The Negative Thread

Exactly. The biggest strongest dude was always considered desirable, not the one who "got" you lol

 

well, if we could get you to take your clothes off...we would be more than happy to oooooggggllleeee over you:grin:

 

No, I'm not confusing them at all. When someone suggests that attraction to a partner is a "fit" partner, they are indeed referring to the modern phenomena of fitness. As I stated earlier, if this was not the case, then men would have been attracted to the same "types" of women throughout the ages, and that's plainly not the case.

 

That's not even the case in the U.S. And btw, isn't that at odds with your theory that it's the security of money that attracts women?

 

No because most women want both

 

No, I don't think the majority of women are attracted to wealth. Yes, some are, for sure. In fact, I work with a woman who is OBSESSED with how much everyone makes, especially men.

But I know several women who don't put money as even in the top 10 of things they look for in a man.

I really think it depends on how a woman is raised and her experiences in life.

Husband #1 was rich, I divorced him at the height of his earning power. Why? Because he was a being a complete and utter asshole to me and had been. I finally woke up and realized that I didn't want to be treated that way. I suggested 3 times that we do therapy. He wanted no part of it, so I divorced him.

Money won't keep me in a bad relationship.

 

I never said what would keep you there. I said what would attract you. I seriously don't understand how I have this miscommunication with you ladies on here. Of course anyone with self respect wouldn't want to stay with anyone who treated them bad regardless of wealth but I am saying a man who does well or comes from wealth is more attractive more intriguing to women than a man who's a manager at Pizza Hut, money equals the freedom to do things you normally wouldn't do. How nice would it be if a man you dated said lets go to Aruba for a four day weekend at the drop a dime or introduced you to culture you wouldn't be familiar with because you never had access to it. It's more appealing than the guy who can old afford a pizza or a movie every weekend. I'm not saying it determines who you'll share your life with but it does often determine whether or not someone is interesting to you.

I seriously don't know where you guys are meeting these refined check out guys from Walmart lol

 

It's just as nice when you can say to the guy in your life "Let's go to Aruba for 4 days, my treat."

I've treated men to vacations before. I don't know why you get so hung up thinking women are so drawn to money, when you've had a whole forum of women telling you "Not in my top 10, I can make my own money."

Our *lived* experiences of our lives have more validity than your imagined experiences of our lives.

Stop hanging around these weak, dimwitted gold diggers and find yourself a real woman.

 

Sorry, I should have said that when I married him, he was making decent money (but not great money). It wasn't until after I married him that his salary exploded.

Husband #2 was making less than a tenth of what husband #1 was making when I left him. Hubby #2's salary didn't play any part in whether or not I was attracted to him.

I know you've said that you run into lots of gold-digging women in NYC. And I can understand how that could be, living where you do.

But please, don't base all of your thoughts on the women you meet. There are major cities all over this country filled with women who are NOT like the NYC women you seem to be meeting.

As for the bolded part, if you think that way about most women, then I feel bad for your experiences.

I've had both experiences and I can tell you that the real guy, the one who says let's stay in and order pizza and watch a movie, is more likely a man I'd be attracted to over the guy who is all flash.

There is something to be said for being with a person who is genuine and real and true. I don't need to be whisked off to fancy island vacations. Would it be nice? Sure. I'm not going to lie and say it wouldn't. But it's not in my criteria when looking for a man. Fancy vacations don't matter to me. I'd rather be with a guy who is truly a caring person.

Co-sign. :smt023

 

I don't like the shared notion on this board by some of the women here who pretend their world view is the majority. I get that some of you don't care the reality is most do. I found a documentary from a very reputable source on this very topic and you guys attempted to call it evo-psych. They did studies for years to come up with their conclusions and when men on here say that they've personally experienced it a lot of you reply with the "stop hanging around gold diggers" comment. Its not like most of these women are shallow people they can't help what turns them on. I personally like a thinner woman with a healthy body nice eyes and long hair. Am I shallow because that's what literally turns me on? Its a chemical reaction that I experience once I visually see it, it can't be helped. These are evolutionary beneficial cues, just like they are for women. I don't get why that's difficult to understand. No one is saying that a woman can't do for herself or its not attractive when she can but I'm just acknowledging what the world shows us to be true.

 

I think what our disconnect comes from the concept that the two are mutually exclusive. There are successful high earning guys who aren't douche bags. That's who a lot of women are aiming for around here. They figure why can't they have it all. A good looking guy who makes good money and treats them well and fortunately for them NY is filled with them. Guys who will do the Saturday nights of netflix and pizza but will also plan a random weekend to the Bahamas. At least that's the dream. Everyone isn't sitting around looking for a guy with the most zeros to latch onto but there are a lot looking for a guy who fits their physical financial and personal criteria. We're in a have it all era of thinking. At least my generation anyway.

