Not sure if women around here like my 'brand'.

Most of the community knows me here but for anyone else I'm just going to premise it as though I'm new.

I moved to Texas a bit over two years ago. I was in a LDR for a bit when I moved here, but this past year I've been on my own. Single and refocused.

I'm glad that I have an amazing career where I live, but I've noticed that although I get signals and people saying I'm very attractive, the women I want are just not into my 'brand'.

By brand I mean what my package is. My look, style, etc. I'm not sure if a preppy black guy such as myself fits here amongst the cowboy types funny enough. Either that or the tatted up bad boy. Just not my style.

I'm very successful, am fortunate that I kept my body in great shape throughout my 20s. I just turned 30. I'm very clean cut, 6'1'' approaching 200 and stay physically active.

I'm not sure if I may come off intimidating to some women or they are just not into 'me'. This is frustrating due to the fact that I feel like I may be in a situation where I may be changing something that isn't there. I'm not sure.

Just last week I had an older woman tell me that I "made her day" seeing me because she thought I was very good looking and she gave me a free coffee. That was cool A younger lady told me that I have a very nice bone structure, but much of this at times doesn't transpire into getting the women I want or being successful with women here as I should.

Just FYI I've gone on some online dates with women, many when I saw them I was not attracted to and furthermore not compatible with, so I've had some dates here, just not the success I want.

Thoughts?

 

This has crossed my mind best case for me is a year out.

 

Where are you from?

 

I've lived in several states. Moved from Atlanta though, but lived in Northern VA for a long time as well. Up and down the East Coast.

 

It is good that you take care of yourself and are getting out there. I wouldn't use the term "brand." But, that is me. I have heard wonderful things about the women from Texas. Not only are they attractive, they are loyal and open-minded. Well, some, if not most of them are. I'd say enjoy yourself. You are in a good place. Back in the days when I used to visit the chat rooms on AOL, I had chatted with a lot of women from Texas. They were adamant about meeting men in the area.

 

With the exception of a few hours spent in Miami waiting for a connecting flight, I've never set foot in the South. I've met a handful of southern women, including from Texas, here and they've generally struck me as well-mannered and genteel.

Despite stereotypes about the South, rates of "intermarriage" are slightly higher there than in Northeast or Midwest. Since marriage usually presupposes a period of courtship, the opportunities are there. The important thing is that you not make excuses for why you aren't in the mix right now. Sit down and think about what you want and devise a strategy for closing the distance between yourself and whatever that is.

 

I need a new job so I can relocate and change my brand..

 

Sometimes being too deliberate in your search can backfire. I've had my best results by just doing what I do: exercise, grab a coffee/tea and a good book or the newspaper at a coffeehouse, etc.

 

You live in Miami lol.

 

Bingo

 

Maybe I miss signals lol.

 

Yeah, but I had to come back to STL for 3 months and I haven't lost my girlfriend back in Miami. Yet. Lol

 

Having only been to Texas (Dallas) once -- and that was on a brief layover from a late night flight back from a business trip to L.A. -- I haven't a clue as to what the dating climate is like there. And, I'm going to assume that you are speaking only about WW. Perhaps you are correct, in your summation that you, being a preppy-type and not a steer-roper or inked-up bad boy, simply are not the "taste/flavor" of the females whom you've encountered there to date. It seems to me that WW's tastes and preferences can vary, depending upon where you are, geographically speaking. It seems to be somewhat taken for granted that many (if not most) WW prefer BM who tend to fit the "ideal" of what it is believed that we are supposed to be, that they prefer brown-skinned or dark-skinned BM over, say, a BM of my complexion or even lighter. However, that's certainly not always the case. Even though I am married, I get far more come-ons from WW than BW, not saying that I don't get come-ons from BW or other races of women as well. I had an interesting discussion along those lines the other day with a good friend and colleague, who happens to be Muslim. He is an intelligent, good-looking guy, a super-sharp dresser and a gentleman. Of course, he will tell you that because of his religious beliefs that he could not and would not ever enter into a relationship with a WW although he does not shy away from engaging in flirtatious indulgence with the WW whom I have observed coming on to him. You would not believe the number of WW (and some of them know, beforehand, that he's Muslim) who come on to this guy. If he so desired, let's just say that he could have a lot of fun! You've lived in this area in the past (Northern Virginia) so you know what the IR dating climate is like here. However, referring back to what I said earlier, it would be my guess that Texas, at least the area where you presently are, simply isn't a “hotbed” IR dating ground as some other places are, thus your lack of desirable results to date. Out of curiosity, have you ever had any detailed conversations with any of the women whom you've either dated or casually socialized with regard to what overall qualities they find attractive in a man and/or if race is a factor?

