youre in the friend zone because....

Wow Gorath, your words, your perspective .... is unto-itself hot. You sound like a confident guy, and that's attractive. Maybe this just comes with age, but I've come to take rejection in stride too. Still stings a little, but but I don't get too invested in the first place usually, and baby it's a wide world.

 

What else I appreciate about your perspective is your "If friend is what you want, friend is what you get." Wow, that's game. Just the other day my friend's husband was tellin me that guys can't be friends with girls. That there's no such thing. He told me that if I dialed up any of my guy friends and said "come over I want to F*k" that they'd be ringing the doorbell before I hung up the phone. But with your attitude - like if I dialed you and you replied "oh no, we are friends, remember?" then I confess I might think to myself "I'm gonna seduce him. Oh heyll no." LOL!

Girls are crazy

 

It's not game, it's experience. Painful as it was then, I had become perceptive of what the women I had met over the years. And sometimes I even expected them to say no to me. A couple have insulted me. Like I had posted, in the end, it's the woman's call. I've met women over the years who had so much drama in their lives. Could any guy want to be a part of that? I don't think so. I met a woman once who invited me over to her apartment(we met on the road, she and her roommate were hitchhiking to get to work). I came over one day and we all chatted for a bit. She lived across the street from where I worked at the time. It seemed a bit cozy. She showed me a portrait of her grand mother, a black woman, and her white grandfather. She told me that she had congenital heart disease. She was widowed. She spoke lovingly about her husband. I remember her sitting close to me and touching my chest. She was really attracted to me. She had once invited me to her place and taking a dip in the Jacuzzi(she had a bad cold, she said she could kiss me but we'd be very close). I couldn't do it because I had to go to work that same night(11:00 pm-7:00 am). Then things got weird. She told me that she and her roommate had a serious falling out and she left. She needed a ride to work and it was a difficult day for me because I had a job interview on the same day. A few days later, she and I were talking on the phone and she then mentions that her ex-boyfriend, an expert martial artist who was so expert, that his instructors couldn't deal with him because he was also very violent. He was back in town.
We hung up. I became confused, but realized that she wasn't into me and I didn't want to be in her drama. I was thankful I didn't get in the Jacuzzi with her. I saw her again on the road with her thumb out. I kept going because I saw her get in another man's car. I went home with no trouble and slept well.

A friend of mine told me over 20 years ago(I had posted this once before)that girls are funny. They are not used to a guy's adoration, especially if they used to dating bad boys who don't treat them well.

A male friend to me that I was making the moves on his type of girl. "Our Girls" as he was fond of saying because he was a dude of the streets and those girls were street girls. It all seemed cliqueish and territorial in those days in 1984 and beyond. Street guys for street girls.

A man can be friends with a woman. Like a physical relationship, it all begins with liking one another.

 

I never said that Alpha Males don't exist. I was questioning your definition of one considering that you don't have any experience being a male. That's all.

 

hmm ok. The whole premise of the conversation/thread is a woman's point of view of men.

 

Well said. i like the way you think. It's hard to explain why exactly. Are you a writer?

 

For my sins...yes. I am a writer. Working on my first novella which took me 27 years to write(I had kept writing even when I thought I was finished). After I am finished with the final story, the next will be to find the money to produce, protect and publish this, my life's work.

 

Sometimes you are in the friend zone because you are a friend, and highly valued as such.
Sometimes, you love people immensely, and want them in your life because you feel life is better with them in your world but that love is simply non romantic without any particular reason why its not the romantic sort.

I had a guy friend after many years told me he could no longer be friends because he wanted more and had waited so long for me to reciprocate his feelings i was not even aware of
It was devastating. Had he told me from the start, there may had been a chance, but after almost 10 years, he was like a brother to me, romantic love can not not happen after that long - for me. I still miss him as a friend, after 10 years of no friendship but it can't be. That has happened twice in my life, long, long time friends doing this And I have sort of changed my view of opposite sex being friends... Seems like one will carry the torch, as a general rule.

 

there we are friends is the perfect story of why u end up in the friend zone or at least one reason.

a person (specifically men) get there cause they dont smoothly tell the person whats up.

 

The article, yes. The thread, not so much.

 

That sortof feeds into the idea of why it may not be possible for men and women to truly be friends.

I used to be a really big advocate for male female friendships. I typically remained friends with men I once dated after we decided to stop seeing each other. I had many friends for years. They were friends throughout the 17 years I was with my ex-husband, friends with both of us. Once we were divorced, within the next year or two, every one of them came forward at one point or another expressing interest. I felt really betrayed.

 

Really? hmm OK. I don't agree. Seems to me it's about men wanting to know why men get put in the friend zone. Those answers come from women not men. If they are looking for those answers from men, they are looking in the wrong place. A man can't tell another man why women are putting them in the friend zone. Well they can, but that's a waste of time and energy, if someone is really wanting to know.

 

On point :smt023

 

That's part of why I don't believe in the "friend zone." The phrase makes it sound like someone owes you a relationship because you've been friends for so long. If person A has feelings for person B then person A needs to let it be known. No one is a mind reader! As for your friend, I know exactly what you mean. Once you've been close to someone for a while it's hard to look at them romantically.

A big-ass co-sign for this one :smt038

 

Completely agree, on all accounts!

 

http://ie.askmen.com/top_10/dating/girls-and-nice-guys_10.html

why women dont date nice guys.

article from askmen.com

one thing it said is the "bad boys" can take rejection and go chase another woman.

something i stated for the longest.

the other is nice guys come off as pushovers, they come off as having hidden agendas and there are others that i dont really agree with or just saying the same thing over and over but to me the bottom line...nice guys lack boldness.

 

LOL you crack me up. Why do you keep finding these ridiculous articles. If you want to know - ASK WOMEN. Better yet, ask women who like nice guys. There are actually a lot of us out there. Part of the issue (again) with these articles is how they are defining nice guys.

If you are a nice guy and you are having a problem finding women who want you then you are looking at the wrong type of women. Just like the women who keep going for the bad boys and want to complain about it. They need to figure it out and look toward a different type of man.

Is it about quantity or quality? Maybe another "type" of guy gets more attention from more women. You may want to look at if it's really the type of attention you are wanting though. How many quality women are really looking for something lasting with a bad boy?

 

Whatd wrong with the friend zone?? What's the problem with having "friends"?

 

totally agree

 

I have plenty of male friends in the zone but simply because they start out as friends. I never meet someone and decide I want to date them. Nothing is automatic for me.

Occasionally one busts out of the zone but not often.

I don't mind having male friends. Nothing wrong with being friends and I don't know why some people say you cannot be friends w the opposite sex. Sometimes you just get along on that platonic level with someone of the opposite sex. Nothing whatsoever strange or unusual about that.