Why I usually don't look at BBW

That's a very fair point. Human nature rarely makes sense. Like the way we punish someone for killing is killing them. So killing is ok only if we all decide its ok? We're a weird bunch. My biggest problem I guess is bm who seemingly date more obese women than anyone else just proves more inequality. It promotes a behavior that isn't healthy to promote but all I can do is observe I guess.

 

It may not affect you but it affects me Tam. Again its an example of covert racism that you're not going to feel because one you're white and two it benefits you (you in the general sense). Its another example of colonialized imperialism where white people get the best of everything simply because they're white. I'm not asking anyone to say its right or wrong but it does exist. Like its been said before on here you rarely see alphas of other races dating bbw but its very noticable with bm. It definitely speaks to an inequality. Who you choose to couple with says a lot about you or more relevant to the topic it speaks to where you are on the societal totem pole. I'm a black guy and I understand there is a cultural preference for thicker women meaning wider hips and maybe a bit more thighs and a lot of ass which usually translates to about 10 to 20lbs overweight not the 50lbs plus I see walking around trying to pass themselves off as bbw. I just can't help but notice a certain injustice.

 

Yeah, cause there's no personal choice in who we date. Big women just force themselves on unsuspecting black men and they have no choice but to go for it.

*rme*

Tell black men to stop liking ass and start caring more about what other people think, and less about what they like personally. And then tell the other ones, who care more about what someone is like on the inside than the outside that they're stupid and ruining your image.


My boyfriend loves me for me, not what the scale says. I didn't knock him over the head and demand that he be with me. I don't force anyone to be around me, let alone date me. I am not a lesser form of woman, I'm not perpetuating a social injustice...I'm just a woman who is white in love with a man who is black, and anything beyond that is our own personal business just like the rest of the couples in the world.

There are plenty of ignorant, stupid people in the world who put too much stock in stereotypes. Personally I feel the best way to overcome them are to stop caring so much.

I am laughed at due to my accent constantly. People assume I'm stupid just because of the sound of my voice. People assume that because I'm not skinny and that my boyfriend is black that obviously I couldn't get a white man and he could only get me.

Both are stereotypes I've personally had to deal with the backlash from, and both are FALSE.

You guys are pissed because of who other people love. Get over yourselves and worry about your own lives. We're not all operating with an agenda, just like all people with southern accents are not stupid! You're just perpetuating the stereotype by worrying about it so much. That's what gives it power, because it obviously has the power to bother you already. What about the people who actually have to deal with it? We're the ones who should be pissed, not you.

 

I never said anything about you personally P and more power to you for finding love but my arguement is based on social inequality as well as social hierarchies. I myself just found a girl who ideally isn't someone I would even look at let alone date but who she is as a person drew me in so I get that love comes down to more than just looks but I do see a pattern and even if my situation doesn't dictate what I see overall I can't deny it. Its like when I see stats that support a larger percentage of african americans living in poverty and residing in ghettos am I to assume they simply like it and don't want to live anywhere else or can I deduce that something else is going on? And I speak about these things because I personally believe they're worth being discussed, who are you to tell me I shouldn't. I say it again with the utmost respect, if you don't like the topic simply don't participate.

 

It -is- about me personally because I -am- involved in one of those relationships you and others are continually discounting and trashing, chocking them up to stereotypes and ignoring the fact that real love might be the actual cause of the couple being together.

You can talk about whatever you want...but I still don't believe it's worth as much as you and the others seem to. There are more facets to it than just "ohnoz fat women loooove black guys". You guys act like we make people date us! Well, last time I checked everywhere we go we get dogged and treated like second rate women, so I'm pretty sure there's no force involved.

It's a personal basis situation. If a guy doesn't want to date fat women he really doesn't have to. If a man wants a white woman SO bad that he'll just date any white woman, whether he's attracted to her or not, then he's got issues!

I mean, my point is, ain't nobody making black guys participate. Dude black guys -still- hit on me constantly. And there's nothing wrong with them! They think I'm sexy. I'm sure they hit on anyone they think is sexy. There's really not a problem with that. That's their choice.


Stereotypes suck, they really do. But, as I said before, I feel the best way to knock them down is to not let them consume you. The more you worry about something the more all the haters win. The less you worry, and the more you just concern yourself with being happy and enjoying your own life, the more -you- win. That's my philosophy of life, and it's why I simply can't understand why people get so mad at things that don't have anything to do with them personally concerning who other people date. It's a waste of energy.

 

Persephone you are clearly very sensative about this topic and because you are I see its hards to have a rational conversation with you. I get who we date and don't date are choices but let me break it down for you. Skin tone is wealth in this country and.... you know what I don't have the energy. Believe what you want but I won't ignore something because its uncomfortable to talk about.
Its like when kids go missing am I suppose to believe that white kids aren't favored over everyone else that more resources go into finding those kids. Maybe white parents just love their kids more and are willing to do more. Its not like Asians, blacks, and hispanics can't complain to news stations, they have mouths too.
Maybe I'm not articulating my point well enough but I do see a pattern here.

