No one's talking about Steubenville?

That's pretty sweeping. 'Countless "normal" guys have the potential?' Because what exactly is the wrong circumstance, or what determines the circumstance to be wrong, and who makes that determination? Is it solely a woman who defines if a 'normal' man becomes a rapist? The law's? Or does a man accused have a say in it at all?

"Bringing" an intoxicated woman back..What does that even mean? That she didn't come there on her own volition? If that's the case, then she is being kidnapped. (funny how alcohol absolves a woman of her actions, but not a man's.)

'Having sex without her 'spoken' consent?'
Curious if every time you have had sex with a woman, has she 'spoken" her consent to you? I can't recall the time a man has asked me "may I have sex with you, please" And then I grant him consent. Because the reality is, countless times if two people are drinking, one thing might lead to another...or one knows you are going to end up in bed together. That is some discretionary power I posses that I can deem if he raped me or not.

Good on your mother.

Mothers (and fathers) also need to have talks with their daughters to explain that if they say no to a man, they better MEAN IT and not play these nonsense "rape" games, or express these half-assed "no, no' no' meanwhile they are lustfully allowing the man to sexually take them, especially in make-up sex. If no means no, teach daughters to never utter it EVER unless she means it, no exceptions!


I say this to you because you are treading a very dangerous line calling out countless 'normal' men as potential RAPISTS based on something as simple as a wrong circumstance, when in fact, lines are very murky and there is no clear one drawn other than a firm "NO!", It is therefore unfair to place the burden all on the man's shoulder to 'know better". I know it's not popular to say this but women do bear at least some of that obligation.

 

Bliss, nearly 400 military women have died in Iraq, over 100 in the line of duty. If you are physically deployed in an active combat zone, you are a target for the enemy and whatever casualties that result are said to have occurred 'in combat'.

Experiencing live combat doesn't mean you were exchanging rounds from a dug out with the enemy on the front lines. ANY military support staff or battalion attachment is deployed in a hot combat zone and their deaths/casualties were a result of being in combat.

Rule of thumb, if you're in the military and the enemy is targeting and firing live rounds at you in theater, you are in combat.

There's a reason female soldiers in Iraq and Afghanistan are issued bodyarmor and an M16 and taught in basic training how to clean, load, aim and fire small arms.

As for my bogus rape stat, read about it for yourself.

http://www.time.com/time/magazine/article/0,9171,1968110,00.html

Sexual Assaults on Female Soldiers: Don't Ask, Don't Tell


What does it tell us that female soldiers deployed overseas stop drinking water after 7 p.m. to reduce the odds of being raped if they have to use the bathroom at night?

Or that a soldier who was assaulted when she went out for a cigarette was afraid to report it for fear she would be demoted — for having gone out without her weapon?

Or that, as Representative Jane Harman puts it, "a female soldier in Iraq is more likely to be raped by a fellow soldier than killed by enemy fire."


The Pentagon's latest figures show that nearly 3,000 women were sexually assaulted in fiscal year 2008, up 9% from the year before; among women serving in Iraq and Afghanistan, the number rose 25%.

When you look at the entire universe of female veterans, close to a third say they were victims of rape or assault while they were serving — twice the rate in the civilian population.


The problem is even worse than that. The Pentagon estimates that 80% to 90% of sexual assaults go unreported, and it's no wonder.


Anonymity is all but impossible; a Government Accountability Office report concluded that most victims stay silent because of "the belief that nothing would be done; fear of ostracism, harassment, or ridicule; and concern that peers would gossip."


More than half feared they would be labeled troublemakers. A civilian who is raped can get confidential, or "privileged," advice from her doctors, lawyers, victim advocates; the only privilege in the military applies to chaplains.


IMO this is what TreePixie is referring to when she talks about a rape culture.

 

My God woman I am absolutely swooning over here. rayer:rayer:rayer:

I said something akin to this earlier, if a man did outright ask A LOT of women find it unmanly and unattractive. They want someone who is confident enough to just take what they want and at the same time read their mind to know that they want it. It might be different with women a lot older and comfortable with their sexuality but not younger women generally.
I ran into a situation similar to Boba where myself and the girl were both drunk and she basically gave me the green light but years of paranoia wouldn't let me have sex under those circumstances especially since she lived in the building next to mine. We made out a little and I remember mutual friends accused me of taking advantage of her when they found out. Apparently like you said I was suppose to be in full control of not only my decisions but hers as well.

 

No, I didn't report him. I mean, how could I? Nothing would have come of it other than everyone knowing about it.

I learned quite a bit about myself and about other people that night. I put my faith in two people and they failed me. I will never do that again.

My friendship with those two people also cooled dramatically after that, so there were many consequences to that night for me.

I stopped drinking for the most part. I only got that drunk again on my birthday (the big one!) surrounded by family and super close friends. Other than that, I've pretty much cooled on alcohol unless it's a family holiday and I drink wine.

It sucks. But I should have been smarter about the situation. And I'm not blaming myself completely, as the guy shouldn't have done what he did, but it was up to me to protect myself.

