My Brother's Fiancee

Nothing to add but I love seeing everyone be so helpful and more importantly normalizing good mental health conversations. It's so important guys. Kudos

 

I'm thinking - don't let this crap control your relationship with your brother (and definitely not with your entire family - things like ending or not attending holiday get-togethers to avoid her!), go to the holidays, and don't let her run over everyone. It's important to send a clear message that this behavior is not acceptable. I don't think anyone can change her, but they certainly can set and hold boundaries on what's going to be acceptable in their homes. People acquiescing feeds the dysfunction.

I really hope that you all are reaching out to his kids. It's important that they are still able to have their relationships with all their family even if their dad is being an idiot.

 

soooo sad!! he's going to have major regrets

 

So another thing that bothers me about her is her blatant disrespect against my family. I live far away but my mom tells me she gets on my sister's children for acting "too white". This annoys me because 1) They're kids 2) How are kids supposed to act? What deems as being too white?

My brother never intervenes. We had a disagreement at one point because she yelled at me while asking for some gum and naturally I yelled back. She then goes and tells everyone I disrespected her tho I only returned her energy as she was rude to everyone that day. I can see the possibility of a fight between my brother or another member of her family if she continues to spin false narratives like this. People like this can cause situations by telling lies or half truths. Again my bro watches from the sidelines.

 

I agree. Everyone in my immediate family seems to be afraid of her, including my brother. I only see this ending with us getting into a big fight. But I'm fed up with her disrespectful behavior. I do see her making my brother fight or another family member but those are the consequences that come with protecting family.

 

Anytime someone is choosing to spend the rest of their life with an individual, a serious and well thought out vetting process must occur. Almost in the same fashion that a presidential candidate would choose for his V.P.

Whether it's a credit check or just a simple background check. You have to do your homework on someone to find out if their absolutely worth it and can you possibly trust this person with your life if need be.

Most of the time people just accept the first person that smiled at them and figure this is the best that it's ever going to get and settle down without truly getting to know one another while ignoring blatant red flags.

It's unfortunate that your brother is caught up in such an untenable situation. Hopefully he has a moment of clarity and realizes who she really is then cuts her loose.

 

That’s really unfortunate that she views this as a solo venture. Ideally both parents would have equal access and influence on a child.

 

Awwww, thanks!

 

This is solid advice thanks. Yes my initial reaction is to tear into her ass when she gets disrespectful. But you're right, she probably plans this in attempt for me to react. Love my bro but I can't see him unless she comes along. He's naive as he always pushes her on me but I think he wants my approval as if its needed for them to be together.

 

That need for approval from you may be a sign that deep down he is uncertain of his choice as well. Having experienced a very bad, manipulative narcissist for over a decade, I can only say don't give in to the provocation.

 

Do you think your brother may be open to you suggesting that you and he (alone) hang out for a bit? I'd bet the fiancee would totally stew over that scenario as she definitely seems to be controlling/manipulative, and totally wouldn't want your brother in any situation where she's not there to steer/control him.

 

So a few years back he flew in when I came home. He brought his lady as well. Me and him drove to my dad 2 hours away along with my nephew and nieces. She calls him to say she's going to a friends house who lives nearby. Whenever we go home she leaves and sees her friends. She doesn't like us or my brothers friends yet he is always expected to be around her friends and family.

Thats not my business but its something I recognized. Really don't care if she likes me at all but i have to get her to understand she must respect my family. If my brother is happy I want what's best for him but I think she isnt the way there lol.

 

Yea thats something I learned over time. His last legit girlfriend he would put me on the phone with her. Didn't think she was good either but I didn't really care to be involved with anyone he dated. To me that was more of a private manner and although I'm his brother, I felt like it was his love life. I don't even bring women that I date around my family lol.

 

I’m the same way.

 

i hope he isn't planning on her being faithful.