Some BM Still Intimidated by WW

It's true

Birds of a feather tend to stick together and what better way is there to weed people out

It's like my hospital

Marriages and relationships among fellow employees are pretty common

 

I used to have lots of fun with a coworker.
We were sitting accross each other and he kept lurking over his screen.
I kept thinking that we have a lot in common and might be a great match.
The timing just sucked and one of us was always taken.
We finally had a date last summer that I was pretty excited about, but it ended up being one of the most awkward dates I ever had LOL.

 

yeah i and former coworker had a good friendship but we never acted on it cause if bad timing.

she was a sexy and really nice

 

Intimitated BM is up to society and family of her. If around there is racism it's hard to make interracial attachment .

 

The new guy's take

Look. This may fit me. I'm not going to say that I've never "dated" a white girl, but that was years & years ago. I have remained curious about it though. And more & more lately, I will admit to being down to take another dip.

But here's the thing: it's the cultural issues.

I have known plenty of white girls; as classmates, co-workers, neighbors, acquaintances, you name it. But never as a girlfriend. The deal is that my entire circle, hell my circles all my life have been black. Whether I was living in the city, or nowadays, out here in the 'burbs.

I've come across some that I definitely thought about steppin' to (& I know I had the green light: you know what I mean. Her vibe was right), but it's the barrier that ran me off. Inevitably, all of the white boys in the vicinity would get adversarial. That didn't scare me, but I had to ask myself is this chick worth my job/class grade/neighborhood harmony, etc. And that's when I would back off.

I know it isn't popular to say that around here, but I want to be honest at all times. Sincerity is how I live.

Further, in an effort the grow in my understanding of how things work, I've decided to join this forum. Obviously, I could learn a thing or two, so I figured I'd give it a shot. For the record, I don't have any built in expectations. I just want to know wassup from those that know.

So with that said, let the flaming begin. Right?

 

Fam its 2015 you'll be ok. At least so I'm told lol.

 

Nah, I don't think we have a tendency to flame an outright honest post around here.

I especially do appreciate the honestly. The threads these days don't really get into critical thought, just a bunch of tongue in cheek jokes these days.

I have to say I've lived through many of the same situations you have. Hell, I was the only black kid in my neighborhood growing up, but I come from a HUGE family. One story that still gets told today is of my childhood friend down the street and how she once attended a family barbeque at my house. My younger brother was a close friend of her younger brother, so he invited both of them without my knowledge.

A few years later, she described how unusual it was to be the only white person in a group of around 50 people. She specifically stated how "really white she felt". I explained to her, "That's my world every day."

The point I'm making is that if I wanted a date to the prom, or a date in any way before I became 18, I had to simply get over this fear of the "cultural issues" you describe. If there were racist white dudes that would take offense (I know there were), it would have to be endured or dealt with. The details of that will vary greatly depending where you are in this country, i.e. northeast, south, Texas, West Coast or Alaska. Those feeling have hotbeds, and I probably got off easier than most of the members of this site to be honest.

 

It's ok for the men to be honest here, but (some of) the women? Not so much. God forbid we might say anything or ask a question that doesn't fit the accepted party line and we're immediately classified as a racist. I keep most of my posts to snarky one-liners any more. If I bother at all. Thankfully, this doesn't happen with the men I date.

 

Talk about over sensitive. That's no even close to true. Your problem along with people who think like you is any comment that doesn't border on ass kissing makes you feel uncomfortable and attacked. Plenty of women have asked questions and have differing opinions.

 

For the most part, women who are considered hot, or post T&A pix or who have been married to/had kids with a BM get a pass. The rest of us have come under scrutiny and you damn well know it.

 

Talk About Being Surprised

WoW. Y'all really know to Welcome the newjack (not even 1 insult!!). I'm impressed.

The Dark King: Now, I wasn't talking aobut 90s stuff (well...some). I was really remarking on life in its current iteration. It is my observation that the white boys get more hostile if the know ya to normally 'stick to your own kind.'

Actually, it's been a pattern - I will shamelessly flirt with whomever I want with no apology. So when I do that with a chick & she's white, I notice that change I mentioned earlier. Not once have I ever ran & hid because of it, but I did notice it.

