3 San Jose State students charged with hate crime against black roommate

In recent years, a series of bullying-related suicides in the US and across the globe have drawn attention to the connection between bullying and suicide. Though too many adults still see bullying as "just part of being a kid," it is a serious problem that leads to many negative effects for victims, including suicide. Many people may not realize that there is also a link between being a bully and committing suicide.
The statistics on bullying and suicide are alarming:

• Suicide is the third leading cause of death among young people, resulting in about 4,400 deaths per year, according to the CDC. For every suicide among young people, there are at least 100 suicide attempts. Over 14 percent of high school students have considered suicide, and almost 7 percent have attempted it.
• Bully victims are between 2 to 9 times more likely to consider suicide than non-victims, according to studies by Yale University
• A study in Britain found that at least half of suicides among young people are related to bullying
• 10 to 14 year old girls may be at even higher risk for suicide, according to the study above
• According to statistics reported by ABC News, nearly 30 percent of students are either bullies or victims of bullying, and 160,000 kids stay home from school every day because of fear of bullying

Bully-related suicide can be connected to any type of bullying, including physical bullying, emotional bullying, cyberbullying, and sexting, or circulating suggestive or nude photos or messages about a person.

Some schools or regions have more serious problems with bullying and suicide related to bullying. This may be due to an excessive problem with bullying at the school. It could also be related to the tendency of students who are exposed to suicide to consider suicide themselves.

Some of the warning signs of suicide can include:

• Showing signs of depression, like ongoing sadness, withdrawal from others, losing interest in favorite activities, or trouble sleeping or eating
• Talking about or showing an interest in death or dying
• Engaging in dangerous or harmful activities, including reckless behavior, substance abuse, or self injury
• Giving away favorite possessions and saying goodbye to people
• Saying or expressing that they can't handle things anymore
• Making comments that things would be better without them

If a person is displaying these symptoms, talk to them about your concerns and get them help right away, such as from a counselor, doctor, or at the emergency room.

In some cases, it may not be obvious that a teen is thinking about suicide, such as when the suicide seems to be triggered by a particularly bad episode of bullying. In several cases where bullying victims killed themselves, bullies had told the teen that he or she should kill him or herself or that the world would be better without them. Others who hear these types of statements should be quick to stop them and explain to the victim that the bully is wrong.

Other ways to help people who may be considering suicide include:

• Take all talk or threats of suicide seriously. Don't tell the person they are wrong or that they have a lot to live for. Instead, get them immediate medical help.
• Keep weapons and medications away from anyone who is at risk for suicide. Get these items out of the house or at least securely locked up.
• Parents should encourage their teens to talk about bullying that takes place. It may be embarrassing for kids to admit they are the victims of bullying, and most kids don't want to admit they have been involved in bullying. Tell victims that it's not their fault that they are being bullied and show them love and support. Get them professional help if the bullying is serious.
• It is a good idea for parents to insist on being included in their children's friends on social networking sites so they can see if someone has posted mean messages about them online. Text messages may be more difficult to know about, so parents should try to keep open communications with their children about bullying.
• Parents who see a serious bullying problem should talk to school authorities about it, and perhaps arrange a meeting with the bully's parents. More states are implementing laws against bullying, and recent lawsuits against schools and criminal charges against bullies show that there are legal avenues to take to deal with bullies. If school authorities don't help with an ongoing bullying problem, local police or attorneys may be able to.

People who are thinking about suicide should talk to someone right away or go to an emergency room. They can also call a free suicide hotline, such as 1-800-273-TALK (8255).

Friends and relatives of suicide victims also need to find someone to talk to as they grieve, especially if they are suffering from depression or suicidal thoughts themselves.

Sources:
WebMD, Depression Guide, "Recognizing the Warning Signs of Suicide" [online]
Nemours, KidsHealth, "Helping Kids Deal with Bullies" [online]
Centers for Disease Control and Prevention, Suicide Prevention, "Youth Suicide" [online]
Yale University, Office of Public Affairs, "Bullying-Suicide Link Explored in New Study by Researchers at Yale" [online]
Matt Dickinson, The Independent, "Research finds bullying link to child suicides" [online]
Michael Inbar, MSNBC Today, "Sexting bullying cited in teen's suicide" [online]
Susan Donaldson James, ABC News, Health, "Teen Commits Suicide Due to Bullying: Parents Sue School for Son's Death" [online]
Erik Eckholm and Katie Zezima, The New York Times, "6 Teenagers Are Charged After Classmate's Suicide" [online]

 

These weren't just bullies

These were straight up neo nazis

No way in hell my blackass would spend one night shacked up with them

 

I believe the key is to convey the truth while lending an ear of understanding. The truth is this guy did not handle the situation well at all. A good mentor should be able to help him understand that fact and coach him through a learning process in order to see his improvement.

