joining a club or group doing something you are interested in, such as an outdoor club, or ski club, or surf (I don't know where you live lol). Consider taking a language class if that interests you, my girlfriend met a great guy in an evening Spanish class. You know the bar will likely not produce any solid prospects but an evening of dancing and flirting might be fun for you and your girlfriends. I suggest immersing yourself in activities that you enjoy and you may find a like-minded man to spend some time with.....

This site seems to have some successful matches too like Bryant and DI

Good luck SweetAngel

 

The relationship ended about 8 months ago. I am a full time college student along with being a single mom, it is very hard to get out and meet people because between school and son they consume most of my time. I dont really want to meet anyone at the bar scene and actually its been about 1 year since i have been to a bar just to have fun with friends.

 

College clubs are a great way to meet new people and of a variety of ages. The scuba club at my school has members from 18 y/o to white haired gents - it's fantastic. I know that with your son, your free time for other things might be limited....

 

Yes very limited i dont have any free time not even to myself except for at late night when he is sleeping. It is just hard to meet new people i guess

 

After 8 yrs, you need time to heal, a lot of time. Give yourself that time..
Even if you get lonely for affection, we all do that, take care of yourself first.
You will only grow stronger.

 

yeah that is a good point, i should give myself time, i was just curious when would a good time be to start dating again????

 

You definitely need time to heal and re evaluate yourself. I was with my ex husband for about 7 years all told, and I definitely wasn't ready to date very quickly after kicking him out. Now, I was ready to go on a couple of dates, but nothing serious, ya know? But that was mainly due to the fact that I'd never experienced "dating" before ever. My ex was my first everything, so being single was extra strange for me.

I can't really give you a set time period, though. I was ready to try a relationship about a year after my divorce. A friend who'd had a similar experience (only hers was far worse than mine) found the love of her life only 4months following her divorce. We all work on different time clocks.

I wasn't completely sure I was ready when I started going out with my ex boyfriend. I knew I wanted to at least go out a bit, but a real commitment was a scary subject. So we took things slow. Slow is generally a good idea when you've been burned.

Now, as for how to meet people...I can't really give any good advice. I met my ex husband in high school, and my ex boyfriend at work. I've met a lot of guys in bars but none of them ever even passed the first date test. Maybe you should try dating sites like match.com, since you have limited free time, and since from what you say most of the free time you have is spent at home. It may help!

Good luck!

 

DH, and others you've all had great input, scylla the thing about time, is so important.

To me I felt healed and whole when I no longer felt I "needed" a man emotionally. I was OK, with the thought of "going it alone" for the rest of my life. It was going to be "Me and Jesus" all the way.

Healing is strange, if we hang on to the anger and nurse it, and rehearse it, we don't heal very quickly, if we hang on to the fear, it doesn't help either. So I think we are ready for a more serious relationship when we know it's him we want for him and not because we're still hurting from the jerk of an ex, and this new guy is just helping us with the pain.

I mentioned my Dr friend, who I had a crush on after my divorce, in another thread. He was the first man since the divorce to peak my interest and it had been a year since the divorce at that time.

But he was a long term friend and he was able to help me work though a lot, even though we both knew "we" wasn't gonna happen. I still talk with him about some things. A good friend like that is always great, and to me it helped that he was a guy and actually knew my ex and the situation.

He never bashed my ex, he just helped me to see the good in me and to heal, he helped me to feel beautiful again and worthy. It's hard to describe, but it was well worth it and I will be forever grateful to him.

 

Stay away from the clubs.

 

Care to expound on why?

 

Do you mean activity (e.g. college) clubs or dance clubs?

 

Personally, I like the online dating sites. I get the chance to talk to the girl without all the other distractions.

 

I have looked at a couple of those sites and i just cannot see myself doing them, i guess its just because of all the bad things that i have heard from them.

 

There are shady and unscrupulous people on the net. But there are also good people too. If you do happen to meet someone online and you wanna go out, I would suggest telling your friends where you're going. I would also go somewhere that's in a well-lit area where they are many people around to make you feel safer

 

Sure.

I'm sure there is the possibility to find a decent person in the clubs, but there are far more frogs than princes to be had. If you're open to one nighters, sure clubs are great but for something more serious., I'd advise against. Most clubs are full of clowns. In my opinion, looking for a serious partner in a club would be the equivalent of playing russian roulette with 5 chambers loaded on your 6 shot revolver.

 

Well, that's kinda what i thought but i'm no expert on clubs. Thank you very much for your wisdom.