A night out - some observations

Hello people,

This post may be a little long. Apologies in advance.

I have previously noticed and recently re-noticed the idea that Malikom is talking about in his controversial thread about bm often dating less than spectacular ww. Now, I'll state from the beginning that I fully believe and am happy for anyone to date whomever they wish. It's just a phenomenon that I have noticed and thought I'd drop some comments down.

I have previously noticed that all (and I mean ALL) the Zim guys that my bf hangs around with are either dating Zim girls or scary ww. There are not a huge number of them dating ww, but the ones that are have made some non-envious choices.

All of these guys are at uni and are around the 19 - 23 years old range. The types of girls they're hanging around with are (predictably) uni girls, seemingly not far out of school. I don't know how to describe them, except that they're quite immature, party-loving, hip-hop obsessed, skanky type girls. Either that, or they’re hanging on, older, fat, loser women. If you look at their myspace/hi5/facebook pages, there's just photos of them saying "Simba and Me", "Tyrone and me", "Basil and Me".....they just love hugging the black dudes and obviously for people to see that.

There's also a core group that just jump from one to another. 3 months dating this dude, 2 months dating his friend, 5 months with the next guy, and so on.....very strange.

These girls also seemingly love hanging out with the black chicks, to the point that I have never seen two white chicks who are friends hanging out together, it's just 1 white chick per group of black people.

I have a theory that they're not that great of a catch and feel that hanging out with the black dudes here gives them some type of kudos and makes them cool by default. it's also a novelty. The vast majority of black people here are from Africa, international students. Pretty interesting and sure to impressive in some circles.

What I can't figure out is why the black dudes can't see this, and why they fall for it?

I realise that I may seemingly be putting myself in the same category as these chicks. Maybe other people see me the same way!?! That’s life. In fact, you probably are all thinking exactly that right now about me.

I don't know - it's just not a comfortable crowd...it all seems to put on, like it's forced...people like the idea of hanging out with each other, but in reality...it's not comfortable and it doesn't seem to flow. Maybe it's the age of everyone, who knows?

I went out with my bf last night to a neighbourhood club that had a "Zim" night on. As you would expect, there were mostly Zim people there. There was the usual number of white chicks mingling around, mostly skanky/fat/daggy/scary/old....

My brother came out with me (for some company ) and after I had spent a lot of the night observing all the goings on and thinking all these things (never actually saying it)...my brother turned to me and said "I'm not trying to offend you, but why are all the white chicks here fat or ugly? I don't think you are, but all the other chick here are just weird". I figured then, that it's not just me...I thought that I was just being crazy.

When we first got there, we went to a table with about 4 couples - 4 bm, 4 ww. All the couples seemed a bit older than the general crowd (maybe 25+), and so I was hopeful that we could sit and have a meaningful conversation - being that I can understand what they say (everyone else speaks in Shona all the time) and they're closer to my age and therefore probably having similar interests!?!. They all eyed me up and down and all were seemingly in the middle of being pissed off at their bf.

(FROM WHAT I HAVE OBSERVED….I definitely think there are added difficulties in a ww/Zim man relationship....because the Zim men act differently to wm here - differently in a bad way compared to wm - and it takes communication, understanding and compromise to make it work...generally speaking...I see a lot of ww going out with the zim guys here who like the idea of a hot african bm, but the reality of this relationship is something way too difficult...it's not the same as dating a "black" white man...a Zim man is typically different culturally as well and that can be difficult to deal with)..

So these chicks seemed to be going through the phase of not understanding the little things that zim guys do which can be interpreted as bad and getting pissed off at it. And they did not want to talk to me. The black chicks don't really talk to me, because we have nothing in common and nothing to talk about, but they're generally very friendly and I like them a lot...the black dudes talk to me a little bit, because most of them know my bf and so, they'll talk to me a little (sometimes)...otherwise...it's just me. (and my brother - god bless him) In fact, it's the other white chicks who obviously avoid me...

I find it frustrating that there is never anyone I can talk to...all these (white) chicks are IMO stupid. I don't know why that is, and why there aren't any other ww there that I can chat to.. That sounds so condescending, i know...i'm not trying to make out that I'm some kind of amazing person...i'm sure other people probably think I'm rude/shy or boring...it's all a matter of perspective...i'm just putting down my observations.

I guess, I just compare to my usual crowd. I can always find someone to chat with and have an intelligent conversation (anyone, any race). Maybe it's my bf, maybe it's the venue, maybe it's the ages...

But the point of this post is, I definitely notice a trend of dodgy ww dating the bm (99% of which are African) here. Why this is, who knows?!

I hypothesise there are two major types of relationships that happen.
1. white chick likes the idea of black dude. Black dude likes the idea of white chick. Each find each other (whilst looking specifically in those demographics) and try and make the rest fit in around their desired ideal.
2. chick meets man. they get on well and find out they have a lot in common and find each other attractive. they date (regardless of the colour) because they like each other.

