A WW's experience with prejudice....

I was thinking about this some more.

I have to wonder how many out there may have family and friends that are ok with IR relationships or at least tolerant until people start talking marriage and/or children.

Sortof like the ...well it's one thing if you want to DATE him/her but MARRY? Or have CHILDREN?

I've heard quite a few talk about how their families thought/hoped that it would be some passing "stage" or "experimental thing" or such.

I mean I know of folks that are in IR relationships themselves but don't agree with having "mixed" children.

 

I get the impression from my family that they expect my interest in black men to be nothing more than a phase, just like they expected my interest in art to be only a hobby.

I recently mentioned to my mom about this adorable guy that was chatting me up on the bus, and how I felt slightly guilty because I'm not single, but I kept talking to him despite his obvious interest because he seemed so nice. He even gave me his number, after I'd mentioned the boyfriend. I didn't use it, but I accepted it, and it caused a slight amount of guilt, so I told mom all about it, and her first question was "Is he another chocolate guy?". When I said "Yes, mama, he's black, too" she just sorta groaned. I think it's finally starting to sink in, though, and it'd be nice if they learn to accept it, but I'm not holding my breath.

On the upside, I get the impression the issue of children wouldn't be a major problem, as long as I don't get married. Not the whole "Don't marry a black man" thing, but "Don't ever get married again period" thing. But if I had children I don't see my mother, at least, doing any less than adoring them simply because they would be my children, regardless of color. She proved herself a few years ago when my psuedo cousin from Georgia came to visit with his black wife and two children. My mother went on for weeks about how adorable the kids were and how she loved them already. So I know that if she can do that with kids she has no blood relation with, if it were my children in question she'd probably love them more.

That's not saying she'd love their father, however. I might even be wrong. Maybe it'd be worse if the kids were mine, but I like to think positive about it. We'll only know when the time comes. Some people just blindside you with this shit, like an aunt of mine who I never expected to frown on me for dating outside my race.


It's nice to see a thread about the other partner in interracial relationships, as everyone else said. It's nice because it seems the common misconception with a lot of people is that if you're white, you automatically have it easier. It's true for some, but not all, just like every other stereotype out there. Especially when it comes to women like us who don't give two shits what other people think about who we choose to be with. It gets hard when suddenly you're taking shit from both sides, from all sides in some instances, because it's not just black and white people frowning on interracial relationships.

It feels like being gay. Suddenly it feels like the only people who accept and support your decision to defy convention and follow your heart are others in the same community. Of course those aren't the only people, just like it's not only those of the lgbt community who support each other, but it can really easily feel like that when you start catching flak from all directions.

Thanks, intriguedone. You made me feel good.

 

...I'm feeling the love in this room.

I'm enjoying these real-life genuine experiences.

 

:wink: ..welcome Chryschloe...thank you for sharing. Vous es tres belle ma ami!!!

...by the way, I took 5 yrs of french....but can't speak a lick of it...never got a chance to use it. I regret that.

 

Intriguedone, you are a perceptive guy. I'm a white women married to a black Puerto Rican man. (We live in NY.) African is one of his ethnicities, but a lot of white people assume that's all he is. Our two daughters look quite Hispanic, although the older one actually has features like my family, but usually, all most white people notice is that she's not white. So I get odd looks sometimes when it's just me and the kids, and my husband doesn't get the same reaction when it's just him and them.

I have always found it interesting to watch the eye swivel when all four of us are together in public. First, everybody notices that my husband and I are IR. Then, they look at the kids to see: wow, that plus that, equals that! Their reactions after that point vary.

I do notice that black people treat me differently when I'm with either or both of my kids, than when I'm alone. Many do seem more comfortable with me once they realize that I've broken the color barrier. Gay people do, too; I'm guessing it's because they assume I'm an open-minded person (well, I am.........) However, I've also gotten glares from all kinds of people, not so much here, but when we travel.

 

This story is almost exactly the opposite of what I have experienced.

That is, black people do approach me easier once they learn my husband is Cameroonian, and/or my son is biracial. I find that natural, both because it means they don't have to fear I'm racist, but also because they can assume I know a little about African culture. (And hence my Liberian neighbours, whenever they feel like it, visit me without any invitation... It's almost never annoying).

However, I find myself having more white "friends" now than I did earlier. It started as soon as I stared dating my husband, and sky-rocketed when I got pregnant. People who I hardly knew would start inviting us to dinners etc... I think it's partially because most of my friends/acquaintances are so politically correct that adding an African into their lives would be perfect. Not to mention a biracial child, that's an excellent opportunity to teach their own children not to be bigots. :lol:

I have also noticed that strangers approach me easier. They are a bit curious and will engage in a conversation, usually starting with "that's a beautiful boy, how old is he?", and then after several follow up questions they'll very carefully ask where his Dad's from. But no negative reactions. The only times I get stares is when I carry him in a wrap (African style). But nothing negative then either. Closest thing has been some people who thinks it's a good idea "because that's probably how he is used to be carried where he's from", assuming he's adopted :lol:

 

Actually - what you said is the same. My point was that the black parents came right to me once they saw my daughter.

