A WW's experience with prejudice....

What's up family..it's been quite a while since I've initiated a thread. However, I've been thinking about this for some time now.

This may have been discussed before, so please forgive me if I'm rehashing a dead horse.

-Obviously, we've discussed the trials of BM in a biased society
-We've discussed the trials of BM/WW/interracial relationships
-We've discussed "White privelege"
-etc, etc.

What I've been really contemplating lately is the prejudice that's faced by our caucasian sistas who are involved with a man of color and/or have biracial children.

As a young black man in a biased society, I can fully empathize with WW who will face bias from ALL sides due to her choice of mate(s) and mixed offspring. I think we tend to take that for granted.
Personally, I consider WW in these relationships to be family.

You can't understand my plight as a black man unless you've walked in my shoes. Oftentimes, our white brothers and sisters write off our grievances because they have no experience with the prejudice we face.

THE SAME can be said of a WW with "black" children. Have I walked in her shoes? Have I experienced the prejudice she's likely faced from her family, friends AND ignant black folks?

Family, my point is not to say one issue is greater than another, but rather to put things into perspective.

As a minority in white environment, oftentimes you're overjoyed to make acquaintance with another minority. Why? Becuase you know they can relate to you and your experiences.

NOW, as a black man, when I see a WW who is "part of the family", I tend to become much more at ease with her. Why? Because she problably can relate to some of my experiences, just as if she was black. I afford her automatic credibility (unless otherwise proven differently).

Obviously, this doesn't apply to all WW, just as it doesn't apply to every black person.

I'd like the perspective of the ladies on here regarding this.

...also the "constructive" input of my brothas.


...be easy family. :wink:

 

There will always be ignorance, either from rude comments said behind the back, or the staring. If a WW walked around my town with two black kids she would get stared at. I understand that she may incur the wrath of some prejudiced black folks, but she loves the man she's with. If I married a WW my mother would pull me to the side and tell me she has a problem with it. My mom is a bit racist, but she's from the old school, where racism was the norm.

If I fell in love with a WW, I would marry her and make the most beautiful mulatto babies you have ever seen.

 

Well I don't have any kids yet but I've dated black men for a while and I used to babysit a mixed boy of toddler age and 2 mixed girl aged 9 and 11.
When walking outside some(especially older people) gave me the strange look,raising eye brows,turning their heads and whispering.
Some others made comments regarding me having kids at such a young age thinking it was my kids.
The number of women my age with children is way lower in Germany than in the US.
My sister's boyfriend and his buddies constantly call me all kinds of words for my dating preference but hey that's how it is sometimes.....

 

I really appreciated reading your post, Intriguedone. I've been reading this board on and off for years and I've never read a thread like this. As a white woman that has chosen to be in interracial relationships, I'll be honest and tell you that your post made me feel validated. Thank you.

Years ago, when I first chose to be in an interracial relationship, I knew I wasn't just integrating a black man into my white world, I would be integrating into his as we created a life together. I eventually moved to a city and community that had a higher percentage of blacks than whites. I know what it's like to be the only white person on the block, to be the only white person at a community event. I know what it's like to be the only white person in a Baptist church filled with hundreds of people of a different race. I know what it's like to be the only caucasion at a business, a club, a party, or a restaurant. I know what it's like to be the only white person at an extended family gathering where not everyone knew their cousin was involved with a white woman.

I won't go into the sordid details of some of my experiences. It just isn't necessary. Suffice it to say that no, I don't know what it's like to be black - and I never will. But yes, I have experienced prejudice. Thank you for acknowledging that, Intriguedone.

 

I am french and proud mother of two little boys, half black. It is for me very interesting to read your post Intriguedone and thank your for your understanding. I am in interracial relationships since a long time now. My social environment is since a long time too very cosmopolite. And I love that.
However, I should support sometimes when I was in a street, a shop or a train, some looks unplaisant, from some black women or some caucasians but I have only for them, contempt. It stays only rare. I am proud of my beautiful and lovely sons. Some, probably, are I think, only wondering if i am well the mother of his little boys...? it makes me laugh...
Like I explain to my sons : I chose my way and I assume totally. Everywhere, whatever people origins, we could find racists because stupidity and tightness of minds are characteristics unfortunately very common at human being. But there are also a lot of people open, intelligent and good.
Here, in Paris, it is true that mixed couples and then mixed children become since some years more and more current. All around me, there are a lot of mixed children and I imagine that for my sons it will be easier to build their identity.
Forgive-me, by advance if my english is not very good, I hope only I was understandable.

 

Thank you for this thread. Would it be "easier" dating a white man, yes in terms of dealing with society.

However, not being true to myself would be harders.

 

Intrigue - much love to you, as always.

I am not one who believes in living in denial. However, I am also not one to dwell on and/or go looking for issues.

I am the mom of an amazing black child (not mixed, biracial, whatever other terms people throw out) and 3 white children. I live in California and the idea is that things are much "better" here. Maybe it's true and maybe it's not. I think if anything maybe people are just more PC about things and/or covert.

I recently moved from one town to another - very close to each other but where I moved to was much more diverse than the other. In the first area I think the assumption was that my daughter was adopted and I am a saint. In the area we are in now....it feels more like we are just accepted as this is how it is.

I will say that I think black men are much more open to me with my daughter around. It's interesting just a few weeks ago I was able to see something so very clearly. I had taken my youngest son to the first day of kindergarten (he's white) alone. There were 2 black families in the class and 1-2 IR...at least that were obvious. Those families sortof hung together (not knowing each other prior to the day) and no one said anything to me. I had smiled at them and said hi. When I came back to pick my son up I had my daughter (black) with me. As we stood outside the door waiting the black parents came up to me and it was obvious they were much more comfortable with me. The white parents who had been talking to me that morning did not. They sortof half grinned and you could tell they were uncomfortable.

