A question for the African men on here

I was wondering if you African men have faced the same contoversy when dating women from other African countries.

I know that for some Nigerians, this could also apply to men dating women outside of their own tribe (particularly those pesky Biafra separatists!)

So, when dating women from an African country other than your own, have you faced as many problems as when dating ww?

 

I have a friend from Nigeria who is here in Georgia and is the Dean of English at one of the universities. He told me that he would be very upset if one of his children married outside of their Yoruba culture. I later found out from another friend of mine, Ibo, that the Yoruba are quite the snobs and feel that their culture is the most ancient and advanced of the many nations on the continent. He said most other peoples don't feel that way anymore, unless their customs are so different as to cause immense problems. (i.e. female circumcision, etc.)

 

Female circumcision has been banned anyway, so whether it's a custom or not, it's now illegal.

There is friction between the Yorubas and Ibos, well there CAN be anyway. And I have found the Yorubas to be a bit difficult at times. I know MANY Yoruba men, and quite a few of them are show offs and a bit uppity at times. However, I have found Yoruba men to be the most likely to date outside of their own tribe and be open to other cultures and genuinely interested in other ways of life.

 

The answer to your question, Iffy'swifey, would be yes and no. I say yes because my father really detests "us" (his kids) dating a non-Yoruba but will sometimes take solice if the man/woman is not white. My father is a very traditional Yoruba man, born and raised in Lagos but was born in Oyo State. He has lived in "Igboland" - Anambra to be exact - and often tells us tales of his experience there. My father, i must say, has a particular disdain for Igbo people and anything to do with them. He is often tolerant of other Nigerian tribespeople, but Igbos. He cannot stand them because of a perceived superiority complex which i agree with by the way 8)). Now, as i have said countless times, i lived in Nigeria from 1985 (when i was 2) till 1998 (when i was 15) and so i had my primary and secondary education there. Primary 1 is the first primary school class and S.S.3 (meaning "Senior Secondary 3) is the final secondary class. When i was in school, right, i was really, really into Igbo girls (and Edo girls) for many reasons. Most of my female friends were Igbo girls and most of the girls i "dated" were Igbos. It was not that i did not like Yoruba girls - because i did -or anything but there was just something(s) about Igbo girls i loved. Firstly, many of the Nigerian mainstream actresses i grew up on were Igbos and i can never forget the memories of "getting off" :lol: of them. I used to day-dream about them a lot and used to joke that i would marry them. That used to annoy the fuck out of my daddy becaue he was very waryof Igbo girls as a young man. He always said that he would rather be a bachelor till death than marry an Igbo woman.

Secondly, i was just so intrigued by Igbo girls' names. I don't know, names like "Ogechi", "Nkechi", "Nnenna" and "Onyeka" just had/have a sexy twist to it :? :lol:. There was this girl i used to like, Patience Nwachukwu, i used to call her "Nwababy" :wink: :roll: . I really liked her and funny enough was the girl who deflowered me. She was funny, smart and intelligent. The thing was i used to dislike her at first because she used to beat me at classwork and so, from rivalry developed friendship. (We eventually became headboy and headgirl respectively). I know this sounds weird but her name just sounded so sweet to call (that is, if pronounced correctly). And as many other Igbo names, i was really intrigued by their meanings and believe me, thus my interest in Igbo language developed.

Lastly, i have been very enthusiastic about their culture and attitude. Now, Nigerian movies made in English are largely based on traditional Ibo culture. Many of the big female movie stars are Igbo and as such, the exposure to them is immense. (God, i'm in love in Genevieve Nnaji :lol. I used to like all the dance routines, parades, marriage ceremonies and downright sassy attitude Ibo women just paraded on TV. I never used to understand anything when they made movie where they mostly spoke Igbo and that is whyi learnt Ibo language.

