Are Interacial relationships/marriages hard?

So my mom thinks that by me being with a black man it will change the whole dynamic of everything and I won't be happy. Is it really that hard, I mean we are talking about almost 2008 here not 1958......what say you?

 

I think it adds another dimension to the relationship that brings benefits and sometimes issues with it.

I think it can depend on where you are living and those around you. Much of it will be about yourself, how you are about others and such.

For me, while I prefer black men....when with a black man I don't think about that I'm with a "black" man. If that makes any sense. He's the man I'm with. It's not that I don't know he's black...it's just not something I think about. It's simply a piece to him, not the whole. And for me it's always about who the person truly is and how they are.

I have a black child and there are times when I notice people looking at us or they may say something and sometimes I've had to think about what they are asking because I just don't think in terms of my child is black. Just as I don't think about my white children being white.

It's no different for me than being out with friends of whatever ethnicities....I don't think about them in those terms. I know it's part of them...but it's not who they are.

From my experience, relationships have not been more difficult because they are interracial. I think in many ways they have been more beneficial.

But I'm also not going to blow smoke at you saying that you aren't going to experience any negatives out there. In some ways...yah it really does change the whole dynamic of everything. That may not be a PC thing to say...but it's honest. I think those who think they aren't going to get to deal with anything in regards to their choices are living in a fantasy world. I think it's all about how you deal with it though.

If you are someone who's very sensitive and what others say or think about you is a big deal....then it could be very difficult.

But here's the thing....if you truly are attracted to whoever it is you truly are attracted to and it's not some game or experimental thing....what's the alternative? To be with someone you aren't fully drawn to? Let me tell you...that's not a very good way to live. Some of us have BTDT and could write books about it.

I just think we have to be true to ourselves no matter what others may think, say, or do. And sure sometimes that may mean it's a tougher road.

Oh and sad to say while it's not 1958....there are still some things that linger on from long ago!

 

Hi

I'm a white woman dating a black man who I've been with for nearly four years. He's the 2nd black guy I've dated in my life and I had a hard time from my parents when I first got together with him and my previous boyfriend.

It's not really their fault but most people from our parents' generation (50/60s) grew up in a world where segregation was very much enforced either through social attitudes of the day or by law. Anyone that dared to step outside their race (whatever their colour) commited either a crime or broke a very big taboo. I think it's very hard to let go of a mindset you've had mostly since childhood.

With the world constantly changing, attitudes are changing and while there are still some areas of the world that need to catch up it will get there at some point but it needs people like us to bring about those changes and encourage others to see that integration is a very good thing.

Luckily for me, my parents eventually came round and now they love my boyfriend. What makes interracial dating difficult is attitudes from others that belong in the Dark Ages where they came from. My advice to anyone contemplating dating someone from a different race is to go for it - provided you're not doing it to spite someone or for the "novelty" factor.

I don't understand what your mother means by the dynamic of everything? Will that be between you and your family? Your family should support you in your choices and if he is a good man then they should realise that over and above everything else.

As we know, a person is not defined by their colour but by who they are inside.

Good luck!

 

Hi, my wife and I have been together for 17 years and it has been great, both families love and accept us and outside of a few nasty looks from the ignorant over the years there has been no problems for us.

Hope this helps!

 

It will only be as hard as you make it

 

I have some probs with this...my dad doesnt want me to date and especially get married with a black man... :cry:

 

A very rational post - I totally agree!

 

People will notice. Some will care. Some won't. Some family members might get rubbed the wrong way by it. If you have kids that are bi-racial, people will notice that, and some might judge you. You just have to decide if you care what they think. You just have to do what is right for you.

 

depends on where you live...

If you snatch up a "decent" black guy, one who is about something and doing something for himself and his community, and parade with him through "black" neighborhoods, you may catch some heat...

if you snatch up some thug who ain't about shiet, less people will care...

...hell, they may even applaud you for coupling up with his dumbass..



I live in a mixed area in philly, and I see IR couples and children here, as well as people of all different races, shopping together, going to school together, and showing more tolerance towards each other, versus people who remain to stay isolated in "all white or all black" areas.

My best friend was a white guy growing up, and I had white roommates and female friends in college, who treated me better than most black people I knew.

 

For a BM....I would think that you are going to encounter a few problems..but overall...most BM deal with enough simple daily BS that the learning curve isn't steep. I can't speak for WW...but it might be tougher for them only because they may face a lot of random negativity from others that they aren't used to seeing. As long as the BM & WW love each other....everything will work out well.