There have been many things that happen along the way since having my daughter...nothing really awful, just little things here and there. People saying things like - I would have expected her to be darker. or Her dad must be REALLY dark. Or are they BOTH yours (I usually have my two youngest with me). A few out and out stares or nasty looks. And things like that. I have several things that I say for just such occasions. But this school situation...that was the first time that it was just so obvious how differently we are treated. It was the same people, the same day. So it was hard to dismiss it to something else.

For the most part I don't catch any grief from black women. And often times we will gravitate towards each other and there will be some bonding over parenting or hair or such. Older black women have been very kind to me. It's interesting, prior to her adoption I was heavily warned by so many about how black women would be rude and obnoxious towards me.

I think that often times things are much more workable for me (I talk with other adoptive parents in the same areas that have had much tougher times) because I come from a mindset of respect and confidence. And not one of arrogance or insecurity. I'm confident in my parenting. I know my child(ren) are with me because God has placed them with me. I'm not insecure about these things. I'm not looking for anyone else's acceptance. So maybe I'm not so open to those who tend to be predators and attack others. And maybe too I'm a bit different about it all because I grew up being asked "what are you" and with some assuming things and saying shit to me like - there must be a "n" in that wood pile.

I'll tell you though...since having my daughter I've learned from a lot of black people that they assume my oldest son is biracial. It's always interesting the things that people feel comfortable saying when they feel like you are part of the fam.

In regards to biological family...I don't consider anyone family who would take issue with my having a black child or with me being with a black man. And as far as friends...true friends in my life I consider to be family so I just answered that.

Honestly Intrigue....I think sometimes (and I'm sure you will understand this) by being in IR relationships and/or having a black child...or a white child with you if you are black....it can be tougher than being black or white in an environment where you are the only one. I think it can be tougher because sometimes it's a matter of getting flack from both sides and not fitting into either fully. But then sometimes I think that maybe I'm given more respect and love because there are those who do realize that it may be tougher. Most of us don't have a strong network/family of others who have gone through it.

The truth is that the place that I've received the most grief/ignorant comments and rudeness has been on this site...sad to say... but true. But then some are so brave behind a computer screen.

 

So very true!

 

My reply is sort of off topic, but yet this post made me think of it. My daughter is 100% white.. I have thick, curly hair, with texture that is not typical of caucasian hair. I have beautiful hair, its just not normal in my race. My daughter turned out olive complected with the hair of a biracial child. It seems on myspace, a lot of black men try to talk to me, but i've figured out, its because they see my daughters pictures and as one put it (he could tell a girl whos down with the home team because of the biracial kid).. now in public, I have had people come out and ask me "Is she mixed" "is she 1/2 mexican" "is her daddy black".. The fact they think she is biracial doesn't bother me.. the fact they come out and ask me does bother me, because does it matter? Maybe they are just curious, but ever since she was a baby, I've delt with it.. and thats a question I've never asked anyone before. As far as in society itself, I've had looks thown my way when I've been in a club dancing with a black guy. i'm new to the whole blk/white thing. I'll dance with them all night long, but I've only had romantic interest in one blk guy and im hoping and praying it works out to where hes miiiiiiine But i do remember the first night we were at a club that I'd frequent often. I'm dancing close with this blk man and the people that had seen me there many times, starred at me all night. But that night was magical for me, because this man has something deeper in him than skin color. Then we were at a redneck bar one night, and even though hes a very white acting/talking blk man, he's still black. Of all the white men there, im beside this blk man who gives me the biggest smile on my face. I dont see his color, i see him.. and it really confuses me at how people just watch like im doing something wrong. Hes not a thug, hes a very attractive man, he dresses better than me :/ and he's himself. he doesnt try to fit in with any stereotype. He has a lot of people say things to him because hes blk and "acts" so white so they say. But i consider him neutral, not falling into any race category.. just himself. Ok im rambling. But the stares you get, the comments you hear, the negativity you feel, the isolation, the minority aspect of is... really is no different than being a fat girl, or a dork, or someone with a disability. The fact is, society as a whole sees themselves as the "should be", and there are many that arent that cookie cutter image, be it physically, metally, or socially. We need to learn to accept each other. And the feeling you are talking about, can be found in a lot of people of a lot of races, even white, who live in different circumstances.

 

Yes, true indeed.

 

Welcome to the site Lildarlin and Chryschloe. What part of NC are you from L and what district are you from Chryschloe?

 

im in the central area of nc.. a lil south of greensboro

 

I live in the cap city. You live south of the Triad next to Burlington or Ashboro.

 

im about 20 minutes north west of asheboro

 

That is nice. What its like to travel to Greensboro and Charlotte? Best of both worlds.

 

i dont get to charlotte much, im in greensboro all the time. im just a few minutes from greensboro. The downtown night life scene has really picked up! And as far as where I live, if you want a good resturaunt or want to go shopping, you HAVE to go to greensboro hhaaha

 

I learn something every day.

 

downtown greensboro is full of history too.. im so glad they revamped the area and its now safe (most of the time...) lol..

 

Great thread y'all!!! :smt038

 

8) ....This is exactly the dialogue I was hoping to initiate.

Ladies, I sincerely appreciate all the feedback.

KnCA.....love you to DEF'!! You always have something so very thoughtful to contribute.

I just thought we needed to talk about this because since we ARE family here, we need to bring awareness to ALL THE MEMBERS respective plights.

It seems we don't give a whole lot of consideration to all the "Mocha Moms" out there who experience some of the same trials from ALL corners.

I really appreciate hearing everyone's experiences.....

..let the thread continue unabated..... :lol: