Everyone around me is getting in a serious relationship or married.

I feel so out of the norm here. I'm in a city where everyone appears to date and marry early. I'm 30, going to be 31 in October and really just hitting my stride as far as career success and personal independence.

I was dating a girl recently that I mentioned we are on and off. She is 26. I don't think she is the "one" for me and have a fear of settling. She likes that I'm out of the norm here...single, attractive, great career...oh and icing on the cake, no kids no ex wife.

I recently met a woman that is 32. She seems sweet, but I'm not sure if her life goals are aligned with mine. We hit it off but we will see how it goes.

Meanwhile I see on my Facebook and see in my personal life that people are getting engaged, people I wouldn't expect. People announcing relationships. I've encountered a lot of people who are dating and serious relationships.

Part of me wonders if there's something wrong with me for not finding the 'one' yet, besides me being a late bloomer, or do these people have nothing better else to do than get married and have kids?

I DO want the wife and kids in my life, but just not with the wrong person. Sometimes I do get envious of people having that happiness, but there's still things I want to accomplish before crossing that line.

Does anyone else feel that way?

 

We're pretty much the same age and I feel you fam. Two friends got engaged last week and at times I wonder if I'm a little stunted but I am a firm believer it'll happen when things are right and not before.
I've been meeting great women lately, in fact met this really amazing woman in Colorado last week at a work function, unfortunately she's in Vancouver but we're making plans to meet up next month (I've always said my wife is in Canada lol). Also met a really cool girl who lives two towns over, another one in DC, another one in RI. My point is there are a lot of great women and you'll eventually get to yours fam, in the mean time just relax and enjoy the little moments.

 

Next Tuesday, I turn 49. One year away from 50. On the morning of my 50th birthday I will be a permanent member of the League of Bachelors. I will not marry at or after that age. I had made a promise to God on that and I will keep it. But that is me. I don't know your age, but I will tell you how important it is to make sure you know whom you want to spend your life with and what you are getting into. Like the song Shop Around goes, "Try to get your self a diamond, son. Don't be sold on the very first one. Good-looking girls come a dime a dozen. Try to find one who's gonna give you good lovin'." You know the rest.
Marriage, to me is a very important step in the story of human beings. I do not see it as a game. Marriage seems like a board game where you, the game piece has to move at the roll of the die to get to the finish. But does the game really end at marriage?
It is important to marry well. Everything is dependent on that decision. This means your life is dependent on that decision. You cannot settle for less. You cannot marry a woman because you are feeling lonely or that you feel pity for this woman and you want to save her.
Look at yourself and what you hope to find in a woman. Shared interests and goals are very helpful. And being able to understand and communicate is paramount in this venture. Acceptance is different from tolerance.
If I am going to marry the woman I love, I will have these things in mind always and that she has them in mind, as well. Marriage is not a game or even a fling that lasts a year and ends in divorce. It isn't about the hot sex. If I marry the woman I love, it is forever. For better or worse, for richer or poorer, in sickness and in health.
I knew a guy in high school who married a woman he met at the courthouse. They had a child. He had a girlfriend on the side. He told me that when he is with his wife, the sex with her was a chore. But when he is with his girlfriend, the sex was the greatest pleasure he had ever known. His wife asked him about the sex. He kept his mouth shut. They divorced later. He met another girl from our high school and they are doing fine.
It is important to take your time when in the search. One night together will not make a marriage. I believe the minimum time in a committed dating relationship is at least 14 months to a maximum of 2 years or more. You must really get to know each other. Discover each other's strengths and weaknesses, fears and phobias, likes and dislikes. After learning all these things about one another, you will have the necessary tools to having a loving and healthy marriage. You two and what you are to each other. You two and what you two have. You two and the road you will walk together. Nothing and no one will ever destroy your love for each other. You two will be indestructible. I have, indeed, rambled on. But that is how I feel. I hope this will help you. Focus on yourself. Take your time in your search. And choose wisely.

