Attraction Also Means Respect

I had a falling out with a good friend yesterday. In fact i think it's the end of a friendship. My friend who is involved with a latina was very vocal with her in a public place over some disagreement that could have been resolved behind closed doors. Instead he publicly embarrassed her in front of other people. I stepped in to calm him down and admonish him. He turned on me and wanted to take my head off. I know some us men have our tempers, but for us black men i have seen too many times we tend to put our women down in public. My friend was just another example that possibly ended a eleven year friendship. All i say is this, between a man and a woman regardless of race should there be a code of conduct that we must have in dealing with each other in that we do not have to put down the one we love in public? I say this especially for those of us in interracial relationships because of the negative perceptions society has on them in the first place. I can not help feeling sometimes that other inconsiderate black men hurt the rest of us. The same can be said of the women too. Just my opinion. Maybe i'm too sensitive into what others think. I think if you are attracted to another then you should show some degree of respect to that person regardless of the circumstances that will enter between you. Besides respect is the glue that holds relationships together despite the hard times. Do you agree?

 

I'm surprised you expected a different outcome from an attempt to 'admonish' your friend, in a public place no less.

And if I were his g/f I would not have been grateful to you for stepping in, women are entirely capable of speaking up for themselves, in public and out of it. Your involvement likely did nothing but heighten the tension. That would have embarrassed me even further.

But, yes, I do believe there are conversations that are better left behind closed doors, and plenty of things that we say to the ones we love that never need to be said at all.

 

Publicly embarrassing someone is a form of verbal abuse. I was in a relationship not that long ago with a man that gradually became verbally abusive. It shocked me. And it paralyzed me. I had never experienced that sort of treatment before and I didn't recognize it for what it was right away. I would like to say that I told him off but I didn't. He was that good at what he was doing. To be honest, I would have appreciated someone like Blacktiger stepping in. But I was on my own because the conversations I experienced were behind closed doors. Physical, emotional, and/or verbal abuse is insidious. Blacktiger, I don't know how your friend's girlfriend felt about your intervention but I would have welcomed it. In a perfect world, I would have to agree with you, fnnysmrtprtty. But I learned, albeit the hard way, that my world isn't as perfect as I'd like it to be. Even at my age, I'm still learning.

 

Well fnnysmrtprtty, i saw the hurt on her face and i had to do something. i understand women today can stand on their own. In my former friend's girlfriend's case she was too hurt to react.

Veem, my former friend's girlfriend called today in fact and thank me for taking her side. I advised her that she may have to rethink her relationship with him. I told her now he uses words to hurt her, next it will be physical. She is too nice of a person to put up with that kind of treatment.

 

You did well Black. Especially in public, its such an embarrasing situation to start fighting back and forth that it is welcomed if a third party interferes to restore things. Otherwise, it could have escalated. And there's definitely an unwritten code that you do not wash your dirty laundry in public, you can yell and fight all you want (well ideally not at all would be necessary) when its just the 2 of you, but when you do that in public its downright humiliating and denigrating the other person .

Like, if my bf would really piss me off with something, I wouldnt burst out in public, I would give him hints Im upset though, I'd wait untill we get home, shut the doors and take his f ..... head off :wink: :twisted: (yes , just kidding) :lol: .

 

I see more latinos and white guys putting down women in public than Brothers..

Don't start stereotyping..

 

I agree you did the right thing. It's not a racial issue - but yes, a respect issue. There is no real reason to have to embarrass your other half in public, it is a form of control and bullying. There isn't often that much need to yell at your other half at all: sometimes you might need to take some anger out on your other half, but generally things should be dealt with more reasonably.

 

which you just did, good job :roll: .

How about all men can be azzholes sometimes?

 

BlackTiger, you're a better man than most. I'm glad you stuck up for her 8) .

 

Just going by what I see..

 

i think ya did the right thing