Assumptions People Make About Interracial Daters

Judging from the cold looks, stares and whispers that tend to be given off when folks encounter IR couples, sometimes it's easy to guess some of the assumptions being made by the on-lookers.

When a group of American black women see a black man and a white woman walking together or sitting down drinking and eating at a table, many are quick to assume:

1. He's just another of those weak brothers who can't handle a strong black woman. He's probably a wimp who exhibits mannerisms that are unattractive to most black women. No wonder he'll probably get along better with a white woman.

2. He's an Oreo, white inside but black on the outside.

3. He doesn't like himself enough or he simply thinks lighter skin is better...probably obsessed and brainwashed by
the media's purported promotion of the white woman's desirability.
He simply thinks white is better.

4. He just doesn't like black women at all.

Few, if any would stop for a moment to consider the possibility that perhaps many American black women just didn't give that particular black man a chance growing up and that he had to deal with a whole lot of rejection for superficial and materialistic reasons. Perhaps he's now reached a point of no return in his dating life, fared up and frustrated with his past experiences after being repeatedly burned. Few stop to give that specific black man the benefit of the doubt.

Then, when racist white men see a beautiful white woman with a black man they try to persuade themselves thus:

1. She's probably in her rebellion phase. It will go away as she gets older.

2. She's just after him for sex...especially in cases like mine where the white woman in question might be much older.

These men just can't imagine what in the world would draw an attractive white woman to a black man considering all the power and respect they command in society.

I personally saw the hostility once again first hand during the week on my first date with the white lady I mentioned. At one point in time, I almost thought a group of white males and females might try to attack us as we walked holding each other's hands. The group was in an alley way, all dressed in black and once they saw us, they began frowning and staring. Even the women just didn't smile. I was just bracing myself internally to see which of them might walk up to me to physically attack me. It's crazy.

The one category of people who I really can't figure out what they think when they see a black man with a white woman are other black men with white women themselves. I tend to notice that such couples would tend to look at me and the woman I'm with...sometimes the black man with the other white woman would give me a look that seems to suggest some kind of acknowledgement or unity, fraternity or brotherhood or something...I'm not sure. As if to say perhaps, "We're in this together...or 'Hey, look...there's another IR couple just like us." The most interesting are the older IR couples, black men and white women in their 40s or 50s who see men like me with white women, us the younger ones.

 

This is an issue that will NEVER reach a peaceful conclusion in this transient world we currently live in, which is filled with economic, societal, and overall, racial labels that we place upon one another, again and again. No matter how accepting people are of anything, they will always have and let those little voices in their heads tell them 2 main things:

1. Why they SHOULD be accepting and not just tolerating

2. Why they SHOULDN'T be accepting or tolerating, and why it's bad, hurtful, disgraceful, and/or offensive to them somehow, someway

 

I second that.

Sometimes, I wonder what WW think when they read the part of my profile (on the Christian dating site I use) in which I state that I am mostly attracted to WW... I wonder if their "freak alerts" go off like mad. Ladies of WWBM, please let me know what do you think. Should I edit this out of my profile?

 

I second that.

Sometimes, I wonder what WW think when they read the part of my profile (on the Christian dating site I use) in which I state that I am mostly attracted to WW... I wonder if their "freak alerts" go off like mad. Ladies of WWBM, please let me know what do you think. Should I edit this out of my profile?

 

I'm sure every WW you're ever wanted did not take return your advances but you remained undaunted most likely. From what I can tell most BM who date IR wish the same for all BM.

I have a few questions for you. Would you like for blacks to give you special props just because you are seen with WW? Does it bother you when BM/BW treat you normally or are distinterested just because you are with WW? Do you crave attention and hope you rankle others when you are with your white mate?

 

Re:

For goodness sake, guys, I'm new on the board. I haven't been here long enough to read all of the archives and be aware of what's been repeatedly posted and what hasn't. These are the kinds of comments and responses, when they turn unnecessarily hostile, that discourage folks from contributing anymore or continuing to post.

 

Oh please

 

:shock: It's funny how the old stereotypes still linger even today! But the main one that really TRIPS me out is :smt070 the one about black men only being able to get fat & ugly white women whereas white men get the CREME OF THE CROP when they deal with black women. :evil: That has NOT I repeat NOT been the way I've seen it in my lifetime and I'm not just talking about celebs, I'm talking about average folks as well. :wink:

 

All of you are absolutely correct. I cannot think of anything else i could possibly add other than the fact that when you're outside, you should not even look at other people let alone pay attention to their reactions.

Oh and one more thing, i hope none of you are under the impression that most white women like to see other white women with black men.

 

Most white women.. meaning average of all white women, who on the average to do not date outside their race.. sure I'll buy that..

but most WW I know who date IR.. could care less to be honest. I know i don't. One of my good friends who is black is married to a WM.. I say hey, more power to her if he makes her happy.