I get some of that too Ronja...oh good a learning opportunity! We can teach our children about black people and about adoption and and and. LOL I definitely get that more from white people. I think maybe they feel more comfortable asking me things that they wouldn't ask a black person. Because of course it would not be PC.

On the thing with strangers approaching more...some of that will simply be because you have a baby. Babies bring things out in people. Most people will smile or ooh and aaah over a baby in general. I think much of the other comes out as they get older.

 

As I said, yeah, black people do approach me much easier. But white people don't shun me.

I know a lot of the attention is just because I've got a baby. But I can recall several incidences where I'm very sure it's not only because of that though.

 

LilD, no question it has changed a lot since I last visited twenty years ago.

 

Family, I wanted to bump this thread because we have a lot of new members since we discussed this last and it seems this topic still doesn't get a lot of attention.

Hopefully, some of the newer ladies will be willing to share their experiences with the rest of us.

~keep it pimpin'...

 

I don't have bi-racial children but I have definately felt the displeasure of white men and some black women. It has ranged from dirty looks, blatant rude behavior to white guys telling me "No white guy will ever touch you again" etc. I have a very strong, confident personality though and none of this stuff ever phased me.

 

I was obviously involved in this thread when it first came up. I thought I might speak to it a bit again since it's now 1/2 way through my son's school year.

Given that there has been some months time, I have become more familiar with many of the parents. I was surprised to find that most of them assumed that my daughter was my biological child. She certainly does not appear to be biracial...and she is not. Black and white parents have told me they thought she was my bio child. They were shocked when their dad (white) has been to the school to do things and that's what brought the conversation up.

The only situation that has come up that to me was rather odd was that one of the black grandmothers quickly told me about her hairdresser assuming I wouldn't know how to do hair. That day I had my daughter in puffs. The funny part about that is that they have since paid (several times) to have the granddaughter's hair done because the mother and grandmother (both black) don't know how to do it. They assumed when my daughter's hair is twisted, braided, etc that I've had someone else do it and were shocked to learn that I do it myself and have now asked me for input on their child's hair.

Honestly, I could have very easily decided that this grandmother was a problem and gotten into a conflict with her....she does seem to rub many others the wrong way. I simply took the number when she offered it and filed it away, knowing that I was confident in my skills and all that I have done to prepare and learn about skin and hair care. I certainly don't think I know everything when it comes to these things and I will openly ask for input as needed.

The only other thing that I've noticed that is different is that it seems that the Mexicans have the most issues with IR couples and families. One incident in an ice cream shop of a woman being completely obnoxious. But overall looks, shaking of heads, etc. A few times when men were blatantly flirting with me and then when my children came up their attitude changed completely.

I think there are unique things that we as moms get to deal with from all sides. But we also still have the ability to walk outside without our children and suddenly walk right back into being "all white". Sometimes that can be the toughest thing though...to see so clearly how our children are treated differently. As a parent you don't want anything hurtful or negative to happen to your child...you would gladly trade places with them. But we can't.

 

Yeah, I got looks, eyebrows raised, even threatening words. To explain a little bit about the town I lived in at the time, my high school had about 2500 students and not one of them black.
I had neighbors threatening me through my family. It was never easy. My parents had a hard time in the beginning, but it opened their eyes to new possibilities and opinions. I remember being on the phone with my mom. Thinking she hung up, I heard my grandmother in the background make a negative remark about my relationship with my BM. My mom stood up for me in a way I will never forget. It brings a tear to my eye to think back...
Those who love you will see past the unknown and embrace you for who you are in your heart. We were able to love one another freely, around my family and friends...and that and each other were all we needed. Amazingly, although still predominantly white, the town where I now live is more accepting of IR couples. And, just 15 minutes from my hometown.
It can be a struggle. There are people throughout the world who are ignorant, uneducated and afraid of change. I am very lucky to have family and friends, who are very accepting of me and whoever I date.

 

You know what, yeah I've had hassle but it's not like these people's opinions are affecting my life directly so fuck them, let them think what they want. Why should I care what a totally random stranger thinks of who I'm dating? My family are down, so are my friends and that's all that matters.

to them.

Jealousy is a bitch, I'm sure that's what their problem is.

 

LOL @ Sarah! I really wish you'd speak your mind a little!

 

Sarah is your son's dad black? If so, have you had to deal with anything because he's biracial?

 

where yo at,Shawty?