Sure that is a matter of concern but this did not happen in the black community and there are other situations that don't as well. Its always good for a young man to be knowledgeable enough to handle hostile environments appropriately.

I would not say that Treyvon Martin could have handled the situation better. I would not say that the Lady in Detroit could have handled the situation better.Handling a hostile environment is quite different than handling a random situation. In a random situation someone might catch me on a bad day, and my luck could simply be out. Hell I could be eaten by pitbulls while drunk at a golf course, who knows.

 

The problem IMO is that kids nowadays don't really know how to deal with bullies. Not doing anything is usually the worst option, unless you can physically remove yourself from the situation.

In HS, middle and elementary school, I feel like teachers should be more vigilant to make sure obvious bullying doesn't happen.


You're still better off at least verbally confronting a bully than saying and doing nothing.

 

True, I have a friend that gets soo heated when she finds out her son has to deal with bullies in school. I lol at her facebook posts. Its really not that serious enough to get that wrapped up emotionally. I am willing to talk to her about it, but the kids dad is around so I really see no need to. Bullying is not a new concept, so if people are killing themselves over some high school drama, there has to be more than meets the eye. Many people dealt with bullies growing up in every generation, why would people randomly start killing themselves all of a sudden? If a kid kills himself, its more likely to do with a break up, parental divorce, or other problems at home. If high school bullies were your biggest challenge in life then congratulations, you have it made.

 

That's not always the case. If you challenge someones power dynamic something that was teasing can easily escalate to physical problems. Not everyone is built or capable to deal with that. One thing I am very confident in is paying attention to your instincts. It may not be the best decision in every instance but more often than not it is. When your body says run you run, hide you hide, etc.

 

Of course they could handled it better. The minute Treyvon saw someone following him he should have bolted and when he felt safe called 911. That girl could have waved down a car on the highway rather knocking on someone's door at 3 am. Just like you believe there were other/better ways for this kid to handle this situation the same could be said for them. But the point is none of them should be penalized for being victimized.

 

The reason I keep saying 7 to 1 is because in a dorm of 8 people all shit was being written on whiteboards and Confederate flags are being hung and no one is saying a word against it so from the perspective of the person who its happening to its everyone in the dorm room especially if it's a race thing and you're the only black person.

You apparently agree that a girl wouldn't/shouldn't have to fight because you're stuck on some dumb hyper masculine bs where in your delusions that being male some how prepares you to take on 4 to 7 people (however you want to spin it) by yourself.
I said I wish he had handled it differently but I'm logical and compassionate enough to understand that at 17 you don't make the sound decisions a 30 year old would make.
And I assume neither you nor Beast nor Raider actually read the story or watched the clip. He did tell them to stop but they kept doing it anyway, he fought them off when they tried to put a bike lock around his neck. So he wasn't just lying down and taking it. This all came to light when his parents came to visit and saw all the Nazi bs.
Should he have told someone? Yes but anyone who is going to sit here and BOLD FACE LIE saying that its come for teenagers to go to authority when they are in trouble then we have nothing left to say to each other.

Some of you love to toot your own horns like you got everything figured out but you just come across as egotistical and sad. Not saying it makes you a bad person because honestly I am very fond of you guys but this lack of compassion is fucking bothersome. Since when do we make teenagers responsible for their own abuse its pure lunacy. We would never say a girl who gets raped on campus multiple times is at fault, we'd go after the sick fucks who raped her. And I use rape because it resembles a similar sense of powerlessness. An entity you don't feel you can fight off and more importantly the shame associated with being victimized. These are real things people wake the fuck up.

 

You're right I didn't read the link. But if he'd confronted these assholes before and nothing changed, he should have told his resident adviser what the hell was going down and immediately requested a room change.

