Career, Future and Love

I've never posted in this forum before, so please kind, as I am a little gun shy. In terms of building a life with someone, how much work is too much career wise? I've been told that I'm too focused on career to have a successful relationship. I do understand that relationships require attention and cultivation, but I also realize the world in which we live requires financial stability in order live comfortably. And maybe it's me because I'm always preaching "more money, more money" pretty much ad nauseum; but it's not out of not caring...but in hopes of one day providing the type of life for my potential life partner that I've always envisioned. So my question is...where's the fine line...how do you balance both, without compromising either?

:smt102:smt102:smt102:smt102:smt102:smt102:smt102

 

This is actually a great question and the answer will be different for each person. Two thoughts: Money really doesn't buy happiness, no matter how it looks from the outside looking in. And I think few people on their deathbed ever look back on their life and think "I wish I had made more money" but many do wish they had taken more time to invest in family and loved ones.

I agree that we all want to live comfortably. But what does that mean? Again, the answer will vary by individual. MS posted an article about a family who lives on $14,000 a year. By the accounts on the wife's blog, they seem to be quite happy and find ways to live comfortably on little.

For me, I would rather make less money but be rich by having invested in relationships, than have stacks but no one to come home to at the end of the day. I think it's up to the individual to soul search and decide what is really important. (PS The Bible says the love of money is the root of many evils. FWIW.)

 

I agree with a lot of what you said. Trust me I do...BUT, lol...there are many instances where an otherwise seemingly happy couple, ends up resenting each other for the lack of finances. Now, I know $14k is a bit extreme for me, but more power to them (I did see that article last week on Yahoo News), but what about vacations? Traveling? EMERGENCIES? Money cannot buy you happiness, but being broke can definitely make you unhappy. And while I'm not obsessed with money per se, I'm always thinking about tomorrow and the unknown.

 

Great thread.

It's definitely not easy balancing a career and relationships, not mention family. All are very important, but I believe happiness and family is most important. I have seen many professionals lose themselves in work and the compromise is a family that loses out on that very important relationship.

Its important to balance all of your commitments. I know, its easier said than done. I have 2 jobs myself, as well as 3 children...so time management can be tricky. Often times, I have to check myself because I get wrapped up in work and lose that time with my little ones.

 

Firstly, kudos for balancing 2 jobs and being mommy. Very hard to do. I know, because I was raised by a matriarchal family. Where the men were pretty much absent. I too have children, and although they do not live with me, I'm very active in their lives. It is very difficult to balance though...Mommy tells me all the time, I'm gonna burn myself out. I just finished grad school in December, and I'm already enrolled to take a post-graduate certification. I can't help it. It's like if I'm not doing something to get ahead, it feels like I'm falling behind. Especially being a black man in corporate America. We do, without question, have to do/try twice as hard to achieve the same success in the workplace as our white counterparts.

 

I think the key for some is not necessarily more money, but effective money management. All those things you mention are important. I read numerous blogs that relate to money-saving techniques. Many of these families take real pride in cutting costs and finding ways to save. And they often have large families and still manage to have an emergency and slush funds. The common goal of saving, cutting costs and re-purposing things often cements the family rather than tearing it apart. I think it still comes down to what is important for the individual. It seems to me, that for people who are constantly looking to make more money, there is never enough. They always seek more.

 

My mother tells me that all the time..."Jay, you're always looking to overcome the next hurdle, sit back and enjoy what you have already." I try to listen, as her advice rarely steers me wrong, but I just can't help it. Instinctively, I'm drawn back to planning, and thinking about tomorrow, next week, next month, next year...and how I'm gonna get ahead. I guess I'm doomed, lol.

 

Youre a young educated dude like myself and the bottom line is stack as much as you can while you can. You never know what might happen and as much as it sucks to say this, you cant buy love but you cant eat or wear it either. Its getting to the point where if youre not a millionaire you can never relax.

 

Could you tell that to the poor and starving kids around the world?

 

I could go home to Canada when I graduate in May and basically instantly find a job. Live rent-free, because my parents don't support paying rent, they'd rather me live with them and save up till I can buy a house... makes sense.

However, there's this guy I kinda like that wants to get up and move to LA to pursue his music career. "Everyone" does that, but he knows there isn't going to be a future for him music-wise here in DC. It'd mean living on basically nothing, but if he felt any type of way the same, it'd be worth it to me because of the company I'd be with. That being said, even though I kinda like the guy... I think him and his friend are super awesome either way, if he was to simply stay a friend.

