Double standards for cheating?

A thread in this forum gave me the idea of this one. Women forgive their partners for an infidelity (and men even expect to be forgive) much more often than a man does. Is this because men do not need feelings to sleep with a woman but in the most cases when a woman cheats she puts some of her heart in it and it is more unforgivable?
In the case of facing a lifetime with someone, I don't know if anyone could sleep with their partner and their partner only for 40 years.....
What do you think of monogamy? When the sexual attraction fades is it more "moral" to break up with your partner and be with someone new or stick with her/him in good and bad but cheat every now and then?

Also, would you forgive cheating? Would you expect to be forgiven?

 

I believe in monogamy and would rather break up wit a person before you get involved with someone else. For married people its more difficult, but I think people should stick it out and keep things interesting.

If I cheated on someone I would feel really bad. :cry: I would hope that we could work things out but things change after that happens and the level of trust is never the same.

I think women forgive easier and men seem to be like forget you. Maybe it is because most women who cheat become emotionally attached usually. Men is generally a more physical thing. I think men are also more "territorial" (bad word I know but I can't think of any other) so they are more unforgiven if the woman cheats........

Good topic....

 

Thanks for your input Alessandra.

I'm still curious if men, in all honesty, will answer how they would deal if they would ever cheat (things can be worked out and the relationship saved?)and be cheated (can things still be worked out and the relationship saved?), would they forgive it from a woman if they did it themselves, or is the equality of sexes a utopy, its not meant to be and just won't happen in real life in a few areas, one of them being this one.

Also I'm curious from the women if after let's say 10 years of relationship or marriage find "acceptable" an infidelity and forgives it, or maybe when certain obvious clues are present won't even look into them to find out if its true, if the man has been there for her for so long, through good and bad, he is loving, caring and so on, or just packs her bags and leaves.

 

Fidelity-infidelity...two faces of the same coin
Without infidelity we wouldn`t be able to define fidelity! but that`s another philosophical debate!

Personally, I would be able to forgive my partner and would expect to be forgiven, depending on the circumstances of the cheating and the nature of it! I wouldn`t stay if my partner has cheated repeatedly or many times with the same person...and wouldn`t expect a girl to stay with me or forgive me if I did the same. But if it was a one-time thing, maybe stirred by problems in the relationship, and if the feelings are still there, I believe we can work it out!

About women forgiving more than men:
For us men, I believe the main problem with a cheating gf/wife is our STUPID pride...the visualization of another man "TAKING" our woman, pounding her in a bed, etc...whereas women even though they get hurt by the sexual part of cheating, they seem to care more about the emotional status..."does he still love me" or is he also having feelings for the one he cheated with?"

For men, it is really hard to get past the SEXUAL infidelity, no matter if their gf still loves them and it was just an accident...women most of the time, will go back if they know that their man still loves them!

 

I agree with most of what you said... but there is NO SUCH thing as having an affair "by accident"!!! :lol:

Even though many ppl have been known to use that term as an excuse for their infidelity!

 

Hey everyone,
My response is harsh so forgive me in advance......

:evil: Absolutely HELL NOO!!!!! :evil:

I would never take back a woman that cheats for 3 main reasons:

Number 1, anyone that cheats on you (either man or woman) has lost RESPECT and CONSIDERATION for you, THAT'S THE BOTTOM LINE!!!!!!!!!!!
I understand that circumstances are different for each case, but you will never have that same respect and trust in that partner again.

Number 2, there are a lot of good women in this world that WILL NOT cheat on you, so why waist time with someone who does.

Number 3, CHEATING IS A SIGN OF A HUGE CHARACTER FLAW. This behavior cannot be underestimated, if you can deal with someone like that, then more power to you, but be ready to be one of those people who will be in the clinic hoping that you won't test out to be HIV positive.

Fellas, PLEASE, PLEASE, PLEASE HEAR THIS!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

You have to bottom line a woman's behavior with her actions. For example: you court a lady and she gives you her number. Every single time you call to make a date, she cancels or says she is busy.
BOTTOM LINE: SHE IS NOT INTERESTED!!!!!!!!!LEAVE HER ALONE.

Scenario 2: You walk past a girl in a mall or wherever and the girl locks eyes on you for at least 5 seconds with a smile.........
BOTTOM LINE: SHE IS INTERESTED IN YOU OR SOMETHING ABOUT YOU HAS INTRIGUED HER. GO AND TALK TO HER

So fellas you get my drift......DON'T EVER ACCEPT ANY EXCUSE FOR BAD BEHAVIOR BECAUSE SOME WOMEN WILL TEST YOUR LIMITS TO SEE IF THEY CAN RUN OVER YOU. DON"T EVER TAKE A WOMAN BACK AFTER THEY CHEAT (SAME GOES FOR WOMEN, DON'T TAKE BACK CHEATERS).

Remember, you have to bottom line a girl's (or guy's) behavior with their actions. Fellas, once she loses respect for you, the only way to get it back is to NEVER take her back. Don't take that type of shit from ANY GIRL!

