A little embarassed but facing reality

Hey Nikkoman, I'm no doctor but it sounds like you got a bad case of JUNGLE FEVER

 

A little embarrassed but facing reality,......................

greetings to you Nikko,

i'm alexis, and wow i'm so saddened by your situation. it takes a lot of courage to speak about it, and i applaud yours. i've not yet the life experience to bring to you a solution for what you should or shouldn't do but in reading the thread here, the attached quote from TreePixie rings true with great information, and sound reasoning.

my own experiences so far tell me that a relationship with another should not be dishonored for any reasons, and that once it is, you lose a really good part of yourself should you dishonor it.

simply, an orgasm could not logically be worth it could it? walk the line of honor, and do the right thing by all. don't be afraid to seek the real, and qualified help that is out there. your church pastor may be an option for you but a real therapist will probably be the most help.

you are seemingly a good man, do not let temptation or a poor decision change that, k? you are surely worth much more. i will hope that you, and your wife can overcome the issues you have, and that the key ingredient of effective communication between you can again surface.

please have a peaceful day, one of great love, and great patience.


alexis

 

Thanks all for the continued advice. As far as therapists go, I'm going with a male. I don't trust myself with a female psychologist and don't even want to go there. If it's a BM or WM doesn't really matter much to me. A BM might relate more, but just a man I think would help.

So, I'm overthinking things? Well, it wouldn't be the first time. My wife today asked me what was the matter. How do you say, "I want to be with a white woman"?

Some of you said I already know the answer, if I go with just what my feelings say, I'd be out now and go on the dating scene. But, something tells me that would be a bad idea. Staying though is tough as I'm becoming a blob at home and I don't like that at all.

As for porn, been there and done that. I hate watching wanting the real thing, and the wham-bam-thankyou-ma'am stuff gets boring after a while.

Ah, which brings me to about three years ago. I had an emotional affair with a coworker...at least my wife calls it that. Basically for about 3 months we talked after work, ate lunch, and got to be good friends. I thought it was wrong but even back then I was crying out for communication. I told my wife about it on my own, not really wanting to hide something from her. She was hurt and I ended the 'relationship'. The woman cried. She wasn't white,though, and I had no idea how deep her feelings had become. Next few months my wife and I had a better relationship - she told she took me off the pedestal and it allowed her to be real. That I had flaws.

I said, "uh, yeah I got flaws!!" But after a few months of things getting better things got worse. As I'm reading the responses and my own comments this is definitely more about me and my feelings than a - sorry poster - jungle fever of some kind. I plan to find a therapist in the next couple of weeks to try to get my mind back on track.

There is now another woman at work who i just can't stop talking to. luckily she's in another office but we met for coffee and I had to stop myself from making a pass at her. It was the communication that was intoxicating. She's ok looking but we could talk and talk. I'm not sure what to do there...but i'm tempted to do a lot of not-so-nice aka naughty things.

With my wife I always feel under attack and that all the advice I give she ignores. I feel as though her friends all say I'm a great guy, a few had even dropped hints at me (total turnoff btw...girl code anyone?) but I've never felt that type of acceptance with my wife. And every time I mention anything negative to her she gets defensive, and then I shut down.

Sorry folks there's a lot here and i know I'm jumping around a lot. Suffice to say, I'm convinced that I have to address this now and not be afraid of what will happen. As for the anxiety it's calmed down once I recognized what it was. Doing things like this allow me to get out emotions that I have been holding in and have been literally making me sick. it's funny how the mind interacts with the body sometimes.

And Alexis, i agree an orgasm isn't worth it. But if the right person came along in my vulnerable state, not sure my defenses would be sufficient, I'm not even sure I'd want them to be.

*slaps self*

Ok, getting back on track 11eleven11 said something I was wondering anyone would pick up on. I never did say I loved her. I do love my wife, I wonder if I am in love with her. Not the romance lovey dovey stuff, but the kind of love that says I can't live without you. When I think of not being married to her the word that comes to mind is 'peace'. But I think the fact that I made a promise to her on our wedding day plays a significant role. But I'm stuggling, thinking i could be happier by myself or with someone else. But I do love her...but i don't know if that's enough.

 

Nikko, love isn't enough.

You have to reach out to your wife and get her to join you in counseling. I think the breakdown in communication is what's killing everything, and if you love her, and you want to give things a fighting chance, then I would go that route first. I am of the opinion that if it can't be fixed, then it's better to go your separate ways so that you can both be happy. Life is too short to be miserable.

 

Co-sign.

Pixie, Eleven & Huntress give the best advice, imho. Glad to see that you are seriously considering therapy. It's been said and I agree: communication (or lack thereof) is the issue here, not your desire (may I be so bold as to say lust) for a white woman. For some reason, you seem to equate WW with total satisfaction (meaning that you will find the depth you are lacking), and I don't think that's necessarily true. If you and your wife found that open communication for a short time, you can find it again with help from a qualified therapist.

You mentioned your faith - may I ask what your beliefs are and what part they play in your life?

 

Here is the thing, and certainly not to discount your personal feelings. But when white women come in the site, married to white men saying that same thing that you said it seems as if "Hey this isn't work for me, might as well try some black folk"

...this is the same. For whatever reason what you have with the misses isn't work so (it seems) might as well try for the second string.

I do understand, more than I will explain here, doing what is right by your children. I'll say that if you can wake up one morning, look yourself in the mirror and say "I have tried all I can try" then perhaps it is time to make the move. We will get up every morning, of every day and go to a job that we HATE.........that we loathe, yet we will do it, And will do it day in and day out and fight to keep that job.

...we should give as much and if not more for our marriagse.

...but brother, I can dig. (real talk)

 

POWERFUL!

 

Mature insight, Ymra.

 

I actually only poke fun at the zoo animals. Everyone else I'm pretty cool with.

And "accept" my friend invite jerk, before things get ugly. ha!

 

Great advice.

 

Guess that makes me the polar bear exhibit, huh.

 

I won't even ask which one I am. I'm sure I would find out. :roll:

 

You are growing on me.

 

Take minute and read this again. You said this yourself and is an answer.

 

Just have an affair and get it over with. Keep a 2nd string chick and if she tries to to come for the number 1 spot cut her. Rinse and repeat.

Reality, you live a decent life right now, divorce will fuck that up.

 

Wow.

Really? This post was a joke, right?

 

:smt009

 

Charming

 

Way to disrespect *both* women, not to mention himself:smt099