It'd be tougher, yeah. But the company makes it worth it. Then again, I'm biased, because I DO NOT WANT to go back to Canada, period .

 

I think Mama knows best here. I understand your need to be prepared, but by focusing on the future, you're missing the present. And really, today is all you have at this moment. You may work and work, make more and more money, and leave this world without ever having benefited from it. It's wise to plan for the future and have a contingency fund, but you're here today! Enjoy today. Because tomorrow may not come (especially if you work yourself into an early grave). Your kids and future family probably won't say "I wish Daddy had made more money."

 

YAHTZEE!!! Lol. My sentiments exactly. And while I'd choose family and health over money any day...I do realize that the world is brick and mortar, not clouds and rainbows. I guess it really is all about finding that balance. I'll figure "it" out, I always do....

"IT":smt063

 

Lately I've seen a report on TV, when they mentioned that people feel happier till a yearly income of 60K, afterwards it doesn't make any difference anymore, whether you earn now 100K or 500K. I assume it's a good interpretation that money makes you feel more comfortable, one feels safer, but it doesn't make you happy. In contrary, when you see that in Switzerland, one of the richest countries of the world, we have the highest suicide rate.

The question is also, what is going to happen, if your SO or wife is the same focused on carreer and money. At the end- two people that are not very much interested in each other- and if she is not that greedy in success, she will feel lonely and divorce will show up on the horizont, soon.

On the other hand a relationship with a constantly empty wallet, but therefore a lot of happy loving time is also very stressy and many families break sooner or later.



I assume, money is important, but don't neglect your beloved ones. No money on earth is worth to loose the people that support and are next to you. The balance, how much time you invest in carreer or love exactly, is depending on the single people

 

I hear you, but then again, I've heard countless stories of people who have taken missions trips to third-world nations and come back schooled in the meaning of happiness. And all you have to do is turn on any TV show that follows the rich & famous of this country and see how little happiness money really buys.

 

Your posts in this thread describe me exactly. I have a very hard time balancing work and life. I have 2 little ones and its on me alone to make sure they have everything they need (and most of what they want). I do make a point not to work around them, but when they're sleeping or at a friends house, I'm working. I have BIG dreams and I feel a constant need to push myself further. At 31, I'm in a professional position where my counterparts are in their 40s and 50s. It makes me wonder how much further could I be at that age if I keep pushing myself?

I do want to to be able to maintain a relationship and I have to hope that if the right guy comes along, I'll be able to take a step back, breathe, and put forth the effort it takes to sustain that relationship. Wishful thinking...maybe. Easier said than done...definitely.

 

I so agree with this, CD! Great post!

 

It's correct what you say, but when I remember back, when I was end of twenty, beginning of thirty- I was behind money like the devil behind every sole. So, the energy you have in this age and the imagination that it's your time now and you will change everything and show them how it has to be done- is strong. Later on, you realize that all the older people were not stupid either..lol

 

Pretty much everyone (planner) has to be allowed to make their choices about the future. No one can bet on the future because the uncertainties are rather too many; I guess that is why it can be fulfilling when that future favours a planner.

I have come to realise that the world is changing and the unpredictability of the times has made it impossible to make decisions older ones without being boggled down with thoughts of financial stability. Back then, many things were given. Things like finishing school and getting a job. Unfortunately, school is not enough, you just have to be smart about the sort of education you go after.

I kind of wonder now that after you have succeeded and gotten it all, would you be happy tied into a big house with all the trappings of wealth and status and no one to spend it with? Maybe people need to be smarter about how they go about balancing life and relationship.

A lifetime of happiness is not guaranteed whether you financially stable or not, even though it helps to be financially stable. Times have changed and probably our understanding of the times would only come on hindsight.

That said , career should be about finding something that you love which brings you money while you are happy doing it. Still, I know is not that straightforward.

 

Oh, I love my career...I couldn't see myself doing anything else but what I do. Since entering my field 5-6 years ago, I've never had jobs that I actually liked doing. I've always worked in IT, but healthcare IT is so much more fulfilling...well, for me anyway.

 

Golden rule is the one with gold rules. Rule or be ruled theres no in between folks.