RRoyce55: Well, I was NOT the only Black Kid. We were the majority. I grew up here in Maryland (the DC side, NOT the Baltimore side. There is a difference), and unless you grew up rich or in the woods some damn where, Black folks is plentiful in this state. So therefore, you knew who ya knew coming of age.

It wasn't until I became an adult that I noticed the dynamic I spoke of in my prior post. Looking back, I realize that I just conformed to the social expectation. And that's kind've what I'm talking about: sure I knew dudes that chilled with white girls, but (in my view) it always seemed like the dating rules were 'you stay with yours & we'll be with ours.'

Now all that's changed considerably. And for my part, I seek to examine my entire outlook on IR.

Does that make any sense?

Ches: What's wrong with general honesty as a rule? As I said before, I make an legit effort to live my life from a frame of sincerity. And whomever I'm dealing with, I demand the same.

When it comes to relations in particular, shouldn't it be MORE important to behave honestly? Ok look: we're all adults & I do understand that people have their own motivations when is comes to dating as a whole. But I have generally had success with openness in the relationships in my life. But of course all of that can be relative.

Your comments intrigue me.

 

Stick around long enough will wonder if she has any clue about our culture ( not blasting you ches) she has never been with her bm and been pulled over dwb

 

Could it be that those women you describe, just don't make questionable posts that make them come off as racially insensitive? Or do we really have closet racists here getting a pass because they're cute?

 

Raider, did you see the thread about the frat brothers who were caught chanting racist slurs? I suggested that the one kid's apology MAY have come partially from a place of remorse because of the content and length of the apology and the fact that he owned his behavior. I was called a racist and a number of other foul things I won't repeat here. Every last person who posts here regularly knows had you made that same remark, no one would've batted an eye, and some would even have agreed with you because it was you who posted it. Tell me I'm wrong. (This is not me taking an opportunity to make you a negative example. But since you questioned me, and you fall into the category I referred to and because of your reputation here, you're the perfect person to use to demonstrate my point.)

 

Otis, welcome to the forum. I'm looking forward to more of your posts. There is absolutely nothing wrong with general honesty. I will be the first to agree that honesty tempered with respect should be the rule for all relationships, especially with people we don't know. I was not criticizing your comments at all. Just giving my perspective on the way some things are received here, despite a real effort to be transparent and genuine.

 

The thing is Ches, I'd never make the statement you made. That's my point. I know from our previous conversations that you think I fit the mold of the female poster you described, but I also know I don't need a pass around here because I've never made posts that could be perceived as racially insensitive.

I saw the thread you're speaking about and from your post I gathered that racism is something you could forgive with an apology. Appiah had an excellent point imo when he asked if that same forgiveness could be given to a child rapist (something along those lines)...that's when the thread was over IMO. If someone raped your son as a child, would an apology mean much to you? Probably not. So I can completely understand how/why some bm aren't willing to take that kids apology as truth.

At the end of the day, I (and probably almost everyone else here) know you're not a racist. I believe when you ask questions it's from a sincere place of wanting to learn and better understand. You will always be an easy target for a few around here, just as I am, because this place is cliquey as hell. Not everyone who is scrutinized around here is innocent though and IMO that has nothing to do with their looks, it's a reflection of the content of their post history.

 

So let me get this straight: Allowing for the possibility that a person may realize the destruction of his actions and feel remorse and offers an apology from that place is being racially insensitive???? God help us.

And if someone had raped my child, yep I'd have gone to hell and back in my mind, wrestling with forgiving the monster who did it. But harboring unforgiveness, whether I received an apology or not, would only kill me. A heartfelt apology would go a very long way to help me get to the place I need to be to forgive. Not forgiving is not am option.

 

Ches real talk I don't see that but I won't dismiss what you're saying I just don't see it. The only reason I've ever come at the love bm late in life crowd was because it seemed to convenient that after you've already had kids with wm and aren't as popular with them bm become not only an option but a preference. It's very demeaning. After hearing your story I'm open to the idea that for some the option was never present in their early days.