 

i ve been married before, and i can honestly say there is nothing worser then an unhappy marriage or relationship.
when i divorced 12 years ago i was absolutely sure i d never want to marry again.
you are at your best age, so dont give yourself a headache. i think you are doing just right not giving yourself away for less then the woman that seems right for you. so if she hasnt appeared yet, she s still out there.
i experience the same like you do, ppl getting in relationships and marrying, having kids. but at the same time, i see plenty ppl divorce and break up or staying stuck with someone they are not happy with. i see too many ppl getting together of getting married for the wrong reasons, i see too many children being brought to this world without a second thought. so i guess not everything that shines is gold.
now 12 years later, at the age of 40, i m finally at the point where i want that special someone in my life and am ready to get married again, once and for good. but just like you, i would not settle for anything less then what makes me happy because i firmly believe that s the only right way to do it.
and if it s not ment to be it s not ment to be, but it s at all time better then being unhappy with someone.

 

Gorath, I told you my age in the OP lol.

 

My bad. Sorry.

 

Yes, yes, to the Dark King and Gemini74 you must listen. Remember your failure at the tree, fam?

Dude, I'm the poster boy for marrying and having a child with the wrong woman. Do NOT do something that permanent and life-altering in some attempt to "keep up with the Joneses". You will end up unhappy and regretting it, and that's not the environment to have a child in. Some people have children and family as their only life goals, and that's alright. For THEM. If you're only seeking that, you're more likely to do that early. If you have other goals, which it sounds like you do, then take that in stride. Wish everyone well, and keep being the best 'You' that you can be. The rest will come in due time.

 

I agree with you on everything

Blackbruh, sometimes though it seems like you're searching for the "perfect" woman. She doesn't exist love. I'm not the type to settle so please don't think Id expect you to. However, if you only look for the faults in every female you date, you're going to potentially miss out on the imperfect woman who's perfect for you.

 

This too. What's that saying "Don't let the perfect be the enemy of the good" or something like that?

 

my .02 cents...what people say on fb and social media is not always what is real...don't play that "keeping up with everyone" game...just let it go...be happy with your accomplishments...people want you to believe that they have a perfect life...life isn't perfect for most people...take your time...about the time you find the one...several of those relationship status (s) will change and divorce will be around the corner...then they will look at you as the smart one that waited for the right person to come along

 

I "cosign" ... however you do that.

 

Marriage is not for everyone bruh, dont sweat it especially as a man

 

when you stop looking and accept where you are in life you will find what you are searching for.

its interesting your feed shows people getting engaged and such, mine is full of people having new born's, i am glad i experienced having a child at a young age. By the time i am in my early 40's mine will be in college and ill be traveling. doing homework with children at age 45 does not sound appealing to me.

 

Life has taken a different meaning while growing older with my children. It's actually quite appealing. Things I thought I'd enjoy doing instinctively fell by the waste side for things I thought I'd find boring. It's crazy and I love it! Lol

 

This is why everyone has to look at themselves hard and look at where they are in their lives. There is nothing wrong with living alone. Like I had said before, living alone has many advantages, chief among those; no drama. If one wants to be a spouse and a parent at a late age, that's good if they are willing to commit to being the parent the spouse and child deserves. But you have to want it. And you must marry someone in which whom you can really fall in love and that you are happy to be with. I cannot stress that enough.

 

I agree with the comment above wholeheartedly. March to the beat of your own drummer, Blackbrah.

 

I have a close friend from high school that's getting married at 28. He found love and I am happy for him but I still have this thought in my head like "why are you doing this bro?" I can't see myself getting married anytime soon and due to the high divorce rates in this country, I question if I should even consider it.

 

Don't worry about it and don't question it. Walk your path.

 

Marriage is not for everyone period. And kids aren't the greatest accomplishment ever. Damn near anything can reproduce, but to have an incredible life, is a true accomplishment. Just do you and forget the rest. You'll be thrilled you did.

 

So can I do you and forget the rest
Midwest trip for work this week just saying