 

I don't see how I'm not having a "rational conversation". I'm not being rude, I'm not acting childish, I am simply stating my opinion. It's extremely offensive that you'd even say that.

Speaking of being irrational, I don't see how anything you've just wrote has anything to do with what I'm saying.

My point is...you keep saying we can't understand you because we're white. Well, YOU aren't a white woman, so I don't see how you can act like no one else can understand you yet you seem to know everything about being white.

 

Well I'll say this just because I feel like it. A man who can only afford the dollar menu doesn't mean that's all he wants to eat. I never said being white meant you had everything handed to you but their is a very obvious social benefit and saying that you don't see it shows an imense insensativity. Like I've said before being in this country definitely means you don't have to experience racism. And before the dummies jump in I mean there's no instituitonal racism keeping you from employment or living in a nice area or getting a good education. I guess if you don't experience it must not exist smdh.

 

That's EXACTLY what you're acting like.

 

Are you shitting me? Everything about this country and all we learn is about white people and their sensabilities. Ww are this country's most coveted thing. Culturally I can't help but know about ww, you guys are pretty much the topic of discussion in almost everything.

 

Persephone I'm not saying you don't share a genuine love with your man but my point is and has always been the disproportionate numbers with bm dating bbw in comparison to every single other race and not just overweight women down right obese. It directly conflicts with who you see us lust after in magazines or even who like to see in porn. Every other race doesn't seem to be that far off to me.

 

Now you know I luv you Andrae, but that's just not gonna work. You cannot understand what it is to be a WW anymore than I can understand what it is to be a BM. Your logic that we're much discussed & that this somehow contributes to your insight into the white female mind isn't gonna hold up either, because I hate to tell you this but some of us don't even understand ourselves. :smt042

 

You know what you've completely shut me up because that was the best line in any post this week my love.
Andrae out lol

 

IMO the only way you'll ever know who someone is, or appreciate their perspective, is to ask them directly. Of course that depends upon them knowing themselves, and honestly some people really just don't. People vary according to too many factors that have nothing to do with gender or skin color, making it impossible to put them in neat tidy groups. WW do not operate from a collective mindset, and neither do BM. That's all I'm trying to say.

 

Esp there are certain cultural consistancies. Even if one doesn't do them all the time. Man is a creature of habit and where you are on the social totem pole really helps to determine that. And as far as my assumption about ww, I'll take a page from Sourjurner Truth's book. In this country when we think woman we always think white. So all of our cultural norms about women are taken from a white perspective. Chick flicks are from a ww perspective , cooking shows, women in media period are modeled after ww so its not far fetched that I have a good grasp of how ww are on a whole.

 

LOL LOL LOL OMG, that got me rolling. Thanks Persephone :smt038

I think people who care too much about what other people do simply are not happy with themselves and their own life. Simple as that.
I witness it every day at work. Those who do all the bitching and complaining usually are the ones who just don't have enough love and support in their own life. If they were content with their own life they had a more "laissez-faire" attitude. In other words they wouldnt care about what's not their business any way.

 

The problem is Andrae that those things are modeled after and pander to what the person creating them thinks WW want, which is not necessarily correct. Apparently I am not the best person to discuss this with because when someone says woman or women, I don't think white, I don't think any color at all, and it's the same when someone says man or men. There are some people who always start with the obvious and have to work their way out to the obscure, I always start with the obscure and work my way to the obvious, that's the only way I know to explain it. I can't narrow down woman or man without sufficient details that tell me that's appropriate, so I start out obscure and therefore it could mean any woman or any man.

I read something in a multiculturalism class once that actually surprised me at the time. It was from a BM and he said when he looked in the mirror he saw a BM. That actually made me think and I realized I have never consciously seen a WW when I look in the mirror, and I doubt I ever will. However I also don't consciously see BM, or BW or any other skin color, people are just people to me. Now if I had to provide a very detailed description of someone, then skin color would be mentioned, but so would the shoes they had on, their eye color, height, weight, tattoos, etc. Essentially everything that you'd use to identify someone. So it's not that I don't see the color, it's just that it really doesn't make a conscious impression on me. Also when talking to people casually if they ask me to describe someone, skin color wouldn't be something I'd mention because in my mind it has no relevance upon who the person is, you know like when friends ask you to describe the guy you're dating, or someone you work with in a 'is he nice looking' kinda way. Although it's times like that when I notice how much other people do notice skin color, because when you leave it out if they are any color but white, you inevitably get a 'you didn't mention he was black, hispanic, asian, etc.'. I honestly don't see what difference that makes though.