 

LuvVanillaC, no I haven't had any conversations with them. I'm just basing on observations. Now, this is not to say that women don't find me attractive here. I've been told one time "you're terribly attractive" upon introduction of a friends wife. Unfortunately a lot of my coworkers are taken lol.

Many people think that but maybe the "flavor" thing. Not sure. Maybe it could do with race too.

This is why I've been considering moving. I see a lot of men just jeans and t shirts. Relaxed. I like to dress up a bit. Not sure what it is. There's a lot of dating between Hispanics and white in Texas. I'm one of the few blacks here, let alone in my field so I think I'd be able to get the woman I want. Kinda frustrating. I'll expound a bit later.

 

Then consider living and working in metropolitan areas like downtown Houston, Dallas-Ft Worth and San Antonio. Being a preppie isn't out of style at all. That is not to suggest that you are a metrosexual(however, that is how others may see you). Perhaps, you might consider relaxing your wardrobe choices. there are casual adaptations for formal clothing that won't make you look like a thug or a bum. A good sport coat, an oxford shit, pressed jeans and a pair of soft casual shoes is considered "dressed up." Wear a bomber jacket with a v-neck sweater with an oxford shirt(ties are optional), with a pair of tan cargo pants will do fine. That is how I would dress up if I were going out. Maybe you should consider your wardrobe. I hope this was helpful.

 

I understand. But who knows, perhaps the dressing issue is a part of it and many of the women there do show more attention to guys who dress a certain way. However, I can't believe, as I'm sure that you don't either, that that is in any way a major or critical issue regarding whom these women find attractive and/or approachable. I would tend to agree with Gorath, though, that perhaps you’d have better luck in the more metro areas (i.e., areas that he mentioned in his response). As I’m sure that you’re well aware, your style would go over much better here in the D.C. area than where you are. But that’s not to say that it can’t be an asset, in some way and at some point, there either. Maybe changing up your style, even as experimentation to see if the results change, would be an idea to consider. Try some of the adaptations that Gorath mentioned in his response to see what happens. I don’t know about Texas women but here, it’s been my experience that many WW are not as superficial (in terms of a man’s appearance) as many BW are. Of course, that’s not to say that they are going to shower attention on any bum who walks up but perhaps many of the women there are just so attuned to the cowboy/roughneck look and they are more attracted to that look than the preppie thing. I believe that if you decide to experiment with a different look, you’ll be able to tell if that’s the primary issue here. But having said all that, ultimately, you still have to be comfortable with YOU and who you are with respect to your physical appearance/presentation. I will say, however, that sometimes we do have to change the bait depending upon what it is that we’re trying to catch!

:smt023

 

Hm it could be something else besides my style.

Also, yes lol I've been told if I wear a button down or a nice polo I'm 'dressing up'. I will dress down sometimes, but man this is a time in my life where I can choose what I want and getting clothes that I like is one thing.

It could be whether or not I seem approachable. Most people say I dress well. I'll think about it. Even if it's casual. Jeans, v neck, boots. Though it probably doesn't help my case wearing $150 jeans and $250 boots lol.

Also I'm considering moving outside of San Antonio. Just not really my vibe.

 

seven 4 all mankind jeans?

 

This could be the issue right here. Approachability obviously plays a HUGE factor in meeting people. If you seem standoff-ish, or quiet/reserved, women probably aren't going to be drawn to you in a way that makes them want to strike up a conversation. I've always been a fairly shy/reserved person irl (until I'm comfortable with someone), and it used to take a conscious effort on my part to smile/converse with random people I met when out and about. I was always very good at just going about my business, so focused on what I needed to get done that I didn't really even notice those around me. To the point that people would think I was in a bad mood, when really I was in a fine mood, just doing my own thing. I hated coming off that way, so over the past year I've worked on really paying attention to those around me...now, I smile at everyone, I say hi when I pass people in the store, I'm friendly when others engage me in conversation, etc. It's incredible the difference it's made in how often I get approached. Just some food for thought.

As for your style, that's part of what makes you, you. I get the whole "change up your style to see if it makes a difference" thing, but really...I imagine you'd want to be able to be yourself around a potential mate and if you like your style...why start off by trying to be something you're not? Your style may not be mainstream where you live, but it's certainly not something that would turn a woman off, IMO. My two cents...stay true to you but try to remain cognizant of your demeanor and how it might be perceived by others