Are you friends first?

I don't do the friend thing cus its so easy to be categorized in the friend zone and trust me that's it!! as far as going to 2nd base. I make you know while we are conversing that i find you attractiv,e then give you the time to decide if you are also attracted to me, usually if the woman is willing to give you her number after letting her know you are attracted to her, then there is a chance for a relationship.

 

Yeah, I don't do that either. There just seems to be a pretense of "hey, at least we can still be friends, " and it's so painfully obvious to notice that male-female friendships aren't even mutually reciprocal in any sort of way. If I got in too far I'd just leave said gal alone and if she asks I would just explain that I wasn't really interested in a friendship.

I've tried that before, but it really doesn't make sense to me where you can simply put yourself out there without over-extending. But masquerading as a friend, especially if you had something deeper in mind, is just making things more difficult and emotionally taxing.

 

So true I totally agree.

 

i never... NEVER, had something with a girl after getting to the `` friend zone ``

 

So far I have not dated anyone who had been my friend for a long while.However I also do not rush from only finding a man physically appealing to be wanting to be with him.
To me compatibility and us getting along emotionally,mentally and intellectually matters to me,too,and I first want to get an idea about that before getting into a relationship.And that is why I communicate to figure all this out
Communication is the key to so many things.

 

I still maintain my original position there's no such thing as friends first. Someone is always leaning towards romance. Then again I guess it depends on how you define friends. Friends are people I would tell my most embarassing secrets. Like the time in college where I drank so much I actually peed my pants. Girls I have even the smallest romantic interest in would never know something like that.

 

I think being friends first depends on the chemistry in the relationship, or what's going on.

Cases in point:
Ex BF and I were friends for four years. Life being what it was, he was involved, I was involved, etc....but we kept in touch through most of it. At a certain point, he made his feelings known (and that they had been those feelings for a long time), and I sort of said 'No way!' as I hadn't been out of a relationship for that long. Time went by...it was about 7 months...and we were out one day, and it hit me like a ton of a bricks...inner me said "WHY aren't you dating this guy? He's perfect for you in so many ways!" And then we dated. I wish friend him was as awesome as relationship him, because it was like Jekyll and Hyde once we started dating...but, anyway, that's how it started.

Current BF and I met and I wasn't really sure how to take him. I was kind of intimidated by him, actually...I couldn't tell you why now, but I think I was also a little self-conscious because I thought he was so hot. lol We got to be friends, then we followed it with friends with benefits, and then one day it just shifted to more. Like, literally, I FELT the day it changed. I sat down with him and was like 'OK, what are we doing?' and we made it official. We can talk and talk about anything- and he's a talker, which is great for me, because so am I. I like being able to say that I'm dating someone I consider a friend first, because I think that builds trust, and puts a foundation in the relationship. It doesn't ALWAYS work, but I'd say that the more solid relationships I've had, we've been friends first (even FWB).

I think this thing about the 'friend zone' is different for everyone. I wouldn't go so far as to say that it could never happen from there, though. It's selling everyone short. What if your "best" girl or guy friend ends up being the love of your life ten years down the road, and you just needed to date all the wrong people before you could see what was in front of you all that time?

Stranger things have happened.

 

With my man, we kinda just felt something there right away. We were never really friends first, but it took 3-4 months before we became official. So, even though we were being all flirty, we had quite a bit of time to get to know each other.

This is when it becomes hard to define for me though, because I get along with guys better than gals anyways, so I have a fairly large male friendship circle .

I'm usually friends first, most of the time a relationship doesn't cross my mind at all. I talk about anything with guy friends, if they feel turned off by something I've said or done, they're not someone I'd want to date anyways. So the "type" of conversation amongst the guys I'm interested in and the guys I only see as friends are the same.
There's been guys that became boyfriends, and guys that stayed friends... but I can't even tell where the line is drawn .

 

In my experience, men will sometimes be working on it while the woman they're working on is thinking they're just friends. I'm all for taking your time, but if the object of your affections is actually shocked when you make a move/speak up, you're doing it wrong >.>

Idk, maybe I'm just oblivious, haha.

 

I've also had it both ways, but the tendency seems to be that if you wanna have a serious and deep relationship, you should take the time to get to know each other a certain time, before it comes to intimacy (ok, Vanilla I think 17yrs is maybe one or two days too long ..lol..)
Physical attraction is of course a strong magnet and if there are some basics between that two people that keeps them together, then fantastic, but I've experienced that the interest on someone is gone as soon as the sexual attraction is gone and during that "attraction time" all was concentrated on sex, so there was never a chance to get to know that other person really.
If you've had a friendship before and afterwards the physical attraction overwhelms you, I assume one takes more interest and takes more care about the beloved one.
But in general, the relationship will not hold, if you feel sexual attracted, but his/her character gets on your nerves after a certain time and it will not hold, if he/she is your best friend, but the sex life bores you...

It has to BOOM in both ways, sooner or later

 

Exactly my point. I believe at least one party is carrying the what if in their head. Peop,e who are physically attracted to each other don't usually do the friend thing they're usually mooshing.
And in my experience women don't grow on men either you make us hard or you don't period. There's no magic string of words or gestures that will ever change that.

 

Urban dictionary didn't really shed any light on this word in the context you've written it. Please explain what you mean. LOL.

 

Sorry Jersey Shore reference lol. Means fucking

 

Hmmm...urban dictionary said it was when a guy was really drunk and couldn't get hard all the way but had sex anyway. I was confused. LOL.

In reference to what you said though, I think you can be physically attracted to someone and still just be friends.

 

For women yes for men no and if that's the case its not true friendship because you don't behave the same way.

 

So if a guy finds a girl physically attractive from the start, he doesn't act like his real self in front of her?

And if a girl finds one of her male friends physically attractive, she won't act like her real self in front of him, either?

I don't know. I think if people are friends, whether or not they find each other attractive, you're going to have some degree of a comfort level with them that you'll let your guard down and be yourself.

 

Maybe its just me then lol

 

I think it might be. Hell, if I can't be my real self in front of a man, why the hell would I want to fuck him in the first place?

 

Because many people pine away for years hoping the one they want will want them some day.
And I'm not saying you can't be yourself but people who are generally interested censor themselves for awhile.

 

There's a guy I've been friends with for over 4 years and until a few months ago, I never found remotely attractive. I can't explain what happened, but just one day I looked at him and went, huh, he's pretty cute and he's nice and fun to be around and before I knew it my crush started and I can't get rid of it. LOL.

Maybe I just operate differently, because the "friend zone" thing to me is very fluid and the switch can turn on and off without me having any control over it.