Believe that!

 

*co-signs my screen name with Nilan's post*

 

Bravo nilan! I highly agree with your post especially...

I have learned my lesson on this. In my early 20's I forgave a boyfriend that had cheated on me and it continued to plague me for the rest of the 4-year relationship. What I found most appalling is that he expected I would cheat in revenge. However, cheating and revenge is not within my personality/character.

 

Speaking as a married woman who ended an affair recently. Yes men are more easily forgivem.

Is this because men do not need feelings to sleep with a woman but in the most cases when a woman cheats she puts some of her heart in it and it is more unforgivable?

I think so, I left my affair because the other guy forced me to chose.

In the case of facing a lifetime with someone, I don't know if anyone could sleep with their partner and their partner only for 40 years.....
What do you think of monogamy? When the sexual attraction fades is it more "moral" to break up with your partner and be with someone new or stick with her/him in good and bad but cheat every now and then?

I use to think marraige was forever, but starting to reconsider that idea

Also, would you forgive cheating? Would you expect to be forgiven

I would forgive because of what I have done. My H would never forgive me. His pride would not allow it.

[/b]

 

Yes I think it is different when it happens inside a relationship (no way) as opposed to a many years marriage and after you have built an entire life with a person (people can't overlook these things so easily even if they are the cheater or the cheated one).

 

OHHHHHH DAMMMMM!!!!! :twisted:

You all have gotten me started now!!!!!!!!!!

bosoxlady and Seychelles,

BOTTOM LINE: YOU WILL NOT CHEAT ON SOMEONE YOU TRULY LOVE, WHICH CLEARLY MEANS TO ME THAT SOMEONE OR SOME PEOPLE ON THIS THREAD DOESN'T KNOW WHAT LOVE TRULY MEANS.

DO YOU UNDERSTAND THAT THIS BEHAVIOR (CHEATING AND SLEEPING AROUND) CAN GET YOU KILLED!!!! :evil:

Out of curiousity, DO YOU TWO KNOW WHAT LOVE IS? Have any one of you ever been on the recieving end of the cheating? You seem to be mighty comfortable with the idea of forgiving this type of behavior.........
Keep in mind that this is not the same thing as saying, "If I ever got cheated on, I would forgive the partner." These are two different scenarios. I am tired of women saying all this stuff, but have never been on the recieving end and wonder why men won't forgive them.

bosoxlady,
I am sorry for your situation, but the bottom line is this......YOU HAD A TOTAL LACK OF CONSIDERATION AND RESPECT FOR YOUR HUSBAND, YOU ALSO DISRESPECTED HIM IN THE MOST HEINOUS WAY. ONE COULD SAY THAT YOU PROBABLY NEVER LOVED YOUR HUSBAND TO BEGIN WITH (because people don't cheat on someone they love), OR JUST WANTED TO TEST HIM TO SEE HIS LIMITS. There are plenty of women that believe in monogamy and would appreciate the man that he really is. Sadly, it was a game that you lost and he is right for not forgiving you....and do you know why? Because if you did it once, you will do it again because he let you get away with it. If you don't believe in monogamy, DON'T GET MARRIED.
And if you don't believe in monogamy and you still get married, DON'T BE SO SURPRISED WHEN HE (SHE) WON'T TAKE YOU BACK.

Seychelles and bosoxlady,
I am sorry to be so harsh, but I have to do my part to protect the fellas out there....There are TOO many good men out there that get screwed by women everyday. FOR EXAMPLE:

A woman can have a baby, and say it is yours knowing damn well she cheated on you, and that the baby is your best friends, cousins, or brothers baby. They will take the secret to their grave if they could......
I guarantee you that you all have female friends, co-workers, etc. that have a kid and her husband is completely unaware that he is not the true father.

FELLAS, DON'T LET THESE WOMEN RUN GAME ON YOU.....I KNOW I SOUND HARSH, BUT I AM JUST DOING MY PART TO PROTECT THE HEARTS OF THE NAIVE GUYS OUT THERE WHO THINK THAT, "OHHH SHE ONLY CHEATED ONCE, OR SHE JUST HAD A WEAK MOMENT."

PEACE OUT (to be continued)

 

This has gotten personal.
I can't forgive cheating. And I can't cheat either. It's not even a choice, I simply can't .

I'm just observing LOTS of people around me who either forgive either cheat, it's like so natural and spread,

and lately I'm questioning myself is there something "wrong" with me, am I too proud or too idealistic living on the never never land to think someone could be capable of not cheating ever, and I should settle with “the real world love” not the ideal image of true love?
But as for me, I know I can't. I'm just amazed at how many people can, and trying to understand the logic of it (we are humans so therefor not flawless and perfect and we will make mistakes so better just accept it as part of human nature? Love only lasts a few years and then there's respect and the fact that you have gotten so used to your partner?....it's not the end of the world as long as he didn't have feelings and he has feelings for you and stood by your side for 86398614 years and still does?? ).
Hmmmm...I'm an inquisitive nature, gotta stick my nose into everything....but please stop yelling !