 

Damn. I must be reading that shit wrong. The women pretend that "their" world view ist the majority??? No. That would be you homeboy. That's why you are always having "miscommunications" getting your point across. Because you are always trying to force everyone to accept the world from your point of reality. Which is why you love to "debate" the same dumb ass topics that have been discussed over & over & over & over & over again. SMDH

 

Ra put me on ignore and quit whining about me like a bitch. I catch your little digs here and there playboy. I am free to debate whatever I feel like. Should I just flirt and kiss ass like you?

 

I'm whining huh? And being educated as you are it is expected that you should be catching my digs. And by all means do feel free to "dominate" & "dictate" discussion as you always do. And no you don't need to flirt & kiss ass like me. Just continue to swing on other dudes nuts and play pseudo-alpha male.

 

Ra we've always been cordial so I'm not going down this road with you so do yourself a favor and just put me on ignore that will solve the problem right?

 

Honey, seriously, I never got horny because of money. Not once, not ever. Evo-psych bullshit is evo-psych bullshit.

The world *you* live in is artificially oriented around big biceps and big wallets. Maybe it's NYC, I've never lived there. But in 40 years of dating and relationships, I have never once considered the income/career of a man in making decisions about who to date. And note that I said date - clearly I've already communicated that money has zip to do with relationships, but I want you to understand it played no part in attraction either. Years ago, when I lived in Los Angeles, one guy I dated thought like you did. He owned two cars, and would only take me out if the "good" car was running and clean. I thought that was so stupid I stopped dating him.

I don't know why you keep trying to tell us we want something we are clearly telling you we do NOT want. You might try actually *listening* to women about their own lives once in a while. This is like me telling you what life is like for black men, and what you "all" want, feel and think. It would be totally ridiculous for me to invalidate your lived experience as a black man by substituting my imagined experience of it. Same here. I'm really sorry you're so invested in this idea - I think it totally limits you, and it needn't do so.

Think outside the box, because the box is made of fail. :smt031

 

I'm not putting you on ignore, but I will stand down & refrain from engaging you for the time being, since I have more or less validated something I was always sure about. Enjoy the rest of your evening and debating.

 

I never tried to tell YOU what YOU like I just talk about what I see in general and what I see on dating websites and in clubs and on college campuses and what I hear women at work talk about and what I see in media. I quite possibly could be a regional thing but then I see European studies done on the subject. It could also be that I am in my prime and only notice things relating to women in their prime this could be something that changes for people once they are beyond child rearing or already had children but my dating pool of women(20s to very early 30s) seem to be attracted to the same things. Maybe with slight variations but all in all a females instincts, as I've seen in studies, is to find a mate who can help produce the healthiest offspring and then later help raise that offspring and protect that offspring.
This may not be true of you FG, Bookie, or some of the other women on this board but most of you are beyond your prime so why would it be a concern of yours. Once you've passed that part of your life I would imagine happiness would be all that matters but at my age my instincts and the instincts of many of my peers is to find someone to procreate with and raise the survival of your genes. Would you disagree?

 

"beyond your prime"..... I have as many "suitors" as I had 20 years ago. I
Happiness have always been my goal, never money etc. In my experience, women are more romantic than men and are more looking for that romance rather than big wallet etc. I think that is reflected in most marriages in this country as they are between couples that have average jobs w no big paycheck. Certain areas such as NYC and LA etc. (and perhaps ages are more focused on money etc, I don't know that since I never rolled in circles that had that as a main focus) . but in general, that is not what women go for, reflected in the majority of marriages.

I think part of the problem is what we go for, as I said so many times before - you are what you attract and what circles you roll in, gives you a frame of reference and what you see - that does not mean it is the general reality. Its what you see. Many times it takes for us, ourselves to change what we go for and a whole other world is opening up to us. Man, half this country has a messed up view on the opposite sex based on their own mistakes on picking the wrong mates, blaming their own mistakes on the whole opposite sex, when it is their problem picking the superficial dregs.

Like I say to both men and women that have this view: "your girl/man circle is broken, get a new one". I SO wish I lived close to you so I could be your wing woman

 

FG I wasn't talking about your desirability prime I'm not blind woman. I'm talking about prime age to give birth and raise a family.
Well I guess in bigger city areas like LA or NY romance comes with a lot more conditions and is a lot more expensive not to mention I'll admit that the east coast is pretty snobby. So its hard to imagine something else I guess. But like i said before I've seen a lot of studies that mirror my thinking. Like I said I posted a well studied documentary that got written off because some didn't agree but push away the concept because they themselves don't think that way.
I can also admit that living in this part of the country is expensive and you have to earn a pretty good living just to have a place to live so maybe it starts from there. Btw feel free to come to NY anytime you want to chill. That would be epic