Honest opinions on a bit of a dilemma?

i can agree with you on working hard for something worth having but to me all that you just said makes him not worth having.

in my previous life i enjoyed mature women who were my senior, so don't think i am judging you at all. my belief is that if a man or woman causes this much stress and headache they are not worth it, even if its just a booty call.

 

No I get that, and yes there is a lot of stress sometimes, but we both have baggage and issues.
I have kids to work around, and emotional stuff that he has to deal with, and he does his best to accomodate all of that.
I am just trying to grit my teeth and get through all this crap and get to the other side, if we ever get there lol.

 

babycakes, only you know your situation and only you can decide how to handle it. I think you are doing the right thing by at least expressing your opinion and where you stand. I wish you the best and only want you to be happy in the end. You deserve to be!

 

i still believe there are too many fish in the sea to have to deal with any bs at all, but to each it's own.

 

Well yes there are plenty of people out there, but I'm not one to run from a complicated situation if I believe it is worth it in the long run, and I must do. I have had the chance to end it a few times, but I just want him too much, and I know he wants me too. And by ''want'', I don't just mean physically. He could also find other women, but he's always the one that comes to me and he wants this to work, and apart from these silly issues, we fit really well. We get on so well most of the time, and at the moment, the pro's exceed the con's.

Aw bless you, thank you so much chick I appreciate that xxx

 

OMG YES!

I know I used to feel like if I left my ex husband I would never find anyone who would love me and take care of me the way he did...the grass sometimes looks greener, but we also have a tendency to convince ourselves and make excuses as to what we could have done differently, why he may have reacted the way he did...blah blah blah...we make it so hard to leave.

Often times, when you find the courage to move on, you find bigger and better opportunities you never would have dreamed possible.

I have a gf that is in a very similar situation and I have tried taking sense to her til I'm blue in the face. A person will move forward and on with their life when they are tired of being sick and tired.

Again, I wish you the best, Suzie. I hope for your sake, things work out for you.

 

you deserve more but i can understand where you are coming from.

i agree, i wish her the best yes and dont like to hear about women dealing with stuff like this.

 

Oh I agree, no one ever takes that kind of advice, even if in their quiet moments they know it is right.
the person has to wake up themselves and realise that they are flogging a dead horse, so to speak lol.
I don't think that in this case, but I do sometimes think that there are more stresses involved than maybe there should be, but I have recently come out of a really abusive, traumatic marriage that lasted ten years almost, and compared to that, this is a walk in the park.
None of the issues are ''personal'', he isn't trying to hurt me, I just got mixed up in a very complicated situation, but that was my choice, and maybe one day I will realise that it wasn't worth it, but for now, I do believe that it is.
He takes care of me as best he can with the distance issue. He comes to see me as often as he can, he texts me a lot every day, even though he is clearly not the kind of guy that spends all his time texting usually, we talk on the phone, and he is the coolest guy I have ever met. When we are together, I am just so happy, and I love those times.
Any long distance relationship is harder than your usual set-up, and yes, this one has even more than the usual issues, but hell, he is early fifties and I am early forties. You don't get to this age and single without some bad s**t along the way, and sometimes that stuff messes you up and stay with you for a long time.
Again thanks xx

 

Thankyou, I do appreciate your time and your thought, I really do.

But like I just said, compared to some real awful things I have already dealt with, this is small change
Its a situation that needs to change one day, and hopefully it will. I do believe that it will, or I would have ended it last night when I had the chance, but the negative stuff is just a small part of it all, and for now I feel I can deal with it and just appreciate the good

 

THIS ^^^^

 

daaaaayam... And erbody wonders how so many women get had.

Just one request: please don't join the legions of women who turn bitter against black men once this guy really jerks you, hands you some social disease or something.

Your post, full of romantic womanly hope and misplaced trust, offers a clue into the black woman/black man antagonism. Next step for a bw would be the "vengeance" of hating me while I'm minding my own damn business

...In other words, show some self-respect and dump that motherfucker. If he really wants you, he'd be willing to sacrifice something to be with you.

Wonder what he's telling the third woman? :mrgreen:

 

If he will sacrifice to keep you comfortable. He's a keeper.
Male lizard holding up female lizard so she can take a nap closer to the heat lamp. That's love

 

Sometimes the truth is a painful pill to swallow, but you sir are right on point.

And the crush on medulla continues... :smt069

Awww :heart: So true.

 

Ok gonna stop ''whining'' about this, cos apparently its annoying people lol, and yeah, I really care! Wow, to have a life without problems right? Some people have all the luck....
and anyway, it is what it is, I've pretty much said everything and I've got some mostly valuable insights, so thanks guys )
Just to sum up, I know how it seems, and maybe it is that way after all, but for now I'm going to give him the benefit of the doubt because I think its worth one final effort.
I love him, and thats that. I am giving it one last go, because I would hate to give up on him. He now knows how I feel, and that I'm not just going to sit around forever, and thats fine.
Men and women do usually have different priorities and care about different stuff, and I hope that this is just one of those cases.
I will see soon enough. I'm not pinning my whole life and heart onto it, because I am prepared that I may have been wrong about him, but for now, I'm getting enough out of it to let it go.
Again, thanks to everyone who gave me their time xxx

 

Ok this guy must have some serious pipe game cus he is having his cake and eating it. There can be no excuse for a man to be with another woman yet makes it clear he doesnt wanna divorce a woman who he no longer cares about. To the best of my knowledge if a man wants you real bad he would be counting the days his divorce would be over to be with you without any strings.

 

Yes thats what got me too, and why I got all into this head spin, but I do think I got a bee in my bonnet over just one single conversation where he said he had no plans to divorce her.
Spoken about it since, and he said he never meant he would never be there, but just now with coping with living in the same house, having to deal with seeing her every day as it was, he didn't have the energy to start up that whole process.
I think that for now I just have to trust that, and believe that it will get sorted out.
But like I say, I am not putting all my eggs into this basket. If it works out, then brilliant, but if not, I can at least say I gave it my best shot x

 

His situation could be legit. In fact, I do have a friend (yes, a friend nothing more, nothing less) that has separated from his wife, but they are still under the same roof, for reasons I don't care to go into. He is miserable over the situation, and so is the wife, but this is what has to be done for now. I am his sounding board if you will, and he knows full well that he is in no place emotionally to date..

IF your guys situation is legit, listening to what you have said, he is in no way ready to date. So I think whether your guys situation is legit,nor not, the end result is that henis notndating material.

If his situation is legit, you could tell him that you can not see him until he fixes his situation and to reach out to you when that is done, but not before. That is the fairest and healthiest thing to do.
If he does not contact you, you know the deal and he was playing you. This way, you cover both possibilities.

Just a thought. Good luck hun.

 

Thanks for your comments, I appreciate it. Funny thing is, every time that we get close to breaking up (its happened two or three times in the year we've been together) its always him that comes to me and says we need to work on it.
I mean that tells me something. I will steady my hand for now and see what happens. Again thanks xx

 

I just did something similar. Met this fantastic guy a few months ago. But he is recently divorced. Moved 400 miles away from his kids and x and even though we click tremendously and get along, it's not the right time. At all. Unfortunately. We may have reconnect, but it is what it needs to be.

 

timing is everything and some times things just don't work out.