[B]Smile! Here Are Some Clean, Dirty or Fun Jokes![/B]

Smile! Clean, Dirty or Fun Jokes!

Question #1 When a bra is it called a Wonder Bra?

A. When she takes it off, you wonder where her tits went.

Question #2 Why don’t women blink during foreplay?

A. They don’t have time.

Question #3 What is the difference between “Ooooh!” and “Aaaah!”?

A. About three inches.

Question #4 What do you do if your girlfriend starts smoking?

A. Slow down and use some lubricant.

Question #5 Why does a penis have a hole in the end?

A. So men can be open minded.

Question #6 What is the definition of “making love”?

A. Something a woman does while her man is f....ing her.

Question #7 Have you heard about the new super-sensitive condoms?

A. They hang around after the man leaves and talks to the woman.

Question #8 What does bungee jumping and hookers have in common?

A. They both cost a hundred bucks and if the rubber breaks, you’re screwed.

Question #9 Who can make more money in a week, a drug dealer or a prostitute?

A. The prostitute, no doubt – she can wash and resell her crack.

Question #10 What does the receptionist at a sperm clinic say to clients as they’re leaving?

A. Thanks for coming!

 

:smt043

 

At their 50th anniversary

Dre and Becky are celebrating their 50th wedding anniversary. Dre says to Becky, "Becky, I was wondering - have you ever cheated on me?"

Becky replies, "Oh Dre, why would you ask such a question now? You don't want to ask that question..."

"Yes, Becky, I really want to know. Please..."

"Well, all right. Yes, 3 times..."

"Three? Well, when were they?" he asked.

"Well, Dre, remember when you were 35 years old and you really wanted to start the business on your own and no bank would give you a loan? Remember, then one day the bank president himself came over the house and signed the loan papers, no questions asked?"

"Oh, Becky, you did that for me! I respect you even more than ever, to do such a thing for me. So, when was number 2?"

"Well, Dre, remember when you had that last heart attack and you were needing that very tricky operation, and no surgeon would touch you? Then remember how Dr. Smith came all the way up here, to do the surgery himself, and then you were in good shape again?"

"I can't believe it! Becky, you should do such a thing for me, to save my life. I couldn't have a more wonderful wife. To do such a thing, you must really love me darling. I couldn't be more moved. So, all right then, when was number 3?"

"Well, Dre, remember a few years ago, when you really wanted to be president of the golf club and you were 17 votes short...?"

 

lmao! i really loved the first post.

 

Husband: Last night was wow! those scratches on my back still feel like furrows.

Wife: Yah?

Husband: Yah!... and those tears of joy that flowed right from those eyes of yours...

Wife: Dont worry darling, tonight there will be holes on your back.

Husband: ...And I will make myself strong for you dear.

Wife: Just as I will make the dagger sharper for you dear!!

 

question 7 was really funny haha

 

Hard times

Harry and his wife are having hard financial times, so they decide she'll become a hooker.

She's not quite sure what to do, so Harry says, "Stand in front of that bar and pick up a guy. Tell him a hundred bucks. If you've got a question, I'll be parked around the corner.

She's not there five minutes when a guy pulls up and says, "How much?"

"A hundred dollars."

"Damn. All I've got is thirty."

"Hold on," she says and runs back to Harry. "What can he get for thirty dollars?"

"A handjob," Harry replies.

She runs back and tells the guy all he gets for thirty dollars is a handjob.

He says okay, she gets in the car, he unzips his pants, and out pops a simply HUGE male unit.

She stares at it for a minute, and then says, "I'll be right back."

She runs back around the corner and says breathlessly, "Harry, can you loan this guy seventy bucks?"

 

Dinner date manners

During one of her daily classes,
a teacher trying to teach good manners
Asked one of her students the following question:

'Michael, if you were on a date having dinner with
a nice young lady, how would you tell her that
you have to go to the bathroom?'

Michael said, 'Just a minute I have to go pee.'

The teacher responded by saying,
'That would be rude and impolite.
What about you Sherman, how would you say it?'

Sherman said, 'I am sorry, but I really need to go to the bathroom. I'll be right back.'

'That's better, but it's still not very nice to say the word bathroom at the dinner table...
And you, little Johnny, can you use your brain for once and show us your good manners?'

'I would say: Darling, may I please be excused for a moment? I have to shake hands with a very dear friend of mine, whom I hope to introduce you to after dinner.'

 

LOL
Hey, I think there is a section for Funny threads anyway. You can ask Webmaster to move it there.