30+ and i've never had a girlfriend--

Clean slate starts in 2016.. being in therapy now helps.. at least a bit.. :smt102

 

Props and I wish you the best. Therapy is a tremendous help.

 

How's it going for you

 

It's never too late to "try again".


Like some of the others have mentioned, join some popular matchmaking sites and be consistent in your efforts. As long as you genuinely want to improve, and you seek the counsel of others that have succeeded in dating, you will get better and eventually find what you're looking for.

Focus on becoming a better you. Be HAPPY about life (even when things aren't going so well).

Therapy is a good start. Look for answers to your problems constantly. Meditate, whatever it takes.

Start up a conversation with a random woman as often as you can. You can be relaxed and be yourself.

Practice! Patience! Persistence!

Don't stop believing it can happen, even when it hurts like hell!!!


Last thing I could say it that physical fitness helps tremendously with mental clarity and enthusiasm about life!

 

Word

 

thats awesome dude. keep up the effort

 

Not enough good things I can say about my therapist. She cool as fuck and kicks it with ya, but doesn't beat around the bush while setting you straight.

 

this and to add to this, just like in baseball ypu will strike out but you will hit a homerun too. so keep swinging.

 

I like LA's post but I disagree about the online thing for you right now. At this point you probably pushing 40, if you haven't had a girlfriend yet you are not putting yourself out there and meeting enough people IRL.

The most practical approach for you right now would for you to be a wing man for someone that has no problem getting laid or at least for someone who is outgoing and doesn't fear rejection.

That way you get more comfortable conversing and meeting women. Stop looking for the perfect girl and focus on getting laid and enjoying the moment.

You will find your way from there.

 

yeah....just put yourself out there and dont be afraid of rejection.

learn to start a convo with random people to get your convo skills up.

the most important thing about it is to make them feel they have your undivide attention.

 

a lot of people have given you some good advice.

@blackmasterjay - good advice, funny how it is worded.

@hypestyle, here is my take.

if you haven't dated/had a girlfriend, whatever, it's cool. what has happened has happened. what is essential now is changing that.

befriending a woman could help. build trust in her and shoot the shit with her. some of the best unadulterated advice i have gotten about life has been from women.

be interesting, if you are looking to meet a woman of substance. interesting in the sense of hobbies and interests of your own. finding what you are passionate about: brother, everybody will want to be around you. when you find something you enjoy doing, i don't give a damn what it is - your confidence will grow on that alone. all of a sudden, you will have a straighter gait and beaming smile.

you are in your 30s now, looking the part is important, i think. again, if you are looking for a woman of substance, likely she is looking for said guy. and looking the part is vital to most of them. not a bunch of expensive brands and what have you. a google search on 'timeless classics (clothing)' is a start - stuff you have in the closet that works well for all occasions.

exercise and what you are eating are important. they are known to go hand in hand with mood/feeling. by getting up early and running, for me the rest of the day, everything seems crisp.

don't worry about getting women's attention, in the sense of having to get her attention. women like dudes who are self-sufficient and comfortable in their own skin (no matter how dorky or cool you may be). don't bullshit your way through, because a seasoned women will call you out. if a woman just so happens to be in your circle, proceed accordingly.

dude, don't sweat the small stuff. worrying about loving and getting yourself right and tight before you bring a woman into the equation - it is only fair to everybody involved.

 

Many thanks everyone, one and all. I'm trying to get it together, especially when it comes to mental-health related issues and my neverending search for a better job/career path.. seeing all sorts of people boo'ed up during the holidays was a little aggravating but I guess it's a non-issue now... I just hope I can have a minimal-stress free next couple of weeks..

 

Man...you should probably leave Detroit.

 

Without a doubt!

 

that's the plan, for sure.. preferably sooner rather than later..

 

HS,had you visited Canada? If so and still did not have a gf then,you had to find other options. I would love to drive up to Windsor if I was living in Detroit.

 

I'll have to deliberately plan out a trip to Windsor soon. I've rarely been, over the years. We'll see how it goes. Windsor women are all that, huh?

 

agree with this!

when you are truly doing you on your own, the pomp and circumstance will come. nothing needs to be said, it will be evident. for the most part, folk like the be around folk that are truly doing it - proof is in the pudding. shit, don't even focus on garnering a fan base in the midst of doing you. just do you!

you are right! when approaching a woman and she isn't feeling it, a large portion of the time, it has nothing to do with the approacher.

 

I have a feeling that the o.p. has deeper problems he's not telling us about. 30+ with never a girlfriend is not your typical case of shyness or awkwardness... And this thread started way back in 2008!

Are you pushing 40 now with no luck yet?

OP -- be honest out here in the anonymity of cyberspace... Why do YOU think you've never had a girlfriend?

Are you sure you're not trolling?

Do you have some hormonal problem?

Are you still a virgin?

Do you whack it?

When you whack it are your fantasies about women?

Have you been to hookers? ...Strip clubs?

Answer those questions and I'll bet we'll be able to help you. Give us the deep info & we'll get you off the ground (or let you know it's hopeless). I guarantee it.

 

http://www.socialanxietysupport.com/forum/f21/laments-of-a-41-year-old-virgin-1299289/

[FONT=&quot]1 Are you pushing 40 now with no luck yet?
I can star in my own Steve Carell movie.[/FONT]
[FONT=&quot]
2 OP -- be honest out here in the anonymity of cyberspace... Why do YOU think you've never had a girlfriend?[/FONT]
[FONT=&quot]Severe Social Anxiety; depression; getting treated as a nerd as a kid; having to get used to Detroit with no social circle (not my hometown); initially dropping out of college at 19 and feeling deeply ashamed/inadequate; not finally finishing college until 3 years ago; never earning enough money to move out on my own;

3 Are you sure you're not trolling?
If truth-telling is trolling…[/FONT]
[FONT=&quot]
4 Do you have some hormonal problem?
Err… I’m going with no. (definition?)[/FONT]
[FONT=&quot]
5 Are you still a virgin?
See #1.[/FONT]
[FONT=&quot]
6 Do you whack it?
Man, what do you think? [/FONT]
[FONT=&quot]
7 When you whack it are your fantasies about women?
Always.[/FONT]
[FONT=&quot]
8 Have you been to hookers? .
Never. Let’s face it, 99% of professionals don’t look like music-video chicks or famous actresses, etc. Detroit isn’t northern Nevada. There’s no bunny ranch. Then there’s money $$$ issues, police/undercover issues, robbery/setup issues, “get-in-get-out-I’m-on-the-clock” issues, fear of “damn, I had to pay for it” post-hookup regrets, etc. I'd rather not be bothered with all of that.
[/FONT]

[FONT=&quot]..Strip clubs?[/FONT]
[FONT=&quot]Yes, but only a select number of times (less than 10?). I’ve only once had the nerve to go by myself; usually it’s only when a male cousin visits from out of town. I’m always nervous about potentially overspending.[/FONT]