Lessons learned. :smt023

 

Can someone please rep this woman for me. Im all out

 

A lot of that old thinking is rooted in archaic concepts of woman as property of her family. Thus, the old rules denying the possibility of rape of single women is an implicit statement that her sexuality doesn't belong to any man yet, so there has been no crime. It was treated like a theft of a property right between two men (rapist and 'robbed' husband/father/brother/etc). It's sad.

And new cultural and legal norms specify that the only way to get consent to intercourse is with a clear, unequivocal, sober, affirmation of consent (a la "Yes, please") on the part of the victim. Getting with a drunk woman who doesn't know where she is is still rape, no matter how willing she appears to be. Criminal law is slowly catching up to evolving attitudes.

Well, one way to avoid this is to have the woman so aroused that she grabs you and then you don't have to worry about any ambiguity. Not saying I'm that hot, but I try, lol.

 

Dude your nickname is O nuff said lol

 

That whole Steubenville thing is disgusting. We all (men and women) have to fight to roll back these primitive gender relationships and stereotypes. That thinking is best suited for the days when they traded women for goats and fruit baskets in desert oases.

 

:smt038:smt038 that's the way to do it. Enthusiastic consent doesn't have to be an awkward conversation

 

People should stop being disingenuous, America does NOT have a rape culture.

 

Cosign. Does rape happen? Yes but do people accept it? Fuck no

 

Most rapes in this country are never reported to law enforcement. Why?
Because if a woman isn't damn near murdered, most DAs won't file charges and it becomes a he said/she said scenario in court.

Maybe a 'rape tolerance' culture is a more appropriate term.

 

Trix if they were true women wouldbt be so attracted to bad boys. You think 50 ever had to "make sure" a girl was down. Most women in my experience want to be taken, no wottds no conversation just hot making out and sweaty sex. But to be fair I for one have kept every naked text every steamy email just to point out there was history of consent if a chick ever got weird because jist like there are sick assholes who will rape there fucking pyschos who will lie about it. You can never be too careful. Also let me take the opportunity to say women should teach their daughters not cry wolf that shit is fucked up and can ruin soneones life.

 

Are you kidding? If youre even accused whether its true or not your reputation is done. Jovs wont fuck with you and a lot of women wont either. I dont know where you live in the country but its zero tolerence here unless youre an athlete or incredibly wealthy

 

Date rape or acquaintance rape that isn't reported immediately with evidence that can show up in a police rape kit(seminal evidence and bruises) is rarely ever followed up with prosecution.

Statutory rape is easier to convict because the girl is underage and all she has to do is admit she had sex with the accused.

That doesn't work as well when a woman says she was on a date with a guy, got drunk, when back to his apartment and he jumps her bones.

Being accused without a trial or conviction means nothing happened for most people.
It's never made public and the only people who know are you and the accuser.
There's no 'rep' to damage, except among a circle of friends, maybe.

I think most women know if they're date raped by someone they agreed to go out to dinner or have drinks with, or by someone with some financial means, charges or a conviction are just slim to none.

Just saying, I've been surprised throughout my life how many women I know who were sexually assaulted as either young girls, in their teens or as an adult.

Most women who are raped never press charges. There's no point to argue about that.

 

Truth be told I dont know what to believe when it comes to stuff like that. Its like the stalking convetsation me and Tam had. The word is so commonly used that we get to a point where many of us only recognize it in the extreme. Like if two people are heavily intoxicated and a woman didnt necessarily consent because she was under the influence but the man was too why is the man the only one hld reaponsible. I am in no way discounting women who were taken advantage of by sober men but there is this culture of think that men are not only responsible for thwir actions but women's as well. Or women can say they felt threatened after the fact and a man is held liable. Shit we maybactually need co sent forms to have sex because outside of a flat out sober no some of thos shit can be a little grey.

 

I think you misunderstand. Not 'a rape culture'......... as in India etc. 'The rape culture' refers to the attitudes of rape victims and the act. Not quite the same. Talking about 'the rape culture' doesn't mean we have 'a rape culture'. We are simply talking about how rape is often viewed. That is at least how I see it.

 

When the six percent who rape hear the other 94% making rape jokes, there's a rape culture. When women can't walk down the street without random men making comments on their body parts, there's a rape culture. When the first thing someone asks is 'what were you wearing' or why were out that night when a woman is raped, we have a rape culture. It's a VERY specific term, and I think some of the people here don't understand what it actually means. To wit:

Rape Culture 101

 

Grown ass women aren't attracted to bad boys unless they're fucked up. And your experience, pardon me, is limited both in time and scope. If you have to keep a history of consent, you're doing it wrong.

The number of cry wolf rapes is incredibly small. It's certainly not near the 1 in 3 women who are raped or beaten in their lives. If you want to limit that to rape only, depending on the study, 1 in 4 or 1 in 6. If you think that isn't possible, because you don't know any victims, lets talk about why a victim might not choose to confide in a man who makes his fear of false rape charges so palpable. The one in six figure is right here in the US. Think about that.

 

Well said. Frankly, I regret it every day because I know for sure I am far from the only woman he raped, but I was 14 and it was 1973, and the adults I spoke to reproached me for wearing jeans and a sweater under my winter coat and being outside at 7:30 PM. I got the message. :/