There's a student disciplinary office at most colleges, it makes no sense if he's experiencing intense racial abuse that it wasn't reported to someone in authority at the college.

If I rape my roommate for instance, his only recourse isn't to cower in a corner and pray that I stop.

College isn't prison.

There are levels of authority at any college and in a dormitory who would have dealt with this.


I don't think his parents accidentally finding out on a visit what was going on was the only possible stroke of luck that saved his ass.

The story doesn't sound right.

And just because the other members who lived in his dorm suite kept their mouths shut about the abuse doesn't mean they would bum rush him if he physically confronted his abusers.
That 7 to 1 number or whatever ratio it was is a total exaggeration. It was this one kid against whoever his abusers were, not the entire dorm suite.

Not saying fighting was the answer, obviously it wasn't for him, but I'd sure like to know why he never reported what was going on to dorm advisers, etc.

Just like in rape, silence is never the solution.

 

But if someone is raped the first response isn't why didn't this punk ass bitch report it. It's not met with this tenor of shaming someone for being a victim.
Like I said earlier I agree that he had options available to him and do wish he had gone to an authority figure for help but I don't get why anyone is surprised that he didn't since its pretty average behavior for kids not to "snitch"
Maybe I grew up on another planet than the rest of you but at that age telling adults about your conflicts with peers was still considered "tattling" it was more shameful than actually being victimized because it showed you couldn't handle shit on your own. And more importantly 17 year olds rarely make good decisions, that's why it's called growing up/maturing. They're still kids despite Medulla's claim that you're a "grown ass man" at that point lol.
And as far as the 7 to 1 thing when in a hostile situation especially one regarding race where your opposition makes it about your skin anyone who doesn't openly speak out for you can be seen as a possible attacker.
There's no way of knowing whether or not they would have bum rushed him.
I think the vast majority of parents who send their daughters to school don't think they'll get gained raped but it does happen. This crazy mob mentality shit does happen.

 

I never said that a girl wouldn't/shouldn't have to fight. I've seen many a girl fight growing up...it happens. I've had girls who wanted to fight me in hs, never actually happened because I stood up for myself. Is that honestly tooting my own horn? You've got people in here giving examples of how we've handled bullies, but that's patting ourselves on the back? Whatever dude.

I've made it perfectly clear that standing up to the abuser might only work 50% of the time...other times you'll still need outside help to make it stop. I'm not blaming him for being bullied, but at the same time I think this should be a learning opportunity for how things could've been handled differently.

I did read the article btw. I know he fought back about the chain on his neck, but that was far from the first bit of bullying from these kids. Why did it get to that point? Because he barricaded himself in his room, taking a passive approach thinking that would make the problem cease. That is not the approach to take with bullies (real life examples given by more than just me in this thread).

I still disagree with you on trying to connect this with rape. When bullying starts, the victim is not powerless. They give up their power to the abuser over time by tolerating the abuse. Rape, often times happens out of the blue, with an immediate loss of power. Rape is not a situation you can de-escalate by fighting back. You can't seek help before it goes too far. Reactions to rape are different than reactions to bullying because the circumstances are different. Bullied kids have a decent chance of stopping the abuse by fighting back. That's a luxury rape victims don't have. It's that simple.

Agree 100%. I'd rep you if I could love.

 

I shouldn't be surprised because you and I live in two different worlds. I sincerely hope your son or daughter don't end up in a similar situation because I guarantee all this bs you're talking about will go right out the window. Heads will roll and all this "push back" horseshit won't come up.

It's nothing short of sad that if a kid is just trying to get an education and doesn't fuck with anyone its some how his fault he couldn't stop others from victimizing him.

 

Totally disagree. In a lot of cases you are more likely to be killed by trying to get away from the aggressor rather than fight. That could have been the case with Trayvon Martin. Running may not have saved his life.Then again hindsight is 20/20, but the victim does not get the benefit of hindsight.

If the girl would have waved down a car the driver of that car could have been a rapist, murderer or simply drunk. He could have easily ran her over or kidnapped her.

If you dont see the difference maybe you simply have not been in a situation in which you had to encounter a hostile environment on a regular basis. In such a scenario you are guarded before you encounter that environment each day. If you have an roommate that is an asshole, you wake up knowing that. If you have a bunch of thugs 20 feet away from your front door everyday, that is something you are aware of. It would be clear to you that you have a decision to make.