All of these things made my papa really annoyed with me. He had never liked Ibo people to be honest and as far back as Primary school, used to try to stop me from having much contact with Igbo girls. He even used to fear that maybe i'd bring home an Ibo bride. :lol: Now, in S.S.1 (Senior Secondary 1) which is the first year of senior class, you get to choose to do one Nigerian language; either Yoruba, Hausa or Igbo. Now, as a Yoruba man, it would have made sense (at least to my dad) that i would pick Yoruba and my dad expected me to it. Nope. In the 3rd term of J.S.S.3 which is the final year of junior secondary school, i picked Igbo language as the one i would do right up to S.S.3. My dad was even more livid than i thought. He refused to talk to me for a whole day and did not give me money to buy Igbo textbooks and everything i needed to study it (My mom gave me money, though). He said he had no business with Igbo language and was on my own, but he DID fund my fees for other subjects. And you know what was funny, in Junior Secondary School, i used to fail Yoruba sometimes but always excelled in Igbo, much to my dad's trepidation. Right up until S.S.3, my dad never paid attention to my Igbo language curriculum and did not even care whether or not i perfected my skills on the language (which i did). I did a final exam and got an A but my dad didn't even ask me as he did not see the point in a Yoruba man studying Igbo. And believe me, it was largely unheard of in Nigeria and still is to some extent. Igbos are expected to learn Yoruba and there are more Igbos that speak Yoruba than Yorubas that speak Igbo. Virtually every Yoruba person i knew teased me for it too.

And so for this reason, i say that intercultural relationships (at least for me) are as tough as interracial relationships.

Now, the bridge between Yorubas and Ibos is a long story. It dates as far back as the pre-colonial times. When Nigeria got independence from Britain in 1960, it was largely due to the coalition of the Southern and the Western regions of Nigeria (which are overwhelmingly indigenous Yoruba areas). The Eastern part of Nigeria was/is not as developed as the South and the Central part, although slightly more developed than the North which consists of Hausas. Back then, the Igbos were virtually uncommitted towards independence and were focused on seperation from Nigeria into Biafra, a movement spearheaded by Colonel Chukwuemeka Ojukuw, the leader of the secessionist group. When Nigeria got independence and was largely governed by Yorubas and military coups were the means of getting into power. The Igbos claimed to have been cheated and defrauded and so sought to accede to power, one of "their own". This person was Johnson Aguiyi Ironsi, and he, as the leader of the Nigerian Army, promoted many Igbo soldiers to higher military positions ahead of Hausa and Yoruba soldiers. The Northerners (who were Hausas) plotted a coup and succeeded, placing an Hausa man (Lieutenant Colonel Yakubu Gowon) in power. From that period, the Yorubas and Hausas' respective regions began to prosper because they both united (or conspired, depending on how you look at it) and formed a unity. Igbo areas suffered from great economic depression and (alleged) ethnic cleansing, leading to the wish of Igbos to secede from Nigeria, which was highly stupid as they are right towards the middle of the country. It's kinda like Midwestern states here in the U.S.A like Illinois, Ohio and Michigan wanting to secede from America and forming their own nation. They are right in the middle and would need to either leave the region entirely, or get others to leave their regions, or both. Thus, the enmity built up between Yorubas and Igbos, and battles began between the Yorubas (backed by the Hausas) against the Igbos in which prominent Yoruba and Hausa leaders such as Tafawa Balewa, Alhaji Ahmadu Bello amongst others. The Nigerian Civil War started in 1967 and lasted until 1970, where many Igbos had been murdered or surrendered to the (U.K and U.S backed) Nigerian Military, which was operated by Hausas and Yorubas. And from then, the Igbo Eastern regions has seen something of a downward spiral of economic stability, many of them under-developed and economically deprived. And then, many Igbos came down South (which Lagos is a part of) or went back up north.

The Igbos generally are "okay" people but can be very full of themselves. Despite their relative lack of economic stance, they feel themselves very superior to others, which is ironic as a lot of their neighborhoods were destroyed during the Civil War and they had to move away to the South to re-settle. I understand they've faced discrimination but are extremely covetous about themselves. Someone said that "Yorubas are quite the snobs and feel that their culture is the most ancient and advanced of the many nations on the continent". Well, Yoruba culture IS one of the most ancient and advanced. Yorubas have existed, based on anthropology, before Jesus Christ and have been through many renaissances than any other Nigerian cultural group. This might come with a bit of bias from me but it's a fact. Besides, Yorubas are not the only ones who harbor negative sentiments about Igbos. Virtually everyone else does. The "419 Scam", whilst a multicultural thing now, was started by Ibos. Many of the biggest Nigerian fraudsters are Igbos. Their politicians are some of the most corrupt bastards ever, embezzling most of the nation's finances in foreign accounts. Now all politicians do that but the Igbos sure are more adept at it. They are known to sell fake products to people all in the aim of making money, disporoportionately. Their obsession with money would lead them to do virtually anything to get it. They are so separatist that there are some "types" of Ibos that are not acceptable to them. They are known as "Osus" and Ibos see it as basically an abomination to marry one.

