Sexual Harassment/Assault Scandals

Unfortunately, education doesn’t equate mental stability. Nor does it mean infidelity and abuse/manipulation are somehow non existent. Education or not, good people often end up with bad people who put up a front for a few years. My parents (two educated black people with masters degrees) are a prime example of this.

Pulling resources together is an overall good thing. But people are still people.

 

I happen to agree with maintaining an active lifestyle. I still game on an occasion, but physical health is a huge part of maintaining attraction and overall longevity. I think I read somewhere that eating more protein and maintaining muscle mass helps prevent Alzheimer’s. I don’t necessarily need to workout with a woman, but knowing that she understands nutrition and diet and isn’t just a cardio junky is huge to me.

I do find it interesting that some women want a guy with abs and muscle have never been to a gym themselves. Considering that a gym is the number one place to find a man/woman with muscles, I just find the lack of logic odd.

 

Healthy habits in life are important be it nutrition, exercise, drinking etc but to me the exercise thing can also get out of hands. Don't think I'd like to be with somebody who spends all his free time in the gym and eats only protein powder. I wanted somebody with a spiritual life, very important, so I looked at the place where you see such people.

 

Mind body and spirit go together. When you exercise it takes care of the mind in a lot of ways.

I like the spiritual aspect without religion. If she is religious that's fine, if not it's fine. As long as she's not pushing her beliefs on me, we're good.

 

You know exactly who you are looking for and what you need in a relationship. So where is this tall, sporty, self-sufficient lady with brothers, hobbies and long legs who is willing to think out of the box? Can’t be that difficult to find.

 

Lmao! I've only actually pursued a relationship once in my life and its was with someone I was already dating. Other than that, I've never made much of an effort.

I'll probably change that up in about 2 to 3 years from now. I enjoy the way things are at the moment. I may be relocating to a different part of Florida soon. Guess who I have to clear that decision with?.......exactly.

I'm enjoying my status while it lasts.

 

I see. How old are you by the way? Well I personally don't understand this whole friends with benefits thing (I guess that's the other option) but most men seem to be perfectly content with it.

I love Florida. You get the tropical climate, the good pineapples and oranges without the malaria and yellow fever;-). My brothers are actually in Florida right now, they are making me jealous with daily bombardment of pics lol.

 

Ugh black trannies are also trying to throw Black Men under the bus for not "protecting" them

Y'all on y'all own

 

Lol. FWB is simple. Be genuine and let someone spend time with you because they actually want to. Lay off the demands, adults will be adults. It's what every woman wants anyway, most are just not secure in themselves enough to allow it to happen. Manogomy is very possible with fwb btw.

I'm realistic. I know there will be some demands if I get married, but as long as the relationship is truly predicated on being best friends then it will work out.

Even guy friends have certain standards they hold one another too. I don't have guy friends that are drunks, pushovers, leeches, or smell bad.

 

Really? American women want to be friends with benefits? Let me repeat I don’t understand the dating world over there.

Anyway, when I said how old are you by the way I didn’t mean it as a hidden accusation, hope it didn’t come across like one.

 

Most women want fwb? Where lol

 

Women don't want to be fwb; however:
Women want you to spend time with them because you want to, not because you feel obligated. However relationships are based on rules of obligation. Fwb is the only situation that actually allows you to spend time with them without being obligated.

Makes sense now?

 

Honestly, no.
But I think it'll derail the thread too far to get into all these definitions. What I need is a dictionary on American dating terminology please. 'Cause to me when you are regularly spending time with someone and are monogamous and are thoroughly enjoying her company that sounds pretty much like she might as well be your girlfriend but hey, whatever works for you. But for me if I were single I don't think I'd pretend an interest in being somebody's fwb. We might as well just be friends then. Nothing wrong with being friends with a guy. If we don't bring anything sexual into it at least it'll be a genuine, lasting friendship.

 

People go through different stages in life. Women have sexual needs just like men do. And as life changes sometimes women have higher sexual needs than men too. Some women are as busy (or moreso) than men. I'm older, I have lots of women friends who are not wanting all that goes with a relationship but they do want a FWB/playmate situation. Some do so when they are in college or climbing the ladder and not ready for marriage - or may not ever want marriage. More and more women aren't wanting to get married and have kids....or they have and they don't to be doing the whole relationship thing again. You know marriage is a lot of work and it takes investing 100% of yourself. Alot of people just aren't there, may never want that. But that doesn't mean they don't want something with someone. For some it works, others it doesn't. I've had times in my life where I did the playmate thing (my choice) and times that just didn't work for me.

That's not a uniquely American thing though. I've known plenty of Europeans who had companionship type relationships. They may not call it a FWB, but that's what it is. The whole boyfriend/girlfriend thing is not always something that is going to lead to marriage. There are many who also want that relationship but don't want the marriage, or even to live with the person. I think people will often say playmate or FWB when it's basically a gf/bf thing but maybe it's not a situation where they have plans to make it more than what it is.

 

If it's a situation of regular spending time AND being monogamous they would usually call that a relationship and consider each other bf/gf. If the arrangement doesn't work anymore they break up. I know not every relationship leads to marriage, in fact marriage isn't even that popular here. For instance my brother has been with his girlfriend for 10 years now (he's 29, she's 27) and I'm not sure they even plan to marry, ever.

 

Not really. There are people that loved programming computers until they got a job doing it. Now programming is a requirement, not so fun now.

 

To me gf/bf is high schoolish because its made up expectations and rules that only exists in a persons mind and usually only because they need to believe someone wants something longterm with them, whether that person wants it or not. They also need to be able to require someone to do things with them.

Its all a false blanket for a false sense of security. All that person has to do is say one sentence to "break up" with you.

Then it hurts mainly because the illusion you created was shattered.

 

Lol...it does sound high schoolish, that's why most people who are in a serious relationship but not married and older than lets say 30 ish come up with other terms like "Lebensgefährte" (life partner). Whether there's security/commitment in a relationship depends on the two people involved. Also, most people I know don't go into relationship with plans of breaking up (except maybe the very young ones), but that's what happens. It's certainly better to be upfront when one already knows one cannot commit long term to a person, regardless the terminology.
An Indian friend of mine was having this British lady "friend". He thought they were cool that way until they went on a trip to Venice and she proposed to him on one of the bridges, super romantic, Venice by moonlight...the guy came back shell-shocked lol. So I'm about as sceptical of fwb as you of "relationships", but in the end it might just be a matter of what to call it. "Just friends" is also dishonest a lot of times, especially from the woman's side.

 

She could have just told him at some point before then. " I love you" I don't want you to feel pressured, but I just had to let you know how I feel. Then again he could have just been thrown off because women usually don't propose.

Either way for me its better to have something more real than it seems than to have some thing that's actually less than what's its made out to be.

 

This terminology thing has been an issue for quite a few I know. For example, I have a friend who has known a man since college, the started "dating" 6-7 years ago. She has no intention or interest in ever getting married again, she also probably would never live with a man again. They see each other when they do, they don't see other people, but there's no expectations about things like holidays, families, if it works for each other to do things it does, but there's not an expectation that the other will go with them to whatever event or they are involved in everything. For her, it's important to keep things at a point of choice, she's not interested in the obligation part - she's not in a place where that works for her for many reasons.

There are plenty of people who get involved with someone without future expectations. They are going with the moment with the person. They are straight up about it. It's something that either works for them or it doesn't....those aren't situations that are typically expected to be long term, and sometimes they end up that way.

IME, I have found that FWB are usually temporary as one person usually ends up wanting more than the other at some point. Nothing wrong with that, but when things change, people need to communicate.