 

There's no such thing as snitching in college unless you're in a fraternal organization.

When I was in college we had these little white boards on our dormroom doors for messages, etc. Sometimes people would write and draw obscene messages on people's doors and that shit almost ALWAYS got reported to the resident adviser.

Most people in college have a low tolerance for being fucked with by strangers.

As a freshman I was reported for eating a roommate's jello pudding out of his mini fridge without asking first.:smt106

No one thought my roomie was a snitch for reporting me. Most the people in my suite thought I was a jerk for eating that dude's food without permission.lol

You have this attitude TDK that college is sorta like being in the 'hood. It's not. Totally different set of rules. People are PAYING to be there and students expect a degree of civility from the people they live with. There's no way this kid was at risk from a mob beatdown.

I don't know this kid or all the details, but the first time I had to deal with some racial shit I would have been talking to the head of the dorm. Fuck my roommates.

You're in college to get your paper, not deal with bullshit.

 

I agree with you on all points but lets say you aren't the type of person to deal with hostility on a regular basis like you did as a kid. Its a complete mind fuck when you do.
I remember the first time I had to deal with someone calling me nigger it felt completely surreal because up until that point I'd only heard that shit movies set in the 50s all the way back to slavery. It wasn't something anyone ever said especially white folk. So maybe this kid came from a similar situation, not everyone is innately equipped or conditioned to deal with the bs.

 

You're absolutely correct but keep in mind he was a 17 year old freshman. At that age you're still carrying around a lot of the hs shit where you could still think snitching is something you don't do.
And I hate to break it to you but most colleges are exactly like the hood with its own social hierarchy which may not always result in violence but dumb shit like this happens all the time. We see news reports like this every damn year. And this is the shit we hear about that isn't quieted up.
And in that kid's suite no one said shit. No one gave a fuck what was happening to him so he could have very well thought it was pointless to complain.
You and Beast as well as others are totally coming at this from how you'd handle this if it happened to you today but I strongly doubt you guys were this rational and logical at 17.

 

:smt043

 

Dude. Why is it that you the guy with no kids is always trying to tell those with kids what is & what isn't or what does or doesn't work? Why do you assume no one has actually dealt with their kids being bullied or themselves being bullied?

And before you even go there, "YES" we have already dealt with a racial/bulling incident involving one of our kids. Push back works. Far better than the alternative, which unfortunately happened to this young man. No one is blaming him, only saying there should have been some greater push back on his part in one form or another to keep this shit from reaching the ridiculous level that it did.

 

Work on that reading comprehension fam because others have blamed him which is why I said something in the first place. And doubt any of you have a kid in college dorming somewhere so I doubt you have any experience with this kind of shit.
And again I agree he could have done things differently but I don't think his lack of action requires that people criticize him for it. He could have been really scared.

 

I agree most rapes are committed by people we know, but preemptive steps aren't usually possible. Rape is not comparable to bullying, no matter how you try to spin it. I wasn't alone with the man who raped me, there were probably 15 other people there, any of whom could've stopped what was happening but they chose to mind their own business (maybe now you can better understand why I am the way I am about helping a stranger in trouble). There weren't "red flags" in his behavior to warn me of his temper. There's not a damn thing I could've done to stop him from doing what he was set to do, love. Bullying starts small and escalates, rape usually hits you like a ton of bricks. I'm assuming you've not been through it, so I don't expect you to understand. I don't know how else to get the point across to you that dealing with a bully in the early stages and dealing with a rapist are two completely different animals.

Do you actually believe the second point you made? How can women avoid being alone with men they don't know? Half the time in elevators or stairwells I'm stuck in a confined space with men I don't know. I refuse to walk around in fear. I'm always cognizant of my surroundings, but I won't shelter myself trying to keep from being raped. Women deserve better than that.

I hope my kids never end up in a similar situation also. God forbid they do, I hope they have the confidence and self respect to immediately put their foot down and attempt to stop the bully in his/her tracks. If that doesn't work, you're damn right I'll be all over it and you can trust that heads will roll.

We can't protect our kids from everything TDK. My job as their mother is to teach them to protect themselves.