A lot of their children are trying very hard to break away from such values and norms but for the most part are under the iron fists of their fathers and as such, choose to adhere to such traditions.

 

well I don't know about dating, but my 2nd husband who was from Kenya could not stand Nigerians. He tried to tell me I couldn't keep an old friend from there (note I said tried). I can't imagine if one of his daughters had dated a man from Nigeria, that it would have gone over well. Probably just as bad as our worst experiences, just dating outside our race by those here who are racist.

 

Please my fellow Nigerian. United we rise, divided we fall. As a igbo man, I feel very insulted. I don't care what tribe you are from, we are one nation. I left Nigeria at a earlier age. I did alot if not most of my schooling in North America. We definately did not have a Nigerian history class. So I'm not going to challenge your knowledge. But I do keep in touch with what happens and go back when I can. My father Emma Ukwu fought in the war. Where he met my mother Nkechi Okoroji. So I am as igbo as they get.

I can give you examples of how my parents would put down Yoruba people, but I won't. I know there are many oyinbo people on this board who are not aware of our issues. So why would I want to give them the impression we are divided, even if at times we can be? And everytime my parents would say something negative or indirectly insult them, I would always get upset and stick up for the Yoruba. Although my family may not agree with what some yoruba's, in no way did they have as much hate for them as your father has for us. I just can't believe how much hate your father has for igbo people. My parents would have no issues if I married a Yoruba woman. Though offcourse they'd prefer a igbo woman.


You will always have bias opinions about igbo people, just like I'll always have bias opinions of your people. But I would never put down yoruba people infront of strangers like you have to us. Abeg please. 419 a igbo thing? How much is the average income in Naija? So a yoruba man has too much morals to participate in a 419 scam? So corruption go stop if you take all the igbo's out of naija?

After reading your post, especially the last part of us being full of ourselves, others hating us, and blaming the 419 on us, I really want to start hating yoruba people but I won't. Nigeria won't go anywhere if the people are divided. Or will another civil war be the answer?


Whoever started this thread, your answer has been answered. This is why some people from other tribes just cannot marry. Laydeez, god bless my brotha.

 

hahaha.

You can't be serious. Tell the skinny bitch he can go screw himself. Who the hell does he think he is. Infact since most kenyan girls are unattractive, I doubt any sane Nigerian would even wanna date her.

Even kenyans are talking bad about Nigerians. This world has gone mad. Nonsense. A kenyan !?!?!?! Even my kenyan friend wouldn't have the mouth to say what your ex said.

 

My goodness, I didn;t mean to start civil war on this one!

Thank you very much for your replies. Cris, I must say, I have never met a Yoruba man who speaks any tribal language other than his own! And I can fully understand why your father would have been annoyed, although I don''t appreciate it.

Ifeanyi has never faced such problems seeing as his mother is Bini and his father Ika - they were always open to whatever choice he made. His parents are both dead, but the rest of his family are very supportive of our relationship, although they do keep banging on about us getting married!

Ifeanyi has travelled to various other African countries and "dated" the girls there, and not really had any problems, except for in Sierra Leone - where the girl's father disapproved.

Regarding all this inter-tribal tensions, I am not going to comment on the 419 thing or blame the Ibos - we all have our opinions on different tribes, some if it based on personal experiences and some on word of mouth from others. What I do think is a shame though, is the reputation of Nigerians over the world. I even found a Ghanaian forum where they were all slagging off Naija people!

But me, I won't hear a bad word said about Nigerians as I adore them, all of them!

 

Sorry, I had to say this. 419 is a Nigerian reputation. But white people don't understand is that it may have started in Nigeria, but alot of other african nation are involved in it. Many people from Ghana, Cameroon,etc do the scam also. And they claim they're Nigerian because of the reputation. So the heat won't be on their country also.

 

Thanks, but I already know! I was just responding to the issues raised in previous posts, not the history and current 419 wahala.