 

all relationships are hard...black/white, black/black, white/white, etc.

my husband and i dated for 6 years before we got married, and we were friends for a year before that. there was some conflict with my parents at first, but through lots of open communication and LOTS of prayer...everything is great now. my parents love my husband...they see him as their son-in-law, not just some black dude that their daughter married. my grandparents on the other hand are a different story. my grandfather toyed with the idea of not coming to the wedding, but he did...although we still don't get much of an acknowledgement from him that we are actually married.

although i have heard some pretty ignorant things, i've found that overall, most people are willing to accept IR even if it's not something they would personally do. it's amazing to me though, that in a society where everyone seems to "tolerate" everything, racism tends to be accepted in so many circles. weird!

to sum it up....life IS hard, so why not spend it with someone who's got your back? :smt008

 

Nice story. I just focus on the more negative part here and have to say that gramps is really the mentality that will die with his generation more and more. Times do change. You guys are a great couple.

 

you know, that's very true. most of the racism that my husband and i have felt, have been from older white people, and black women of all ages. and it's not to say that every old white person, or every black woman has a problem, either....we've also found support from people in both "categories". but just like you said, alot of that older generation will be dying off soon. i know that sounds harsh....i think old people are great, i love listening to their old stories; however, i wish that so many of them weren't racist. i think what makes it even harder, is most older people don't even realize that they have racist tendencies, and you can't begin to "fix" a problem that you don't believe exists....my grandparents, for example, claim up and down that they are not racists. but their actions say differently. i love my grandparents, i just have never been able to be really close to them, and when i look back on it, i think it's always been b/c of race issues. even when i was little, i can recall my grandparents throwing around racial slurs...and i knew then, at age 8 or 9, that that wasn't right.

call it generational differences...but there's never an excuse for racism...ever.

 

Actually i read somewhere that the gov't stats for interracial marriages is as little as 4% ...Can you believe that???...However ,i can bet my right nut that if you include the percentage of ww who ARE dating or have EVER had sex with Black men it would rise up to at least 20% ...Meaning(based on my assumption) that only 3% of white women from the 20% that interract (sleep with) with black men see us as "marriage" material. Ofcourse the same could be said about black men not seeing white women as marriage material.

I think the main reason, why so many white parents are against their duaghters "marrying" interracially, is because of the divorce rate stats. Even common race marriages are getting divorced at an alarming rate, meaning interracial divorces are probably double. So a woman, whos had an inttercail marriage and has spawned mixed babies would be seen as damaged goods by most white men. I dont know why i think this, but thats just what ive seen from where i live. When a white guy is attracted to a "hot" blonde woman that previously married a black man. he may not care whether she has a mixed kid or not, because he knows he's only in it for the pussie...and not to marry the bitch

 

Co-sign.

 

I grew in a town where there were no blacks. The people in my town just absolutle hated blacks and I never could understand this. I met a black man from out of town and we ended up dating.

I introduced him to my mother and she really liked him. Then I introduced him to my family and they all really liked him as wel. In fact, my brother and his wife went out with us several times.

There are blacks now starting to move to my town, but so far, I can't count on one hand of them. I honestly feel there would be more ir dating, but think there are too many people that worry too much of what others think than what they think for themself.

 

is interracial marraige hard??

Well, any marraige is hard. However, my hubby and myself will be married 3 yrs. come September 18th and it hasn't been easy. But we kept God first and God restored some areas of our marraige. I gotta say, I don't know how anyone can be married without Jesus in the center of it.

 

Re: is interracial marraige hard??

i couldn't agree more....my husband and have only been married 9 months, but have been together for almost 8. we are both strong christians....i don't know how people make it in today's world w/out having the Lord in their life.

kudos to you and your hubby. :wink:

 

Re: is interracial marraige hard??

:smt038 It's so refreshing to see the matriarchs of their respective homes shout out the Messiah and keeping God central. In a secular world with so many secular perspectives, this is so very encouraging...even for a 1st degree heathen like myself.

 

Re: is interracial marraige hard??

lol, intrigued, you're so funny! i would hardly consider you a "1st degree heathen", lol....you just put it out there. most people are probably thinking what you're saying...and it's just as bad to think it, as to say it. so in that case, we're all heathens....hahaha

i appreciate you're encouragement though...you always make me smile. :wink: