youre in the friend zone because....

http://m.huffpost.com/us/entry/6730706?ncid=txtlnkusaolp00000592

heres an article...more of a commentary on why "nice guys", pleasers and needy men land in the friend zone.

 

I don't really agree with how the writer describes "nice guys". Based on those descriptions, they wouldn't even land in the "friend zone". I don't think she's really talking about a true "nice guy". Just like I don't consider passive aggressive men to be nice guys...even though many may think they are.

True nice guys aren't pushovers, needy, or any of that other bullshit. They are secure and comfortable with who they are and they aren't out looking to create drama and crisis. More simply, they aren't assholes.

I may not be qualified to comment given that nice guys (true nice guys) don't automatically go to the friend zone with me. I wouldn't ever consider any type of relationship with a bad boy type at all. The bad boy thing really turns me off.

 

she wasnt advocating dating a bad boy.

i believe she was saying dont be a pushover.

dont be that guy who will drop everything cause she is ready to go.

 

makes u wonder if guys dont really get the messagge

 

I didn't say she was advocating dating a bad boy. I just think the way she was defining a "nice guy" was very skewed and plain wrong. She was describing insecure whimps with major issues. That's not a nice guy.

As far as if guys get the message or not.... I think they need to be more concerned about being a good person (the best them they can be) rather than trying to appear to be a certain way to get females. If they are well grounded, with a good sense of themselves and on a good path, they'll find a good woman. But lets face it, many aren't really looking for a good woman, they are looking for surface crap, just like the females they are messing with.

I've heard guys whine about nice guys finishing last. First I think....ok but don't you really want to be the one who finishes last...that would make you the one she chooses for life rather than someone for a moment. The other thing I think is, truly nice guys aren't concerned with any of it because they aren't interested in the so called women who doesn't appreciate who they are.

 

no guys wants to finish last. think on it.

nice guys would like for it to happen early and be with the one forever it thats whats in the cards.

 

If women are insecure and wimpy (afraid to approach men, but have a great personality that is often hidden in shyness or maybe a social disorder), are these women put in the same category as these men?

I only ask this because it seems as though there is a bit of a double standard in the way we approach the sexes. I also feel as though some of this is a product of societal pressures and gender roles. I don't feel there is anything wrong with having a preference for a certain male or female archetype, but I can't help but wonder if heteronormativity and gender roles have a large part to play in how one views the article.

 

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My comment about whimpy insecure men was directed to what the woman in the article was describing as "nice guys". I don't agree with her description at all. She was saying they are needy, clingy, pushovers, who are not genuine. While I think you have a point, and agree with much of what you said, yes women who are what was described as nice guys in the article are called negative terms as well.

 

You think about it. Most people really do want to be the last one in someone's life. Most people would rather the other person is done with the rest and ready to be with them only.

 

i get what u r saying. but guys dont want to feel like u are settling.

in other words guys dont want to feel like u daye the "bad boys" and then the nice guy.

a nice guy can be a dateable guy as long as he put up boundaries.


i kinda for the most part agree with that article.

 

He may not...but it's not any different than how guys date a certain type of female but want to marry another.

Yah, I don't agree with her take on nice guys and all the stuff about being needy, clingy, pushovers, without a backbone. That's not a nice guy. Just like a female who acts that way isn't they type of woman a man wants to marry. It's not like there are only two categories.

 

exactly. guys surely do the same thing....you see it heavily...."look at her ass!!!!"

the thing is when u are young...20-30 yrs old...thats how u date. lol.

 

coming from another thread..women want an alpha male

 

you posted the wrong quote

And again, I think there is a difference in definition. Most people seem to think that Alpha Males are not nice guys. I think that's really warped thinking. A true Alpha Male is a true nice guy.

 

I think this is the quote you were trying for Goodlove:

I think the most impressive part of an alpha male is his dedication to his woman and his family. A true alpha male is a wonderful mate and father.

 

u are so right. people do think alpha males cant be nice. you can be nice , a nerd or a geek and be alpha. people confuse nice with weak.

women dont want weak men.

 

"A true alpha male"? Hmmmm... I can't help but feel that women trying to define what a true "beta male" or true "alpha male" or "a real man" is not only counterproductive towards changing toxicity in gender roles and gender expectations, but is also slightly sexist.

 

So what. It's a conversation about opinions. I happen to not only appreciate but expect there to be differences between men and women. I think it's way more toxic to act like they don't exist. I also think that the whole p/c bullshit that has gone on in recent years has been really detrimental to male female relationships. I think it's much more productive for people to define what it is they want and what's important to them, than to buy into some politically correct "there's no difference between men and women" belief.

What you said is simply your opinion, just as what I said was mine. Neither are right or wrong....they are opinions.

 

This nice guys finish last is crap. Most of the guys who claim they are nice guys and yet are trumped on are mostly losers who have nothing going on for them, they are mostly doormats who agree to everything and have self esteem issues. Women dont like men like that so yes they will not give you any play. Being nice is being assertive yet respectful to women, opening doors for them and letting them walk through before you, giving them your coat when its slightly cold outside you know things like that, but you must say no sometimes and not budge while explaining to them why you made that decision.

 

I've been in the Friend Zone mainly because the women I've approached were not looking for a serious relationship with me. I was not their type and they were looking for a guy that they could want to be with. I was accepted as a friend. I wasn't angry or upset. A little jealous maybe, but not crazy. I have accepted it. When you have faced as much rejection as I have had through the years, you begin to understand a woman's perspective. Ultimately, when a man approaches a woman to ask her out, it is her call. It is her decision as to what place she put a person(a friend, boyfriend, confidant, one night stand, etc.)as a man can do the same as a woman. But not a lot of women would ask out a man that she desired unless she was desperate. I've learned to get to know women first before developing a physical/emotional interest. I understand that men and women have to like each other first. For some, the attraction can be immediate. But when a man or a woman wants a specific type of person, they do become picky because this is about one's own happiness. No one is going to choose just anybody with a pulse(which some would hope will happen so that they would have some kind of validation as a man or a woman and if in a relationship, they will work hard to maintain it by being submissive and accommodating). I have said this statement more than once, and I will say it again, "If a friend is what you want of me, then a friend I shall forever be."