I think the crowd is mostly type 1....the places I go, and people I know are mostly type 2...
that, I think, is the difference. Maybe it's an age thing, maybe its a demographic thing, maybe its an education thing, maybe its a personality thing. Its probably all of these.

Whatever it is, it's irritating me. I'm sure the problem is probably me, and I always believe that if a person isn't happy (or something is wrong) it's their responsibility to sort it out. So, it's my problem - I know...I'm just dropping the comments out there, and fishing for some responses.

Thanks for reading my rant.

EDIT:
I edited this slightly, just to polish

 

:smt107

This is gonna be good.

 

flame away - i'm just asking the questions....
it's something I've noticed, and I'd like some input from others.
i'm not at all good at writing things eloquently...i just say what's on my mind.

I know that I don't have bad intentions with anything I say, so if you want to flame me, go ahead...you've obviously missed the point of what i'm saying.
My intention is never to offend, only to state/question things and probe for input/comments...

EDIT:
In case people think that I'm making negative comments about the Zim people that I hang around with, nothing could be further from the truth - my comments are about the demographic of non-African people that hang around the group. I am just wondering WHY this is the case. And, if anyone else has noticed this to be so.

 

Lady.

Unclench.

My post merely presages an inevitable flame war in this thread.

Thank you.

 

Lucifer,

I wasn't having a go at you - I get that what I said will probably Pi$$ people off - that's life...
I'm just defending myself before the fire starts
Like I said, I can't write things eloquenty - I just say it how I see it.
I'm like that in real life also and get myself into trouble often, so now I just accept that's the way I am, and get on with it.

Maybe you have some insight for me for my questions?!?!
Maybe I am just a bitch?!
Who knows - it's all a matter of perspective.

Thanks for replying, anyway!
cheers.
FEHG

 

I'm not sure what the expected flame is...but maybe I'm just way too tired right now.

For me - I don't hang out in places, or with people, that I'm not comfortable with. I don't really care what other people are doing....unless it impacts me.

I don't quite get why so many people are concerned with who other people are loving (black, white, fat, thin, ugly, smart, stupid, old, young...whatever) I mean if you don't want to be with that person or around them...then don't. But why waste energy on what someone else is doing?

 

Exactly,it has come to another persons attention.
I remember a white guy saying that he "supports interracial relationships",because black men weed out and take all the white women,white men dont want.That pissed me off to no end.I can only shake my head at black dudes that take bottem of the barrel white girls.

 

Maybe those guys can't attract much more than BOTB girls (bottom of the barrel) figured I'd abbreviate it since it seems to be the term on this website thanks to some lovely, hot and hunky (?????) members here.

And yeah agree with KnCA, again WHY do we care?

 

OMG, I am soooo sick of this topic. And Malikom is the biggest troll ever. Why on earth do you feed that ass hole????

Nope, I have never noticed that it's like that here. But I think some of the things you experience can be explained by
1. age
2. they're exchange students...

1. A lot of young people (as you said, these people are age 19-23), have many and short relationships. There's nothing unusual about that. There wouldn't be here anyway. (When I was 23, I was still with my old high school BF, and was considered a freak because of it. Everyone were constantly telling me to go out and "live life".)

2. Many of these young Zim men will probably be going home afterwards. (Well, unless they get a job abroad.) Which means that for now they can more or less do as they please. Several of them are probably just fucking whatever they can, just for the experience and fun of it. (Just like a huge number of horny young wm do.) If these women are as "promiscuous" as you say, the Zim men are likely to have no respect for them what so ever. The huge majority of them will probably eventually end up with decent, Zim women their families will approve of.

If everyone's fine with the situation, I don't see the problem...

As I said, I haven't noticed that it's like that here. The ww who are with foreign men, no matter what colour they come in, seem to be just like the rest of the population exterior-wise. Some are very pretty, some are not so pretty, and the huge majority is completely average. If I'm going to stereotype and draw hasty conclusions with no scientific or statistic backup though, I'd have to say that the majority of women in serious relationships are educated, well-travelled, and somewhat politically active. Those who just hang around/sleep with these men however, all seem to be a bit slow.

 

and what happens when a brotha hooks up with a funny lookin' black chick? He's taking the chicks that the otha brothas don't want too, right

I don't recall those guys proclaiming themselves to be "works of god." Some of them are just "concerned" (it's not really any of their business) with good looking black guys, jumping the fence and going with unattractive white women. Attraction isn't the only thing in a relationship, and any fool with a brain knows that; so maybe those guys are with those women for other reasons. Maybe they're more supportive, caring, etc.

 

Agreed Petty, I do however think that someone who thinks he is average looking, ok looking etc. doesn't go out proclaiming BS like that (I mean talking about other people being "bottom of the barrel") I would assume that a person using this kind of lingo will think he is hot, better looking than average. I might be wrong here just thinking out loud.

 

maybe you just want to see malikom naked..

