I have only seriously spanked my son once, when he was six. Not before or since, and I'd like to keep it that way, especially since at some point he'll be bigger than me. Lol
It sucks having a kid, lol. You love them more than your own life, which makes it tough as heck to be tough on them.
I understand what you are saying, but a punishment is for me i.e. -taking away the iphone for a certain time -cancel a party or freetime in general -some jobs to do but public shaming, humiliating is what we call - mobbing, I think in english you call it bullying. The only sense why someone is doing that is the sadistic will of a person, mostly combined with jealousy. You also have seen that kind of behaiour from movies during a rape. If you have a movie or pictures (an evidence) you can keep your power over the other person and go on with your humiliation. The time frame is much bigger and the joy over the victims tears is longer. The father isn't only an immature man, he is sadistic and jealous, too. And what the friends said about the abusive behaviour is imaginable
My son turned 13 and I still wince if I see him slip and fall. I agree. That's why I think the key to handling any child's bad behavior is not acting in anger. Otherwise, you're just retaliating, which is about the parent's sadism. That being said, I had a quo vadis (I know I'm dating myself with that term) down to the scalp once as a kid and I felt like Nosferatu. THAT was humiliating.
I don't spank. I have a 26 year old son, 23 year old daughter, 12 year old son, and 9 year old daughter. Very different personalities, all very strong willed. There are always better ways than spanking. The key to parenting is that it begins with day one, takes modeling good behavior, and consistency. We have to remember we are their parents not their friends. Most problems I see come from those who are not consistent, have the "do as I say, not as I do" mentality, and are not looking at the bigger picture. People are too much about immediate gratification. They need to remember that they are raising adults. If you have a free for all and do things like thinking/saying how cute it is that your lil 4 year old is sassy and then when they are still doing it a few years later and then suddenly you are going to start trying to discipline...you have problems. Most things can be traced back to earlier times when the parent wasn't parenting. It just creates bigger problems in the long run. It's sortof like years ago I had a Great Dane puppy. I had always had small dogs before that. So the puppy was cute and I let him climb in my lap, up on the couch, etc. Of course the puppy grew REALLY fast and suddenly this HUGE dog was trying to climb in people's laps, up on the furniture etc. I could have gotten all mad at him, smacked him, etc. But come on now - it was really MY doing. So instead, I had to figure out ways to retrain him (by retraining myself in the process).