 

I'm reposting this because the two other copies got thrown in the middle of this thread instead of at the end.

I second that.

Sometimes, I wonder what WW think when they read the part of my profile (on the Christian dating site I use) in which I state that I am mostly attracted to WW... I wonder if their "freak alerts" go off like mad. Ladies of WWBM, please let me know what do you think. Should I edit this out of my profile?


Edit:
I wonder if this is the reason why this white guy that I know (who likes BW only) hasn't really gotten far in his quest. I suppose when BW know he likes BW only, they think the worst e.g. He's a freak, or he just wants some "dark meat" etc.

Why do women have to be so suspicious

 

Hey graphics, you still have to send me the url to your myspace so i can find you okay. It would be virtually impossible to find you without it. Oh yeah, if you have any questions about online dating.... Sassy, Alessandra, and Nilan really helped me with mine, so you should probably ask them for advice on this one. In most of my profiles i never say that i'm mostly attracted to white women (which very well may be the case) but because i don't like alienating people, i pretty much just leave myself open and see what happens from there. I always say that i'm interesting in dating white, black, native american, and latin women, but 95 percent of the messages that i get are from caucasian girls anyway, so i don't see it as being much of a dilemna if you know what i mean. :wink:

 

My page is empty (haven't filed it). Fortunately, all you need to chat with me is my ID, which I have sent to you.

Which sites do you use? I mostly get winks from BW -- in spite of my stated preference for WW :? (I may have to edit my profile)

 

I totally concur with you. On my profiles of the sites i am a member, i do not state that i am exclusively interested in white women(which in truth i am not) but for some reason, i only seem to get requests from white and latin women {sometimes a few Asians}.

I can count on one hand the amount of requests i have received from black women. I have, however, sent friend requests to black women and some have accepted, some have declined. I sent a request to a black woman once and she sent me a message asking why i wanted to be her friend "since i was only interested in white women". I wanted to know why she thought so and she said because i was trying to seem white and most of my friends are not black :shock: :shock: That was partially true(most of my friends are not black) but that was not a deliberate act. I just happen to receive more non-black requests. The woman was then rambling on about nothing saying that i was white-washed and should stop judging since i am a Catholic and i was like, whatever. I do not take it too personal though because for the love of crud, it's the freaking internet.

 

:idea: I have found that the white ladies that are into dealing with or are in relationships with black men DO tend to have white female friends/relatives that are as well. "BIRDS OF A FEATHER..." :wink:

 

And tend to have less friends in total.

 

Not from what I've seen.

 

Oh really?

 

Yeah for real. Doesn't seem to have hurt them with having friends just because they're into black men.

 

Assumptions used to bother me but no so much anymore. (I remember I wrote about it when I first started posting on this board.) It still annoys me that people think that I'm "into black men", and I'm not. I don't have a preference for BM in general - I don't discriminate!, in fact the most handsome men of the world to me are Polish men.

As far as the comment about friends, I've never been someone who has a lot of friends, but I have a few true blue ones, including classmates and college friends. Only a couple of them are white, by the way. I tend not to let people into my life easily, and if someone is prejudiced, be it to other races or to Jews, for example... I'll only be around them if I have to. I have one friend who dates IR - a black girl engaged to a white man. No, wait, I have another one - a guy in France, who is half French and half-Cambodian and he married a Polish girl. And of course my co-worker that I talk to a lot, I forgot about her, she is black and her boyfriend is Latin American. Ironically, I've tried to make friends with those two Russian women I met who were dating/married to black men, and the friendships did not develop. I guess the IR factor was not enough in common to start a friendship.

What helps me and gives me the right perspective is my husband's attitude. He is into philosophy, has his own beliefs about life and doesn't let anything bother him. Sometimes when we walk down the street in Harlem, black girls make comments to him and his face stays as serene as ever. Once when I told him that some African wrote in a forum that all African men who date white women should be thrown into the sea, my husband laughed and laughed. Then he asked me why do you read that BS?

One thing that impressed me, back when we first started dating, was when his mother sent him an African outfit - a long shirt and pants. He put on that outfit and was walking down the street with me in the African neighborhood. He walked so proudly, slowly, with his head to the sky in his African outfit holding my hand! I could see that he was proud of his origins and of having me as his new woman, and the fact that the two complemented each other peacefully in his mind, taught me a lesson.

Another comment from him that just melted my heart, was when he said: "I don't need you to change yourself for me. If I had wanted an African girl, or a Muslim girl, I could easily find one. I want YOU, just the way you are." Needless to say, I was a pool of mush on the floor.

So, he taught me not to pay attention to outside negativity, but to paint the world our own colors.