 

Actually my Nigerian friend was a man, not a woman. So when I married Muasya he felt as my husband he could tell me who I could and could not have as a friend. He was furious I had a Nigerian friend. I wouldn't back down though. There was nothing wrong with our friendship and I refused to back down.. then the two of them got into it, because he told him that he was to stay away from his wife..

it was a mess..

 

I know you know that iffy. I was just speaking out loud.

http://www.torontosun.com/News/Canada/2007/01/31/3489473-sun.html

Here's an example. And these 3 aren't even Nigerian.

 

So he was jealous of another man. Not because he was Nigerian.

 

nope.. I had other male friends.. It was specifically because he was Nigerian. He had an extreme hatred for them

 

Well, some people may have an "extreme hatred" for Nigerians, but here are some Nigerians I love!

Lemar - a gorgeous, British born Ibo man


Nasm although he doesn't claim to be Nigerian, his Father, Olu Dara certainly is.


Celestine Babayaro - footballer


There are many others, but I can't be bothered to list them all or I'd be here all day and night.

 

Correct one, Iffyswifey 8).

Anyway, i do not really get the hatred of Nigerians from all these other pesky African countries who, when in times of strife, come running to us for help. Ghana, Togo, Cameroon, Niger, Sierra Leone and Chad all rely on Nigeria for hydro-electric supply, amongst other things. It is passed onto them through the Kainji Dam. When Zimbabwe received independence in 1980 and many of the colonialists left with virtually everything, it was Nigeria's President at the time (Shehu Shagari) and influential Nigerian leaders who helped them "get on their feet" so to speak. When civil wars destroyed Liberia and Sierra Leone, it was Nigerian leaders who deployed troops to help curb the sectarian violence. Many African indigenes who do not come to Europe or North America seek Nigeria as a third destination. A lot of Western, Eastern and Central African countries (even some Northern) rely on Nigeria heavily.

So it is highly shocking and pathetic for these people to talk smack about Nigeria given the fact that they have little political standing compared to Nigeria. Their nations are ridden with poverty, corruptions, contemporary apartheid (something non-existent in Nigeria) and post-imperialism (another non-existence in Nigeria). In all of these little African countries, the Europeans still control them and are their other backbones. Zimbabwe and South Africa are two countries with over 80% of black people and just over 10% whites, yet whites control virtually every political, social and financial amenity in their countries. Blacks, despite being the majorities in their countries, still face rampant discrimination. Now that never, ever happened in Nigeria, at all. Since 1960, Nigeria's been independent and our economy flourished so much that at one time, $1 was equivalent to 1 naira (the Nigerian currency). This was true until about the 1980s when greedy military dictators starting embezzling the country's money overseas and received backing from Margaret Thatcher and Ronald Reagan, amongst other right-wing leaders. That signalled the beginning of the breakage of Nigeria's very strong economy. Poverty increased since then, more immigrants started staying overseas for that reason and inflation hiked.

Despite all of that, Nigeria does not rank amongst the poorest countries and is the 5th largest exporter of oil in the whole damn world. Many foreign investors from North America, Europe, the Middle and Far East are nvesting billions of dollars in Nigeria, something almost impossible to do in most African countries. Nigeria is the wealthiest black country in the world and if Black America were to become nation, Nigeria would still be wealthier than it, that's to tell you how wealthy Nigeria is. No other African country has paid up 90% of the debts it owes the west; Nigeria has.

I could remain here if i begun to list exactly how much more advanced Nigeria is compared to the rest of Africa but i'd be here for days if i did. All of you who have African friends that despise Nigeria, the next time they say some bullshit about Nigeria, tell them all what i have just said and make 'em shut the fuck up.

Please!!!

 

ok, I know now. He must have been a 419 victim. I had a friend from congo. He got scammed, lost 10k and decided not to talk to me anymore. Because the guy happened to eb from the same country.

If that isn't the case, he must have been crazy.

 

I've got friends who are Ibo and Yoruba (and Edo for that matter) and while I can see a slight physical difference.....the personalities are fairly similar. I'd say Ibos are more likely to say they are Ibo rather than Nigerian....but Yorubas are prideful once they are provoked a little......the Ibos I know seem to carry more animosity (if they have any opinion)...towards Hausa because of the differences in religion....Shariya Law Islam vs. Christianity or Eckanka etc.