 

Yes Nilan please STOP yelling...
I don`t know how old you are, but you sound immature and nrealy crazy! sorry but that`s how you sound!

Like Seychelles said, we are humans...with LOTS of flaws...
I am not trying to excuse anything, I`ve been on the receiving end of cheating...and I know how much it hurts...but I also know that sometimes ppl who cheated on you still loved you...as crazy as it might sound to you!!!
I`ve also been the cheater (not proud I did it, but not afraid to say it...just being honest)...did I regret it? I did...did I know it wasn`t right? I did...why did it happen? too long a story to tell here...but do I know what true love is? I do believe so, even though I`m probably gonna get crucified by a few memebers of the "salvation army" here :roll:

To quote Seychelles again, after 86398614 years with the same person, sometimes you get bored...the flame doesn`t burn the same...there are so many other circumstances that lead to extra-relationship sex...sooooooo many! there isn`t enough space to write them all!

Ddoes it mean it is a great thing to cheat?? of course not!!! Does it happen to the best ppl on earth??? YES it does! Life is everything but an exact science...when we make mistakes, most of us regret, but that rarely kept us from making the mistake....HUMAN NATURE, Nilan...

I`m afraid for you, bcoz maybe one day you will make a mistake...that day, make sure there is no weapon around you, bcoz u might kill yourself, disgusted to discover that you are flesh and bones...only flesh and bones my friend!!
Or maybe that day, hopefully, you`ll learn the word tolerance...which doesn`t mean accepting our flaws without trying to fight them!!!

To finish, in your post you seem to gladly omit that MEN are the ones that cheat the most...your tone "women putting fellas at risk out there" sounds a bit...mysogynistic...if u see what I mean!

 

Hey folks,
Sorry for all the yelling earlier :lol: I am just reallly passionate about these types of topics.....

Seychelles and JREMINATOR,
Thanks for your imput. Seychelles, there is nothing wrong with you. I share the same sentiment as you, I can't forgive cheating. And I can't cheat either. It's not even a choice, I WON'T cheat because I have high standards (that I expect my woman to also have) and I am a christian. From my pre-teen years to my young adult years (my ugly duckling years), I was ALWAYS on the recieving end of not very nice behavoir from women. When you go through life being mistreated, bullied, etc., it builds character within you and you learn how to treat people, but at the same time, you develop I guess a strong sense of justice and your level of tolerance for stuff is much lower. People who have been cheated on, mistreated, and burned an x number of times will be less inclined to do it to others. The proper thing to do is break up with your partner, then do your thing. The key thing is that you want to look deep before you leap and make sure you only get involved with people that have these same personality traits as you, as far as cheating is concerned. Trust me Seychelles, there are lots of people out there that are just like us, who don't and won't cheat. So there is no reason or obligation to stay with someone who cheats, especially with all these diseases going around. Somehow, I think you and I would be a pretty good match 8) I can send you a recent pic of me....trust me you would not be disappointed. Hey, I am only joking. :lol:

Anywho, JREMINATOR,
A lot of what you say is right....but, I am neither immature or crazy.
It is mostly men that cheat, I give you that one 1000%. I understand that we are human and that we will make mistakes. This is our nature and are designed to learn from mistakes. I need to know one thing from you though bro since you have been on both the recieving and giving end. If you are the person who used to be on the receiving end, and you got another who is used to dishing it out, who would you rather be with? All I am saying is that there are people out there that have high moral standards that won't cheat on me, that is all I want.

 

Ohhhhh, just to reiterate the point..............
It is crucial, JREMINATOR, that you find someone with similar personality traits, this is the most crucial factor for ANY long term relationship. People think that long term relationships and marriage (long term relationships) are all about sex and finding new ways of having sex. Sex is crucial, but then again, like I said earlier, look deep to see how important sex (and keeping it spicy) is for your partner because the importance of sex is different for each female. And finally, there are so many other ways to enjoy your partner other than just sex.......
artyman:
:smt014
:smt056
:smt057
:smt058
:smt072

Then again, maybe I am just a pawn, I know nothing.........

 

:lol:

Hey people,

Omit that last emoticon, I thought it was two people playing laser tag......
:lol:
Instead, it was just the purple guy shooting lasers at something, sorry.

 

Bottom line- Cheating is wrong. However, people do make mistakes, can change, and often don't plan for things to happen. Nilan, before my affair I was very harsh in my judgement of others and NEVER thought that I would have an affair, but I was wrong. I have learned never say never and judge not lest you to be judged.

I really do respect and agree with a lot of what you are saying, but nobody can know or judge the love that one person feels for another [/b]

 

Very very well said Bosoxlady!!!!! :smt023 :smt023 :smt023

 

Excellent post JR!
I appreciate the way you've exlained this.
I could not have said it any better and if I had tried, I don't think that I could have been so calm, since I have little tolerance for self-righteousness. :roll:

 

To Peargirl and Seychelles: :smt058 :smt058 :smt058