:shock:

 

LOL OF COURSE I do... hey I definitely don't agree with most of his posts, he is annoying as hell but as long as he shuts up and shows up naked you won't hear me complain :lol:

 

NAH

what chigirl means is niggas shouldnt judge unless they too wanna be judged. We hate it when ppl judge us by how we look, but then go out of our way to do the same thing,,,,aint that a bitch??...you'll always hear the phrase "dont judge a book by its cover"..but how many of us actually practice it???

And while youre out there thinkin youre too hot for some girls, there are many more that think they are too hot for you. So why not just live and let live??...and thats real yall//// but honestly?? im not surprised by this at all... and it helps accentuate the logic that goes into play within interracial relationships. Its all about sex, and the concept of relationships in our lives are based primarily on the beauty that was sold to us in the silver screen....

I dont think im like that though. But,,,,,i will admit that a hot slim blonde girl with a tight booty and long legs would easily erect my attention much faster than a fat chick would. But only the one with a purer heart will maintain my attention

 

True BLMJ,most are hypocritical when it comes to looks.

 

Attraction or preference aside, any human being referring to another human being as "bottom of the barrel" is UTTERLY WITHOUT CLASS.

Also, such a human being has forfeited their right to just and unbiased treatment in life due to the fact that they are a HUGE BIGOT. :x

Sorry I yelled... I got miffed.

 

Well,

For a start, I don't care who does what, when or where...ever...as long as it doesn't DIRECTLY impact me...which of course, it isn't.....

Now that that's cleared up...

I was simply trying to articulate something which I have noticed and which was niggling in the back of my head...

I think maybe it is to do with age, and the fact that many of these guys haven't been outside Africa before now, and so are perhaps spreading their wings a little. (FYI - no Zim chicks are dating WM)

anyway, for what it's worth.....
(which probably isn't much to anyone)

But I was out to dinner with my bf last night, and we were just chatting about the night. i have never said anything about this to him, mostly because it isn't really that big of a deal, and secondly, because I don't know if he sees it the same...

He commenced a conversation saying EXACTLY the same thing that I had posted on here - that all the non-Zim girls are $*(#($*(@#$*&@.... etc. And (I quote) "they only chase after black dudes because they can't get a white guy".....

Now, I know that isn't true, because anyone can get just about anyone if you want...but the point was made.

The only difference he made was this "don't think those black dudes are alright, most of them are dodgy....etc."....
He said that they come over here, and because there aren't any white chicks at home, it's a novelty, and so they go with it. Also, he said that the way that many people behave here would not be tolerated by their family and friends back home.

so...

I agree with what Malikom wrote in that....in my personal observation, in this location, at this time, with this group of people....it is true....
I don't agree with Malikom that it is embarrasing, etc...people do what they do...life moves on.

so, the outcome is...I need to find a different crowd of Zim ppl, because obviously I am way too old and boring to be in this one!

Thanks for the debate....

 

Of course they're not... They're probably not dating much at all.

Gender equality hasn't really reached Africa much yet (huge surprise), so the double standards are high.

And if I'm going to make a wild guess, lots of these people probably already knew each other. Several might even related. Or their families are really close friends. That makes it even harder for the girls to "misbehave" like the boys are doing.

BTW, none of what your BF said, surprises me a single bit... That's how most exchange students behave since they've got no "babysitters" any more. And trying something "new and exotic" just because you happen to have the opportunity... that's simply how men are. Some women too of course. That's why it's fairly easy for instance for an African exchange student to get a ONS here, but much harder to get a real date... Most women just want to see if the guys live up to their reputation, as well as to have a good story to tell their GFs after a few beers.

 

Why do people always get mad at the truth? :lol: Its true.I want all of the non believers to conduct an experiment.Go out to a busy place on the weekend (to the movies,mall,etc) where alot of interracial couples congregate.Now,i want you to observe the black girls/white guy couples you see.Than observe the back guy/white girl couples.I guarantee you that on average,the black girls with the white boys will look better.Matter fact,ive only seen 2 ugly black girls with white guys,and ive seen alot of black girl/white guy couples.The black chick almost ALWAYS looks bangin.Too bad we cant say the same for the white girl/black guy couples.The chick is either fat,"white trash" looking,ugly,wigger or a combination of the 4.Even on alot of black girls myspaces.I would go on and find a black girls myspace that obviously prefers white men and sates it in her pro & has white guys in all of her top 8,and she would look BANGIN.Then i would find a white girls myspace that liked black men,and she would be FAT and UGLY and she would have pictures of interracial couples all over her myspace with banners that say "I LOVE BLACK MEN" with black dudes in all of her top 8.This also happens among the wigger types of chicks but they are usually white trash/ugly so they fall into the "bottom of the barrel" group.Ive rarely come across a slim,bangin respectable white chick that likes black guys,or confesses it in her pro.The only time i come across those,the majority are sluts that confess their love for "BBC" and join bbc groups on myspace and etc.I dont come across regular ordinary good looking white girls that prefer DATING black men and confess it in their pros.

now ,you may think this is silly,but this actually speaks volumes.When people see differences,why not discuss and come to an explanation?Why do people feel the need to evade the topic?

sad sad sad